


Under The Wisteria Tree

by Kahnah



Series: The Wisteria Tree [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: ASL, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Arranged Marriage, M/M, Mute!Ryan, Mutual Pining, magical abilities, slowburn, the slowest of burns guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 148,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25634617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahnah/pseuds/Kahnah
Summary: Prince Gavin, seventh to the Ramsey throne, has been chosen to marry the new King Ryan of the infamous Haywood kingdom.If he wants to or not.----arranged marriage Freewood AU with mute Ryan and maaaaagic~ Such a slowburn, it will make you tear your hair out.
Relationships: Gavin Free/Ryan Haywood
Series: The Wisteria Tree [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2084493
Comments: 314
Kudos: 261





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh guys, I'm having so much fun with this story. My first try on a slowburn and yessss, we're going slow!
> 
> The story starts a bit dark so be aware of some old views on marriage. There is some abuse implied but not between the main characters. In the beginning of the story Gavin is scared of Ryan but that will change over time.
> 
> Also as a disclaimer: I know next to nothing about ASL and I hope I didn't make too many mistakes during this story. I do know mute and deaf people but living in Germany they use Gebärdensprache and I am not sure how much those two differ. If I made any mistakes I apologize!
> 
> There will be some scenes in which Ryan will get ridiculed for his disability but never from Gavin or the other guys.
> 
> All in all this will be a slowburn romance though and it will take them some time to work out their issues. I'm really enjoying writing this, so I hope you will enjoy reading this as well!

Under the Wisteria Tree

Chapter 1

Gavin watched the landscape around them slowly but surely change. It was irrevocable proof how many miles away from home he’d gotten. It left him with a bitter feeling when he thought about how many more miles he would have to travel until he'd reach his destination.

The sheer endless trees of their kingdom thinned out each time he looked outside, while that usually meant wide fields with livestock, he saw more and more stone where nothing but weeds grew.

He couldn't even remember the last time he had seen one of their many orchards, but it must have been over a day ago. In their stead were mountains. He tried to be impressed by that.

The Ramsey kingdom was flat, with endless seas of grass no matter which direction he looked, and woods so deep, that they took more than one life per week. Mountains were barely more than a blurry afterthought at the horizon. When they had ridden past the first one here, it had been awe-inspiring. The rocky edges looked as sharp as a blade and the mountains were higher than he had ever imagined, high enough that they could block out the sun as they headed through the valley.

The Haywood kingdom was so different from theirs. With each new variation he found, his throat felt a little tighter.

"We should reach the first villages soon," Geoff told him.

He was sitting opposite of him, also watching the landscape pass by. The silver circlet on his head caught the sunlight from time to time. Gavin was glad that as the crown Prince, Geoff had joined him in representing their father

He loved their father, of course he did, but his father was also old. In the past couple years he had become a bit... weird. Senile and confused, and Geoff took more and more responsibilities from him in preparation for his own coronation. Like this journey here.

Seeing him right now, sitting there proud and regal, Gavin couldn't help but chide himself a little. He was slumped over, leaned against the window, and not quite the picture of royalty people would expect. Not that Geoff would call him out on it, but Gavin had better get used to it.

"Don't get scared when you see these places. The outskirts of the Haywood kingdom are very poor, but that doesn't mean they are not excited to see you."

"Will we stop there?"

"Not if things go according to plan, but I am sure the people would be happy about so much as a glimpse of you. Be kind and respectful, wave and smile and I'm sure you'll make their day."

"Considering the gifts we received, you'd think a kingdom known for its jewels and pearls wouldn’t be beset by poverty, " Gavin muttered. While he knew that Geoff silently agreed, his face darkened.

"Keep your tongue in check the moment we reach the castle, Gavin. I know you like to speak before you think, but remind yourself of your position. The Haywoods aren't known for their compassion."

Gavin pressed his lips together, but he knew Geoff was just concerned. It also wasn't the first time he heard this very warning.

Compassion? He wasn't sure if the Haywoods knew that word at all.

"I know my role, Geoff," he said. "Be quiet, smile, and look pretty."

Geoff didn't bother to talk back because they both knew it was true. Instead, he turned to Libby.

Their little sister was curled up on the seat next to Geoff, her head resting in his lap. Her golden hair looked a right mess, the yellow daisies braided through it falling out; Geoff had absentmindedly brushed through the locks, "Wake up, sleepyhead," Geoff coaxed her awake and Gavin groaned.

He loved his little sister, he loved all his siblings as many as there were, but there was something nerve grating about sharing a carriage with his ten-year-old sister who was insanely bored by just sitting around for days on end. The hours when she was dozing gave them at least a little peace of mind.

"Are you ready to put on your brightest smile for the people out there?" Geoff asked her; and by the way she blinked up at him, she was ready to go right back to sleep. They again, as royalty they didn't have the freedom to just do as they pleased, and didn't Gavin know that all too well?

Gavin had thought that he knew poverty. There was poverty in their kingdom as well, it would be ignorant to pretend there wasn't, but he had never seen anything quite like this first village.

It was small, they rode through it quickly and there wasn't much to see, the thick black smoke coming from the smelters obscuring much. The villagers noticed their approach anyway; It was hard not to, with the whole army of carriages that made their way towards the capital. It seemed like all those who could walk had gathered around the main road.

Libby's hand froze in the middle of her waving and her smile fell as she took this place in. Gavin felt for her, he could also remember the first time seeing that out there were people who weren't even close to being as fortunate as they; and Libby was only ten years old.

Gavin could see the confusion on her face, the shock as she understood that those makeshifts tents were homes. Made out of cloth and spare wood and ready to collapse with a gust of wind.

It was the first time she left the kingdom, to see people like this. Dirty from the work in the mines and smelters, grime so ingrained in their skin that Gavin could bet it would never come off. Children raising their black fingers to cheer at them, some barely more than sticks.

"Wave," Geoff ordered, and Libby waved.

Gavin did as well and kept his well-practiced smile.

"Does this village belong to King Ryan's side of the kingdom or Queen Eleonora?" he asked even though he already knew the answer.

"We are only traveling through King Ryan's lands," Geoff told him. "He's in charge of the... less developed parts of the Haywood kingdom."

"Can we give them food?" Libby asked. She was still waving as enthusiastically as she could and the people outside were eating it up. "We brought some extra, right?"

With a smile, Geoff brushed through her hair. "I fear we can't. Those aren't our citizens, Libby. It's not our right."

She seemed upset by that, mulling it over in her head before turning to Gavin. Her green eyes bored into him, but she didn't say a thing.

Gavin knew though because it wasn't hard to figure out.

These were his people. At least by the end of the week, they would be, after his marriage with King Ryan, but that didn't mean much. King Ryan hadn't asked for his hand for him to make decisions. He asked for the resources the Ramsey kingdom could provide and Gavin's father had accepted for the riches the Haywood's had sent.

Gavin wasn’t much more than a name with pure blood that benefitted both kingdoms and Geoff was right, it was better to bite his tongue.

Right now he could practice just that and he stayed quiet even though a child knew what would be the right thing to do. Instead, he smiled and waved until they left the first village of many behind.

The capital of the south Haywood kingdom loomed in the distance. A pillar of white and marble and dozens of houses scattered around. Some of them were reflecting the evening sun and Gavin wondered if they were made out of metal. At home, metals were something rare, certainly not something they used for roofs or whole buildings.

Truth be told, he didn't want to leave home. He liked it in the castle, the wide fields all around and the city he knew. He liked staying close to his family, his people, his friends. He knew he would never rule, that was fine, it wasn't like he wanted to rule a kingdom, way too much stress! Geoff was more than capable of doing so.

But it was still the place he'd grown up in.

And he knew he would be married, that was just how things were. He had seen it with his older siblings, with his two older sisters who he only saw on special occasions now because they lived far away, married off to other royalty across the continent.

But his older brothers... they had the luxury of staying home. Sure, their father had arranged their wives, but they stayed at least in the country. Gavin had expected the same for himself and he'd made his peace with it. Marrying some lady or princess and retreating into one of their manors? Sure, why not?

But then King Haywood had asked especially for him and he hadn't doubted for a minute that his father would accept. The Haywood kingdom was too rich in materials, too strong a military force.

So what choice did Gavin have? None, really.

"Gav, why won't you wear a dress for your wedding?" Libby asked him as she jumped around. They had stopped for the final preparations before reaching the capital. She was working her nervous energy out of her system. Gavin wished he was younger and could do so as well.

"Dresses are only worn by women at their weddings."

"I think everyone would look lovely in a dress." She pulled on the outer skirts of her own as if to prove a point and Gavin had to admit she did look lovely. She was already dressed in her periwinkle blue gown with real daisies peeking through the outer tulle. The Ramsey gift was especially strong in Libby.

"I don't think I would look half as good in a dress than you," Gavin told her and had to snort about the smirk she threw him.

She jumped from one rock to the next and made grass bloom beneath her heel like it was child's play. Once other royal families found out how much magic she had inherited, there would be high offers bargained by the King for her hand. Gavin would never wish for something bad to happen to his father, but he kinda hoped Geoff could already inherit the crown at this point.

"It's Michael," Libby singsonged and Gavin looked up from where he was leaning against their carriage. Sure enough, Michael was walking towards them, carrying a chest that he put down in front of Gavin with a huff.

"Finally found it," he muttered. "You'd think they wouldn't hide something so important, but here you go."

He lifted the lid and revealed a long, dark cloak. There was a musty smell coming from it, but that was to be expected. The cloak was made out of lace and entirely covered in all types of flowers. They didn't take kindly to being transported in a dark chest for the whole journey, but Gavin knew that proximity to him would bring new life to them.

"Let's get this show going." With a sigh, Gavin turned around and under Libby's watchful eyes, Michael pulled the heavy cloak out of the chest. Before Michael made to dress him, Gavin felt his hand on his shoulder, squeezing and that gave him some hope. It wasn't all bad, was it?

He was forced to stay in this foreign place with a man he had never seen before and who was known for his cruelty towards his people... but at least Michael would stay as his valet.

It was like a piece of home that he could keep close to his heart, that allowed him to stand a bit taller now. If his best friend was with him, then he wasn't really alone, right?

The capital was filled with people. Somehow it surprised Gavin as they traveled through the roads, the sheer amount of citizens. Normal people just like at home, merchants and coopers and blacksmiths.

Everyone had gathered by the looks of it to cheer at their arrival. Even the homes didn't look as foreign as he had expected. Here in the outer part of the city, they were made out of wood and smooth stone. Colorful lanterns were hanging in the alleys, illuminating the ways with the setting sun.

Everyone was celebrating. Some ran with the carriage, gleeful and free. Gavin didn't have to force himself to wave at them this time.

It stopped when they drove through a gate. There were guards stationed there, keeping the civilians back in their part of the city. Gavin had known about the great wall that separated commoners and nobility, but seeing it was something different. It was like a new world in here, the buildings were taller than most at home, made out of sturdy, but cold marble or metal or a black crystal-like material he didn't recognize.

There were no colorful lanterns here, but he could make out gems decorating doors and windows that reflected the last light of the day. They painted beautiful pictures, but no one was around to see them. No, besides some guards who sturdily stood at their posts nobody was around to greet them and Gavin threw a glance to Geoff.

"They will all be waiting at the castle," he explained. "Libby, do you remember what to do?"

It would be her first formal event outside of their country and while Libby was popular among their own folks, Gavin wasn't sure if her childish behavior would find favors with the Haywood family. But right now she sat there, looking determined enough.

"I'll stay a step behind Gavin because I'm the youngest," she said dutifully. "I don't talk unless spoken to, but I'm allowed to use my gift." She gave a lopsided grin that reminded Gavin too much of Geoff. "Because we want to impress everyone!"

"Good girl."

The castle appeared around a corner and made Gavin's stomach drop. Then again he couldn't say that he was impressed. Technically he knew that the real capital of the Haywood kingdom was in the northern part, the one under control of Eleonora Haywood, but he had still expected more.

It was a pretty building; with its high marble walls, huge dome stretching over them, yet it wasn't a castle. It was a huge manor - very different from the castle he was used to.

Even Geoff made a thoughtful noise, but they didn't have time to ponder over it. They drove through yet another gate, a pretty iron one with delicate patterns woven inside, and here everyone was waiting. So many people, all in their best clothes and watching as the carriage came to a stop before the entrance of the manor. There was a purple, plush carpet leading up towards it with heavy potted plants leading the way.

And up there, past a few marble steps was the royal family of this kingdom.

The prior King Horton standing proud, Queen Eleonora of the north, and King Ryan of the south.

Gavin's stomach made a weird somersault that wasn't pleasant and for a second he feared throwing up. What a good first impression that would make!

But then Geoff's hand settled on his knee and squeezed and he forced himself back under control. Deep breaths.

"Ready?" Geoff mumbled, and Gavin nodded. The only thing worse than getting out was continuing to sit here while everyone watched, knowing he was freaking out.

The door of the carriage was pulled open by one of their servants and Geoff got out. The moment his feet touched the ground, the potted plants began to bloom. They grew higher, wider, and showed colors that they had probably never had before. Gavin could hear murmurs from the crowd.

Only the bloodlines who inherited magic were allowed to rule and become royalty, a rite as old as time. Geoff made sure that everyone knew their place in this world.

Michael appeared at the door and held out his hand. Gavin gladly took it, not only because his knees felt weak, but the moment he stood, he was reminded how freaking heavy his cloak was. It fanned out on the ground behind him, now alive with the most brilliant colors again. Michael squeezed his hand one more time before letting go.

"Prince Geoffrey," King Horton called, and Gavin had to fight a shiver. He had known all about the old King's velvet voice, pleasant enough to turn one’s own thoughts in one's head, but he had never heard it before. "I am happy to see that you made the trip safely."

"In the name of the Ramsey family I want to thank you for your hospitality," Geoff said. They had reached them now, standing on top of the steps, and Gavin did his best not to look at any of them.

"I am here in the name of my father," Geoff went on and held one hand out towards Gavin. With a heavy heart, he took it. Reminding himself that this wasn't Geoff's fault. With all his power as a crown Prince, Geoff was still bound to the words of his father.

"I hereby give you the hand of Prince Gavin, seventh to the Ramsey throne."

Geoff pulled him ahead and Gavin lifted his head. King Horton was watching him, not unkindly, not mean, or judgemental. Rather clinical, as if to check for damage. Like Gavin was cattle and King Horton debated if he had paid too much for this piece.

Finally, he seemed satisfied because he stepped aside to change places with his son.

Ryan Haywood was a tall man, a few inches above Gavin, Gavin hated that he had to look up at him. His eyes were blue, a brilliant pale blue. He had to admit that Ryan was an attractive man with a striking jaw and ash-blond hair.

Honestly, he couldn't care less.

Geoff placed his hand in Ryan's. Geoff was giving him away like a fancy gift. Gavin could barely swallow around the lump in his throat. At least he wasn't expected to speak. Ryan didn't say a word either. Granted, as far as Gavin knew he was incapable of speaking, but to just stand there, while he studied him was unnerving.

Finally, Ryan pulled his hand towards his face and pressed a kiss against his signet ring. Kissed the Ramsey emblem goodbye because come morning there was no more need to wear it and just like that he was accepted. Around them, the crowd started to cheer as if they had expected a different outcome. As if Gavin had a choice without causing a massive scandal.

No, he had been born too late, no real chance for the crown and so he was a bargaining chip, something that had to be useful in other ways for his kingdom.

A pretty little trophy to display.

The ceremony was held underneath the dome. From further away it had been hard to make out, but now as he stood underneath he could tell that it was made entirely out of stained glass. It painted pictures of music, animals, and great warriors. Legends of the Haywood family probably. Gavin would love to study it further, but there was no time for that now.

The crowd was waiting. High nobles that had come from all over the kingdom; some from even further away. Guests of the Haywoods and guests of the Ramseys that easily filled the great hall underneath the dome.

There was music playing and artists performing, but they all stopped now that everyone had settled. Now all Gavin had to do was stand there, in the back of the hall. There were more flowers here and he let them bloom. It helped to work out his nervous energy and he didn't have to fidget around. Not that he had to do shit, everything was already said and done. Just feeling all those eyes on him made him nervous. Not to forget King Ryan right next to him.

They hadn't talked, of course not. Gavin figured if he wanted to have a conversation, he would have to instigate it too. That would just lead to more problems though because he couldn't understand Ryan. He had watched how he communicated with quick hand movements, a riddle of different symbols that passed by too fast for Gavin to catch.

There was a translator present, a small sturdy man that kept close to Ryan, but he was busy giving orders for the festivities, and Gavin didn't want to bother him.

So they stood in front of everyone, still as a statue, and Gavin wished this would all be over. It was just the beginning of a three-day celebration for both kingdoms and Gavin was already so tired.

The music changed in tone and everyone who wasn't already watching did now. Gavin faced Ryan and tried not to think too much. He tried to focus on Geoff next to him and wished times were different. As a child, Geoff had been so busy with studying, but whenever he had found time to spend with Gavin, it had meant so much more. Maybe, maybe Gavin had hung onto his sleeve more than he should've, that habit lingered. He was glad for their closeness.

Even if Geoff was just here to oversee the exchange, to vouch for the legitimacy of the marriage, at least he was a form of comfort.

It was what he tried to hold onto when Ryan took his hands again, pulling the signet ring from his fingers only to exchange it for another one. A pretty gold band with emeralds around, a symbol to bind him to this man.

Ryan put the signet ring on a table next to him, putting it away - like it wasn't anything significant - and with it any power Gavin had held over the Ramsey kingdom.

Next, he reached for the brooch holding his cloak in place and Gavin lifted his chin to make it easier for him. He wasn't looking at Ryan, couldn't; but that was fine because Ryan also seemed more intrigued with his work than with him.

The cloak slipped from his shoulders and with it all connection to the Ramsey family. Like a bothersome second skin Gavin was forced to get rid of. It wasn't meant for him anymore and he bit his tongue until everything tasted metallic. He felt like crying.

King Ryan threw another cloak over him then. Deep red and heavy with jewels, the hood pulled deep into his face.

He was now protected under the Haywood name, a part of their legacy and he already missed his family so much that it tore apart his heart.

The crowd cheered, celebrating the newly married couple while Gavin held on to Ryan's hand just for the sake of holding on to anything. A part of him wanted to push him away, to run and never return, but it was already too late for that, wasn't it?

The ring was on his finger and the Ramsey colors had been ripped from him. His home was lost and he better start to get settled in.

Ryan gave a little tug and Gavin followed him through the rows of people towards the back of the hall. The cloak grew even heavier with each step, so long that it was dragging on and on behind him and he could see the gems throwing reflections on everything.

It had to be a breathtaking piece of work. He could hear the awe in the voices surrounding them, but he couldn't bring himself to turn around and check it out.

Two maids hurried towards him, helping him carrying the cloak towards the table set for the royal family.

With them sitting down the festivities began.

There was food, so much food that there was no way they could eat all of it even for three days. Really, Gavin wasn't a stranger to feasts, but even he had to take a step back to just take it all in. There were dishes he had never seen before and the band started to play again with instruments he didn't know.

Everything was so foreign and all he could do was sit there, next to his husband he couldn't even talk to. The panic of the knowledge brought with him clawed in his throat and when the servant filled his cup, he wanted to just drink it all. Drown this whole nightmare and wouldn't that be fun?

To just wake up hungover and forget all this had ever happened.

Thankfully Geoff was there. Geoff, who sat down on his other side and held on to his hand. Under the table of course, but he kept him trapped there until the urge to reach for his cup faded.

It was a stupid idea anyway.

King Ryan didn't so much as acknowledge his existence. The moment they had sat down, he had let go of his hand and was now turned towards his father, listening intently.

The translator stood behind Ryan, elaborating if needed, but all in all Ryan's quick fingers didn't seem to be a mystery to anyone but Gavin himself. It was intimidating and Gavin tried not to stare. He had known about this beforehand, of course, it was one of the few things he had found out about his husband before this wedding, still it was something else to see it himself.

Sometimes Geoff would talk with him, but his attention was often divided by the others at the table, who all wanted a conversation with the new King.

Libby sat on the other side of Geoff and was in pretty much the same boat as Gavin. Not interesting enough to be bothered by nobility and trying hard not to look too bored.

Sure, some congratulated him, the usual formal small talk, but it fell quiet when their attention traveled to the more interesting people at the table.

So when someone cleared his throat next to him, Gavin nearly jumped. At first, he was sure it was Ryan, finally turning towards him, but he was still talking with his father. Instead, it was the translator, the sturdy man who looked even smaller now that he bowed so deeply in front of him.

"King Gavin, please allow me to introduce myself," he said. "My name is Jeremy Dooley, King Ryan's valet. Should you ever be in need of anything, don't hesitate to call for me."

"Pleased to meet you, Jeremy."

When Gavin offered his hand, Jeremy took it and pressed his lips against his ring. Not the pretty Ramsey one, but the new golden one. Right.

"King Ryan made sure that your chambers are prepared with everything you need. Should you want to retire after your long journey, just let me know and I will gladly escort you."

Was that a hint to get going? Gavin wasn't sure and when he glanced at Ryan, he found him looking back. It was honestly startling, Gavin opened his mouth, though no words came. Instead, Ryan moved his hands, signaling something, but Gavin had no clue what it meant.

"It's fine," Jeremy said, and it took him a moment to understand that he was interpreting what Ryan was trying to tell him. "King Ryan understands that the day must have been tiring and won't take offense if you want to rest. It's already late and the festivities will go way into the morning."

Ah, definitely a nudge to get him to leave then. Gavin swallowed the bad feeling he got down and lowered his head in a small bow.

"As you wish, King Ryan. I would gladly retire then."

Not really, he wasn't sure if he wanted to leave this lively hall behind. Not when his family was still here, but he could feel Geoff's eyes on him. Reminding him that he didn't have a choice in the matter.

So he got up and excused himself from the table. There were some sharp comments towards him, something Gavin wasn't used to because at home there was nothing but respect for him. Here men were wishing him much fun, here there was dismissive laughter; everyone assumed they knew what would happen next. Gavin wanted to throw up.

Instead, he kissed King Horton's ring and Geoff's cheek. God, he wished he could just hug Geoff and never let go, hide beneath his cloak like back when they had been children and Gavin had gotten into some kind of trouble.

Libby beamed at him and he bent down so she could give him a quick kiss and by the time he turned around, Michael had also reached them. Until now he had sat at the servant's table, but he always kept a close eye on him.

Bending down, he took hold of the long cloak Gavin was still wearing, taking at least that weight from his shoulders while Jeremy led them through the hall.

Outside it was quieter, colder. The air was not filled with so many voices and only the distant echoes of the music followed them. Gavin managed to take a deep breath.

"Jeremy was it?"

"Yes, my liege," the man said eagerly. "As King Ryan's servant, I will now also serve under you, so please feel free to call for me. King Ryan also asked me to stay close during your first days here to help you settle in. I hope I can be of assistance."

He bowed once more and Gavin forced himself to smile. Michael certainly wasn't this formal with him, none of his close servants had been.

"Very well. This right here is my valet, Michael." He pointed over his shoulder and nearly had to laugh. The moment they had stepped out of the view of people, Michael had simply wrapped the long train of his cloak around his arm, carrying it like a bothersome sheet. He looked pretty unimpressed.

"I want you to take good care of him while you explain the in and outs of this castle. The two of you will surely work very well together."

They nodded at each other, but already Jeremy was turning around and showing him landmarks he could use to orientate himself. This place wasn't even half as big as the castle back home, but it had narrow, winding hallways. It would take a while to take all of it in but not tonight.

Tonight Gavin had other things to worry about as they climbed stairs towards the higher parts of the castle.

"This is the private area of the royal family," Jeremy explained to him as they walked through a heavy oak door. "Up front is my chamber and next to it will be Michael's. Please don't hesitate should you ever need anything, King Gavin, no matter the time of day."

Gavin could feel Michael roll his eyes at the formal tone. "I will. Thank you very much, Jeremy."

There were more rooms here. Some for dressing, at least two studies as far as Gavin could see, and nearly all the way in the back of the hallway Jeremy stopped and opened a door for him.

"This is your chamber, King Gavin. I hope it will be to your liking."

"Thank you."

With another deep bow, Jeremy excused himself to return to the festivities and for the first time in what felt like forever, Gavin felt no eyes on him. Sure, Michael was still with him, but he didn't mind Michael. Michael didn't give a fuck about the way he sighed and his shoulders slumped and he was one second away from dropping onto the bed to scream.

"These chambers suck," Michael proclaimed instantly and Gavin quickly tried to shush him.

"Not so loud! Jeremy might still hear you!"

"Let him! This whole place is a disgrace!"

Silently, Gavin did agree. He had to admit that he was probably spoiled in that regard, after all, he had grown up in a castle, but this whole manor - because it was a manor, no matter how everyone around was calling it a castle - looked more like one of their holiday retreats than somewhere to rule in.

It was nice, roomy, and clean, sure; but it wasn't what he was used to. Considering the richness of the Haywood family, he had expected more, and Geoff had told him about the actual castle that was stationed in the north part of the kingdom.

After everything, Gavin had expected something similar in the south.

Looking around, the chambers were... nice. A pretty fireplace that filled the room with warmth, a soft rug over a cold stone floor, and a large four-post bed.

Gavin's luggage had already been brought in and stood next to a desk. On top was a bouquet of beautiful purple wisterias and Gavin reached out to touch the flowers. Instantly they stretched for his proximity and he plucked the letter with his name on it from their grasp.

He didn't recognize the penmanship, but the Haywood emblem was pressed into the blotch of wax. Ryan?

"Hold still," Michael muttered and Gavin put the letter down so that Michael could unfasten the cloak. Getting rid of the thing felt freeing.

"This thing is ridiculous. Just look at it!" And while Michael was saying that, he couldn't quite keep the awe from his voice. For the first time, Gavin saw the work that went into it and he couldn't help but be impressed.

The entire length of the cloak was filled with jewels, carefully stitched together to paint pictures of flowers and cities and music notes. It looked like a mural, beautiful, and grand.

"Should've spent the money on this place here," Michael gruffed, but he was very careful when he folded the fabric. He was just angry with the whole situation and Gavin nearly envied him for it.

He had been angry in the beginning as well, but at some point he had become resigned, knowing that there was nothing he could do about it. Being angry sounded better, sounded more alive, but here underneath the Haywood's, it might just turn into a quick ending for him.

"Be careful what you say in these halls, you know what they say about the Haywoods. Hurt their pride and they hurt you," Gavin warned him and not for the first time.

"In these shitty walls," Michael said before deflating. "It's all good, Gav. I'm not stupid. I just don't like this whole spiel."

"I know. Me neither."

Michael folded his cloak into a perfect square before putting it on the table. When he was done he threw a glance to the bed and pulled a face.

"I guess I'll check on my chambers then. You'll be alright?"

He would love if Michael would stay for a while longer, he wanted someone to talk to about all that was happening, but their time would come. Who knew how Ryan might react when he'd come up here and found his husband with another man, even if it was his valet.

"I'll be fine."

And Michael hugged him then because Michael was wonderful and knew him well. Gavin quickly wrapped his arms around him, to hold tight. To soak in all his comfort until it was nearly enough.

They didn't say a thing, most things had already been said anyway.

Michael was still here, even when Geoff and Libby and everyone else would leave after the festivities, Michael would stay and continue to be his friend. That was the silver lining here.

"Alright. Let's see if my room is better than yours," Michael said with a clap on his shoulders as they let go.

"If it is, I want to swap."

"Yeah, no way." Michael hesitated at the door and when he turned back towards him, Gavin expected another heart to heart.

Instead, Michael fell into a low bow, and did his best Jeremy-expression, "Please don't hesitate should you ever need anything, King Gavin, no matter the time of day."

"Oh shut up and go!" Gavin called after him, but couldn't help but laugh. Yeah, he could do this if Michael stayed with him. For sure.

The silence settled around him and for the first time since they began this journey to the Haywood kingdom, he was alone. There had always been someone around and even if it had been his family, it had been jarring. Now he enjoyed the feeling and let his hand wander over the folded cloak. So much handiwork for something he would only wear during festivals, then again it was a stunning piece of art. The Haywood kingdom was known for it, Gavin could see why.

Stepping towards the window, he looked out over the city.

It was still brightly lit as the people celebrated. From here he could only distinguish shapes until the wall that separated the outer city.

Were those people also celebrating? He hoped so. At home when there was any form of festivities, his father had sent a feast to everyone in the capital, even down to the slums, but Gavin wasn't sure how they Haywood's handled it. Riding through the outer parts he had seen the colorful lanterns and the people had seemed happy.

Turning away, his eyes fell back on the bouquet on the table. The language of flowers was something Gavin had to study extensively, everyone in the Ramsey family had to. Fingers travel over the delicate flowers.

Good luck with a new marriage and a welcome to the home. The royal color.

Someone had done their homework and he wondered who had sent him those flowers. Had it been King Ryan? Maybe one of the gardeners had arranged it for him.

The letter was still sitting next to it and Gavin picked it up. The Haywood bull was pressed into the wax, surrounded by little shards that symbolized the richness of the surrounding mountains and their resources.

Gavin broke the seal and unfolded the letter.

_ Dear King Gavin, _

_ I hope your chambers are to your liking, if not please inform Jeremy of every change you desire. Then again, I'm sure he already told you so as well, he is a very dutiful servant. _

_ These are your private chambers, mine are further down the hallway. Feel free to send for me, should you have any questions. However, I will not require your company tonight or any other night. Seeing as we can't father a child to ensure our bloodlines, I don't find it necessary. I hope you agree with my decision, we can gladly further discuss this matter in the future. I would ask of you to keep this between both of us to keep up appearances in front of the public eye. _

_ In hopes that you settle in with time, _

_ King Ryan Haywood _

The relief spreading through Gavin made his knees weak and he had to hold on to the desk. Oh, thank the Gods. It wasn't even the fact that apparently, King Ryan had no intention to bed him. Sure, he hadn't looked forward to it. Giving a stranger he only knew for a few hours access to his body made him ill, but to have his own space? That was worth more than anything else.

His own room! A place he could retreat and lock and be alone!

Gavin hadn't even noticed how heavy his heart had grown those past few days, but now it felt lighter and he sat down on the bed, pressing the letter against his chest.

Suddenly the room looked like the finest chambers, like everything was tinted in gold, and Gavin started to laugh.

Yeah, he could do this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's motion grew slower until he stopped and Gavin felt small under his steady gaze.
> 
> "I'm sorry," he said quietly.
> 
> Ryan waved his apology off, but it was obvious that he wasn't happy with this. Fuck, Gavin was married to this man and couldn't even communicate with him.

Chapter 2

"Gavin?"

Someone was shaking him and he groaned until the insistent hands disappeared. He buried his face in the pillow, hoping to quickly return to sleep when just a second later harsh morning light fell into the room.

"Get the fuck up."

Ah, Michael.

Gavin blinked his eyes open and gave another groan. It was the next morning by the looks of it and he had slept like a stone. After reading the letter he had just collapsed into bed, all the tension from the weeks before had just vanished and it had felt so freeing. Yet while he knew he had slept for hours, it felt like minutes. Definitely not long enough to face another day.

"Gods, do you know how fucking scary this morning was?" Michael babbled on because Michael was for some awful reason a morning person. "I was sure that the fucking Mad King would be in here and I would have to wake him. Or like, maybe I wasn't supposed to and Jeremy should, but nobody told me that. Do you know how long I stood in front of this damn door?"

He huffed and Gavin made an affirmative noise to signal he was listening. He was, kinda, as he turned away from the offending light. 

"Like, you don't want to wake up someone who is called ruthless, right? I wanted to make it at least a day in this place without punishment."

"Michael," Gavin groaned, but it didn't make him shut up. It made Michael lean over him until his entire field of view was only his freckled face.

"Where is your new husband anyway? Still partying?"

"Highly doubt that," Gavin muttered and simply pointed towards the letter on his bedside table. Michael threw him a look, but Gavin had no problem letting him read it. As his valet, he would find out about their sleeping arrangements anyway.

"I will not require your company tonight or any other night," Michael read aloud. "We can gladly further discuss this matter in the future. What the fuck?" He stared at Gavin wide-eyed. "Will you further discuss if he gets your butt over breakfast?"

"I will most certainly not!" Gavin cried out and finally sat up. 

Michael grinned at him before letting his eyes wander over the letter one more time. When he put it back down, his voice was softer, "That's at least one good thing about this whole situation. I was worried about you."

For the first time, he noticed the dark shadows underneath Michael's eyes and couldn't help but smile. Had he laid awake all night, wondering what was going on? Geoff probably as well.

"Things will be fine," Gavin assured him and for the first time, he nearly believed it himself. 

"Well then, get ready for breakfast."

The dressing room adjacent to his bedchamber contained an array of clothes in red and gold, specially tailored for him. He had brought his own wardrobe, but his clothes were still in his luggage and he figured the colors wouldn't fit anymore. That hurt a little, but wallowing about clothes was really not what he wanted to do this morning.

No, he wanted to get breakfast as soon as possible. Geoff was usually the first one awake and maybe Gavin could get some minutes alone with him. He wanted to tell him about the letter to put Geoff’s mind at ease. He also didn't know when they could speak freely the next time.

When he entered the dining room though, Geoff wasn't there yet. Instead, Ryan was sitting at the table. Gavin bit down on his bottom lip. Well, he better get used to this.

"Good morning."

Ryan seemed a little surprised to see him this early, but he recovered quickly. His hand touched his chin before laying on the palm of his other before dipping beneath and coming back up. 

Gavin smiled politely. He had no clue what that meant but Ryan didn't seem angry or annoyed, so he figured it was some form of greeting. Ryan continued to sign, but when he noticed that Gavin just stared at him, he simply pointed to the chair next to him.

"Thank you," Gavin muttered as he sat down and hoped to all Gods that Ryan had invited him to sit and not just told him that this space was reserved or something.

What a good first impression that would make.

But Ryan seemed pleased when Gavin sat down and instantly went to sign something else.

Gavin's heart sank. Sure, he had known that Ryan couldn't talk, news like that traveled fast. To think that a crown prince had such a condition was a small scandal in itself. This whole sign language thing too, was something Gavin had never dealt with and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

Ryan's motion grew slower until he stopped and Gavin felt small under his steady gaze.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Ryan waved his apology off, but it was obvious that he wasn't happy with this. Fuck, Gavin was married to this man and couldn't even communicate with him.

The door opened and Gavin was glad for the disturbance. It was Jeremy and Michael must have already found him because he was right by his side. He might not be happy about this whole situation, but he was willing to learn from Jeremy.

"Good morning, King Haywood," he greeted with a deep bow as he put Gavin's tea in front of him. Ryan nodded at him while quickly waving Jeremy closer.

"Are the chambers to your liking?" Jeremy asked and it took Gavin a moment until he realized he was translating Ryan's signs again.

"They are! Thank you very much!"

"Did you sleep well? If you need additional pillows or blankets we will gladly provide them."

They thought he was worried about the pillows! Honestly, Gavin would've taken a broom closet as long as it would be his own!

"Really, I'm very happy with my accommodations." He had to remind himself to look at Ryan, not at Jeremy and lowered his voice, which was probably stupid. Everyone in the room knew about their arrangement, but it was still something very private.

"I was also very happy with your letter. I appreciate the thought."

Ryan nodded and let the topic rest. Thank the Gods, Gavin wasn't keen on a discussion about his sex life with his husband over breakfast. Then again, he should be more than glad how Ryan had decided to handle the whole situation. By the laws of this land, Gavin was his property now. If Ryan desired him, Gavin had no right to refuse him after all the Haywoods had paid great amounts for his hand.

Fuck, Gavin had heard rumors how Ryan's ancestors had executed some of their wives over a disagreement. Then again Gavin knew that his family wasn't innocent either. There were reasons why his father had insisted on his wife having as many children as possible.

The doors opened again and Gavin beamed when Geoff stepped in. Right, he had wanted to talk to him. While that wasn't possible right now, whatever expression he wore, it made Geoff relax.

Later. Later they would find time for a private talk.

Eleonora Haywood looked a lot like Ryan, Gavin realized that evening. He was sitting at the same table as the day before, but it didn't feel like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders, so he actually allowed himself to enjoy the festivities.

Eleonora was a tall woman and while she looked slim, Gavin had noticed her lean muscles. She must be trained in some form of combat, something that would be unheard of in the Ramsey family, but Gavin couldn't quite pinpoint which weapons she used. Her eyes were sharp though, the same ice blue color as Ryan's, and she couldn't be much younger than him. There was no ring on her finger, so she was ruling the north on her own. At least for now.

There had been a political outcry when former King Horton stepped down and divided the Kingdom between his two children, let alone giving the bigger part to his daughter. Most people had whispered that it had been because of Ryan's condition, a mute ruler didn't look powerful enough for the proud Haywood kingdom. Some had even expected that one day Ryan would just disappear, would have an unfortunate accident or something close to it. Yet survival of the bloodline was a priority in order to preserve the magic of lineages.

Most people could only see magic. But only those who also carried it felt it. Gavin had enough magic beneath his skin to pinpoint it.

Every royal family treasured their gift as the most valuable thing they had. Kept it a secret for as long as possible. Sure, people would spin tales around it, would exaggerate the powers, but the true nature remained a secret.

The Ramsey's had the ability to grow. Plants, flowers, and crops prospered under their touch, the earth grew more fertile as they walked above it, but they couldn't stop hunger. Some people believed they could make entire fields grow overnight, bring in the harvest months before it was due, and keep food from spoiling as if they'd stopped time. It was nothing so fancy, far from it, but the rumors worked in their favor, so it was best to stay quiet.

The Haywoods approached the matter the same way. Gavin had heard that they could turn your very thoughts around until you believed what they wanted you to, that what they demanded, they would get. That they could send their shadows in the night, whispering in your ear while you slept.

Their magic laid in their voice. Gavin had noticed how pleasant Horton's voice was and now as he listened to Eleonora talk, she sounded melodic, a sound he could get lost in if he didn't look out.

Ryan didn't have that luxury.

Maybe he had never inherited their gift, maybe he was a dud, or even worse - a bastard. Then again, the King would've gotten rid of him long ago if that was so. Yet Gavin could bet that this may be the reason why Ryan didn't inherit the kingdom like he was supposed to. He only ruled over part of it, a significantly smaller part than his sister.

Eleonora noticed him staring, but only raised her glass at him. Gavin did the same.

The festivities continued like before, with music, dances, and food well into the night. Gavin was dying to talk to Geoff, to inform him about everything that had happened. They still hadn't had the chance. Geoff was sitting right next to him, but Ryan was on his other side and Gavin didn't dare to speak freely with him so close. He also knew that their time was running out, tomorrow Geoff and Libby would return home and leave him here.

The thought left him sick to his stomach and he pushed his plate away, not hungry anymore.

It didn't help when an hour or so later, he could hear Jeremy speak behind him.

"We'll be retiring."

It was an announcement for the table and when Gavin turned to Ryan, he gestured to him to get up. It was getting late and a part of Gavin had hoped that Ryan would allow him to go to his chambers but he had expected something like yesterday. Now as he bid his goodbye, the eyes of the nobles around made his skin crawl.

Ryan was right behind him, a hand just brushing against the small of his back as if to keep him from running away. Had he changed his mind?

Gavin wasn't sure. There wasn't much he could do about it if so. He let Ryan guide him out of the hall, both Jeremy and Michael trailing like shadows behind him and tried his hardest not to shake.

The doors fell shut and Ryan's hand disappeared. That was good, right? Probably.

They made their way through the castle in silence and with the music and voices of the festivities fading behind them, it grew heavier by the minute. By the time they made it to the private part of the castle, he was so tense, that he was grinding his teeth.

When they reached his private chambers, he stopped, unsure which room Ryan wanted him to retire in and couldn't even look him in the eyes.

"What I wrote in that letter wasn't a lie," Jeremy told him and Gavin's head snapped first to him, then to Ryan who just let his hands sink. He looked disappointed, even hurt and Gavin bit down on his lip.

"I didn't want to doubt your words, sire," he assured him because he for sure didn't want Ryan mad at him. "It's just that..."

That as Ryan's spouse things were expected from him; if he didn't deliver, it wouldn't only have consequences for him, but for the Ramsey's too.

"This marriage helps prosper both of our kingdoms," Jeremy translated while Ryan painted words in the space between them. "That's about it. As I wrote to you yesterday, there is no further goal we have to accomplish. All we have to do is play our roles in front of the people, that's all I'm asking of you."

Gavin lowered his gaze. He felt chastised by Ryan's words. All of that was fine by him, but he couldn't quite believe it yet. Why had Ryan asked especially to marry him? Why not one of his sisters who could give him an heir, someone to continue the bloodline?

It didn't make any sense, but Gavin knew better than to voice his concerns. Ryan had said it quite well, hadn't he?

His role right here was to be devoted and most importantly silent. Something pretty to look at that would bring the Haywood's and Ramsey's closer together. 

"I wish you a good night then."

"Ah, King Ryan?" he called before the other could disappear into his own chambers. Ryan did stop to turn towards him, eyebrows raised and Gavin took all his courage. If what Ryan had said was true, he shouldn't care, but Ryan could deny him just about everything if he wanted to.

"Tomorrow after lunch Crown Prince Geoffrey and Princess Elisabeth will head ho- back towards the Ramsey kingdom. I would like to speak to them in private before they do so."

Ryan blinked. Gavin kept his gaze. After yesterday, he wasn't part of the Ramsey's anymore and any blood ties had been severed the moment Ryan had put the cloak around his shoulders and replaced the ring on his finger. 

"Of course," Jeremy said behind him. "They are your family. Take your time to say your goodbyes."

Gavin's shoulders slumped in relief and he hadn't quite noticed how much that had weighed on him. When he bowed in front of the King, it was out of gratitude.

"Thank you very much."

* * *

"Gavin!" Libby jumped at him the moment she entered the room and Gavin caught her. He lifted her up and closed his eyes as she hugged him.

Gods above, he would miss this. He had always been affectionate and as one of the younger siblings, he may have been a bit spoiled, but Libby? Oh, Libby was special. He was going to miss her greatly.

Geoff was more tactful of course. The moment the door fell shut and they were alone, Gavin felt his arms around him as well. It nearly made him cry.

"I don't want you to stay here," Libby whined and Gavin silently agreed. He also didn't want that. Instead, he shook his head, "It's not like I'm gone. Didn't we agree to send each other letters?"

"I'll write you so many letters!" Libby assured him and Gavin laughed. 

"I'll look forward to them."

He let her down and while Geoff did let go of him as well, he was watching him with a somber look on his face.

"What's going on?" he asked. "What's with all of this?"

He gestured to the room Ryan had provided them, a private parlor with no guards in front of the door but their own. There was even a desk with refreshments on it as if they hadn't just eaten lunch.

"I asked King Ryan to meet you before you start your journey back," Gavin explained.

"And he allowed this here?"

"Yeah. I don't think he's all bad, Geoff."

It looked like a gigantic weight was lifted from Geoff's shoulders and Gavin knew that he had been worried as well. He had been so with all of his siblings and Gavin loved him for his big heart.

"I felt better when I saw you smiling during breakfast, but hearing that come from your mouth is a blessing."

They sat down and Gavin told them about the letter Ryan had written to him and about his private chambers. He was pretty sure Geoff was on the verge of tears for him. Gavin honestly wasn't much better. His voice was shaking in relief and gratitude because things could be worse, way worse.

His oldest sister hadn't been the same since her marriage during the few times Gavin had seen her again.

"The marriage is just to help out both kingdoms," Gavin explained as Libby crawled on his lap to curl into him. Like she could just take him back home like this. "He doesn't expect anything else from me besides making it look legit."

"That's good," Geoff told him and it was. It really was!

Still, it didn't get rid of Geoff's somber expression when he reached over to take Gavin's hand in his.

"But you do understand what that means, right?"

Gavin's smile faded because he didn't. He had been so happy about how things turned out that he hadn't thought about things further.

Thankfully Geoff was here for that.

"You are now representing the Haywood family, so you have to watch every word you say," Geoff told him. "And believe me, I hate to say this but Gavin, be aware of your place in this kingdom. You are, and forgive me for being so blunt, nothing more for the Haywoods than someone to strengthen their kingdom. They don't care about you but your blood and name."

Gavin pressed his lips together but nodded. "With the marriage to King Ryan, I am now his property."

Geoff didn't disagree with him because it was true. Gavin hated it. He had hated seeing it happening with his sisters. Hell, he had never expected it happening to him, right?

"If King Ryan gives you this freedom I am glad, but please, don't get on his bad side, you hear me? Only death can separate you now and you will have to spend the rest of your life by his side. Spend this time in mutual respect and choose your battles wisely. You have a lot left to lose."

Yeah. Gavin nodded and kept the words close to his heart. There were enough horror stories out there, he didn't want to become one of them.

Libby was still sitting on his lap, her cheek pressed against his chest, and looked outright upset.

"You did great," Gavin assured her. "Your first public appearance! Geoff, didn't she do well?"

"Princess Elisabeth Ramsey did fantastic," Geoff agreed and let go of Gavin's hand to stroke through her hair.

"When will we see each other again?" Libby asked and it broke Gavin's heart.

"Sooner than you'd probably liked," he told her because he had no real answer for her. It would probably be during Geoff's coronation, which would be in the next two years. If Ryan would allow him to attend.

Now he was growing upset as well and he pressed her close again. Libby, their baby and oh, how he adored her.

"We should prepare for our departure," Geoff said and Gavin wanted to stop him from getting up. He wanted to keep them in this room for as long as possible, but that would only make the goodbye hurt more. It was inevitable anyway and he pressed a kiss to Libby's cheek.

"Don't forget to write."

"I won't."

She slipped from his lap and when Gavin got up, Geoff was there. He pulled him in, hugging him so tight that Gavin couldn't even breathe, but he soaked it all up; the familiar warmth, his breath next to his ear, and the scratch of Geoff's beard.

"You are more than this," Geoff whispered to him. "I told all your sisters and I will tell you. Society is this way and that's on us to change, but for right now it is how it is. Never forget that you are more. Never forget your name."

Ramsey. It was burned into his heart and in those golden memories of the castle, of home. No matter the ring on his finger.

Geoff let go to press his forehead against his and Gavin had to close his eyes, to stop from bursting into tears.

"You're smart, so act smart. You'll get through this just fine."

"Okay."

And with that, they were gone. They stepped out of the room and they weren't just three siblings anymore, they were heirs to a throne, they had magic in their veins, and with that came a responsibility they had to carry.

Gavin watched as they bid their goodbyes to the Haywood family and he watched as they climbed into the carriage and he watched as they drove off without him.

He wanted to scream.

He wanted to rage and cry and just stop. To run after them and get back home, into his own room, but that wasn't possible anymore.

Without Geoff by his side, the festivities in the evening felt even lonelier. The two chairs next to him were empty and on his other side sat Ryan who he couldn't talk to. The few from the Haywood court who had spoken to him before barely glanced at him now that Geoff was gone. He himself wasn't interesting enough. Not when they couldn't get something out of him and with that golden ring on his finger, he was property, nothing more.

So he sat there and watched over the hall, over the drunkards who hadn't stopped drinking for three days by the looks of it and the occasional fights that would break out.

So many people and he felt entirely alone in the midst of it all.

Ryan allowed him to retire early that day. Not that anyone took notice because most were drunk, there wasn't much left from the glorious festivities on the first days, but Gavin honestly didn't care.

When Michael finally led him to his room, he dropped onto his bed and just wanted to disappear.

At some point, the wisterias on his desk had been replaced with bright red dahlias. They were pretty and when Gavin woke up, he sat there for a while just taking them in.

Strength. Someone had gifted him strength. That was nice.

Under his attention the flowers grew, their heads turning towards him and for a while, he forgot everything around. Just him and his red dahlias.

There was no new letter coming with them, so Ryan hadn't sent them. One of the maids probably, but he hadn't yet caught them. They were as quick and unseen as mice and whenever he returned to his chambers, they were in a pristine state.

He wondered where the wisterias had been brought to when Michael entered his chambers.

"You're already awake?"

"Couldn't sleep," Gavin muttered. He didn't want to get up, he wanted to just hide in his bed.

Without Geoff here and the festivities over, he had no idea what would happen. His usual daily routine didn't apply anymore. Who knew what would be expected of him the moment he stepped out of here.

If anything would be expected from him at all.

Michael hummed and didn't kick him out of the bed like he usually would under these circumstances. Instead, he pulled open the door to his dressing room and disappeared inside of it.

"You have to see the positive side of things," he called and Gavin let himself fall onto his side on the bed. That way he could see through the door.

"And that would be?"

"With your wedding over, there is no need to wear these heavy gowns anymore and I don't have to spend like three hours to get you in them."

That was true. A heartbeat later Michael appeared back in the doorway. "So what's it gonna be? Red and gold or red and black? I see a theme in your new clothes."

Red looked foreign on him. It was the color of fire, rubies, and blood. The Haywood color symbolized their strength. He was part of that strength now. He didn't feel very powerful wearing it.

Even in between the pretty golden stitchery of his doublet were gems and the pin holding together his cloak was made out of rubies. It was fitting for his first day alone in this castle.

Michael led him towards the dining room and when he opened the door, Ryan was already sitting there. He had to be an early bird because Gavin was already early but he never seemed to be up before Ryan.

"Good morning."

Ryan greeted him with the same movement as usual, something that Gavin could at least recognize. When Ryan pointed towards the seat next to him, he didn't have an existential crisis about if he was allowed to sit down or not.

At least those things were getting better.

Jeremy wasn't around though and so he was getting ready for another awkward silence when Ryan reached into his pocket.

What he pulled out was a pile of papers and even a pen. Did he always carry those with him? It would make sense because Jeremy wasn't always around. Gavin didn't have the impression that everyone could understand Ryan's signs either. Honestly, Gavin was a bit surprised that Ryan even bothered writing him a message, but it was sweet.

_ Did you sleep well? _

He recognized the penmanship from the letter he received and had to smile.

"I did. Thank you very much."

It was a bit weird, this breaks in the conversation when Ryan wrote his response. It was unusual, but Gavin tried not to get too fidgety. It was at least better than sitting here in silence.

_ My family will take their journey home today, _ Ryan wrote to him.  _ Afterward, I will have to attend some matters with the court. _

"Should I join you?" Gavin asked. At home, he hadn't been a part of every court meeting, but as a member of the royal family, he knew about the ins and outs of his kingdom.

By the way Ryan tensed next to him, it might've been the wrong thing to say. Yeah, Ryan outright stared at him as if he was surprised by the question and it wasn't a very good surprise.

_ I don't think that will be necessary. _

Right.

"Of course, my liege." He lowered his head and still felt small underneath Ryan's gaze. Geoff had told him to remember his place, hadn't he? And he had clearly overstepped some lines here.

Ryan put his pen down and made no move to write another message to him. Gavin felt chastised enough to not even open his mouth anymore.

Stupid.

That's how Jeremy found them and after greeting him with a curtsey, Ryan began talking to him. Gavin watched their silent conversation from the corner of his eye and if possible it made him feel even worse.

He had no idea what they were talking about, if Ryan was ridiculing him in front of Jeremy or something like that.

My spouse asked to join during court. Can you believe that?

Gods, he wanted to go home.

"King Gavin?" Jeremy finally turned towards him. "During this afternoon I will gladly be by your side should you need anything. King Ryan suggested exploring your new home."

So that he wouldn't bother Ryan during court. Well, it was still better than just sitting in his room feeling as useless as he was.

"Gladly."

Jeremy nodded before continuing signing with Ryan, but before Gavin could feel left out, the door opened again.

"It's rude to not involve your spouse in your conversation, Ryan." Eleonora sat down right next to Gavin, in the spot usually reserved for Geoff. Ryan threw her a pretty unimpressed glance, but she didn't seem bothered by it. Instead she flashed Gavin a smile.

"I hope you don't miss your family too much," she said. "Your little sister was adorable. I wish we could've spent more time together."

She shrugged. "But duty calls, doesn't it? I also can't leave my kingdom for too long, even if it is for the wedding of my big brother."

Her voice was a melody and Gavin had nearly forgotten about it. Her magic swelled in his ears, lulling him into peace. It took him a moment until he even registered the words she said.

"I heard you would be returning to your kingdom today."

"After breakfast actually. It's just a two-day trip. We'll be back during winter for Ryan's birthday though. If the weather allows us, that is."

She leaned forward to catch Ryan's eyes.

"Or you could come to the capital for that! I want to show Gavin the real castle! You have to impress your spouse!"

Ryan waved her off, a gesture all of them understood. Eleonora laughed.

"He's grumpy in the mornings," she told Gavin good-naturedly. "I wish we could've celebrated in the northern kingdom though. We rebuilt part of this manor, but it's no castle, no matter what people call it. You must've been horribly unimpressed by this all!"

"It's a very nice place. I like it."

She threw him a knowing look, but didn't insist on it.

"Then again both Ryan and I inherited only two years ago. This place has changed a lot during that time. Ryan has already done a lot of improvements around here, but he doesn't focus so much on the aesthetic of things." She laughed again. When Gavin followed her gaze, he found Ryan glaring at her.

"I think father gave me the actual castle simply because he knew I would keep it in shape. Ryan wouldn't bother with it! You should've seen his room as a child-"

She stopped when Ryan started to make wide gestures with his hands and even Gavin understood that he was asking her to stop.

"I'll keep your little secrets," she promised before winking at Gavin. He smiled back and felt a little lighter already.

In the end, they were all just humans, weren't they?

"Here we have the music room," Jeremy told him as he opened the door. The room was circular and when Gavin stepped in, he took notice of the piano in its middle. There were huge windows leading to one of the courtyards of the castle. If someone were to play here, the sound would travel throughout the castle.

"Do you play an instrument, King Gavin?" Jeremy asked him.

"I learned the violin as a child."

"We don't have one in our collection, but I can arrange for one."

"Please don't," Michael muttered. "You don't want to hear him play."

"Hey!" Gavin protested, but it was half-heartedly. Michael was right, music wasn't one of his talents. Just like swordplay, falconry, or poetry hadn't been. He was nothing against some of his siblings.

Jeremy looked from one to another, but relaxed when he noticed that there was no ill will between them. Gavin couldn't help but wonder if Jeremy was as polite with Ryan as he was with them. That seemed very tiring.

"How long have you served under King Ryan?" Gavin asked him as he stepped up to the piano. It was made out of dark wood that reflected the room. He didn't want to touch it and leave smudges but couldn't quite help himself. His older sister had always played it at home; until she was married off that is.

"Since birth, my liege. My family has served under the Haywoods for generations." Saying that, Jeremy seemed to grow a few inches by sheer pride.

"That's something you and Michael have in common then," Gavin said. The two of them threw each other a short glance. He knew that Michael wasn't too fond of Jeremy, but he was just as proud as him of his heritage.

"Where to next?"

"The library, sire."

Their farewell with the Haywood family had been short and not very emotional. Eleonora and Horton had headed straight towards their carriage after breakfast and not half an hour later they had been on the road.

Had the three of them said their goodbyes in private? It had looked so distant... Did the elder King Horton live with Eleonora at the castle? Gavin actually wasn't sure. He must live in the northern parts if he had shared a carriage with his daughter.

So Ryan had been living here on his own for a while now. Maybe he was already used to this.

When Gavin looked up while they walked through the hallways, he let his eyes travel over the different portraits. Neither of them showed any familiar faces, no ancestors or even Ryan himself.

How strange.

Everything around looked like this place had been an unimportant manor. Why part a strong kingdom and choose this place as a new capital? Why give the bigger part to Eleonora and not your firstborn as it was tradition?

Everything was a bit off and while Gavin's interest was certainly piqued, he pushed it away. He had to remind himself of his place.

"Oh, King Gavin."

Gavin faced ahead and watched the man approaching him now. He was tall and of strong build with a quite impressive beard. According to his clothes; a high noble. He shifted a pile of books from one arm to the other to properly bow.

"I don't think we've been introduced yet. I'm Jack Pattillo, one of Ryan's old instructors."

"Pleasant to meet you." He offered his hand and Jack kissed his ring before standing again.

"It seems like you are taking a look around the property. I hope everything is to your liking."

"It is very impressive," Gavin lied. He hoped nobody could tell.

"Sir Pattillo is well versed in the history of this kingdom," Jeremy explained. "Should you have any question about this place it would be easier to ask him than to search in the library."

"You flatter me, Jeremy."

"Good to know. I might come back on this in the future," Gavin said and with one more bow, Jack excused himself.

They continued their tour and while Gavin knew the alternative was just sitting in his room, he wasn't very excited about it. Sure, Jeremy gave it his all, but Gavin had lived all his life in a castle and this small manor just wasn't cutting it after that.

At least the private library was well stocked.

"King Ryan enjoys reading," Jeremy told him and Gavin made sure to file that information away. He didn't know many things about his husband, but he was willing to learn. "He brought a lot of books over from the capital when he moved here. I am sure he wouldn't mind if you were to borrow some of these."

Walking down the shelves, Gavin found himself surprised at last. There were the usual books about religion and history, but a way bigger section about science. Back home those would've been deemed heretic. So while the castle had a nice stock of books about new teachings, you wouldn't find them in the public libraries. Not with the church breathing down their neck.

There were even works of fiction on one shelf, retellings of plays and legends of the kingdom.

Geoff had always told him that the stories a kingdom believed in said a lot about its people and Gavin had to agree. He would start with those. Though before that-

"I would love to see the garden next."

For the first time, Jeremy hesitated, and when he answered, it was clear that he was nervous.

"Gladly, although I don't think it could hold up against those of your home. I heard stories about the wide gardens of the Ramsey's."

It was true. As the kingdom of growth and harvest, people expected the Ramsey's to have a massive garden and they had delivered. Their whole castle was surrounded by it, big enough that you couldn't see the other end of it. Only from the higher stories, the wall surrounding the property was visible and Gavin had spent many, many days of his childhood exploring the space.

Even while traveling under his father's name to different kingdoms and residences, he had never seen anything quite like it.

But what Jeremy showed him was a courtyard. A courtyard that had been changed to resemble a garden. Gavin had expected to be disappointed. This felt like a slap to his face.

All his life he had been close to nature, to flowers and shrubs and soil. It was an important part of his upbringing to learn about the flora of the world, the language of flowers, and how to use different herbs. Understanding plants made their gift stronger, and while Gavin wasn't as powerful as Geoff or Libby, he hadn't been completely hopeless.

The garden was... cute. Petite and well kept. A path of gravel led through the lush green grass and Gavin could tell that the plants were healthy. The flowers that bloomed were deep red and bright yellow, the colors of the Haywood kingdom and when he walked past them, they turned in his direction.

There were tulips, hyacinths, and roses, and another area that was fenced off in the back. Inside were herbs by the looks of it, and he could spot peas, beans, and carrots. A small assortment of vegetables that someone took care of.

There was a single tree in the middle of it and when Gavin pressed his hand against its bark, he could feel how old it was. It was a wisteria. Its long, purple blossoms filtered the light into something beautiful.

"Is this where my flowers came from?" he asked and Jeremy needed a moment to answer.

"I... I honestly don't know, my liege. I can check with our gardener to make sure though."

"It's fine." Because he already knew. The blossoms had the same royal colors as the one he had found in his chambers. When he looked around though he couldn't find any of the dahlias he had also received.

Jeremy must have noticed his gaze.

"The Haywood kingdom lies close to the ocean, my lord," he explained. "The sea is rough and sends salt and heavy storms our way. Not many delicate plants can survive in that environment and even less during the cold winter months. We have a wider assortment in the greenhouses down in the city."

"You also have greenhouses?"

"Yes, my liege. It is easier to care for plants if they are protected against the elements. It's where we grow most of our crops and plants."

Ah, that made sense.

Gavin looked up into the wisteria tree and felt the rough bark underneath his skin. Alive but it had fought battles over its life. There were scars deeply hidden in the wood, years full of rain and years with barely more than a drop of water. Stormy winds that had pulled and pushed on its branches until the tree had nearly come apart even here in the valley of the castle walls.

A beautiful tree.

Gavin sent a part of his power into it as thanks for the bouquet on his first night and watched as the blossoms around bloomed brighter. When he turned around, he found Michael smirking. It only took a moment until Gavin realized that Jeremy was outright staring. He couldn't help but chuckle.

Not only the tree had changed, but there was also now lush moss at the bottom of it, perfect to take a seat in and more flowers were sprouting from the grass.

Magic was still something strange, a secret hidden in blood. Not many kinds were as visible as Gavin's own.

"Thank you for showing me around, Jeremy." He let go of the tree and let the violet light wash over him as he stepped back onto the path. "You have been most kind."

Dinner with Ryan was awkward now that there were no festivities and nobody but them around. Jeremy lingered around in case he needed to translate something, but with only the two of them at the table, the conversation soon died out.

It was a relief to be excused early and when Gavin reached his chambers for the night, the dahlias were gone. Instead, the vase contained the red and yellow tulips from the garden, a single wisteria in its middle.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As my spouse, you will do as I say."
> 
> Of course.
> 
> Of course, that was the bottom line of it all, wasn't it? Ryan had gotten what he wanted with this marriage and now he didn't care anymore, not behind closed doors.

Chapter 3

"Not much to do here," Michael said as he put the clasps on Gavin's sleeve. "If Jeremy doesn't follow us around like a puppy today, what are our plans?"

"Do you wanna go and take a look at the capital?" Gavin asked him. "I'm pretty sure I saw the training grounds from up here, you must be getting antsy."

Michael grinned at the prospect of getting back to his training. Of course.

"I also want to take a look at the greenhouses Jeremy mentioned. Oh, and the marketplace, maybe?"

"The city is big, we can take our time exploring," Michael told him. "No need to rush anything. After all, we'll be here for a while."

"You're right. The training grounds and a greenhouse it is then."

Michael pinned his cloak and stepped away. It was still a bit of a surprise to see himself in the mirror clad in red and gold. 

Jeremy had informed him that Ryan would be busy for most of the day, so Gavin made his way towards the entrance of the castle right after breakfast.

It was a sunny day, but the wind felt cold when he marched through the entrance hall. It felt strange on his skin and reminded him more of winter than the golden summer he was used to. Maybe he should fetch one of the fur coats?

Being out here felt weird. Just a few days ago he had walked up these stairs a different man. 

"King Gavin!"

An old man, leaning on his stick came hurrying after him and Gavin stopped. He recognized him, but there had been many names and many faces throughout his stay here and he couldn't quite place him.

"That's Lord Regan," Michael whispered to him. "A member of King Ryan's court."

Not for the first time Gavin was thankful to have Michael as his valet.

"Lord Regan," Gavin greeted the man promptly and was a bit glad when the other slowed down. While the old man surely was skilled with his stick, Gavin expected him to slip and fall any second with the way he was leaning on it.

"King Gavin, what a pleasure to meet you again." Even after the few yards, Lord Regan was out of breath. "Where are you heading on this lovely day?"

"I was just about to head into the city. I'm most curious about the greenhouses and the plants they hold," Gavin told him. While Lord Regan kept his polite smile, Gavin could tell how the atmosphere shifted at his words.

"I'm sure you are," Lord Regan said. "Now, does King Ryan know about your little excursion? Surely he would provide you with an escort."

Gavin pressed his lips together and felt the first flares of anger.

"I don't think that's necessary. As you can see I am adequately accompanied by my valet."

He pointed to Michael next to him and knew Michael made an impressive picture, with his sword and arms. If it wouldn't be for his heritage, Michael would've been a promising soldier for their kingdom.

Lord Regan didn't so much as throw a glance towards him though.

"You should let King Ryan know," he said. "He isn't fond of surprises. You wouldn't want to pull his wrath on you, do you?"

Gavin balled his hands to fists.

"I think I'm fully capable of where I can and should go, Lord Regan. King Ryan has more important matters at hand than observing my every step."

"My liege, with all due respect, I am not even sure if the guards would open the gate to the city without the King's direct order."

"So I'm a prisoner in these walls here?" Gavin asked, his voice as cold as the feeling in his chest.

"A prisoner? Oh sire, of course not!" Lord Regan watched him out of old, steady eyes as if none of this was so much as a surprise. "You're just something very precious to the King."

"What an asshole!" Michael called the moment he closed the door to Gavin's chamber after them.

"Watch your tongue," Gavin hissed. Michael was pretty unimpressed by the attempted threat.

"Why would I? This is the private part of this castle," he spat the last word like a joke, "and that bootlicker Jeremy said he and King Asshole would be busy all day, so only you and I should be up here."

Thinking about that, Gavin agreed and promptly kicked against his desk just for the sake of it.

"What an asshole," he agreed and just getting that off his chest felt better. "I'm not a kid anymore! We were always allowed to explore the city back home!"

Michael nodded, fuelling his anger only further.

"So what's his plan anyway? Keeping me locked in here for the rest of my life? What the fuck am I supposed to do in here?"

Huffing, Gavin gave the desk another kick and watched as the tulips shifted in their vase.

"So how do we break out of here?" Michael muttered thoughtfully. "We can take Lord Regan. I'll kick his stick away and we leg it."

The picture, as mean as it was, made Gavin laugh. "He would break his hip!"

"Sacrifices must be made! How will we get past the guards by the wall though?"

Michael hummed to himself and stepped towards the window to take a considering look towards the wall. Gavin let himself drop onto the chair and already felt a little lighter.

"We could make a rope out of bedsheets!"

"We want to climb over the wall, not out of some window."

"Then we could spin strands from a napkin together until we get a rope and-"

"Why would you do that? Can you even spin because I sure as hell can't!"

Gavin couldn't either. Laughter was made as for the next few hours, they came up with more and more ridiculous ways on how to escape this castle. Their little golden cage. It was all make-believe, nothing serious, but it took the edge off of things, the looming fear that Gavin was truly trapped here with no one but Michael at his side and an endless amount of time.

When the bell rang for lunch, the day didn't feel as cold anymore and the incident from the morning was ridiculed enough to not be threatening anymore.

So when he sat down at the table, he was more worried about spending another awkward meal with his spouse than about exploring the city. But the moment the servants left them with their meal, Ryan waved Jeremy closer from his post by the door. Gavin watched with interest, figuring Ryan wanted to tell him something and he wasn't quite wrong.

"It's come to my attention that you wanted to leave the castle this morning," Jeremy translated. Gavin's eyebrows shot up. He glanced at Michael, still standing by the door, and tried not to get annoyed.

Lord Regan had run straight to Ryan to tell him about this?

"Jeremy mentioned the greenhouses while showing me around the castle," Gavin explained and put his cutlery down. "I was interested and wanted to take a closer look."

"If you'd let me know about that, I would've gladly sent Jeremy with you."

Ah. Gavin held no grudge against Jeremy, but he was barely more than a stranger and he had wanted to explore the city with Michael and Michael alone. Not anyone else who would watch his every step to report it right back to his husband as it was apparently custom in this kingdom.

"You said you'd be busy today, King Ryan and I didn't want to take your valet from you on such a day," Gavin said. "Instead I brought my valet with me."

Ryan's eyes wandered towards Michael as if to measure him up. Michael stood tall and didn't bother with lowering his gaze and Gavin felt a pang of worry. While tactfulness was an important skill for a valet, Michael wasn't quite blessed with it.

When Ryan looked back at Gavin, he didn't seem too impressed with what he'd found.

"I'd rather see you around my men," Jeremy told him, his face tight as he watched Ryan's hands attentively. "They know the area and the danger the city might bring. Also, I know of their training."

"What?" Michael made a step towards it and while Gavin had expected that, he felt his blood run cold. Jeremy whipped around to put himself between Michael and Ryan and by the way Ryan glared at him-

"Michael!" Gavin blurted out, more urgent than he wanted to. "Back to your post!"

Michael scowled at him but took that dangerous step back and lowered his head. "Of course, my liege."

Gavin dared to breathe because even though Jeremy was keeping an eye on Michael, he relaxed as well. Still-

"Michael's family served the Ramsey bloodline for decades. He is more than capable of watching over me and he is one of the most promising men our kingdom has to offer."

Ryan released a soft puff of air. It got on Gavin's nerves. He reached back to his fork if only to stab his piece of meat. He could see how Ryan's hands moved and he knew he wouldn't like it.

"With all due respect but your kingdom is a very peaceful place," Jeremy said, slower than usual. He seemed nervous. "I doubt your training is as rigorous as those of my men."

Oh, what an asshole. Gavin made a show of cutting his meat into pieces to have something to do with his hands. He couldn't even answer because he was biting down on his tongue.

As if peace was something bad! Even after years of it, his father had always made sure their army was well trained and stocked, just to scare others away and he knew- he fucking  _ knew  _ how hard Michael had worked. How hard training was for all their soldiers.

They weren't weak just because they had a steady kingdom!

But a man like Ryan might not understand such a thing.

"Let me know beforehand when you want to go somewhere," Jeremy told him. "I'll send some of my men with you. The streets here aren't as safe as those you are used to. There are criminals out there and-"

"Maybe people wouldn't turn to crime if their living conditions were better."

The words had slipped out of Gavin's mouth before he could stop himself. There was a beat of silence and he was a bit startled himself. He could still feel the dents his teeth left on his tongue, but it hadn't been enough and Jeremy stared at him in shock but-

Ryan slammed his hands on the table, making their glasses fall with the impact. Gavin jumped at the loud noise and his heart sank when Ryan full out glared at him. If he could, he would probably scream as well, and right now Gavin was a bit glad that wasn't possible. There were other ways to hurt him though but Gavin knew he was right and lifted his chin in defiance.

Ryan didn't like that and he stood at once. Gavin half expected him to round the table and... and do something, he wasn't sure. He knew however that he wouldn't be able to stop Michael then.

"You will not leave this house without my permission."

Ryan's hands were shaking in rage and Jeremy translated, pale and tense.

"So you're keeping me trapped in here?"

Ryan's jaw clenched and it took him a moment to uncurl his hands to sign to him, "As my spouse, you will do as I say."

Of course.

Of course, that was the bottom line of it all, wasn't it? Ryan had gotten what he wanted with this marriage and now he didn't care anymore, not behind closed doors.

How had Lord Regan put it this morning? Gavin was something very precious to the King. Nothing more.

Pushing his chair back, Gavin stood, his food basically untouched as he made for the door. Michael was already there, looking as furious as he himself felt, and oh, he would have some words for this scene later.

"I didn't dismiss you yet!"

Gavin stopped and spun around. Jeremy looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here and had to force the words out, but Ryan? Oh, Ryan was still glaring at him and looked ready to kill.

Choose your battles wisely.

Geoff's words were the only thing keeping him from lashing out, from telling Ryan where exactly he could stick this damn golden ring. It probably also kept him from losing his head, not even a week after being here.

Fuck, Geoff and Libby hadn't even gotten home yet.

Choose your battles wisely.

Gavin took a deep breath and kept it until his voice wasn't shaking anymore.

"May I be dismissed then," he brought out. "I don't feel well."

For too long Ryan didn't answer and Gods, Gavin hoped he wouldn't force him to sit down and finish this cursed meal. Gavin had lost his appetite by now.

Finally, Ryan raised his hand to wave him away. Like an annoying insect.

Gavin stormed off, Michael right behind him and when he reached his chambers, he threw the door shut.

"Fuck," he hissed and tried his hardest to be angry because beneath that anger was fear. The fear that this would be all there was now, he and Michael in this castle for the rest of their lives, only to leave for social events.

How horrible.

* * *

The next day he hid away in the garden, although he pretended it wasn't like that. The wisteria tree towered above him, its branches long enough that they filtered out the harsh sunlight.

There wasn't even a bench in the garden like it was a place to look at, not to experience. That was fine though, Gavin had sat down at the foot of the tree in the moss. It was softer than any seat could be and next to him Michael laid in the grass, watching the branches of the tree move in the wind.

The two of them had been quiet after yesterday, after the unkind reminder of their place in this kingdom. Gavin was already halfway through one of the books he had borrowed from the library when Michael sat up.

"You think I'm getting fat?" he asked and Gavin gave a startled laugh.

"What?"

"I haven't trained in so long, I think I'm growing fat."

"Bullshit."

But Michael's face was serious when he turned towards him. "Could you arrange for me to be allowed to train with the other soldiers here? Maybe if King Ryan sees what I can do, he will change his mind."

Gavin closed his book, keeping a finger inside to mark the place.

"You think so?"

Michael shrugged. "It's worth a try, isn't it?"

Yeah, and it was the least he could do for Michael. Michael being in this mess was his fault.

"I'll talk to King Ryan," he promised even if the thought alone made him shiver.

He hadn't seen Ryan since their fight. No, Ryan had arranged dinner and today's breakfast to be brought to his chamber instead, like Gavin was grounded. A part of him had feared he wouldn't even be allowed to leave today and would be forced to sit in his room with nothing to do for the rest of the day.

But no one had stopped him walking through the castle and Jack had gladly shown him the books he had been searching for.

"Hey," Michael whispered and interrupted his thoughts. He nodded towards the entrance of the garden and Gavin tensed.

It was strange seeing Ryan out here. Until now, Gavin had only met him during meals or in the great hall, otherwise, the King was busy. Even though that was probably an excuse not to see each other because Gavin doubted that someone could hold that many court sessions a day.

Gavin got to his feet, brushing grass from his breeches and folded his arms in front of his chest.

Jeremy was the only one who bowed and he must be very aware of that when he looked between them. It was tense just standing here. Gavin sure as hell wouldn't be the first to speak. If Ryan wanted something or sent him to his room or whatever, he better say it himself. Or well, through Jeremy.

He made no move to do so though and Jeremy sighed softly.

"King Haywood asks you for a private conversation."

Gavin's eyebrows shot up. "A conversation?"

"Just the two of you," Jeremy explained and then added, with a short glance towards Ryan, "He wants to apologize for lunch yesterday."

By the way, Ryan turned around and glared at Jeremy, that was something he wasn't about to say and while Jeremy ducked a little under his eyes, he didn't take it back. No, it rather looked sheepish and for the first time, Gavin wondered how close the two of them were.

Michael had quickly become his best friend, which was easy because they spent every day together but he couldn't see Ryan do the same.

"Fine."

Michael shifted next to him, reluctant to leave them alone. Only when Jeremy left with one last bow did he follow along. Not without throwing a glance over his shoulder at Gavin, as if to make sure he was really alright with this all.

Honestly, Gavin wasn't sure himself. If Ryan wanted to explain himself, fine, it still left him nervous. This was the first time he and his husband were properly alone for an extended amount of time. Sure, during breakfast or dinner the servants would excuse themselves, but even then Michael and Jeremy weren't far away. Also, the two of them could just focus on their meal and not on each other.

Ryan took a deep breath and gesticulated towards the ground. Gavin sat down and was a bit surprised when Ryan followed suit. Seeing him in his high neck tunics and gem-studded cloaks, he fit more in halls and on thrones than on soft grass.

He held a letter out to him. No wax seal this time, just a simple piece of paper. When Gavin unfolded it, he recognized Ryan's handwriting.

Throwing his spouse one more glance, he began to read.

_ Dear King Gavin, _

_ I think both of us can agree that our last meal together wasn't very pleasant. The tension is high between us and I can not begin to understand the stress you must be under right now. You left behind your home and family to come and live with me, a decision that you probably hadn't much say in. _

_ It wasn't my intention to make you upset yesterday, but I see why you would be. You come from a kingdom with freedom. A kingdom with golden sunlight, bright streets, that doesn't lack many things. The first time I saw it, I was in awe at the sheer abundance of it all. An abundance that is nothing against the jewels and resources my kingdom can provide. _

_ Some would consider my kingdom rich. It is, gems and jewelry and coal are resources that many need and we can provide. _

_ There are other things we lack though and food and clear water are one of those. Because of that many of my people go hungry and hungry people get desperate and angry. I feared the streets of my own capital might not be safe. If those people saw someone that embodied everything they craved, they might become greedy and harm you. _

_ Your family entrusted me with your safety and when I put the cloak around your shoulders I swore to protect you. _

_ The thought of not being able to keep that promise scared me and led to such a reaction. It wasn't fair and I apologize for it. _

_ You deserve an explanation, not a fight. _

Something tightened in his chest while he read the letter. His first reaction was to question it, to wonder if this was a trick, some nice words to keep him locked up. A heartbeat later he became ashamed of the thought.

Ryan was still sitting next to him, waiting and Gavin worried on his bottom lip, unsure of how to respond to this all.

He knew of his privilege, of not only being born in one of the most stable kingdoms out there, but also as a part of the royal family. Hunger was a foreign concept to him and thankfully, for most in the kingdom it was as well.

Their harvests were plentiful and only some of the village far off most paths had to worry about food. He had seen that change in this kingdom on his journey here. The hard, dry ground where nothing much could grow and the gaunt faces of the people.

"I would've preferred an explanation as well," he muttered as he folded the letter in his hand. Ryan next to him nodded. When Gavin looked at him, he noticed a stack of pages in his lap. Ah, right. Jeremy wasn't around to translate for them.

Ryan leaned over them now to write.

_ I apologize. It's not been easy ruling this kingdom and seeing you and your family- _

He hesitated there, his pen hovering over the page like it didn't know how to put the words down. Gavin could sense them in the silence and space between them.

How had Ryan written in his letter?

_ If those people saw someone that embodied everything they craved, they might become greedy and harm you. _

Was it the same for Ryan? The thought was ridiculous, he hardly believed that any member of the Haywood family had ever gone hungry in their lives, and still... he got a feeling that a part of Ryan resented him for his upbringing. 

Ryan crossed out what he had written and started anew.

_ The resources and trade deals the Ramsey’s provided as a gift for our marriage will help the people of this kingdom. _

Food, crops, and new inventions to help during harvest. For a kingdom like this, it was more valuable than any gold.

"That's why you asked to marry one of us? For your people?"

Ryan nodded and while that did make sense, Gavin couldn't help but ask, "Why me though? One of my older sisters isn't spoken for yet. You could've easily asked for her hand."

Ryan tensed and fine, maybe that was a rather private question. Maybe Ryan fancied men, something that was still frowned upon in some circles, but then again, Ryan didn't seem to expect anything from him.

No, Gavin was here because his kingdom could provide things that Ryan needed and besides that, Gavin was only supposed to play the happy spouse. It could be that Ryan just wanted to get married so that nobody would bother him about it anymore. Unwed rulers were seen as weak.

Ryan made to stand up and Gavin caught his sleeve.

"Wait!"

Ryan stopped and watched him out of piercing blue eyes. Gavin swallowed under the intense gaze, but he wasn't done here.

"I understand your reasoning and I apologize for my behavior yesterday," he said, his words fast and tumbling over each other. He feared Ryan would just go without hearing him out, but instead Ryan sat back down.

"I appreciate your worry, but King Ryan, please do not just keep me locked in here. I'd go insane."

That was a lot to ask and he could see Ryan frown. It made his heart sink, but he pushed on.

"I would also like to request for my valet Michael to be able to join the training soldiers. He is well capable of protecting me, though I know you’d agree that upkeep of skill is necessary. He can't do so locked up in this place all day."

Ryan seemed to think about this for a moment and when he began to write, Gavin watched with a heavily beating heart.

_ I will order Jeremy to arrange for your valet to join the training with my men. _

"Thank you." And while Gavin was happy about that, they both knew it wasn't everything he had asked from Ryan. It took longer than before until Ryan put the pen against the paper and Gavin waited with bated breath until Ryan showed him the page.

_ I didn't mean for you to feel like a prisoner in this place but your safety is still my highest concern. So please inform me before you leave this castle and where you're going so that I can provide proper protection. _

More than he hoped for, but not quite what he wanted. Gavin pulled a face. It was certainly better than nothing. 

Back at home, he was allowed to explore the capital to his heart's content as long as Michael was at his side. It had been fun and he had been well liked by the people. It wasn't the same here.

Ryan must have noticed his expression because he scribbled another message. It was a bit funny to see him write anything without his fancy letters.

_ I'm talking about a handful of my men to accompany you and a carriage. There are dangerous corners or alleyways in this capital, even though I wish it weren't so. It would be easy for someone who doesn't know the area to wander into them and not get out again. _

_ Your father would never forgive me if I'd let something happen to you. _

"I think you'd rather have to worry about Geoff," Gavin muttered before pressing his lips together. He hadn't meant to say this aloud and while Ryan watched him in interest, he didn't press on with it.

"Okay," Gavin said instead. "I agree to your conditions."

Ryan smiled and Gavin was pretty sure that was the first time he had seen him do so. It suited him, here in the royal light of the wisteria tree he looked softer, more approachable. More like a human than one of the prideful, cruel Haywoods.

_ I'm glad,  _ he wrote down. _ I would love for you to visit our greenhouses. _

* * *

"Are you nervous?" 

Michael threw a glance over his shoulder to make sure the men Ryan sent with them were out of earshot before he answered.

"Shitting myself."

Gavin snorted, but it wasn't a surprise.

The training field in front of them didn't look much different than at home. It was hidden away by a huge wall and by the way the wind tore on Gavin's clothes today, he could understand why. It smelled like the sea and tasted like salt, strong enough that at home it would be considered a storm. Nobody seemed to be inconvenienced by it all.

The soldiers on the field trained with harsh cries and dulled weapons. Yet even Gavin could tell that their attention was divided.

Too many eyes glanced up at them and he wasn't quite sure if it was his presence or Michael. A foreign warrior from a peaceful kingdom. They probably didn't expect much from him. Were working up to eating him alive the moment Michael joined them.

At least Ryan seemed to think it, but Gavin knew that his father had always made sure their army was not lacking in case of a war.

"You can take them on," Gavin assured his friend. "Just imagine their faces when you wipe the floor with them."

Michael's grin returned, but Gavin knew him well enough to know it was a mask. He hadn't trained properly in nearly three weeks.

"Then I better wipe some floors," Michael said easily before winking at him. "In the name of my King."

Gavin shoved him away and with a laugh, Michael made his way down towards the training field. Gavin leaned against the banister and watched as Michael talked with the woman in charge. It felt lonely being up here just watching with the silent guards Ryan had sent with him. He tried not to think about it. It was the compromise he had agreed on and Ryan had promised he would be able to see the city tomorrow.

Michael had looked so excited about training again, he should refocus on what was in front of him.

Now as he exchanged his sword for a dull one and was led towards his opponent the nervousness was gone. There was the same calm concentration Gavin had seen so often during fights or in the very few emergencies they’d encountered.

In all the time since Michael had been by his side, there hadn't been many close calls. Michael had always been attentive, pulling him away if he so much as thought Gavin might be in danger.

No, Gavin did not doubt that Michael would show his talent here as well.

The Captain of the Guard stayed close by, watching as the two met and Gavin leaned against the balustrade eagerly.

It took less than a minute for Michael to pin his opponent down, the tip of his blade pressed against their throat. He wasn't even breathing heavily.

Gavin clapped. He didn't care that he was the only one, that everyone else was just a buzzing murmur. Michael heard him. He threw him a winning smile and Gavin sent him a thumbs up.

"Your majesty!"

Gavin turned around, figuring someone was calling him, but his guards just parted to let Ryan pass.

Ah... he had hoped to spend today with Michael. He quickly hid his disappointment with a smile. This was the first time they were in a public place as a newlywed couple and Gavin quickly curtsied.

"King Ryan, what brings you here?"

Ryan touched his arm to tell him to stand straight before pointing towards the training field. Especially at Michael.

"King Ryan wants to see your valet fight," Jeremy said as he appeared by their side with a bow. "He wants to see what kind of warriors your kingdom has to offer."

"Then watch, my liege. My valet has already beaten one of your warriors without breaking a sweat," Gavin told him and couldn't quite keep the pride out of his voice.

Michael had also noticed the commotion and was looking up to them. He was staring straight at Ryan as he shook out his arm, challenging, and confident.

Next to him, Ryan hummed.

Michael wasn't able to be stopped. He put on a show, Gavin could tell but who could fault him? Quite the opposite, Gavin enjoyed watching Michael toy with Ryan's soldiers like a cat with a mouse, only to strike them down with sweat on his brow and a grin on his lips.  


In the corner of his eyes, Gavin noticed Ryan signing something towards him, but the translation didn't come. No, it stayed quiet and when Gavin turned around, he found Jeremy watching the training fields with rapt attention.

A bit annoyed Ryan touched his arm to get his attention, but when Jeremy turned towards them, his eyes were shining.

"I want to fight him," he blurted out. "Ryan? Would you allow me to?"

Ryan huffed, but it sounded amused. Gavin had half feared he would be angry as it was the first time he had heard Jeremy address him without the proper title. it was actually the first time he had heard Jeremy ask for something at all. When Ryan nodded, Jeremy hurried off.

Maybe they were closer than Gavin had thought.

He turned back towards the training field to watch Michael catch his breath when Ryan held a piece of paper under his nose.

Taking it, he unfolded it to find a short message.

_ I bet my valet will beat yours. _

It was such a startling show of humor that Gavin couldn't help but laugh. Ryan stared at him as if he had never heard someone laugh in his life. Gavin didn't let himself be bothered about it.

"We will see about that," he just said.

Michael must have noticed that something was up. He halted in his movements and stepped aside to wait. It took a few minutes for Jeremy to pull on the light armor and gather his weapons to him.

"Axes?" Gavin asked as he watched Jeremy unclip two of them from his belt as he joined Michael on the field.

Ryan raised one eyebrow in question and Gavin explained himself, "I've never seen someone using axes as weapons!"

_ They are not common?  _ Ryan scribbled down and Gavin shook his head.

"For woodworking of course, but we usually use swords, lances, and bows in battles."

Ryan hummed but didn't move to write anything else down, so Gavin also turned back towards the training field.

Michael was eying the weapons in distrust, but if the two of them talked Gavin couldn't hear it over the distance. They just stood there, stoic, and waited for the captain of guards to give her signal.

When it came, Gavin could tell that things were different. Michael didn't charge into the fight like before, no, he stayed back, watching attentively how Jeremy held the axes. One in each hand and sometimes he would throw one up just to catch it again.

"Showoff," Gavin muttered to himself and next to him, Ryan chuckled.

It was Jeremy who charged and Michael who was forced into the defensive. There was a surge of hits raining down on Michael but he managed to parry them all, dodging the second swing by jumping back. It wasn't until Jeremy hurled one of the axes, that Michael got hit.

It slammed right into his stomach and even from up here Gavin could hear his groan as he stumbled.

Gavin threw himself against the balustrade, searching for any kind of injury, but by then Jeremy had already sent him down with a single kick, his second ax pressed against Michael's throat.

"Yield."

It was silent on the field, quiet enough that Gavin could now hear Michael's labored breath.

"I yield."

Jeremy let his ax sink and offered his hand. Michael took it and let him pull him up.

"Is he hurt?" Gavin asked and as if Ryan had expected the question, he already had a message written down.

_ Like any other training weapons, the axes are dulled. Your valet might have a bruise though. _

Bruises were fine, Gavin had seen way too many on Michael's skin before to know he could easily deal with them. On the field, the training continued and Gavin waited for Jeremy's and Michael's return.

It took a few minutes until they had washed up and changed out of their training gear, but when they joined them, Michael was smiling. There was some red on his face, either from exhortation or embarrassment, but he was talking with Jeremy.

"Your majesty," he greeted Ryan with a bow.

"Michael, are you alright?" Gavin asked, a hand on his arm.

"My pride took a beating."

"Hardly," Jeremy huffed. "You just told me you've never seen someone fight with axes. Considering that, I should've taken you down in half the time!"

Michael grinned, but it grew wary when Ryan gesticulated towards him.

"Is it true? You never fought against axes before?" Jeremy translated.

"Yes, my liege. They are not commonly used as weapons where I come from."

Ryan nodded, something pleased in it, and Gavin took that as a good sign. When he turned towards Michael, he was still watching Ryan in a mixture of distress and confusion.

At least until Gavin squeezed his arm.

"You fought well."

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Of course. There is always a carriage ready for the royal family. Then again, if you don't feel like-"
> 
> "No, no," Gavin interrupted him. Everything to avoid another eventless day. "I would like to see more of this city, but surely you would need time to alert the guards?"
> 
> "I don't think that's necessary." Jack's eyes went past him, to Michael who followed him everywhere like a shadow. "King Ryan has informed me that your valet is more than capable to look after you for such an occasion."

Chapter 4 

"King Gavin."

"Lord Pattillo," he greeted the man as he and Michael entered the library. It was just after breakfast and besides them, there was no one else there yet.

"I was going to bring back the book." He handed it over to Jack and that felt weird. When Jack had introduced himself as Ryan's old instructor, Gavin had expected him to be part of his court or functioning as an advisor of some kind. Instead, Jack stayed in the castle to take care of the library.

"A fast reader," Jack commented. Gavin fought not to mention that he hadn't much else to do.

"If you want to learn about a place, find out what the people believe in," Gavin said instead. Jack hummed in response as he walked the rows of shelves.

"That's good advice, I think so as well." He stopped at random but slid the book right into a gap Gavin hadn't even noticed. "So you want to learn about this kingdom?"

"I think it would be appropriate of me, after all, it is my home now."

Jack smiled at him.

"Very admirable for someone so young. Then again King Ryan informed me that you wish to visit the greenhouses as well. Someone from your background would be very welcome to see them."

"I'm glad."

"If you are free today, I would gladly take you," Jack offered. Gavin halted.

"Right now?"

"Of course. There is always a carriage ready for the royal family. Then again, if you don't feel like-"

"No, no," Gavin interrupted him. Everything to avoid another eventless day. "I would like to see more of this city, but surely you would need time to alert the guards?"

"I don't think that's necessary." Jack's eyes went past him, to Michael who followed him everywhere like a shadow. "King Ryan has informed me that your valet is more than capable to look after you for such an occasion."

Gavin turned around when he heard that and was nearly sure that Michael had grown an extra inch with pure pride. It was adorable. Not only that, it gave him hope for the future. Ryan had seen Michael fight and had found him worthy enough to protect him.

"I'll take you up on your offer then, Lord Pattillo."

The carriage was highly decorated with golden ornaments and the seats a plush blood red. It looked so foreign, but then again Gavin fit right in with his new wardrobe. When would he grow used to that? He wasn't sure.

The gates opened as they came closer and then they were out, leaving the so called castle behind and traveling through the upper part of the capital.

Jack knew a lot. From the names of people, to who lived where, and what to see. It wasn't long until they took small detours if only so Gavin could see different places.

There was a marketplace - a beautiful area with wooden shops, selling everything from fur, to feathers, to gems. Blades in shapes he hadn't seen before, curved like scythes or with jagged edges. The axes Jeremy had used, and wicked gauntlets, that would surely break skin and bones.

Michael vibrated next to him in excitement, but Gavin didn't ask to stop and take a closer look. The marketplace was packed and enough heads were turning towards them as they drove passed. Jack had offered him this freedom and he wasn't going to push it.

There was another place, a beautiful building where a couple of people were waiting in front. They cheered when they drove by and Gavin frowned.

"What is this place?"

"Usually a kind of messenger center. If any news or orders come from King Ryan, it will be displayed there. However not this week," Jack explained. "After the wedding, King Ryan decided to distribute the remaining food to the people."

That was... good to know. Gavin was quite pleased to hear that. There had been a lot of food during the celebrations, more than they could've ever eaten.

"Food is very valuable and King Ryan makes sure that as little as possible gets wasted," Jack continued.

"That's good."

Jack threw him a long glance before pointing towards the huge walls. "The greenhouses are at the outer parts of the capital. We will have to drive through the lower parts of the city."

"Very well."

They passed through another huge gate, this one keeping the normal citizens separated from the nobles. The difference was glaring. Huts instead of massive houses, alleyways more narrow and dark, dirtier. He could still see the colorful lanterns everywhere though, could still feel the excitement that had been there since the wedding. People were waving, children running with the carriage, and Gavin's heart grew when he saw them.

There was also hunger.

People of various ages; sitting in the dirt, leaning against walls with deeply sunken eyes. Some of them didn't so much as look up.

Gavin had never seen anything like that before.

He wasn't naive enough to believe that there wasn't hunger in his kingdom as well, but in the capital? Gavin had explored it so often with his siblings and Michael, had snuck away to the alleyways his father had warned him about and while there had been unpleasant things hidden there... hunger? Hunger he hadn’t found.

It was sobering and left him with a bitter taste in his mouth.

"The food from the wedding..." he started, but then didn't know how to finish the sentence without sounding accusing. Jack picked up on it anyway.

"As far as I know King Ryan distributed more towards the lower part of the city because more people are living here."

"Bullshit," Michael blurted. Jack stared at him in shock at such language towards their King. Michael only held Jack's gaze without hesitation: like a challenge. Like Jack had to be blind not to see.

"Why don't we check it out?" Gavin offered. "One more stop won't hurt much, will it?"

The moment Jack pointed out the building that was meant to distribute the food, Gavin knew it was a lie. Not necessarily the place, but there was no one. No line of people waiting like he had seen in the upper city, not even some lingering around. The only person he could see was a woman in a guard uniform who appeared bored but snapped to attention when she noticed them.

Ryan had sent the leftover food out, but not towards those who needed it most.

It darkened his mood and Gavin wasn't the only one. Next to him, Michael huffed but he didn't sound surprised. They had both heard the rumors about the Haywoods, their pride and their cruelty. How they brought favors for people they could use and how painfully uninterested they could be to those they couldn't.

"Maybe it was already all distributed," Jack said. A desperate attempt to excuse what they saw. Gavin made to call him out on his bullshit. Then again it wasn't Jack's fault, was it? No, Jack worked in the library and had nothing to do with this. By the expression on his face, he had also believed those pretty words of Ryan, otherwise he wouldn't have shown Gavin all of this.

"Maybe," he said if only to fill the silence. It should be obvious, that nobody believed that lie for a second.

Clearing his throat, Jack recovered quickly.

"To the greenhouse then?"

They drove on, but Gavin's excitement was dimmed. How could it not be when they watched the poor gather, or go along their hard day? Dirty, gaunt faces that seemed to haunt him and he sat inside of this golden box, having everything he wanted. It was disgusting.

He felt betrayed. Betrayed by Ryan because he had started to like the man. It was easy to, after all, Ryan just left him to himself. Ryan didn't expect him to share his bed or force him to bend to his will. Ryan had seen him as more than a spouse or a political figure he could use for gain, but as a person. He had cared about Gavin's feelings after their little fight and had allowed him to leave the castle after he asked for it. Even today, after he had seen Michael train Ryan had found him worthy as his valet and had allowed Gavin more freedom.

This whole situation wasn't ideal and Gavin would rather be at home, far away from this, but considering the cards he had been dealt, he figured he was content enough.

Now this.

It left a bitter taste in his mouth and when they finally reached the greenhouse, he couldn't be impressed by it all. The greenhouses back homes had been slim structures that contained the rare plants and herbs that wouldn't grow in their climate. The ones here were different.

Huge buildings with large windows, which allowed light to fall in. Glass domes so far above their heads that they reached the skies. Gavin had never seen anything like it. As they walked through the different rooms, he couldn't quite grasp the engineering behind it all. Different temperatures were depending on the location, different humidities and the gardeners looked more like scientists.

They were busy, hurrying to and fro. They swarmed him once they understood who was visiting however. Gavin didn't mind. If his mind was distracted enough, he could possibly enjoy this trip. So he followed, nearly listlessly, to look at the different flora. There were rare plants; ones he had never seen and only knew about from his studies.

Gavin remained quiet during most of it and when they made their way back to the castle, he was nearly glad to return.

Jack hadn't addressed the elephant in the room and when they sat in the carriage, he also didn't carry an easy conversation as before. It made for an awkward ride - if he had been paying any attention to the mood.

Outside the lower city passed by, with all its ugly and beautiful sides. It all fell away when they crossed into the upper part and its perfect streets. Well-fed nobles that bowed with their fake smiles and Gavin didn't bother to wave.

Jack quickly excused himself upon their return and Gavin couldn't help but wonder if he would look for Ryan to tell him about their trip. Michael barely waited until they were alone to hiss, "That was disgusting."

"Yeah."

"You see these fat people in the upper city and down there they are starving. There was enough food for everyone, at least for those in need, but instead, the rich just got richer."

Michael huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I knew that there were places like this out there, where the place of your birth determined your whole life but..."

"It wasn't any different in our kingdom too long ago," Gavin reminded him.

"But your family started to change it, right? Common folks are allowed at the castle, not only as servants, but as soldiers as well!" Michael protested. "Many of the strongest warriors were of common birth!"

"I know."

They walked the still unfamiliar hallways with no real goal in mind and it didn't take long until Michael asked, "So, will you call Haywood out on this?"

"King Haywood," Gavin corrected. They were alone as far as he could see, but it would be stupid to be openly disrespectful. There could be ears everywhere and he wasn't sure how attached Ryan might be to Michael.

That was also what made Gavin hesitate because Ryan had gotten so angry during their last fight and that had been a small issue. This here was a critique on his leadership and Ryan wouldn't be the first King who would react quite allergicly to something like that.

Gavin was spared the answer as they turned the corner and ran straight into Ryan. For a second Gavin was sure the King had already heard about the issue because he was flushed in anger, something squared in his shoulders and his imposing build made Gavin stop in his tracks. But that was impossible, they had returned just minutes before and it wasn't like Jack had run off in this direction.

Ryan noticed them and Gavin could see how he wrenched himself back under control with a loud exhale of breath. There were some gestures directed at him, but Jeremy wasn't around. So Gavin just smiled politely.

Looking around, he found an open door Ryan must have come from and when he glanced inside, he noticed some familiar faces. A court session maybe?

Well, it didn't seem to go according to plan.

Jeremy filed out of the room, a bunch of documents under his arms and flushed as well, although Gavin couldn't quite tell if it was in anger. When he noticed them, he quickly stood to attention but his voice sounded quite listless, "Your majesty."

"Court, am I right?" Gavin blurted out because that had always made Geoff laugh in a what-can-you-do way. It didn't work with Ryan who just stared at him wide-eyed and Gavin felt himself wither under his gaze.

Ah, sometimes he should just keep his big mouth shut.

Ryan signed something towards Jeremy, who nodded and poked his head back into the room.

"King Ryan will now have a meal with his spouse. The meeting will continue afterward."

"Oh, I didn't want to interrupt anything," Gavin babbled and felt his heart sink. He was still not sure about what he had seen in the city today and right now Ryan seemed too agitated to talk about it. Ryan just waved his comment off and gesticulated him to follow. Shit.

Gavin made to keep up and after a few minutes of silence, he asked, "Rough court meeting?"

Ryan huffed.

"I get the feeling all court meetings are rough," Jeremy translated.

"Geoff used to say the same thing."

Ryan threw him a glance from the corner of his eye.

"Good to know that I'm not the only one thinking like that then."

They reached the dining room and instantly the servants hurried to prepare the table. Gavin wasn't sure what time it was, but after this morning, he wasn't really hungry. Still, he sat down, and just a moment later a bowl of soup was placed in front of him.

"You left the castle with Lord Pattillo this morning?"

Was that an accusation? It was hard to tell because Jeremy spoke the words in a neutral tone and Ryan's expression was hard to read.

Gavin stirred his soup and said, "He showed me around the capital. We were in a carriage and Michael was by my side."

Ryan nodded, looking pleased with that.

"Has he shown you the highest point of the capital?"

"I don't... think so?"

"Another time then. The city has a lot of interesting places to offer. The greenhouses then?"

"We visited one in the lower part of the city," Gavin explained and that alone brought the memories back up again. The gaunt faces, the hungry looks and the man responsible for it was sitting on this table with him. Not only that, but they were also enjoying a meal together. Right now it was only soup, but there was more to come if Gavin could finish his bowl. Meat or stew or whatever. Things people in the lower city would die for.

Gavin put his spoon down, feeling sick.

"Did you enjoy the greenhouses?"

Clearing his throat, Gavin nodded. "It was very interesting. They are quite different than those at home."

"Really? Please tell us everything about the changes. Maybe we can use some of the knowledge to make food production more efficient."

Oh, what a joke!

Gavin balled his hands to fists and pressed his lips together to keep from saying something stupid. He just nodded again, hoping that Ryan would leave it at that as he stirred into his soup.

No such luck.

"Is everything alright?"

He could be silent, claim he wasn't hungry yet or that he was thinking about the greenhouses or whatever. He could ignore the whole matter and tell Ryan about their greenhouses at home like he wanted him to.

But-

But there was the golden band around his finger. Not a signet ring, nothing that gave him the power to change anything about this place. But the people out there with hunger in their eyes... they had celebrated his arrival and had waved and ran with the carriage.

He was the King of this country, if only by name.

"You arranged for the leftover food of the wedding to be distributed to the people," he began carefully.

"Food is scarce and there is no reason to waste it," Ryan explained.

Gavin turned the golden ring around his finger. He had noticed the splinters of emeralds in it before, but for the first time he could make out that they were painting tiny flowers. A memento to his home and the golden light there, so different from what he had seen today.

He lifted his head to throw a look towards Michael. He stood alone by the door because Jeremy was standing close by to translate but he was watching attentively, arms crossed over his chest.

"Why was the food only distributed in the upper part of the city?" Gavin finally asked and turned around.

Shock, that he could read for a second before Ryan's face clouded over. He had been angry before when he had come from the court meeting, but this anger was different. It wasn't flushed red - but pale and cold.

"I saw hunger in the lower part of the city, but not in the upper part," Gavin continued. "Lord Pattillo mentioned that you planned to have most food go towards the lower part, but I found no trace of that."

Ryan slammed his spoon down hard enough to shake the table. It made the soup in his bowl ripple with the force of it and Gavin sat there, unable to move and half expecting a strike.

The anger had disappeared from Ryan's face and now all he could see was something horrible calm, like he didn't care. When Ryan stood, Gavin jumped in his seat and it made the other freeze.

Ah-

Ryan stared down at him and Gavin didn't dare to avert his eyes. His shoulders were around his ears but he wouldn't take it back, not now. Jeremy was staring at him wide-eyed as if he couldn't believe Gavin dared to say such a blasphemous thing and Gavin could see Michael step closer in his peripheral vision.

Ryan didn't strike, even though he clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white. No, he took a deep breath and stormed off, out of the room with Jeremy on his feet.

Well then.

The door fell shut, leaving Gavin alone on the table and slowly he turned to Michael.

"What was that?"

Shrugging, Michael sat down next to him.

"No idea but I was sure he would flip out."

"King Ryan seemed very angry."

"More like very pissed off." Taking a piece of bread, Michael plopped it into his mouth. "Can't say I feel sorry for him after the stunt he pulled. He looks like one of those nobles who think themself better than everyone else."

Gavin hummed in agreement, but was it really that easy? He had expected Ryan to get angry at him, but not to run away. Instead, he should've told Gavin that it was his right as a King to do as he pleased, that this was his kingdom, and Gavin should sit back and shut his mouth.

For a second... for a second Gavin thought Ryan had looked rather ashamed.

"King Ryan is still busy and won't join you this evening," Jeremy told them and Gavin couldn't really be surprised.

It seemed like their meals didn't end well most of the time, but then again, it was rare enough that they met outside of the dining room.

"He seems well busy."

Jeremy shuffled a bit nervously before closing the door behind him. Huh, Gavin had expected him to hurry back to Ryan right away but instead, he came closer to the table.

"King Ryan wants you to know that the food situation was a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding?" Gavin protested. Out of all possible explanations, that was the cheapest one. Gods, he would've expected none at all before that bullshit!

"Thanks to that misunderstanding people didn't get to eat. For a kingdom struggling with their supplies, that's a pretty big thing to overlook."

Jeremy pulled a face and Gavin knew that he was unfair here, Jeremy was only the messenger, but seriously, what the fuck?

"King Ryan did order the food to be distributed fairly," Jeremy pushed on. "I know it because I translated the order for him. It's not his fault that it wasn't executed properly."

Could that be? That would be a very big oversight on such a direct order. Behind his seat, he could hear Michael huffing. He for sure didn't believe it.

"Then whose was it?"

"Lord Regan claims that he misunderstood the law."

The same person who had stopped him from leaving the castle that day. It didn't sound like he was the kind of guy who would dare to make a mistake while executing the King's orders.

Jeremy still stood there and wasn't backing down. Either he was very brave or truly believed in what he was saying, which didn't help him in making up his mind.

"Thank you for letting me know," Gavin just said and Jeremy bowed.

"I apologize for interrupting your meal. Please enjoy your evening, King Gavin."

"You as well."

He waited until the door fell shut before turning to Michael.

"Geoff is pretty laid back most of the time," Michael said right away. "But if I screwed up an easy order like that at the cost of other people I don't know what punishment I'd get."

"It would hurt Geoff's reputation quite a bit, the same with King Ryan. Also, it's like you said, what an easy order to mess up."

"Ask him," Michael said.

"King Ryan? I don't think he would take kindly to that."

"No, I was talking about that Lord Regan."

"Lord Regan!"

The man jumped and leaned heavily on his stick. Gavin made sure to slow his own steps to not make it as obvious that he had chased through the castle in search of him.

There wasn't really a reason why this conversation couldn't wait until the next day beside the fact that Gavin wouldn't be able to rest. This was important to him. If Ryan had lied and he had really not sent out food to the lower city it would show just what kind of person he was.

"King Gavin," the old man greeted him and bowed his head. "This late at night still wandering the halls. Can you not find rest?"

"Not quite," Gavin admitted. "I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened today."

Lord Regan's face clouded over, but the more Gavin watched him, the more he was sure that this man wasn't stupid or growing senile. No, his eyes were too attentive for that.

"I am saddened that my mistake costs you precious hours of sleep, my liege."

"Shouldn't you be more concerned about the people going hungry than my sleep?"

Lord Regan fell silent. There was no guilt in his eyes, he wasn't sorry but rather... angry? Angry at getting caught maybe.

"Of course, my liege. You are most kind thinking about those poor people out there." He might as well talk about the weather, just spewing out phrases Gavin expected to hear. No explanation though, so Gavin pushed further.

"I'm just trying to understand how that happened so that we can avoid such a thing in the future."

Lord Regan pressed his lips together and the hand holding on to his stick shook.

"My lord, it's been a very long day and my legs feel quite tired-"

Never had one of his servants avoided to answer, never had their court dared to just... try and run away like this.

Lord Regan was an old man, but Gavin wasn't that naive.

"It shouldn't take long."

Lord Regan sighed and leaned heavier on his stick. It made him look like he might go down any second, but Gavin refused to react.

"You are still very young, King Gavin. How fortunate for you! But with age the old thinking box doesn't work as well anymore and sometimes King Ryan is so hard to understand."

Gavin hesitated before he frowned.

"Surely Jeremy translated for him."

"Dooley!" Lord Regan called out. "A good boy! Also young, but he has not learned sign language too long ago and it shows!"

Gavin had noticed no such thing. Quite the opposite, he was impressed with the way Jeremy could translate so easily the words Ryan showed him. He was watching the old man closely to see if he was lying or alluding to a joke, but there was nothing.

"I do believe Jeremy is doing a wonderful job translating and I’ve not had any difficulties following along," Gavin told him. "But if you found it hard to understand then it would've been your responsibility to ask and clarify the orders, Lord Regan."

Lord Regan went rigid like he wasn't used to such disrespect. He quickly bowed his head, but Gavin was pretty sure it was only to hide his face from him.

"Forgive me, King Gavin."

"Many people went hungry thanks to your mistake. I want you to think about it," Gavin said before turning away. "I wish you a good night if you manage to sleep with this on your conscience."

* * *

Jeremy was talking beyond the door and Gavin hesitated. If Jeremy was in the dining room, Ryan would be there as well. He hadn't known what to expect if Ryan were to join him for breakfast or eat at a different time to avoid him.

"You think he knows that I talked with Lord Regan?" Gavin whispered. 

"At this hour? If Lord Regan didn't run to him last night, I don't think so," Michael said. "You gonna tell him?"

"I probably should. Better he hears it from me than whatever Lord Regan will tell him."

Michael hummed and laid a hand on the sword at his hip. "If King Ryan pulls another stunt like yesterday, I'll go in. I was sure he would..."

He bit down on his lip and didn't finish the sentence. It wasn't needed because Gavin knew anyway. He had also feared Ryan would hurt him in his anger, but he hadn't, right? Instead, he had stormed off.

"Don't be stupid. If you lift your weapon against the King, you'll get executed."

"Not if we run away to live in the woods," Michael offered good naturedly and Gavin laughed.

"That's a horrible plan."

"I'm still working on the details."

Putting his hand on top of Michael's he squeezed and with a sigh, Michael relaxed.

"Don't do anything stupid," Gavin warned him.

"I was never good at following that advice."

"Neither was I but I need you here."

"Fine."

Michael opened the door for him and taking a calming breath, Gavin stepped in. Instantly Ryan got to his feet and for a hysterical moment, Gavin was sure he would just storm off again. Instead, Ryan pulled the chair out for him. Seeing him like that, the idea that he would raise his hand to harm him sounded ridiculous.

"Thank you."

He sat down and instead of food, he found yet another letter on his plate. Ryan took his place next to him and nodded eagerly for him to open it, so he did.

_ I have to apologize for my reaction yesterday, King Gavin. I feel like I have to do this a lot since you came to live here and I apologize for that as well. It's a new situation for both of us and I am still getting used to your presence. _

_ Your criticism about what had occurred was correct and I was not only angry that my orders hadn't been executed as I had intended, but also ashamed that you had to see something like that in the first few days you stayed here. _

_ I can only assure you that it wasn't my intention to just send out the food to the upper part of the city when the lower was in such need. I talked with the people in charge and hopefully, such a misunderstanding won't reoccur. _

Folding the letter, Gavin nodded. "I have to admit that I also searched for Lord Regan last night to talk to him about the matter."

Ryan's eyes widened and he held on tight to the edge of the table.

"Lord Regan claimed he misunderstood you because of Jeremy's translation. An explanation I found quite farfetched."

Ryan turned away, still holding on to the desk and Gavin could see his jaw work. He was angry, but more in control than yesterday. After a few moments, Ryan pulled his ever present pieces of paper towards him and wrote down a single sentence.

_ Unfortunately, that's an excuse Lord Regan likes to use too often. _

Huh.

Well, it was an easy excuse, wasn't it? Not fair but easy. The excuse of a coward. Beneath that, it was just a badly hidden disrespect.

If Lord Regan did this often... why pu up with it? Disrespect towards the King was punished, as it should be, and this time it had hit the weakest of them all, the poor and sick down there in the city.

All because of what? This one man?

Geoff would've never let that happen, at least not without any punishment so why would Ryan? Rumors all over the kingdoms claimed the Haywood's were ruthless, so why ignore something as severe as this?

Before Gavin could ask just that, Ryan handed him another page to read.

_ I prepared compensation for the people I hope you find agreeable. Would you mind me showing you before breakfast? _

"Please do."

Jeremy led the way into a part of the castle Gavin hadn't yet explored. Seeing the simpler hallways with fewer decorations than elsewhere, it was probably meant for servants and sure enough, they stepped into the kitchen just a few minutes after.

As a child, Gavin hadn't been a stranger to places like this. He had often snuck inside, either with one of his siblings or Michael to snatch some treats for them, but never had he seen so many cooks at work all at once. Maybe if there was a banquet planned, but his father had always warned them to not bother the cooks then.

Now the room was full of steam and delicious smells. It made his stomach growl and maybe he should've had breakfast before coming here.

The people were so busy, that most of them didn't even notice their arrival, but Ryan didn't seem bothered by it.

"For the next three days the cooks here will prepare meals for the lower part of the city," Jeremy translated. "More fitting meals as well. Food that the people can store if they so desire. I hope that eases your mind, King Gavin."

It did. Looking over the number of people working away and had been for the better part of the morning by the looks of it, how could it not? This had to be a huge thing, not only because of how fast Ryan had organized all of it, but because the food was scarce.

It had to be a huge cost on the kingdom.

"You organized all of this last night?" he asked Ryan who just shrugged, but now as he looked closer, he saw the dark shadows underneath the other's eyes. That wasn't anything new, Gavin had noticed them before, but Ryan was King and a King was usually busy.

He had seen how it took a toll on his father and Geoff as well. His mother had called it a sign of a good King. For the first time, he thought that might be the case with Ryan as well.

"Thank you."

"It wasn't my intention to leave those people hungry. It's good that you brought it to my attention. Not many people would've."

Because they were scared of Ryan, of the Haywood family and their legacy. To some degree Gavin was as well, but looking at Ryan now, it eased a little.

He handled things differently than Gavin was used to and this whole kingdom was working in ways he didn't quite understand yet... but Ryan didn't appear cruel or scary.

That wouldn't stop him from being wary around Ryan, not when the King had all the power over him, but it was good to know for now.

"Would you like to take care of this?" Jeremy's voice pierced through his thoughts. "Make sure the food gets delivered where it belongs and that nothing goes wrong again. I'm sure the people would enjoy seeing you around town."

Gavin couldn't do much more than stare. He wasn't even sure who he should stare at, if at Ryan to make sure he wasn't lying or Jeremy in case he misunderstood.

His silence must have looked like hesitation because Ryan shifted restlessly as he continued to sign.

"Only if you want to. Of course, I will make sure you are provided with the security you need and whatever resources you find necessary. Just let me know-"

"Yes," Gavin blurted out, interrupting Jeremy. "I would gladly do so."

Gavin was used to organizing things from festivals to important meetings and trips. While he had been far from inheriting the throne, he had always expected to assist Geoff as a Prince of the Ramsey kingdom. Diplomacy, organization, and discipline were part of his education. With his marriage, he had thought all of that to be for naught.

He had been married into this kingdom for supplies and his name and that was about what was expected from him.

But Ryan trusted him with this.

It was fun. Back at home, Gavin had found things like this bothersome; yet he had been so bored these past few days, that he was looking forward to this.

Ryan sent a group of his soldiers with him, but he didn't let himself get bothered by them. They were just quietly observing as he hurried around the castle, giving orders and everyone followed them without any hesitation.

It felt refreshing to have some sort of power again.

When they delivered the first batch into the lower part of the city, the people seemed wary. Had they heard about what had happened to the festival food? That those above them had gotten all while they ended up empty?

But before long more and more people came, some even bearing gifts for him. Straw dolls and wooden figurines, even some flowers that he let bloom with a touch.

The gifts weren't very valuable, but all those people could effort and that was touching in its own way.

When he returned to the castle that evening, he felt lighter than he had in a long time. He was still homesick of course, he would still rather be back in his own room than in the chambers here with only strangers surrounding him but doing something, being helpful felt good.

When he met up with Ryan for dinner that evening he felt content enough to greet him with a sign. It was one of the very few gestures he had learned to read in the time spent here. Every morning Ryan would greet him in such a specific manner. He touched his chin with one hand before laying it on the palm of his other and then dipping beneath to come back up.

He was pretty confident in doing it right, but when Ryan just stared at him, he wasn't too sure anymore.

Fuck, what if he had misunderstood it as a greeting the whole time? What if it meant something completely different, even something like a slur?

Then again why would Ryan insult him first thing in the morning?

Ryan started to laugh. A breathless, but pleasant noise that didn't sound mean at all, so hopefully he hadn't offended him in any way.

"Doesn't it mean hello?" Gavin asked carefully and while he was still laughing, Ryan waved him closer.

"Good morning," he wrote on a piece of paper before repeating the gesture.

Oh, so it just wasn't appropriate for the time of day.

"Thank the Gods, I was worried I insulted you somehow," Gavin admitted and Ryan gave an amused hum.

He did the first part of the gesture again, touching his chin before placing his hand into his palm. He mouthed the word as he signed.

"Good?" Gavin asked before he got it. He repeated the gesture. "This means 'good'?"

Ryan nodded before pointing to the word morning on the paper. His hand dipped beneath his open one only to come back up again, a little like the rising sun.

"Oh, I get it!" Gavin did the two gestures again a little surer this time. "Good morning."

Ryan smiled at him before signing 'good' again, followed by something else. A little unsure Gavin followed his example.

"Good evening," Ryan wrote down and Gavin did it again.

"Good evening.” He repeated the motion a few more times until he felt sure enough to turn to Ryan and do it properly.

"Good evening, King Ryan."

Ryan replied in the same fashion, only that he added something towards the end of it. He was spelling out Gavin, he realized a moment later and couldn't help but smile.

Today was a good day and this felt like another accomplishment. Good, he needed that.

"Tell me how today went," Ryan wrote and so Gavin did.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "At home, we didn't even have to think about soil or things like that."
> 
> "Most of those plants would've died without your magic," Michael went on. "I get why King Ryan chose to marry you."
> 
> And while Gavin still didn't like being here, he couldn't deny that truth. The magic passed down with his blood was very beneficial for this kingdom.

Chapter 5

"The soil is too dry," Gavin said as he took a closer look at the vegetables growing in front of him.

"We feared that would be the case," the gardener admitted with a sigh. She had led him around the greenhouse and quickly showed him to a certain room. Now she was kneeling in the soil and pushed leaves away so that Gavin could take a closer look.

"There have been huge storms lately," she explained. "I feared that there was too much salt from the sea in the last shipment."

"That might be it."

Gavin inspected the plants closer. They were starting to wilt, the leaves already turning a sickly brown and when he reached out to touch them, they felt dry.

"You should exchange the soil as soon as possible."

"I fear we don't have enough soil for that," the gardener admitted. "The next shipment is on its way, but with the weather right now I don't think it will come in time."

The same problem as most other greenhouses seemed to have. Gavin let his hands sink to bury his fingers deep into the soil and feel its warmth.

The woman gasped as everyone else had at the prospect of royalty dirtying their hands, but that had been part of Gavin's education. Controlling their magic was important and it was hard to take care of plants without getting hands and clothes dirty.

"I can give them some strength," he told her as he sent his powers through the soil. "It should help them until the next shipment arrives."

"May the Gods bless you, King Gavin!"

Washing his hands, he looked over the field he had just mended. It was big and the vegetables growing in it would be valuable even in his kingdom, but without his powers, they would've probably not made it. 

It wasn't even just this greenhouse.

Over the past few weeks, Gavin had gone around the capital and visited most other greenhouses, and most had the same problem as this one. The soil just wasn't right, tainted because of the weather conditions, and hurting the plants over time.

He had fixed what he could fix, hopefully saving the plants until the next shipment would reach them. It was a daunting task. Never before had he used his powers so often over such a short amount of time and while it couldn't run out, he always felt kinda exhausted.

This was important though. If all of those plants had died, it would've left a sizable dent in the food supplies of the capital. What would Ryan do then? Bought more food for a lot of money.

Still, the longer Gavin visited the different greenhouses in the area, he slowly began to understand the things this kingdom had to struggle with. If one bad shipment of soil could cause such problems, it was no surprise that food was scarce. Also, none of the gardeners had been surprised when he had told them, so this wasn't even a rare occurrence.

What about the greenhouses further out? The ones away from the capital?

Even Michael was watching the people working thoughtfully. While traveling around the capital, Gavin had noticed that he had grown quieter.

"It's not always black and white, is it," he muttered. Gavin nodded.

"Just because our kingdom didn't have a problem with this, doesn't mean it's the same for everyone else," Gavin said. "At home, we didn't even have to think about soil or things like that."

"Most of those plants would've died without your magic," Michael went on. "I get why King Ryan chose to marry you."

And while Gavin still didn't like being here, he couldn't deny that truth. The magic passed down with his blood was very beneficial for this kingdom.

"Let's call it a day."

Outside the sky was dark even though it was early afternoon, but the clouds hadn't cleared in a few days now. They were heavy with rain and any minute they expected it to fall. For now, they had just gathered in a thick blanket hanging over everything.

The people he had talked to had been expecting a storm coming and with the wind tearing on his cloak, he had to agree. But while they were traveling back towards the castle, he could see people hurrying around, preparing their houses for the worse and it left him with a bitter taste.

Storms were feared at home, but not quite like this.

When they reached the castle, there was a low grumble in the air. It went straight into his bones and no matter how the wind whipped around him, he had to stop and look up.

"Hurry inside, my liege." One of the guards told him. They had a hard time keeping the horses calm. "The storm will soon break upon us."

He followed the advice and he hadn't even reached the upper part of the castle when he heard the rain. When he entered the parlor it was nearly pitch black and a servant was quietly stocking the fire to get some light.

Ryan was already here, standing in front of the large window to overlook the city. Without a greeting, he waved Gavin closer to see for himself.

It was a downpour like someone had ripped the sky open to release all its water at once. It didn't seep into the ground, just washed it away, turning the streets and alleyways into dirty streams.

There were guards, hurrying to finish their jobs and search for a dry place, and maids who ran with lowered heads in a desperate hope to not get their white gowns dirty.

The wind picked up even more, tearing on trees and roofs. The whole castle seemed to creak and bend under its force and down in the city, he saw wood get ripped away from buildings like it was nothing.

For a second the air was full of petals. Wisterias, Gavin realized. It had to be the tree in the garden, yet the tree was old and had stood strong in many storms before this. It would withstand this storm as well. Other trees didn't have as much luck and he saw one in the upper part of the city lean heavily onto its side.

Gavin breathed out.

It was awe-inspiring, this force of nature. Horrifying even. It grew so dark that he could only see his pale reflection in the window, Ryan right next to him.

Then the lightning bolted across the sky, washing everything in harsh whiteness down to the valleys of the houses. It was like a moment in time when everything froze, even the smallest droplets of rain, and no noise reached them.

Then the thunder shook the earth, Gavin could feel it vibrate in the very ground he stood on and he couldn't help himself but put a hand against the window to steady himself.

It was louder than anything he had ever heard.

"We angered the Gods," he whispered because it was the only explanation he could come up with.

Ryan threw him a look but didn't disagree.

The storm raged for three days and three nights. Gavin nearly grew used to it, the howling of the wind in the hallways of the castle, like the cry of a woman in pain, the patter of rain that was omnipresent no matter where he went and of course the growling of the thunder, like a huge beast that they had so foolishly angered.

It were days without light and sometimes when he looked outside, he couldn't even make out the city beneath anymore. It was scary just sitting there and feeling like there was nothing outside beside the castle and the few it contained. Like the world had just vanished, washed away in rain.

When it cleared up enough to properly see it was always a cruel surprise. The damage on the city grew. There seemed to be new roofs missing, new cracks in walls, and the smoke. Oh, the smoke black as tar that was ripped apart by the wind until it could reach the clouds. Fires, that had been born by strong winds and the occasional lightning bolt, were eating away on the buildings, shining like beacons in the night.

The rain kept the flames mostly in check, Ryan assured him, but they couldn't take care of the damage, not before the storm passed them by. If he would send out men now, he would just risk their lives.

Gavin believed him, if only because he had never seen anything like this before. The storm seemed like it would never end but then one morning... one morning the sun broke through the clouds. Gavin didn't think her rays had ever felt as warm.

"Have you ever dealt with a disaster like this before?" Ryan greeted him over breakfast.

"I never saw a storm like this back at home," Gavin admitted. "But we had horrible fires before, sometimes even floods. I helped my family with that."

Ryan nodded, pleased.

"There will be a lot of work coming now."

"I can help. Just tell me what to do."

The castle had survived the storm without problem. The moment they headed out of it though, the damage became clear. The carriage wouldn't do, not with the amount of debris in their way; so they rode on horses to take in the damage. 

Up close it looked even worse. Gavin's heart sank when they stopped in front of a house that looked like the next gust of wind could just throw it down. The people living there were hurrying to get what they could salvage out.

Ryan barely spared them a look. He sent his men out with sure gestures and Jeremy right by his side, translating his orders for him. He looked regal upon his horse with his heavy crown and thick mantle flapping against the cold wind. He had asked Gavin to stay right by his side, so he did. He would've anyway, not only because the destruction left him feeling rattled, but also because he wanted to learn.

The damage on the lower part of the city was even worse with fires still on-going. Citizens were already working to quench them. It was like that all around, the people were tired, but helping each other to fix the worst of the damage.

Again Ryan sent some of his men out to get an overview of the destruction before they continued further down the road.

"The fields," Ryan explained to him. "The fields feed these people and we have to get those in order first. They are always the first priority."

"The wind shadow of the wall saved most of them," Gavin said, but even he had to admit that was a small blessing. A lot were still completely destroyed and the crops of those that had survived looked the worse for wear. He figured nearly half of the fields would bring little to no harvest this year. With food supplies already scarce...

"King Ryan." Gavin stopped his horse right next to him. "Let me stay here and take a look at the fields. I won't be able to save all of them, but some might survive if I use my magic."

Ryan let his eyes wander one more time over the fields around and the farmers who were so desperately trying to salvage what they could. When he looked at him again, he nodded.

"I was hoping you would say something like that," Jeremy translated his words. "King Gavin, I would never want you to be in any danger and I know that excessive use of your magic might weaken you, but..."

Jeremy trailed off when Ryan's hands stopped, but Gavin understood anyway.

"Every single field counts," he said and Ryan pressed his lips together.

"Every single  _ crop  _ counts."

Was it that dire?

Gavin could feel the weight of this responsibility begin to make itself known. Once more he was reminded why Ryan had chosen to marry someone of his blood. His gift was useful here, was needed and that felt strangely... good.

Then again he wasn't very powerful even in his family. There was Geoff who had trained so hard to make sure he was worthy as a Crown Prince, and of course Libby, who had the strongest magic they had seen in generations. Even his oldest sister had wielded the magic easily. Only after them... only then did he come.

Somewhere in the middle, even in the things he ought to have excelled in, he was only average at.

"I will do my best," he assured Ryan and himself. People were depending on him. He couldn’t just be mediocre.

Gavin wasn't brimming with power, he never had been. His magic had always settled comfortably in the back of his mind, not like with Libby who had to let it out in wild bursts occasionally. No, it was a part of him, and often he wasn't even thinking about it.

The fields were soaked through and everywhere he looked it was a sea of mud and muck. His boots squelched with each step he took and before long he wouldn't look much better than the farmers who had been toiling since the earliest morning to save their livelihoods.

He started with the fields closest to the wall where the rain had damaged the crops, but the wind had blown over them, leaving him with easy fixes.

At first, the farmers avoided him, watching from the sidelines and too aware of the guards Ryan had left with him, but soon some were kneeling next to him, helping him along.

They gathered supplies they would need and also informed him about the differences. The ground and soil used, what else was growing, and when the harvest would be. Things Gavin had learned in theory but that were just slightly different in this kingdom.

As he moved on, he got to the fields further out. Some were lost causes. The wind had ripped crops apart and the rain had washed the earth everywhere but where it belonged. In some places, Gavin sank to his ankles in mud and had a hard time even walking a single step.

There were people mourning their loss and Gavin wasn't sure how to help them. Some fields were so damaged that he didn't waste his time on them and when he turned his back on them, he knew he also doomed their owners.

Back at home he would offer them compensation, would assure them that there was more than enough food for everyone after such a storm, but he wasn't sure how Ryan handled this and he didn't want to overstep his boundaries. He couldn't go around promising salvation when there was none. When food was this scarce...

Around noon, he ran dry. That spark in his chest had grown weak and while he was walking down the length of yet another field it was just gone. It was an awful feeling when his magic went missing. Like he was sick with a high fever that sapped all strength from his muscles.

He was forced to stop and try to catch his breath.

Michael who had been by his side the whole day noticed immediately. It didn't happen often that Gavin ran out. He didn't usually need to use his magic an awful lot. When it did happen he grew pale and shaky. Michael recognized the signs.

"I'll prepare your horse to take you back," he told him, a strong hand on his arm to steady him.

"There are still so many fields destroyed..."

"You can only recover magic by resting, right? There's nothing you can do right now that the farmers can't do either," Michael insisted and Gavin had to admit he was right. Without his magic, he was nothing more than a clumsy farmhand.

"I'll come back tomorrow," Gavin assured the first farmer he passed on his way back. The woman stared at him with wide eyes before dropping to her knees into the dirt and mud.

"Thank you so much, your majesty!"

Michael had to help him get up on his horse, but as they made their way back through the capital, he was pleasantly surprised that the main road was cleared. There were still obvious signs of the storm everywhere, but the debris had been pushed aside.

The overworked people often watched as he passed by. There was something hopeful in their eyes. So many people were depending on him that it made his stomach churn.

"King Gavin!" It was the head maiden who saw him first as they approached the castle. Her eyes narrowed when he came closer. "Prepare a bath," she ordered some servants who had been busy with cleaning the front of the castle.

Gavin stopped his horse and Michael lent him an arm to help him down. His knees were shaking and he still hadn't quite caught his breath.

"You shouldn't walk around like this, King Gavin," the woman told him. "It will hurt your reputation to walk around like a commoner."

Like a commoner was obviously meant he was filthy and his hands were crusted in dried mud. If Gavin wasn't as tired he would find some words for her and he knew that Michael was just a breath away from telling her off, but right now he just guided Gavin inside and away from her.

A bath did sound good. 

"Sure, let the people deal with their own shit, you could get dirty," Michael muttered under his breath because he couldn't keep it to himself. "Gods above, I hate this kingdom."

Gavin didn't answer. Everything was spinning and he leaned heavily on Michael. It wasn't that much further to his chambers, but before they could reach it Michael stopped. Gavin groaned.

He wanted to lay down but someone was blocking their way. Gavin blinked a few times until he could see clearly again.

Ryan. Of course.

And he looked as well put together as always. Next to him, Gavin felt helplessly inferior with the filth staining him, the scratches up his arms from the fields and his ruined clothes.

What a picture he must be, leaning on his servant.

Ryan made a step towards him and while his hands were signing something, Gavin couldn't read it and Jeremy wasn't around as far as he could see.

"He needs to lie down. He exhausted his powers," Michael said and Ryan's eyes raked over him. From his sweaty face down to his mud-caked boots. Then he nodded.

Michael pulled him further and Gavin sighed.

"Not the picture-perfect bride King Ryan expected," he muttered.

"Well, fuck him then."

"Michael!"

"What? Looks like you did more for his people than he. He probably went straight back into the comfort of his castle after he left us on that field." Michael huffed agitatedly. Gavin went to respond but lost his words as he recognized his familiar corridor.

After a much needed bath, he crashed into his bed. It was a deep sleep he fell into, dreamless and dark. He wouldn't have woken up for a long time if someone didn't shake him.

"Sorry," Michael told him when Gavin blearily opened his eyes. "You should eat at least."

Outside his window the world was dark. Not the same gloominess he had experienced before, but night time. He must have slept most of the day away and groggily, he got dressed.

Food waited on his table for him and he rubbed his eyes as he sat down.

"Did I miss dinner?"

"Yeah, King Ryan asked to let you sleep, but I figured you would eat now rather than in the middle of the night when you wake up."

Gavin nodded. Now that he woke up more he noticed how hungry he was. Besides a quick breakfast, he hadn’t eaten all day and now he was ready to wolf down the minced meat in front of him.

When there was a knock on his door, he was just about done and confused he looked up. Normally only Michael came to his chambers, at least while he was inside. Sometimes Jeremy when he had a message for him. That was what he expected as well, but when Michael opened the door it was Ryan himself.

He handed Michael a note and at first Michael wanted to pass it on before realizing it was for him.

"Oh! Uh, King Ryan asks if he can come inside."

"Of course. Please sit down."

Ryan moved to sit opposite him and handed him another note. He must have prepared them beforehand.

_ 'I sent Jeremy out to send some messages, so I hope this is alright. Did you manage to rest?' _

Did he? Gavin listened inside, to the place in his chest where his magic rested and found it sore. It felt like pins and needles, much like running too hard, but the small light was back.

"My magic is recovering. I should be able to head back out come tomorrow morning."

Ryan nodded and his eyes raked over him as if to search for a lie. Or because he looked like a mess, Gavin realized. Even after the difficult day Ryan looked as well put together as always, his high neck tunic without a single wrinkle and his hair bound together in a bun.

Gavin... Gavin had been in bed not half an hour ago and he hadn't bothered with his hair. It probably stood every which way and the only saving grace was that he had gotten dressed in something more than his nightgown.

Fuck, his ruined clothes from the morning were still on the floor. When he threw a glance towards them, Michael was discreetly kicking them under his bed, before hurrying to clean up the plate from the table.

Ryan handed him another note.

_ 'What about the fields?’ _

"I think we could save at least eight, there are five more that are damaged but with the right care might make it. I fear I ran out of powers before I could take a look at all of them. I apologize."

Ryan watched him out of his steady blue eyes and Gavin fought not to squirm. Eight fields. What were eight fields against the destruction the storm had brought? Even if all the others survived, it only would bring the number up to thirteen.

Ryan signed something to him and while it was nearly the word 'good' it wasn't quite the same. Ryan must have noticed his confusion because he put a blank piece of paper on the table to write down.

_ 'Thank you.' _

"Oh, you're welcome." Was he just polite? It was hard to read Ryan's face and without the added context of his voice, Gavin was never too sure how to take his words. "What about the rest of the damage?"

Ryan turned back to his page and began to write. With the pen as the only noise in the room, it was a little awkward to just sit there and more so than before Gavin felt out of place.

When Ryan offered him the page, he took it.

_ 'The rain thankfully kept the fires under control, so the worst was prevented. There are some collapsed buildings, but I sent men out to take care of it. The mines are flooded as well, but the workers will start draining them tomorrow. All in all, the capital was lucky. We're still waiting on the reports of the other cities in the kingdom.' _

"Will there be another storm like this one?"

Ryan didn't even hesitate before he nodded. _ 'Autumn is still before us, that's when it's the worst.' _

Gavin's heart sank, but he had seen it today, hadn't he? The people he had passed by had looked exhausted and tired, but not desperate with the destruction going on. They were used to it.

_ 'The kingdom will survive,' _ Ryan wrote to him. _‘_ _ It always has and always will.' _

The mud had stained his hands and had dried underneath his nails. Gavin hadn't bothered with overly prestigious clothing today, but it was still a shame to see the stains on it. A part of him had wanted to ask the farmers around for something more appropriate to wear, but he hadn't quite dared. The words of the head maid were still haunting him.

_ "It will hurt your reputation to walk around like a commoner." _

He didn't yet know what the people thought of him and a reputation was important. Back at home, he had been popular, but they all had been. Here he wasn't too sure.

The farmers were thankful, but he couldn't quite read the eyes that followed him as he returned to the castle. His magic had run out faster today, not quite recovered from yesterday and when Gavin sank into the bath, he felt awful.

The damage of most of the fields was too severe and he hadn't been able to do much. Even with the few he could help, he wasn't sure if it was enough.

This had been his purpose to come here, to marry Ryan and when he was needed... well, he had choked.

Ryan should've married someone else from his family, someone more talented than him. Geoff would've known what to do. Then again he was the Crown Prince. Libby wouldn't have a problem in fixing the fields, but she was still way too young. His sisters were all married or spoken for besides one and-

With a sigh, Gavin submerged in the water like he could drown the thoughts.

Ryan didn't visit him and he also didn't join him for lunch and so Gavin sought him out himself. He knew he had to report his days' work, but it still left him nervous. Ryan appeared private most of the time and Gavin valued that he left him his own privacy. What if he was bothering him? He had seen Ryan grow angry before and he wasn't in the mood to pull his anger towards him.

Still, he found himself in front of his private chambers because it was his duty and when he knocked it was Jeremy who opened the door a crack.

"King Ryan is bu- oh, King Gavin!"

"I can come back later," Gavin quickly backpedaled, but Jeremy just turned around, probably looking for Ryan's response. Then he stepped back.

"Please come in."

He hadn't been in Ryan's chambers before and he was surprised that they didn't look that different than his own. As a King, he had expected more. His parent's chambers had been a whole wing of the castle and while he knew that wasn't possible with the size of the building, he was still looking for golden tapestries and murals of the Gods and their magic covering the walls.

The chambers were... nice.

The main room he stepped in was divided by a beautiful folding screen. Instead of most other things it wasn't painted in red, but a rich blue. It symbolized the ocean, Gavin realized and it probably separated this part of the room from Ryan's bed.

Ryan himself was sitting on a very messy table in front of the fire. It was overflowing with letters and notes and Gavin was pretty sure he saw a plate of sweets buried somewhere as well.

And Ryan- Ryan was wearing glasses. Gavin hesitated because he had never seen him do so before and it suited him. All in all, he seemed more relaxed, his hair down and wearing a soft tunic than his usual stiff gowns.

He looked like a completely different person.

Now he put his glasses down, right in the middle of the mess, and pointed to the seat opposite of him.

"I apologize if I bothered you by showing up," Gavin said, but when Ryan shook his head, he sat down. He realized he was staring at Ryan who looked so much more human than usual and quickly averted his eyes to look over the table.

Gavin didn't take himself for the most organized person on earth, but this came as yet another surprise. Was it just from today or had Ryan accumulated work for a few weeks now?

Then again he said he was always busy with the court, so he appeared to be working hard. Maybe that was just an excuse to avoid Gavin.

"Those are damage reports," Jeremy told him.

"Damage reports?"

"From the storm. They are slowly coming in. Do you want some tea, King Gavin?"

Gavin barely heard him as he took in the sheer amount of letters. There were so many and those had to be from those close by, otherwise the letters wouldn't have reached them yet. There had to be so many more to come!

"They are all from today?" he asked Ryan, who just shrugged as if that wasn't a big deal. 

Without thinking about it, Gavin reached for the first letter in his reach and unfolded it. He was used to this; to sitting around a similar but bigger table with his father and Geoff and his siblings. It had always meant that something bad had happened, bandits, flooding, or the worst, a fire out of control.

Each of them had taken an area to deal with the damage as soon as possible. Yet Ryan was sitting alone with too much work for a single man.

A caved in well, flooded mines, and missing roofs. Nothing out of the ordinary in the first letter, but Gavin didn't recognize the name of the town, didn't know how far away it was, how high of a priority this place had to be. When he looked up to ask Ryan, he found the other staring.

Ryan had his forehead furrowed, his hand lifted as if he wanted to take the letter from Gavin. Even Jeremy was watching with wide eyes. Fuck-

"I apologize," Gavin said and folded the letter again as if that would make him forget what he had read. "This isn't my place. I just-"

He just wanted to do his part, like he had at home. But at home, he was involved in his kingdom, here he had to remind himself that he was merely a tool that was most useful thanks to its sheer presence.

For the longest time, it was silent in the room and Gavin was well aware that Ryan was watching him. He didn't quite dare to return his gaze and a part of him wanted to just disappear, escape these chambers and hide away on his own. He still hadn't done what he had come here for. So he quickly reported his work like that would allow him to leave, "I did what I could with the fields, but I am not sure if it was enough. Many fields will not survive after the storm, but I gave the others new strength. The farmers were instructed how to proceed as well as I could, so..."

He trailed off, unsure how to continue. There was still no answer and under their combined gazes, he slowly stood. 

"I'll... excuse me."

"Do you know how to deal with catastrophes like this?" Jeremy asked. As far as Gavin could see Ryan hadn't moved his hands and he also looked rather bewildered at Jeremy.

"Not so much with storms," Gavin admitted. "However we also have our fair share of problems back at home."

"Ryan," Jeremy pleaded. No title or anything. Ryan looked angry at that. He was gesticulating wildly with his hands and Jeremy replied in the same way. Gavin felt a little left out just watching them having a conversation in front of him while he understood nothing. Even if he was able to read their signs, they were just too fast to truly decipher the different movements. Gavin could tell that Ryan was growing more agitated.

"It's too much work for just one person," Jeremy finally exclaimed. Before Ryan could reply, he continued, "Yes, you did it last year as well, I was there, Ryan! I saw what a toll it took on you!"

Ryan stood at once, but Jeremy didn't even react. Gavin did though, he jumped at the sudden movement, at the angry expression the King was wearing and it didn't go unnoticed.

Ryan stared at him and the anger disappeared. What was left behind was a distant hurt. It made him feel even worse.

"I could work through these letters here," he found himself saying even though a part of him wanted to flee this room once and for all. "Give you a rundown on all the damage if that would help. I don't know where those towns are or what kind of help we can give them, but it would speed things up."

Ryan still didn't answer. He was still standing, his hands tightly wrapped around the edge of the table like he had to hold himself back, but he didn't look as threatening anymore. Quite the opposite, he looked defeated and maybe Jeremy could tell as well, because after a moment of silence, he stepped up to the table. Stacking the letters, he cleared a spot for Gavin and gesticulated for him to sit.

Gavin did so, but couldn't quite leave Ryan out of his sight. The other continued to ignore him, to glare at Jeremy, but finally sat down.

"I'll prepare some tea," Jeremy said good-naturedly. "Work is easier with piping hot tea!"

"He would never hurt you, you know?" Jeremy told him. It was late at night and Gavin could feel a familiar ache in his shoulders from sitting bent over work for too long. There had been a lot of letters, more than he had anticipated. They had worked in an awkward silence, but eventually they had finished.

They had bid their goodbyes to King Ryan and being outside of the room felt like a breath of fresh air after so many hours.

"I know he can be... rough," Jeremy continued. "And he's angry, very much so, but not at you. He would never harm you in any way, he appreciates you too much for that."

It didn't feel like it, but Gavin kept that to himself.

"Ryan wants what's best for the kingdom and its people, but he doesn't trust easily, so he wants to fix everything by himself. And well... that works as well as you expect."

Jeremy looked at him; earnest, strong, and not so much like a servant, but as someone close to the King. A friend perhaps.

"Will you be in trouble for today?" Gavin asked. That actually made Jeremy laugh out loud.

"Gods above, never! I mean, I will get some words thrown at me, but Ryan is too soft to kick my ass! He knew I'd just laugh at him."

That... was an image that Gavin couldn't quite believe, but seeing Jeremy like this, he had surprised him more than once today.

"You two are close."

"Isn't that normal after so many years of working together? We grew up together.It just happens." Jeremy shrugged, but couldn't quite keep the fondness out of his voice. "Back in the capital before the kingdom was divided between Ryan and Queen Eleonora, many frowned upon it. Even here some of the court do, but you... I see how you interact with Michael."

Now Gavin had to smile as well. Michael had always been there. As children, he had easily pushed him around, always faster and stronger than him but oh, how protective as well. People had found him too rough, not disciplined enough, but Gavin hadn't cared. Not if the two of them could get into all kinds of trouble together.

"Michael is my best friend."

"I'd like to think that I'm Ryan's as well."

Jeremy stopped in his tracks and his voice was soft when he spoke, "I'm happy that Ryan chose to marry you, King Gavin. You might not think so, after all, you had to leave everything behind. This kingdom has problems. Many problems. But Ryan is trying to fix them as well as he can."

Jeremy's smile was honest when he looked up at him. "Ryan is a good person. I hope you can see this eventually."

Later when Gavin laid in bed and couldn't sleep, he thought more about Jeremy's words.

_ "And he's angry, very much so, but not at you." _

That he had noticed, the anger. Ryan seemed easy to set off in a silent, fierce rage. It was reassuring to hear it wasn't because of him, but what was the reason then?

He also didn't trust easily, that had been obvious today. Gavin had no problem with helping out, but he couldn't hide that he was surprised. Going through the letters today, writing down the damages, and where they had occurred... It was tedious work. A work not fit for a King.

Back at home, someone from the court would have dealt with that. When the reports had reached the royal family, it had been an organized analysis from the severity of the damage, together with suggestions on where to start.

Ryan, however, had done the groundwork himself.

Did he not trust his court to handle such an easy thing? After all, the court also hadn't been able to distribute the food accordingly to Ryan's wishes. But then why not just change the court? Add more capable members to it? Ryan didn't seem like the person who would have a problem with that and still…

When he finally found sleep it was restless with dreams of thunder and rain and wisterias.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I had to leave my home for you, my family, my everything! Now you want to take this as well?" And he didn't want to sound like he was pleading, but when it came down to it, he had to. Ryan had all the power and here he was, holding on to a few written words. No, he wanted to be angry!

Chapter 6

The sky was clear and made the storm appear like a distant nightmare. Gavin watched the clouds pass by from his room, white and fluffy instead of the heavy dark ones from over a week ago.

The damage was still out there, but the reports had slowed down. He had worked through nearly all of them by now, and Ryan had sent out the help he found necessary.

They hadn't talked much during that time, but Ryan also hadn't bothered him while he worked. No, Jeremy or Michael would bring him the letters and Gavin would go through them before giving his findings to Ryan.

It worked and Gavin was quite happy to have something to do.

Today there hadn't been many things to report and it was barely noon when he took a break to look outside. On his desk next to him was a bouquet of sword lily's. Their pure red color was soothing to the eye. He’d touch them to feel their strength every once in a while.

"Gavin."

Michael entered his chambers without knocking first and while that wasn't too unusual, something about his face told him things were off. He was carrying some letters, maybe five which were a lot less than in the past few days, but one of them he held up.

It took Gavin a moment to recognize the emblem pressed into the wax but when he did, his heart grew. The sprouting flowers of the Ramsey kingdom stood proud and he got up to take the letter.

Libby. Libby had promised to write and she must have done so as soon as she got home. Oh, he already could feel the homesickness growing, something he had been able to push away while he was working, but now came back full force.

Michael pulled the letter back before he could take it and even for him that was mean. Gavin made another attempt, but Michael just shook his head and his somber expression made Gavin hesitate.

"Michael-"

"Look."

He did. He did take a closer look and only because of that he noticed the damaged seal. If Michael had just handed it over, Gavin would have ripped the letter open immediately, but now he saw that the flowers didn't quite align, that the middle of the seal was smudged. 

Someone had broken the seal, but had done their best to reconstruct the wax again. Had heated it up to close the letter and had maybe tried to redraw the emblem. The more Gavin stared at it, the more he saw how wrong it was.

The lines were shaky, too deep and the raised parts gone. 

It hurt.

Someone had opened this letter, read the words meant for him, and had closed it again. This invasion of privacy hurt. His throat closed up with that hurt. When he reached for the letter again Michael handed it over.

Libby. Libby had sat down and had written to him. Probably mundane things, private things. That she missed him, that she tried to catch the cats around the castle without much luck.

Things coming from her heart and meant for him and him alone. Someone had just taken it, had desecrated it, and tried to fool him on top of it.

"I asked the postmaster about it," Michael said and for once he sounded serious. "He said it was probably damaged by the storm."

"And the storm also tried to fix it again?" Gavin's voice was shaking and he wasn't yet sure if it was hurt or anger. He would like the second one more.

Michael didn't reply, it wasn't necessary in the first place because Gavin understood too well. Thinking about it, it seemed nearly obvious.

He was new in this kingdom, he was unknown and ripped from the power he might have had, but his family? Oh, the Ramsey's were powerful and rich and would for sure be interested in some information about the Haywood's.

Gavin wasn't stupid, he knew that his father had sent his spies out to kingdoms that might be stronger than theirs. Made sure they weren't plotting anything against them. The Haywoods had been one of them. That had been years ago, when Gavin had still been a child.

He wasn't a spy, he wasn't going to send any information back home, and he wasn't going to get any orders from a letter written by his little sister.

Still, they had checked it out and had read private information. And now it was anger he felt. It was a wave of sickening anger, not only because of the letter, but because of this whole situation. The way he had been treated with less respect than he deserved, the way he had been sat down in this chamber to just _be,_ and- and he had helped the people here! He had really tried!

It still seemed like no one trusted him.

"Where's King Ryan?"

Michael didn't talk him out of it, no, he rather looked proud of him. Gavin didn't pause to think if this was the right call or not.

"Around this time? He should be meeting with his court."

So Gavin was on his way. The letter clenched in his hand like it would burst into flames any second now and when he reached the hall where the court was held, he didn't hesitate to knock. If he hesitated he might start to doubt himself and this probably wasn't a good idea in the first place, but Gods above, was he angry.

A servant opened the door. Gavin had never been inside. The one time he had asked to join, Ryan had condescended down to him, had told him that wasn't necessary, and now everyone inside was staring at him.

"King Gavi-"

"I wish to speak with King Ryan," he said.

The servant stared at him in horror, like he couldn't believe he dared to interrupt such an important meeting. Ryan was already getting up. He looked urgent and Gavin figured he looked like it as well, with the letters in hand and all.

The door fell shut, leaving him and Gavin and Michael alone in the hallway. Gavin did not doubt that inside the court was silent, was listening intently, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"You are reading my letters."

Ryan blinked, then stared down at the letter in his hands. He made to reach for it, but hell no, Gavin didn't want anyone else's fingers on the few things that were still his.

"You already know what's written inside," he snapped. Pulling the letter away. "I don't. I was looking forward to this, but you took it from me like you took everything else!"

Ryan made a motion with his hand that Gavin didn't understand and honestly, he also didn't give a shit.

"I'm not spying on you. This is just a message from my little sister and still, you had to go and read it! You even tried to hide it, fixing the seal again, to see if I was stupid enough not to notice!"

He probably hadn't. Not without Michael because he had just been so excited-

"I had to leave my home for you, my family, my everything! Now you want to take this as well?" And he didn't want to sound like he was pleading, but when it came down to it, he had to. Ryan had all the power and here he was, holding on to a few written words. No, he wanted to be angry!

Michael was still holding on to the other letters, the reports about the storm damage, and Gavin took them to shove them into Ryan's arms instead. It was too sudden and Ryan wasn't able to take all of them, causing some flutter to the ground.

"Do your work yourself then. Or ask whoever you hired to spy on me to do it. It would be more useful for your people if you focused on them for once!"

He turned around, ready to just get away, lick his wounds. Hopefully he could still find some enjoyment in his letter when a hand wrapped around his arm. Ryan jerked him back and for the first time Gavin realized that he might have just made a very powerful enemy. Jeremy had said that Ryan would never harm him, but once again he just looked so angry and-

And Michael pushed himself between them.

He had one arm wrapped around Gavin, pulling him into his side to shield him from whatever might come and his other hand raised. He couldn't push Ryan away, laying hand on a King might just mean his death, but it was a clear warning.

Ryan's grip went slack and Gavin pulled himself free.

Lifting both of his hands, Ryan tried to calm the situation down. He took a step back, away from them before trying to sign something. He must've realized himself that this wasn't going to work, not without Jeremy around who was probably still in the court meeting, so in the end, Ryan just pointed at the letter, then at himself before shaking his head.

More lies.

Gavin was getting tired of them.

Turning around, he left the King standing there, without looking back.

* * *

_Dear Gavin,_

_as promised I sent you a letter right away! We just got home yesterday and Geoff said the letter would take some time to get to you. I wanted to send you one each day so you wouldn't get lonely, but Geoff said that might be a bit too much._

_The castle feels empty without you-_

Gavin closed his eyes and pressed the letter against his chest. It was his third time trying to read it, but every time he grew too overwhelmed with emotions. He missed home so much, he feared it would rip his heart apart. The familiar hallways and familiar faces and their lush garden. Libby and his father. Geoff.

Geoff had also written him a few words of encouragement, Gavin recognized his penmanship. He hadn't yet managed to read it yet either.

Violated. The feeling was so strong. Someone else had held the letter in their hands, reading about Libby's feelings. Probably joked about it.

Those words had been meant for his eyes only. Someone had just taken that privacy, this last piece of his family.

How cruel.

"I want to go home," Gavin muttered. He put his head on his desk to turn towards Michael, who was standing by the window.

He just nodded.

"They will also read my letters, won't they?"

"Probably."

"What a bunch of assholes."

There was a knock on the door, but Michael made no move to open it. He was waiting for an order and Gavin knew it was one of two people but he didn't want to face either of them.

"King Gavin?"

Jeremy.

With a groan, Gavin got up. He wasn't mad at Jeremy. No, from all the people he had met here he liked Jeremy the most. He did his job and he did it well. It wouldn't be fair to make his life harder.

Michael pulled the door open and Jeremy didn't even hesitate.

"King Ryan didn't read your mail."

"Then he ordered someone to do so."

Jeremy shook his head. "He didn't. I promise."

Gavin crossed his arms in front of his chest and couldn't even pretend to believe that.

"Well, someone did. They broke the seal and then tried to fix it hoping I wouldn't notice."

Jeremy pulled a face like he was pained. "It seems like one of the court members took things into their own hands."

Again. The same excuse as before and Gavin could feel the anger grow in his chest.

"Then maybe King Ryan should get his court under control! He's the King after all!"

"I fear it's not that easy-"

Gavin didn't care. Someone had invaded his privacy in such a horrid way and it still hurt.

"He is meant to lead, he should start doing so!"

Jeremy jumped at his raised voice, but didn't reply. He just bowed deeply.

"I will... let him know. Please forgive the inconvenience."

He didn't have a signet ring. It was a cruel reminder of his new place in this world, but right now it made a lump form in Gavin's throat.

He had written his answer to Libby, to Geoff's concerned words and of course a warning that their letters were read before reaching him. Now as he had folded the pages, there was no emblem to press into the wax. His new ring was golden and the small emerald flowers reminded him of home, but in the end, it was only a sign of ownership.

A seal without an emblem could be so easily tampered with.

Michael showed him the way towards the postmaster and Gavin pressed his letter against his chest like he expected someone to just ambush them and steal it.

The postmaster was a man slightly older than them. He was sorting through other letters in front of a small tower and the closer Gavin got, the more he could hear the birds inside. Pigeons, hawks, and owls. There were messenger boys who waited around, ready to run out into the city to deliver any kind of letter to earn a few coins.

When Gavin came closer they watched with big eyes, but only the postmaster bowed in front of him.

"King Gavin, what an honor."

"I want you to send this letter," Gavin told him, but when the man reached for it, he didn't hand it over. "I want to watch you send the pigeon out."

That way he could make sure nobody here opened the letter and he knew that back at home, nobody else would.

The postmaster seemed to realize that as well and he only bowed deeper. It took a while until he found the strength to answer, "Your majesty, I can't do so."

"I demand it."

The man jumped and Gavin was well aware of all the eyes on him. Not only the messenger boys around but guards and servants and anyone else who was passing by seemed too interested in this situation to even try and hide it.

"My liege... please."

"Your King gave you an order," Michael said and if possible the man got even smaller. He seemed a second away from dropping to his knees and begging.

"I can't," he just repeated and Gavin's heart sunk. He could push it, could force this man, but it was clear that someone higher than him had given him different instructions. Ryan.

And Ryan grew angry when things didn't go according to plan. Gavin was well aware that the Haywood kingdom didn't shy away from execution. The man in front of him knew as well.

Oh, how little power Gavin had no matter his blood and name. The letter felt heavy in his hand and he wanted his family to get it, they would worry otherwise, but in forcing it, he might just doom this man. He was just doing his job. He was just following orders. Gavin didn't know what to do.

If he just turned around and left, he would appear weak. He couldn't just-

"Who gave the order to stop King Gavin's letters?"

Jeremy appeared next to him, a little flushed like he had ran all the way out here. He looked quite serious.

"King Ryan did," the postmaster pleaded. "Please, I can't go against his words!"

Jeremy frowned. "Who told you such a thing. I certainly didn't."

"It was Lady Janis. Please!"

Janis? Gavin threw a short glance towards Michael who mouthed 'court' at him. Once again someone from the court.

"Then I'm here to revoke that order. Don't interfere with King Gavin's messages in any way."

"Dooley... you know I can't."

Jeremy sighed and turned to Gavin instead.

"King Gavin, why don't you have tea in the parlor until I resolve this issue? Obviously there seems to be a misunderstanding." His smile was forced but this gave him a way out of the situation.

"Very well."

They were barely out of earshot when Michael huffed, "You are the King's personal servant. How come they don't listen to you?"

"The court's word stands above me. They are all high nobles and would punish anyone who doesn't do their bidding."

"You deliver the word of the King though. No way you can do your work properly then!"

Jeremy laughed, an unamused, tight sound. "Precisely."

"Jeremy, what is going on here?" Gavin asked. Jeremy just sighed instead of answering. He led them into a side entrance and then opened a door to a room Gavin hadn't been in yet. It was situated in a remote part of the castle. He had expected it to be an accommodation for the servants, but instead it was a study.

Inside Ryan was waiting for them and Gavin stopped in the doorway. He wasn't looking for a confrontation after yesterday and the low blow he had gotten just now. Though he couldn't deny that he was curious.

Something was going on and he had to figure it out.

"Lady Janis gave the order," Jeremy said. Yet made no move to step into the room.

Ryan just nodded. He looked stressed and like he hadn't slept well, but tried himself on a smile as he pointed to the chair opposite of him. Gavin hesitated before he sat down and now with only a desk between them, he wasn't sure what to say. There was a neat pile of pages in front of Ryan and a second one with notes or messages. He didn't quite dare to lean ahead and check it out closer. The door behind him fell shut and he didn't have to turn around to know that they were on their own.

"What are we doing here?" he finally asked.

Ryan pointed to his ear before shaking his head. For a second Gavin was sure the other hadn't heard him, but then he understood. "Nobody is listening? Why would anyone..."

He trailed off and put the letter he had carried on the table. "I tried to send an answer to my family today. Their letter was opened before reaching me and to avoid that I wanted to make sure this one was sent without anyone looking inside. I wasn't allowed to."

Ryan's shoulders slumped and he brought his hand to his chest. Gavin hadn't seen that sign before but he was pretty sure it was an apology.

Ryan handed him one of the already written pages, but it was with some hesitation.

_I have to be honest, I was hoping I wouldn't have to explain this to you, that you wouldn't notice and it wouldn't concern you. I now realize that hoping for that was foolish and once again I have to apologize._

_I am King because I am the firstborn son of the Haywood's and it would lead to a massive outrage if my sister were to lead in my stead. My father doesn't think me capable of leading, which is why he separated the kingdom and only gave me the smaller portion to control._

_The court that is supposed to serve underneath me has been chosen by my father and listens to him. My title and crown is mostly a facade._

_The power I should have over my lands is minuscule._

Gavin stared down at the words, read them again, and realized why Ryan hadn't wanted him to know. That was an outrageous claim. Unheard of. To be in Ryan's situation...

"I don't... understand," Gavin muttered and shook his head slowly. "Why shouldn't you be capable of leading? You got the education and the blood and your magic-"

Ryan shook his head before tapping a finger against his throat.

"Because you can't speak?" Gavin blurted out. "But with Jeremy around-"

He stopped himself because he had just seen what happened when Jeremy delivered orders. He wasn't of high nobility and the court easily overruled him.

_I'm weak. In case of a conflict, other rulers wouldn't respect me and I wouldn't be able to protect the Haywood name._

Ryan's hand didn't shake when he wrote those cursed words, not even his expression changed. Neutral, like he was so used to it that it didn't hurt anymore, but it did. It had to.

"Your father weakened the whole kingdom by dividing it into two parts!"

Ryan's lips twitched before he pointed first to himself than at Gavin.

It took him a moment to understand, but when he did, his stomach dropped. He was part of it, not by his knowledge but still-

"We won't have an heir. That's why you married a man," Gavin muttered. "After your reign, the kingdom will fall into the hands of your sister or her heirs and it will be one. You will just be-" A footnote in the history books, maybe erased completely if the Haywoods felt like it.

By the time he looked up, Ryan had already written another note.

_I didn't order for your letters to be monitored and I didn't order for the food to only be delivered to the nobles. Sometimes the court gets a little too overbearing and I only find out later. I apologize that your privacy wasn't respected._

_I will talk to them and make sure your mail won't be touched anymore._

That was nice and Gavin had hoped for that, but right now he couldn't be happy about it. His mind was racing, trying to grasp this new situation.

"But you're the King," he finally said and pointed to the signet ring on Ryan's finger, the crown on his head. "They can't just ignore your orders!"

Again Ryan smiled at him but this time it was so sad, that Gavin felt his heart ache.

_They pretend not to understand me. Besides Jeremy, only a few in this castle understand sign language. If someone translates for me, the court will not take their word for it because Jeremy or the other servants are beneath them._

_I do give them written orders, but often even those won't be executed properly. If I could I would change the court, but my father wouldn't allow it. The men and women serving under me are old friends of my father and they only know to handle matters in the old Haywood way._

Gavin opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. That was... he wasn't even sure how to word it, if he truly believed it. The King was absolute, the King was the law. The firstborn, who carried the magic of their bloodline in their veins had the right to rule. To imagine someone disrespecting them like this... He tried to imagine Geoff in this situation, but couldn't. Nobody would dare to ignore his orders, even if by this point he was only the crown prince.

So Gavin wanted to tell Ryan to fight against it, to just do as he pleased because the old King Haywood had stepped down, had given him the crown. His reign was over. Now it was Ryan's time. Even if it was only half of his rightful kingdom, he should be allowed to do as he pleased!

But before Gavin could try to word it, he stopped. It wasn't that easy, was it?

The rules were as old as the magic they carried. The firstborn was the rightful heir.

His own father had been the third to the Ramsey throne, but his big sister, the future Queen? Oh, she had so suddenly fallen ill and died before being able to take the throne. It had been her younger brother, second in line who, out of greed, poisoned her. He had been summarily hung for his crimes.

That wasn't the only case of its kind, far from it. There were dark stories out there. Many dead firstborns. Those who were weak, those who grew sick, and those they found not capable.

Had Ryan feared so as well? If his father didn't find him fitting maybe the alternative was Ryan's death? Rebelling against his father's rules could lead to Ryan losing everything he still had.

"You are powerless," Gavin muttered. That was a horrible thing to say and he saw how it hurt Ryan. Ultimately he nodded in acknowledgement. Usually, the truth was painful, but Gavin hadn't expected something like this.

No wonder Ryan got so angry when Gavin had confronted him. He had blamed him for something that he had no control over, no matter how much he might have wanted to. And Gavin... Gavin couldn't help but feel for him because it was the same for him. Since coming here, it was like his hands were bound and any power he had ever known was just gone.

Ryan slid another note over the table, one of his prewritten ones.

_I apologize that I dragged you into this. I figured the least I could do for my people is to bring the Ramsey gift to them. As you can see we are in dire need of it._

Yeah. He had used his magic in his time here more than he ever had at home and for once it had been needed. That had felt good; but all in all, he couldn't even think about that right now. He looked at the note in his hand, then at Ryan with his false crown. At first glance he didn’t look like this affected him much. On closer inspection his eyes told another story. Like he had laid awake most of the night, either to debate if he should tell Gavin about this or writing these notes.

"I don't-" Gavin began, but then didn't know what to add to it. He wasn't completely sure if Ryan was speaking the truth, it was just such an outrageous claim that he couldn't wrap his head around it.

"I need to think about this."

Ryan nodded and reached over the desk to collect his notes again. The moment he held them in his hands, he ripped them apart before getting up to throw them in the fireplace. The low burning flames quickly ate away at the paper.

_I would welcome it if this didn't leave this room, Ryan wrote. It's an open secret, but I'd like to pretend that most people don't know about it. I would prefer if it stayed that way._

"Of course." Gavin's finger brushed against the letter that had started this all and how he had written Geoff that Ryan was observing his mail. He had been so angry and Geoff would be able to tell. With this new knowledge- he wasn't sure what he should do.

Ryan must have noticed his hesitation, but he didn't comment on it. Instead, he reached beneath the table to pull out another letter and handed it to Gavin. It wasn't sealed, but when Gavin went to open it, Ryan shook his head.

Later.

Ryan got up and gestured for him to do so as well. Gavin did and pressed both of the letters against his chest like they could help him understand this whole situation better. It was still hard to believe, but Ryan led him out of the study before he could find any other questions to ask.

Outside Jeremy and Michael were still waiting and Michael threw him a glance before scowling. At least he kept his mouth shut right now.

Ryan signed something that he recognized as a thank you and Gavin just nodded.

Once they parted ways, Michael threw a look over his shoulders before leaning in, "What was that?"

Gavin shook his head and instead unfolded Ryan's letter. No word of it was directed at him and it took him a moment to realize that he was carrying an official document in his hands. Ryan's orders on dealing with the storm damage and while Gavin didn't quite understand, he made a beeline for his chambers.

"Gavin?" Michael asked once they stepped inside.

"Lock the door and help me."

Gavin recognized most of the places Ryan had prioritized in his orders, after all, he had spent the last days categorizing them and it was easy to compare it to his own work.

Michael peaked over his shoulders, but quickly caught on and helped work through the list of damages Gavin had compiled.

"King Ryan prioritized the places where fields and livestock were damaged," he said after a while. "Makes sense if food is as scarce as they say it is. Looks like he can be reasonable when he wants to be."

"Why did he give me this?" Gavin muttered.

"Wait, I thought the two of you discussed this?"

Gavin shook his head and let the document fall onto his desk. He was watching it for a moment longer and deep inside he already knew what Ryan wanted to prove him with this.

"You did lock the door, right?"

"By the Gods, Gavin. What is going on?"

Gavin pressed his finger against his lips and then led Michael to his bed. It was the place furthest away from the door and Ryan was right, nobody should hear about his claims if they were true after all. But Michael was his best friend and he needed someone else to talk about this. Someone who was absolutely on his side.

"Bullshit!" was the first thing Michael proclaimed when Gavin finished telling him about what he had just found out.

They had laid down, turned onto their sides to talk just like back when they had been children and had told each other secrets in the dead of the night.

"That's vile, even for Haywood standards."

"It would explain things."

"Does it? Maybe Ryan is just an asshole and wants to keep that a secret from you?"

"Why would he care what I think about him?"

"I don't know? Because you're his husband?" Michael huffed, but Gavin had known him long enough to see that he was chewing on this. That he might put it off as bullshit right now, but he was still thinking about it.

His eyes darted back to the table and the document Gavin had left there. When Gavin followed his gaze, he hummed.

"I guess we're gonna find out tomorrow."

"Lord Regan, what a surprise seeing you here this early!"

As if Gavin hadn't been awake at the crack of dawn, waiting in the entrance hall for any activity. He had skipped breakfast for this, but nobody had come looking for him. He wondered if Ryan had an idea of what he was planning to do.

"King Gavin." Lord Regan squinted against the morning light falling in through the windows. Each of his steps left a tap tap-noise thanks to his walking stick. "You are around early today, I hope you slept well."

He hadn't, not when there was so much to think about, but then again, that wasn't Lord Regan's business.

"I felt like taking a walk. The weather has been nice after the storm."

"This was your first real storm in this kingdom," Lord Regan finally reached him and leaned heavily on his stick to catch his breath. "There are more to come."

"I can't say I'm looking forward to it." Gavin's eyes darted towards the documents in the old man's hand. Orders, written on the same paper as the one Ryan had given him yesterday, but that wasn't Ryan's penmanship, he could already tell.

Lord Regan noticed his gaze and smiled. "These must be sent immediately, King Gavin. So if you'd excuse me-"

"I know what the King ordered," he said. "I helped work on them."

"Surely you understand then that we should start imme-"

"Give me the documents."

Lord Regan went rigid and bent over his stick, he stared up at Gavin. "What?"

"I want to take another look at the documents," Gavin told him. "Surely you will understand that we have to avoid a... mistake like the last time. We wouldn't want to shed a bad light on King Ryan, would we?"

Lord Regan went pale in anger, but Gavin didn't react to it. He held his hand out and waited. There wasn't much that Lord Regan could do, he couldn't deny him because Gavin was clad in crimson and gold and the ring on his finger caught the morning light beautifully.

When Lord Regan finally handed the documents over it was with an irritated movement that somehow reminded Gavin of an angry toddler.

He knew the moment he took one look at the pages that the documents were off. At first glance, it wasn't too different, but by now Gavin recognized the names of the towns that Ryan had named as a top priority, and some weren't named in this document. It took him another moment, another careful read until he realized what the goal here was.

Not to preserve as much food as possible, but all the places that contained a mine.

"These are not the places King Ryan mentioned."

"The mines are the lifeline of this kingdom," Lord Regan said, his voice cold. "We have to save those first before anything else to assure the power of this kingdom."

"If you continue like this you won't have anyone working in those mines anymore."

Lord Regan scowled. "Both you and King Ryan are too young to understand what this kingdom needs!"

"Both me and King Haywood are rulers of this kingdom," Gavin reminded him. "We carry the right in our very blood. You don't."

He took the documents in both of his hands and ripped them apart. Lord Regan's face fell, but Gavin didn't stop. He moved by him, back into the castle.

"I will let the actual documents come your way, Lord Regan. Let's hope a mistake like this won't happen again. For your sake."

Michael was waiting at the top of the stairs and by the wide grin he wore, he had heard every word. Gavin smiled back, but honestly, he felt a little shaky. Normally he wasn't one for confrontation. He was born royalty, people usually didn't dare to talk back.

Before he could say something, he realized that Michael wasn't alone. Jeremy was stood around at the corner. When he noticed the shredded documents in Gavin's hand, he huffed.

"That’s quite dramatic, King Gavin."

"Something like that was maybe in order."

Jeremy nodded. He didn't look too happy about it. "Please be careful, my liege. Things aren't as simple and the influence of the old King Horton is still strong."

"Nothing will happen to Gav," Michael proclaimed with a heavy slap against Gavin's shoulder.

"Well then... Ryan chose to wait for you in the dining hall if you're still hungry."

He really wasn’t. He grew nervous again. "Will he be angry at me for this?"

"I don't think so. More like concerned." Jeremy responded as they made their way through the castle. "Ryan has long stopped daring to do such things. He is in a very... peculiar position."

"He's fucked," Michael said and made Jeremy laugh.

"He is fucked," he agreed. He made to open the door leading towards the dining hall when Gavin stopped him.

"Jeremy? Can you teach me sign language?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It will be the first time you will be properly introduced to the public as my husband."

Chapter 7

"King Gavin," Jack greeted him as he entered the library.

"Good morning, Jack," Gavin signed. It had come easier than before. Jack seemed very pleased with that.

"I put some books for you on your favorite desk."

"Thank you very much."

All the way in the corner of the library, nobody would bother him in his research. Early in the day like this, the beams of the sun fell directly on him. Outside the window, the city was busy, not only with rebuilding, but with the harvest too. They were nearly done though and in a little less than two weeks the harvest festival would be held. Ryan had asked him to organize everything and Gavin had gladly accepted. Now he was researching the traditions of this kingdom. Yet it wasn’t just the traditions he was studying.

After Gavin's request to learn sign language, Jeremy had politely declined. It had been a bit foolish to ask Jeremy. After all, he was usually busy and always at Ryan's side. Gavin didn't quite want Ryan to know yet.

However, Jeremy had pointed him to Jack, who had apparently taught him as well. So after Gavin was done with preparing for the festivities, Jack would join him and show him new gestures.

It wasn't as hard as Gavin had feared. Sure, he still got confused with the sheer amount of signs, but Jack had also taught him to simply spell the words out, something that Gavin could fall back on in case he couldn't remember the sign or just didn't know it. If he continued to work hard, he was sure he could present it to Ryan soon.

Speaking of which-

"Ryan!" he could hear Jack call out, louder than necessary. Probably to warn Gavin about his presence. He quickly pushed his sign language notes under the pile of books.

"Oh, don't look at me like that. Nobody is here right now besides King Gavin. I'm sure he doesn't mind me calling you by name."

"I don't mind," Gavin called towards the front of the library and he was pretty sure he could hear Ryan huff. It took a moment longer until he appeared in his line of sight and Gavin got up to bow his head.

"King Ryan."

Ryan waved him off and then dropped into the chair opposite of him. He looked stressed out and concerned, Gavin sat back down. The court had been hard on Ryan lately. Especially after the stunt Gavin had pulled with Lord Regan, he knew that much. Ryan didn't actually blame him, he had seemed amused when Gavin had shown him the torn documents, but he also shared Jeremy's worries.

His father probably wasn't very happy with the development, but as far as Gavin knew the old King Horton was far away in the northern capital.

"I thought you'd be in court all day."

Propping his chin up on one hand, Ryan nodded. He looked listless. When he searched for his ever-present pages, Gavin simply offered him his own along with his feather.

_I excused myself, saying I had to check on the preparation for the festival. It was a lie. I know you have it under control._

Gavin hummed. "You can gladly hide in here with me, but you have to be quiet, otherwise Jack might throw us out."

 _He would,_ Ryan noted down. Gavin had to laugh.

"He wouldn't throw out his King!"

Ryan raised his brow at him before pointing to their left. Sure enough, when Gavin turned around, he found Jack between the shelves with a displeased look on his face.

It sent him into a startled laughing fit.

Ryan smiled at the noise before letting his eyes wander over the books on the table. He wrote another sentence, _Do you have any questions about the festival?_

Jack had answered most of his questions, but it was at least something to talk about. 

"It's very different from our own harvest," he said. "Here you... burn things in a big bonfire? I planned on having one on every plaza of the city so everyone can reach it."

 _We burn bad things,_ Ryan wrote down. _Things from the past that hold us back or remind us of unpleasant times. Many people will burn some of the destroyed crops or pieces of their collapsed houses. With them gone, they can look into the future._

"Oh."

_You will be required to burn something as well. Only after the Royal Family burns their offerings, the people are allowed to follow._

"Yeah, I know." It was a thought he'd pushed aside until now. He understood the tradition and actually liked it. Letting things go from the past that weighed him down and watch them go up in flames sounded cathartic. He just didn't know what to offer. He didn't want to let things go, he still caught himself thinking about home every single day. If he could choose to burn something, it would probably be the golden ring on his finger if it only meant he could go back home.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible.

Ryan was watching him and it took him another moment to realize that he had written him another message.

_Tell me about the harvest festival at your home._

He had thought about it a lot and the memories felt bittersweet.

"It's about rebirth," he said. "The people fill the streets with flowers that have already wilted. They collect their favorite ones over the year and then offer them. When the Royal Family walks through the city, we bring new life to the flowers. When we reach the castle, the festival begins. The people take their flowers back home and the longer it survives, the more luck they will have in the following year."

_That's nice._

"Yeah." At home, the preparations for the festival were probably already done, but he wasn't sure. Ryan had made sure that his letter had been sent out, but he hadn't gotten an answer yet. Of course, he had changed the content, nothing about his letter being opened and read and no word about what Ryan had told him. He still wasn't sure if he wanted Geoff to know about it just yet. Ryan had asked him to keep it a secret.

"There is singing and dancing and plays for the children to watch," he continued, and with each word, his heart grew heavier. "There's a lot of drinking and even more food. Some people eat until they grow sick, just to eat more after they throw up. I always found that disgusting, but-"

But right now he dearly wished to see it and he had never thought that day would come. Seeing it would mean being back at home, maybe sneaking around the city with Michael and some of his siblings. Never with Geoff, Geoff was always so busy during festivals; after all he was the Crown Prince. He would stand next to their parents, their pride and joy. It was easy to sneak out when nobody was looking at him.

"It's also time to bring good news."

He could hear his father's voice, booming over the people around. Year after year and the news that should bring him joy, only brought him fear and sorrow.

The Queen is pregnant. The Queen is pregnant. 

Year after year, even though the doctor told them his mother was growing too old, was growing too weak, and his younger siblings never breathed for more than a day before falling forever silent. 

Until the inevitable.

The Queen is dead, but Princess Elisabeth. Oh, Princess Elisabeth is alive and well.

A hand touched his, only for a moment, only long enough to snap him out of his trance before Ryan pulled back again.

_There is a lot of dancing here as well. Albeit it's usually drunk dancing._

"As long as we're not required to dance. I'm not a very talented dancer."

_Not until my birthday._

Gavin pushed the heavy thoughts aside for now. They would come back later, they always did during this time of year, but right now he smiled. 

"Still some time for me to practice then."

Ryan nodded, but he was hunched over his page, writing something and Gavin leaned back to wait.

_It will be the first time you will be properly introduced to the public as my husband, but don't worry, there isn't much for us to do on the day itself. As I told you, we will be the first to burn our offerings to start the festivities. Afterward, we show our new bond because if it is strong, the kingdom will be strong. We return to the main hall and celebrate with food and wine._

Show of the new bond. In his research, Gavin had read that after a new royal marriage, the harvest festival would be used to announce a pregnancy just like in his own home. 

With the two of them, that wasn't possible, but the people would still expect a kiss. He couldn't say he was looking forward to it, but after everything, it was the least of his problems.

When Ryan leaned ahead to write some more, he did so more reluctantly than before. Gavin wondered if he was worried about the same thing. When Ryan turned his page around, Gavin nearly had to laugh.

_I would prefer it if we could excuse ourselves quite early from the festivities if you wouldn't mind._

"Do you not like celebrations, King Ryan?"

Ryan vehemently shook his head and Gavin snorted. 

"We can do so, I don't mind."

* * *

During the court meetings, Gavin usually sat there and stayed silent. Ryan had reluctantly allowed him to join, citing that Gavin was no longer ignorant of his position. He didn't talk much about what was happening to him, the powerlessness of himself. Gavin figured a part of him was still ashamed. Ashamed that even with his blood and the magic it held, he was just a small figure in his father's plans.

The court didn't like him being there. He didn't belong in this old play, a new role they hadn't accounted for, but the longer Gavin just sat there and didn't interfere, they relaxed. That was fine, Gavin was just here to watch.

The disrespect he saw was honestly astonishing, especially towards Jeremy.

Jeremy was a servant, he got that, but Jeremy was Ryan's valet. He took care of their King, he made sure the King had everything he needed and was the last defense in case of an emergency. It was an honorable position.

Even more than all of that, he was Ryan's voice. Ryan would sign something and Jeremy translated for the room. Often Gavin noticed how some of the court barely listened, some even ridiculed him, asking unnecessary questions.

How Jeremy managed to stay calm, how he answered with an even voice was beyond Gavin. He knew that Michael wouldn't.

Ryan tried to stop it, to protest, and call for order, but it was a vicious cycle. Ryan would demand, Jeremy would translate and the court would disrespect before it began again.

Honestly, it was disgusting.

No wonder that most of Ryan's time was eaten away by court meetings because getting even a step further in their discussion took hours.

Hr couldn't really blame Ryan for forbidding him to join the court sessions until now. More than once, Gavin had to bite on his tongue before he could say something off color. Everything in him just screamed to put the court in their place.

They were there to help the King and they certainly didn't. The old King Horton was gone, had passed the crown on to his son. Now it was on Ryan to decide what was best.

All they did was take advantage of his disability. But Ryan had asked him to stay quiet, to not mess with things.

It could be dangerous.

The old King Horton was still influential, especially inside the castle.

With the harvest festival coming closer, Gavin didn't have as much time to watch the court session anymore, not when they took hours upon hours. No wonder Ryan had always appeared stressed and even aggressive to him, it was like a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from.

In the meantime, Gavin hurried around to prepare for food, for plays and music while also practicing his sign language. 

The harvest festival was a day of celebrating new beginnings. It was tradition to give a present to the one closest to you. Gavin had been to the marketplace a handful of times by now and it was filled with the finest of weaponry, the softest fabrics, and of course thick furs to keep out the harsh winter air, but Ryan had all of this, probably more than he would ever need, but not giving him anything was out of the question.

If Gavin liked it or not, they were married.

So he was hoping to surprise Ryan with his sign language.

"So I'm not your favorite person in this kingdom anymore? You're hurting me," Michael pouted. Gavin rolled his eyes. It was the night before the harvest festival and while it was late, they were still in his chambers, sitting cross-legged on his bed.

"We are not married, Michael."

"Your loss." He took a peek at the book next to him and shook his head. "I think you have to keep your hand open in that sign."

Gavin repeated the motion, this time with an open palm. "Like this?"

"Yeah, looks right." Michael mirrored the motion as well before frowning. "This is so complicated. I'll never be able to get all of this in my thick skull."

"Are you kidding me? You're making this look easy!"

"I highly doubt that. I tried it this morning and Jeremy laughed at me," Michael protested. "Apparently I looked like I had a stroke!"

"I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure he did. He said I had to move more fluently, but what does that even mean? I have to think about every little thing here." Michael huffed in frustration, but that didn't stop from repeating the motion. Just like always, he was too thick-headed to stop and Gavin envied him for it. He was pretty sure if Michael hadn't joined him while learning, he wouldn't have gotten so far in such a short time.

The next day dawned; Gavin was already nervous. He would spend most of his time until evening making sure everything was prepared accordingly. So the only opportunity to talk in private with Ryan was at their shared breakfast. While he didn't think Ryan would take his present bad, he still wasn't sure. Maybe Ryan liked gold and gems more than a gesture, but now it was too late for doubts.

...also maybe his plan B was to send Michael to the market and just get _something ._

Ryan was already in the dining hall and as every morning Gavin greeted him with the good morning gesture. It was easy and Ryan always seemed pleased to see it.

When Gavin sat down, Jeremy hurried to bring him his tea and could barely hide his excitement. Ah, well. Better get it over with.

"Today's the harvest festival," Gavin said and already wanted to kick himself. As if Ryan didn't know that.

"One of the traditions is to give out presents, isn't it?"

Ryan nodded and put his cup down to sign something to Jeremy. Usually, Gavin looked away during that, especially now that he understood most of the words. It felt too much like eavesdropping, but now his heart sank a little. Ryan's fingers were so _fast_ , it was hard to keep up with them. Next to him, he would probably look like a toddler.

"Yours will be in your chambers once you return," Jeremy translated. "I hope it's to your liking."

Honestly, he hadn't thought much about his own present.

"I'm sure I will, but I was rather worried over your own."

Ryan blinked and while he tried to hide his hurt, it was still obvious. He turned back towards Jeremy, but Gavin could read his words, "It's fine if you got nothing for me. I am in no need of things."

"But I got you something," Gavin blurted out before Jeremy even started to translate and Ryan's eyebrows shot up. Taking a deep breath, Gavin tried to remember the signs he and Michael had practiced into the night.

"This is my present for you."

Ryan stared at him, puzzled and Gavin let his heart sink. Fuck, had he messed up? He didn't think he had.

"You learned?" Ryan asked and Gavin nodded.

"I'm still slow," he signed; as if it wasn't obvious, "but I will continue to learn. Jack and Jeremy helped me." He spelled Jack's name and pointed at Jeremy instead, but Ryan continued to stare like he didn't understand him.

Finally, his face lit up in wonder and Gavin laughed awkwardly. He had been pretty sure that only children on their birthday could wear such an expression, but here he was, sitting with the King who looked ready to bounce in his seat.

"When did you learn? You were so busy." Ryan asked. "It takes time and effort and you did it in such a short amount of time. When I learned-" Ryan made a gesture that Gavin didn't recognize and he was also a lot faster than Jack or Jeremy had been during practice.

It was kinda endearing until now King Ryan had always seemed so silent for obvious reasons and now it all just came out. Laughing, Gavin grasped his hands to still them and shook his head.

"Not so fast! I lost you in the beginning there."

Ryan smiled as well before gesturing a single word.

"Excitement."

Good. Gavin threw a glance up to Jeremy who gave him a thumbs up. Ryan's hand brushed against his arm to pull his attention back towards him.

Ryan was holding on to him with one of his hands, honest and happier than Gavin had ever seen him. The gesture was nearly the one for 'good', the first word Gavin had learned, but not quiet. 

"Thank you."

_Keep this one a secret._

The note was attached to one of the two boxes he found in his room when he returned and intrigued he shook the box. Whatever was inside slid around and Michael reached out to stop him.

"Don't break it!"

"What do you think is inside?"

"Apparently a dirty little secret. What do I know? Just open the thing!"

Right. Gavin pulled open the lid and his heart skipped a beat. A little crooked, thanks to his shaking, there laid a ring inside. Not just any ring, but a signet ring. He quickly slipped it over his finger. It felt familiar, felt right to wear one again. At home he hadn't always worn one, of course, it usually stayed in his room, but during official business, he had carried it around.

Coming here and having none had only added to his helpless fury, but now-

"It's not quite right, is it?" Michael asked. He was looking over his shoulder and Gavin had noticed it as well when he turned the ring on his finger.

The bull of the Haywood kingdom was there but the gems surrounding its head had been replaced with small flowers. It wasn't the official emblem of the kingdom and Gavin couldn't help but feel disappointed.

"Every kingdom only has a handful of signet rings. They get guarded like actual treasures because every document with the emblem can instantly become law," Gavin said, mostly to explain it to himself. "King Ryan couldn't get an original one, at least not without his father finding out."

"Well..." Michael said before shrugging. "It's close enough. If you don't look closely you might not notice the difference."

Gavin hummed and let the remaining daylight run over the ring. "It's still a signet ring. I can finally seal my letters properly."

It was a thoughtful gift and he couldn't help but be surprised. It wasn't the real deal but the longer he thought about it, the more he knew that with Ryan's situation, that wouldn't have been possible in the first place. It was the next best thing. Michael was right, it would probably fool most people. A letter coming from the castle with this emblem? Nobody would dare to question it.

It was a piece of power. Maybe Gavin wouldn't be able to use it on important documents or to make new laws official, but letters and orders?

Yeah, with this on his hand his place in this kingdom had greatly improved.

 _Keep this one a secret,_ the note said. So he slipped the ring off and back into its little box. The court probably shouldn't know, otherwise Ryan's father would find out, and while Gavin was pretty sure they couldn't avoid that over time, he wanted to keep Ryan's request in mind.

The second box was bigger. When Gavin pulled off the lid, he could hear Michael gasp.

Gavin was used to gold, he had grown up with it. Woven in his clothes and hanging around his neck. He didn't share the same fascination as most people with it, but even he had to take a moment to appreciate the craftsmanship.

It was a golden headpiece, the strands, and chains woven with great care to hold back his hair. On top sat golden and ruby flowers, delicate little things that would make him appear a couple of inches taller.

The Haywood kingdom was known for its jewelry and honestly, Gavin had expected something like this from Ryan, but this was more beautiful than he had imagined.

When Gavin moved to pull the headpiece out, he realized that wasn't even all of it. It was attached to a soft, see-through fabric that would fall down his back. Someone had braided the red and yellow flowers from the garden into it and right at the bottom were even the wisteria blossoms.

It faintly resembled the cloak he had worn for their wedding, the one Ryan had taken from him.

"Motherfucker," Michael said, eloquently as always. He helped him pull the entire length of the headpiece out and then sighed. "I have to get this thing on your big ass head?"

Gavin burst into laughter and was glad for it. Seeing this undoubtedly expensive gift, he couldn't help but feel silly. What had he gotten Ryan? Some gestures and a promise to learn more. But Ryan had seemed so happy...

"Come on," Michael said and opened the door to his wardrobe. "This might take a while, so let's get started."

It took a while.

It grew cold in the Haywood kingdom, especially now in autumn, so their traditional clothes were thick to keep them warm. For the festival clothes that meant a lot of layers on top of each other.

The final gown was the worst. It was red, a deep crimson like most of the things in the kingdom. The golden trim ended right over his knees and even the stomacher giving it some shape had golden stitchery on it. He had already noticed the high neck Ryan would always wear and now it also scratched right underneath his chin. It was bothersome, right along with the wide sleeves that nearly dragged on the floor if he were to let them.

Together with the headpiece - which did fit on his big ass head, no matter how much Michael was bitching about it - Gavin barely recognized himself.

With the climate back at home, they usually wore flowy robes, but here he would probably freeze in them. With the festivities going late into the night, he would be glad for all of this. Right now it just felt heavy and on the edge of too warm.

"And I was scared I would be overdressed with my jerkins," Michael commented when he stepped back to check out his work.

"It's a bit much, isn't it?"

But it was beautiful, he couldn't deny that.

"It is what it is. Does it fit properly?"

Gavin nodded. The velvet was loose and besides the unusual weight of the layers, he wasn't too bothered by it. Even the headpiece was so delicate that he could barely feel its weight.

There was a knock on his door and Michael went to open it.

"Are you ready, King Gavin?" Jeremy asked. With one last look into the mirror, Gavin nodded.

When he turned back around, Ryan was waiting outside and Gavin had to take a double-take. For a second he was sure they were wearing nearly identical gowns, but while it was made out of the same crimson velvet, Ryan was missing the long sleeves. Instead, cuffs were sparkling in different colors.

He was wearing the crown Gavin had also seen him wear during their wedding, a simple golden one, and he had a shawl made out of fur wrapped around his shoulders.

He looked regal, worthy of the title King, and as Gavin let his eyes wander over the golden clasps and chains keeping Ryan's doublet tight, he felt small and insignificant.

"Are you ready?" Ryan asked him, his hands heavy with rings, but slow to make sure he understood.

"Yeah." He stepped closer and took another look. He had noticed that Ryan was attractive the first time he saw him, but until now he hadn't quite bothered with that knowledge. Something about those clothes accentuated his strong jaw and the slight stubble bringing back that knowledge. Back at home, men kept their hair short, but Ryan's braided hair went past his shoulders. It looked like gold against his red gown.

"You look good," Gavin said. It was true and it was kinda expected of him, but maybe not. At least by the way Ryan went bright red and even Jeremy threw him a shocked glance.

"What?"

"That's... that's quite daring, King Gavin."

"Is it?"

Ryan chuckled; while he was still healthily flushed, his hands were calm. 

"Thank you," he signed. "However I fear our kingdom isn't as open with compliments as you are used to, so please don't say something like this at the festival. People could see its as-"

The last gesture was a mystery to him and when he asked to clarify, Ryan spelled it out for him.

_I-N-D-E-C-E-N-T_

"Oh." Now he was the one blushing. "I apologize."

Ryan waved him off and turned to leave, allowing Gavin to wait for the floor to swallow him up. By the looks of it, Michael could barely hold his laughter in. While he still claimed to not be as good as him, he had no problem spelling _'_ _dirty boy'_ now.

Ah, what a great start of the festivities.

The bonfire was burning brightly by the time they reached the closest plaza. It was a big space, not far from the castle, which usually just contained a fountain and some areas to sit. If Gavin remembered correctly, it was the place merchants from far away would come to sell their wares when the market place grew too small.

With it being in the upper part of the capital, Gavin could only see the nobility surrounding the space and not a single worker, that was something he would need to get used to. Not right now. Right now everyone was waiting for them, staring, and Gavin took a deep breath to steel himself. Ryan had offered his arm and while it was unusual to be this close to him, he was a bit glad for the support it gave him.

"His Majesty King Ryan Haywood and his Majesty King Gavin Haywood, from the House of Ramsey!"

The crowd cheered as they were announced and usually Gavin would wave at them, but Ryan didn't, so he stopped as well. It would be best to just follow his lead before he overstepped his boundaries further.

Ryan brought him right up to the fire, close enough that the heat was barely bearable and he had to avert his gaze.

From his pocket, Ryan pulled an envelope. Inside was something clunky, but Gavin couldn't make out what it was. He also didn't try because Ryan hadn't asked what he would burn and he hadn't either. It was a kinda personal question anyway.

From his own pockets, he pulled a letter. It was the one he had wanted to send home that day, telling his family all about how the Haywood's were threatening him, how they had read his letters, and that he wanted to come back home.

A moment when he had been so upset and just plain angry.

Burning it he would leave it behind, give Ryan and this kingdom another chance. For a while, he had debated if this was the right thing to offer the flames. A childish part of him had believed that burning a message to his family, he would also burn them and every connection to them.

A lot of people around him probably expected this from him, after all his home was now here, but Gavin wasn't ready for that. He didn't think he would ever be. His family was important to him and he would rather be there than here.

But things hadn't turned out that way, so all he could do was keep them in his memories.

Ryan's arm wrapped around his middle and Gavin tensed. That was... new and bold; he turned towards him, but Ryan wasn't even looking at him. He had his attention on the fire as he fed it his envelope and Gavin also turned back around. It wasn't until he also leaned ahead to burn his letter that he realized Ryan was holding back his long sleeves so they wouldn't catch fire.

Yeah, that wouldn't make a good impression.

Somewhere a bell started to ring, a pleasant melody which managed to rival the fire in front of them. The signal that the royal family had brought their offering and the festival was about to start for everyone.

Ryan pulled on him and Gavin gladly took a step away from the bonfire. With his thick clothing, he had started to sweat and when he faced Ryan, he could see beads of sweat on his forehead as well.

Ah.

Right.

Ryan's arm was still wrapped around him and pulled him in and Gavin knew he couldn't hesitate, not in front of the crowd and so he didn't.

Their first kiss was awkward. It was the first time for both of them to be this close and Ryan's lips were a little chapped, maybe from the heat of the fire. Gavin placed his hands on Ryan's chest and felt the velvet under his palm, the fur tickling against his fingertips.

Ryan smelled good, like some kind of scented oil or something. Gavin hadn't noticed that until now.

Then it was over and he found himself standing too close to the other man and watching his very blue eyes. Ryan looked nearly apologetic like he could change an age old tradition, so Gavin gave him at least a smile.

"Worst part is over," he whispered and Ryan let go of him to use his hands.

"You say that, but this evening is still young."

"So kissing me wasn't the worst part?"

Ryan's fingers stopped mid-motion and he grew bright red. It made Gavin laugh and he wasn't sure if it was the bonfire or the atmosphere around here, but he felt giddy.

"I-N-D-E-C-E-N-T?" he spelled out and Ryan nodded, but he rather looked amused. Offering his arm, Gavin took it and they made their way through the crowd.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your father wouldn't dare to go against the Ramsey family! He would risk a war!"
> 
> "You're not part of the Ramsey family anymore."

Chapter 8

They weren't listening. Gavin watched how those who looked at Jeremy did so with a dismissive sort of amusement. There were three members of the court deep in discussion in the back. Unfortunately, it wasn't about the issue at hand.

Jeremy continued like he didn't notice, but he did. Gavin could see it in the way he curled his hands into fists. In some way it was admirable, it took strength to speak in front of an audience that so obviously didn't care.

Gavin was sick of it.

He hadn't been in this kingdom for long and he had only seen a handful of court sessions here, but there was a deep-seated anger brewing in him he barely knew how to handle. He knew that he and Ryan were trying to solve the situation. Could see his hands paint words next to him. and while Jeremy did his best, they were disheartened. They had to be after years of this.

"If you Lords would keep your attention where it's needed," Gavin said. "Your private conversations disrespect the crown."

The three in the back fell silent, shocked at being called out.

"That would never be our intention, King Gavin."

"Then stop and pay attention. Sir Dooley is demanding answers and none of you are bothering to listen."

Some murmured apologies reached his ears, but nothing more. It made his hackles rise. Ryan’s hand darted down, finding his wrist beneath the table and squeezed. A clear warning, but Gavin was tired of walking on eggshells around the people that were technically under his command.

"The updates on the storm," he urged. "Did our measures help in rebuilding?"

"Everything was done exactly as you ordered," Lord Regan answered. Gavin turned his attention to him. He couldn't help but notice that the fake smiles of the old man had worn thin around him recently.

"That is the bare minimum and not the answer to the question I asked you, Lord Regan. Have the damages been dealt with?"

There was a very long, very awkward silence. If Ryan hadn’t had a hold on his arm, Gavin was pretty sure he would've stood up in anger.

"Of course, Sire."

Which wasn't an answer, not one he was looking for. It sounded like Lord Regan just wanted to get him to leave him alone, like a bothersome insect.

"I want to see your report on the matter, Lord Regan. As far as I remember that was your purpose for coming here."

Lord Regan glared at him. He wasn't the only one, far from it. Everyone in the room had turned towards him. Most seemed angry. Angry because he had interrupted the status quo, but he was pretty sure he would explode if he watched another minute of this blatant disrespect.

"The report," he demanded when there was no answer. Lord Regan had the audacity to outright sneer at him.

"There is no need for a report. I just assured you that everything is fin-"

Ryan's free hand made a cutting motion, stopping Lord Regan right in his tracks.

"Watch your tongue," Jeremy translated Ryan's furious gestures. "You are speaking to your King."

Lord Regan looked like he had some fitting words about who was the King here and who not, but he was wise enough to keep his mouth shut for once.

"I expect a report by the end of today," Gavin demanded. "It's a disgrace that you dared to come to this meeting without the proper preparation in the first place."

Ryan's hand was back, squeezing his own hard enough that it actually hurt, but Gavin didn't fucking care.

When Ryan dismissed the court, he didn't allow Gavin to leave. No, he kept him seated right there and the moment the room had emptied, his hands came up.

"Do not do something like that again."

Gavin pressed his lips together, but he wouldn't take it back. He was so angry that he was shaking.

"Dangerous," Ryan gesticulated.

"King Ryan, with all due respect-"

"Dangerous."

Gavin frowned and now he was getting annoyed. "Is this your great plan? Let them walk over you, decide for you, disrespect you? No matter what, you are the King! They should do your bidding, not the other way around!"

"They are friends of my father."

"Your father isn't here! He isn't King anymo-"

The same cutting motion as before and Gavin fell silent.

"My father can be here in two days if he wanted to be. Even if he chose not to, he has his eyes and ears everywhere."

"So you just continue to live in fear of his shadow?"

"I'm protecting you!"

Gavin huffed and shook his head.

"Your father wouldn't dare to go against the Ramsey family! He would risk a war!"

"You're not part of the Ramsey family anymore."

That hurt. Gavin's mouth snapped shut and he squared his jaw. He had known that the moment Ryan had taken his signet ring, but-

"Geoff wouldn't stand for this!"

"He isn't King yet."

Which brought him to the question of if his father would do something if he ended up hurt or worse. A question he didn't want to think about because he had never been that close to his father. His father cared about Geoff; but little Gavin, the seventh to the throne? Not really, he wasn't that important. Even Libby with her natural talent for magic was more important than him.

Would his father do something? If it was obvious that someone from the Haywood family had hurt him on purpose it would look bad on him if he didn't investigate the matter. Yet who knew if he cared enough.

His father hadn't been bothered when Charlotte, his big sister, had changed after her marriage when her abuse had been so obvious. Gavin hadn't seen her for years now.

The Haywood kingdom had a strong military, his father probably wouldn't endanger their kingdom in accusing Horton or Ryan. Not for little Gavin, who didn’t excel in anything.

Gavin made to stand up, but Ryan's hand on his shoulder kept him rooted right there.

"Patience, King Gavin," Ryan signed. "My father is getting old."

"So you just want to wait until-"

Ryan's hand clasped over his mouth to stop the words from coming out and he wildly shook his head.

Right, blurting something like that out would be bad at the best of times and even though they were alone in this room, Ryan always feared someone was listening to them. It was slowly rubbing off on Gavin and he threw a glance towards the door as if he could see someone peeking through the keyhole.

"That could take years," he signed. Ryan's hand lowered.

"Patience," he just said again. Gavin shook his head.

"Aren't you tired of this?"

Ryan laughed, it was a soft, thin sound.

"Very much so."

How frustrating. So endlessly frustrating. Gavin hated it.

They could lead this kingdom, at least better than what this court had in mind. While working on the damage after the storm, he had seen that Ryan could be a resourceful King. As far as Gavin could tell he had made the right choice for his people, but the court had only cared for the riches. It was just-

Gavin couldn't even find a name for it. It just felt like being choked, like being confined to a chair while something was happening that he could stop - if Ryan wanted to wait until his father passed away, the damage to his reputation would be near insurmountable.

Ryan was watching him, and Gavin started to hate how stressed and upset he always seemed. He was just as much a prisoner in this golden cage as he was.

"Can I call you Gavin?"

Gavin blinked. Though his name had only been fingerspelled, it felt more casual than he had ever seen Ryan be. His heart rate picked up.

"Of course."

When Ryan nodded, he seemed pleased.

"Can I show you something, Gavin? If you can bear to be around me for the next few hours."

"When my father told me to look for a spouse I didn't know where to start." Ryan's motions were slow so that Gavin could read them more easily. "There were some candidates he introduced me to, but I refused them all. They were the sons of old friends of his, even the grandson of Lord Regan. Every one of them shared my father's view of the kingdom. If I married one of them I would never escape his control."

They were in a carriage, just the two of them. Gavin had no idea where they were going. Right now it didn't matter, not when he was this intrigued with what Ryan was telling him.

"How did you end up choosing me? Because of my magic?"

"To some degree of course. I know that most rumors about the magical abilities are not realistic, but I figured that there had to be some truth about the Ramsey's." He hesitated and pulled a face like he had bit on something sour. "Then again your father offered a very good trade deal if I chose you. Both things that would greatly benefit my people."

"Well, sounds like he couldn't wait to get rid of me," Gavin muttered. Ryan threw him an apologizing look.

"It was you or your brother Roland."

"Of fucking course," Gavin spat. "Roland is trash with his magic, just doesn't have a feel for it. But he is a good fighter. I guess that means more to my father than his son who isn't good at anything."

Turning around, he avoided Ryan's gaze by staring out of the window. They had long since left the capital behind Gavin wasn't really paying attention to the environment though. He was just glaring at his reflection.

He only realized how rude that was when Ryan touched his knee to get his attention. Right, they couldn't talk otherwise.

"I chose you because we met once before," he signed. Gavin's eyebrows shot up.

They had? True, there had often been visitors from other kingdoms coming to their castle and he had been introduced to so many of them, that it had lost all meaning. Still, he had a feeling he would've remembered Ryan.

"You were still quite young and we weren't formally introduced," Ryan explained. "I was wandering the castle and got a bit lost. Your gardens are... quite extensive."

That made him smile. He loved their gardens. The endless amount of greenery and flowers, but yeah, all that space could get a little overwhelming.

"You were having a little picnic with Princess Elisabeth under a tree."

The picture made his throat tight and he was suddenly so homesick that he wanted to get out of the carriage and run all the way back. He remembered those days, golden and hot and full of cicadas. Libby barely more than a toddler and with a big hat to protect her against the harsh sun.

Oh, how he had adored her; his little sister after so many years. He had never wanted to be the youngest out of his siblings, had hated the way they treated him like a baby, and each and every year he had looked forward to the news.

_ The Queen is pregnant. _ In the beginning, those words had filled him with so much joy and he remembered putting his ear against the belly of his mother to listen to the life inside.

Over time the joy had turned to disappointment as even if his siblings were born alive, they never lived to see the passing of the moon. Then it had turned to cold hard fear. His mother had grown so weak each time. He had never been stupid, he had heard the doctors talk to his father, the risk of another pregnancy, and yet-

"Did we invite you to join us?" he asked and Ryan smiled.

"You did. You patted the place next to you and it became the lushest moss I had ever seen. When I sat down you grew so excited that tiny flowers started blooming all around us."

Gavin chuckled. Yeah, children weren't able to quite control their magic yet and so it came forth in the purest of forms. He missed those simpler times.

"I don't regret it," Ryan told him. "I made the right choice because even back then... you cared. First about me and now about my kingdom, even if you have no reason to."

Pressing his lips together, Gavin didn't know what to say to that. It felt wrong, like he had fooled Ryan into thinking he was something better than he actually was. Caring? What good could that do? All his caring had only brought trouble to Ryan and himself.

"After the storm, you went out there and got your hands dirty to help the fields and even now you are fighting against my court. Something I have long stopped doing."

"I was never good at anything," Gavin explained. "Both Geoff and Libby have such raw magical talent, Roland uses a spear like he was born with it, and my eldest sister could hit a target so far away that you could barely see it. My other sister, Sophie, was a musical prodigy, and my second oldest brother writes popular poems." People had come from all over the kingdom to watch them, the concerts and spars. His siblings were so well known, but he? Oh, he was a footnote in the history books. "I can use a bow, but not very well, I play the violin, but I'm nothing special. Magic comes to me easily, but I don't have enough of it that it truly matters. So all I could ever try to be was be useful to Geoff when he took the crown. Now that I'm here..."

He trailed off, embarrassed. He had revealed too much, his words too big for the small space they were in and he couldn't help but look away.

Ryan reached over to grasp his hand and Gavin had to force himself to face him. 

"You're useful."

It shouldn't mean a lot. Even if he had been living together with Ryan for a few weeks now, he wouldn't call them especially close, and then again, of course, Ryan would say something like that. The words were common courtesy and usually empty. Still-

Still, they made Gavin's heart pick up a beat, made him part his lips without knowing what to say. A part of him wanted to hide away, curl up and get away from this honest attention, but also soak it all up.

He wanted to believe the words because he had yearned for them for so long.

Ryan turned his hand around and thumped over his golden ring, the symbol of their marriage. Then he placed a single finger on his palm and began to move it.

It tickled, but when Gavin tried to pull away, Ryan wouldn't let him and then he understood that Ryan was  _ writing  _ onto his skin.

_ Brave, _ was the first word and Gavin felt his face heat up. 

_ Competent. _

_ Honest. _

_ Clever. _

_ Kind. _

After the last one, Ryan hesitated before lifting Gavin's hand to press a kiss into his palm, like he had to seal all the words in his skin.

That was too much, too intense and with burning cheeks, Gavin pulled his hand back. This time Ryan let him and he pressed his hand against his chest because it was easier to hide all those nice words away than to face them.

He couldn't even look at Ryan, but he didn't turn away to lock him out. No, he could see how Ryan just folded his own hands in his lap. Gavin wasn't sure what the other would be able to read in his face if he were to let him. Some things were better left buried and he felt rubbed raw from this conversation alone.

There was a knock coming from the front of the carriage and made him jump. Ryan also looked around and seemed pleased when they stopped.

"Would you take a walk with me?"

"Yeah sure."

It didn't look much different outside the window, just woods and barren stone, but he could hear the change the moment they stepped outside. It was the resonance of the sea, the crashing of waves, and the salt on his lips. He couldn't see the ocean yet, but it had to be close.

The coachman was already all wrapped up in a cloak and once the wind picked up, Gavin knew why. It was tearing on his clothes, his hair, and making his eyes dry. Turning away only helped so much, but then Ryan already handed him a cloak as well.

It was a bit too large, maybe one of Ryan's own because Gavin for sure didn't own a piece like this. It was made out of thick fur and the moment he slipped it on, the wind seemed to lessen. It was still blowing, he could hear it, but the harshness didn't reach his skin anymore.

"The ocean?" he asked, but his words were ripped away. Thankfully he could now use his hands to repeat the question.

"Watch your step," was all Ryan replied. Then made his way towards the trees. Gavin hurried to keep up, the hood of his coat pulled deep into his face.

The hard earth underneath his boots soon gave way to even harder stone and when the trees around thinned out and the flora gave up, he could look for miles. No, even more.

He could see the end of the world in front of him, the place where the sun vanished and the moon rose with its stars.

Ryan had led him onto a cliffside, a pitiful little thing against the sheer size of the ocean that dared to tower more than thirty feet over the surface. Gavin had seen the ocean during his travels, but never quite like this. There had been big cities that were bustling with life, the ocean at their feet like a domestic hound, a pet that was beautiful and kind. Out here it was an animal, a beast. He could smell it and its roar was deafening. There was foam crowning each wave and dark spots that had to reach the bottom of the earth with how deeply blue they were. The sun reflected on its surface, but it didn't reach, no way, not even far enough to see anything that was right below the surface.

He had stopped on the edge of the last tree that was so desperately trying to survive. When Ryan noticed his hesitation he held out his hand. That seemed foolish, to get even closer, but Gavin took his hand and followed. 

Stones crunched underneath his heel and the wind picked up even more, blowing his hood off. He didn't even notice.

Ryan took him so close to the edge, that Gavin desperately held onto him. Either to stop him from falling off or to have something to hold onto should he slip, he wasn't even sure.

Just one, two, three steps before them the world ended, dropped straight into the endless waters in a way that made his knees feel weak. And even though they were so far up, the rolling waves crashing against the cliff sent sea spray up to them. Gavin could feel them on his skin, pinpricks of icy water.

It was overwhelming, standing here as if they were the last people left alive. He was faintly aware that a part of him wanted to cry. He was freezing everywhere where the cloak didn't protect him and he squeezed Ryan's hand tighter, but they were so cold, that he didn't think the other even noticed.

"You're not wearing a cloak," Gavin noticed. That was a stupid thing to say. Fucking ridiculous; standing here and seeing a view that touched his very soul only to say something like that.

It didn't matter in the end because his words were torn apart by the wind and the sea beneath. Ryan must have noticed that he had said something though because he turned towards him.

His face was somber as he pulled his hand free to speak.

"I love this kingdom.”

And Gavin could see that he meant each syllable with his very heart. "I love it from the dark mines that shine with gems if you lift your lantern, to the warm houses people retreat to when another storm hits. Even this rough side, that's so unforgiving and takes what pleases it... I love it as well. This kingdom is my home and I'm ashamed that I am so weak that I can't lead it properly."

Gavin's heart sank, but his protests were carried away by the wind again. Ryan didn't listen to them anyway.

"I'm ashamed that you found out, that you saw how pathetic I am. I'm clearly not what you expected when you heard you would marry a Haywood. Sor-"

Gavin caught his hands before they could spell out any more awful words. Ryan's fingers were cold as ice in his. He only held on tighter to share some of the last warmth he was carrying.

"You're a good King!" Gavin screamed it at the top of his lungs against all of the noise. "You make the right calls, you prioritize your people over your riches. If your father wasn't breathing down your neck or the court stopped sabotaging you-"

He stopped, couldn't find the words as the waves crashed against the cliffside. It sounded like thunder and he was sure the stones they were standing on would just give in under this onslaught. How many years had they already endured? But they continued to stand and in front of him, Ryan smiled as well.

When he tugged his hands free, Gavin let him.

"I lost my voice."

"I still hear it!"

Ryan's hands were cold as ice as they cupped his face and Gavin quickly put his own on top, but by now any warmth had also left him. Not with how harsh the wind was blowing.

"Let me help," Gavin pleaded. He doubted Ryan could even hear it, but he was reading his lips. "I can help, Ryan."

And finally, Ryan nodded.

The silence in the carriage was deafening. Gavin still expected to hear the roaring of the wind and the crashing of waves, but with the closed doors, he could only hear his ears ring.

Ryan had turned away from him, watching the countryside pass them by and Gavin didn't want to stare, but he couldn't help it.

"Your hair is all messed up," he said after a while because he feared he would combust if he didn't.

Ryan usually kept his hair in a neat braid, but with the wind outside it had come mostly undone and was painting quite a fluffy halo around his head. While Gavin didn't mind it, he was sure the people in the capital would have a field day seeing their king like this.

When Ryan reached up, he had to notice as well because he pulled his hair free.

"Do men often wear their hair long here?" Gavin couldn't help but ask.

Ryan threw him a questioning look, unable to answer with his hands occupied and Gavin elaborated, "It's not common back home. Only women keep their hair long."

"Nobility," Ryan spelled out with one hand before finishing his braid. "It's reserved for those who do not partake in hard labor and-"

Gavin started chuckling at Ryan’s attempt at fixing his hair. It was ridiculous. Looked more like a childs’ pigtails then his usual stately hair-do. Wasn’t even centered.

Ryan just looked at him, puzzled and a bit flushed. "What?"

"Does a maid do your hair in the morning?"

"Jeremy," Ryan spelled out before hesitating. "That bad?"

"I wish I had a mirror to show you," Gavin laughed before standing up to sit down next to him.

"Libby claims I'm not as good as Geoff, but I say I'm pretty good with braids!"

Ryan chuckled, but when he turned his back to him, he seemed tense. Well, Gavin couldn't deny that this was a strange situation. He didn't mind so much after today though.

He pulled the ribbon free again and let Ryan's hair fall. It felt soft even underneath his cold fingers. When he combed through it, he couldn't help but admire it.

"Should I also let my hair grow out? Sounds like it's expected from a King."

Ryan shook his head and held his hands high to speak to him. "No need. Do as you like."

Gavin hummed as he gathered Ryan's hair again, and the other instantly tensed when Gavin so much as brushed against his shoulders or his neck.

Huh.

He didn't comment on it, but now that he had noticed, he couldn't help but pay attention to it. With deft fingers, he began to braid Ryan's hair and when he was done, he wrapped the ribbon around.

"There you go," he said and quickly settled back opposite of Ryan. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Outside it was growing dark and Gavin figured they would only return to the capital early in the night, but he didn't care. When Ryan had asked him to join him today, he hadn't expected a trip like this.

The cliffside and the untamed beast that was the sea already seemed like a distant dream, but he knew it had been real. He could still smell the salt in their clothes and how cold the tips of his ears were. Everything that had been confessed right there was also real and while he had been surprised by Ryan's honesty, he was also touched.

And- And Gavin had promised to help him. Those words had just come to him, but he kept them close to his heart.

Ryan reached up to check on his hair before nodding. "Thank you."

The wisteria had survived the storm, but Gavin had expected as much. The tree had been too strong and old to be bothered by it, even if the winds had left its long branches a little worse for wear.

Now, in full autumn when the days were growing so much shorter there were no more blossoms, but Gavin still found he liked this place the most out of the castle. It was so calm. A stark contrast to the cliffside Ryan had shown him, but still part of the same kingdom. Their kingdom.

So on one of the last nice days during this year, he sat beneath the tree to read. It was an old story about music, a topic he found often in the legends of this kingdom and how the music of this very special traveler made the animals around him dance, instead of attacking him.

It was a bit weird, but he could see small children enjoy this kind of tale.

Had Ryan as well? He wanted to ask him about his favorite childhood story, wanted to share his own as well.

"Gavin!"

He looked up from his pages and a bad feeling grew in the pit of his stomach. Only Michael called for him like that. Yet it was Jeremy who hurried out of the castle; while he wouldn't mind Jeremy calling him so casually, Jeremy never had before. That, paired with a haunted look on his face, made him pretty sure that whatever was going on, wasn't good.

"Gavin, I finally found you," Jeremy said as he reached him, out of breath like he had run the whole way.

Closing his book, Gavin got up. "What's going on?"

"It's about King Horton, Ryan's father," Jeremy said. The bad feeling only grew stronger. "He's on his way here. Our scouts say he will be here by tomorrow morning."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Watch your mouth," he signed. "I hate to tell you this, but you have to. Let me do the talking. Exchange the usual pleasantries, answer the questions my father will bring to you, but nothing more. He needs to know that you are not a threat."
> 
> "I’m not."
> 
> "He is in constant contact with the court. Do you think they told him the same?"

Chapter 9

"Ryan!" Gavin called out the moment he entered the dining hall. The maid serving their breakfast looked startled at his entrance and quickly made to hurry away. Gavin barely paid her any mind.

It was early, very, very early, but the castle was already bustling with activity. Word had gotten around that the old King Horton was coming to visit and there were chambers to be prepared and hallways to be cleaned.

Gavin himself had been up since early morning. Michael helped him get into his fancy clothes. The night had been restless, but at least he had slept briefly.

Ryan didn't look like he had so much as closed an eye. He had gotten dressed and had washed up, but he looked more rundown than Gavin had ever seen him.

He had been sitting at the table, but now stood up, his shoulders slumping like it was a relief to see Gavin.

"Are you alright?" he signed. Gavin nodded.

"Of course. What about you? You look... exhausted."

Ryan didn't answer, just caught his hands when Gavin went to sit down. He turned them around, thumbing over the golden ring, and only then did Gavin understand that he was searching for his fake signet ring.

"It never left my chambers and I keep it hidden," Gavin assured him. "Your father won't see it."

Ryan squeezed his hands before letting go.

"He will be here in less than an hour. I don't know yet how long he will stay."

"We can do it, Ryan! I'm sure of it!"

But Ryan didn't look like he believed those words even for a second. He sat back down, heavy like he could barely hold himself on his feet and it pained Gavin to see him like that. The anxiety was coming from him in waves and he wasn't sure how to make it stop. It seemed impossible.

The food in front of them went nearly untouched. Ryan made him nervous, but he still couldn't quite believe that anything would happen to him.

Horton Haywood had been powerful during his reign, and the kingdom had blossomed underneath his hand. Because of that, it had been such a surprise that he had divided the kingdom so easily when he had grown old.

But that was in the past and when he had passed his crown down to his children, he had lost that power- at least that's how it was supposed to be. Clearly, that hadn't happened.

"He won't be happy with me," Ryan signed, his hands slow like he was in trance. The phrasing eliciting the image of a small boy, fearing a scolding once they got home.

Geoff had often said something similar, but in hushed whispers and with a hint of amusement. Their father had always kept a keen eye on Geoff's every move, on the crown prince, but that had never stopped Geoff from sneaking out and getting into trouble.

Geoff had never been  _ scared  _ of their father, not like Ryan was right now.

"How can I help?" Gavin whispered.

Ryan pulled a face like the question pained him.

"Watch your mouth," he signed. "I hate to tell you this, but you have to. Let me do the talking. Exchange the usual pleasantries, answer the questions my father will bring to you, but nothing more. He needs to know that you are not a threat."

"I’m not."

"He is in constant contact with the court. Do you think they told him the same?"

No. The court disliked him, they could barely hide it beneath their fake smiles and the glances they threw him. They would be happy to see him gone.

“Okay."

Just like in the beginning, right? He had been married into this family for his gift and the payment his family brought. He was expected to be quiet and docile.

Ryan cupped his face with one hand, forcing him to look at him, to truly mean it and Gavin could see the concern burn in his blue eyes.

"Please."

"I promise."

Horton Haywood was a tall man, something that both of his children had inherited.

During the wedding, Gavin hadn't talked much with him, but he could remember the sound of his voice, how it felt like velvet. For a moment he wondered how Ryan would've sounded if he could talk, but then he snapped back to attention.

"Someone spoiled my surprise," Horton said as he stepped out of his carriage.

It was still early enough that the sun was just a distant sliver on the edge of heaven and a servant was hurrying with a lantern to show the way for the previous King. An old man was Gavin's first thought. Not as old as Lord Regan, and while King Horton did not need a stick, he still placed his steps very carefully.

Maybe he was stiff after the long trip, Gavin knew the feeling. Right now it looked like a strong gust of wind could stop this man, and still... still Ryan was shaking by his side.

They were waiting by the entrance of the castle, their arms linked together as it was expected. Gavin could feel the tremors running through Ryan's whole body. He was terrified.

Gavin wasn't close to his own father. He had learned from a very young age that he was a failsafe, that he would come into play if his siblings wouldn't be able to inherit, and until then he could only try to be better than them at something.

He had never been able to, had never found that special talent that was his, but even then... even then he had never feared his father.

To see Ryan like this hurt his heart. He didn't understand, didn't want to, and he didn't even dare to say something to break the tension. Ryan had asked him to watch his tongue and so he bit down on it before he made a mistake.

All he could do was squeeze Ryan's arm in the hope of giving him some strength. It seemed to at least be enough to snap him out of his petrified state.

"Welcome, father."

They sat in the parlor and the tea in front of them was strong. Gavin had been so nervous and had taken a sip too soon and now the tip of his tongue was burned. It reminded him to keep it in check.

King Horton and Ryan were talking. Gavin watched in the corner of his eyes how their fingers moved, painting words in the air. Casual talk, about the travel, the weather, the nearing winter.

Gavin wondered if Horton knew that he could read sign language by now or not. Maybe he talked like this on purpose because during the wedding he had actually answered out loud.

By now Gavin hadn't said a lot. He had greeted the old King, had kissed his signet ring, and afterward he had just followed Ryan wherever. Now he sat in the plush seat next to Ryan and watched his folded hands in his lap.

Outside the sun was crawling higher and the silent conversation next to him turned into matters he didn't quite understand. It was awkward to read the gestures because he didn't want to outright stare and even if he would, the two of them were a tad too fast for him. He was still learning and Ryan usually made sure that he could follow his words, but not now.

Ryan's hands weren't shaking anymore, but they had in the beginning.

"Is that so?" King Horton said eventually and after such a long time of silence, the words seemed unfit. Even more so when Horton turned towards him and Gavin had no idea what they had been talking about.

"Ryan just mentioned you organized this year's harvest festival."

"Oh... yes, my lord." My lord, what a joke! He was King, the only one he should call his lord was Ryan and Ryan only! But Horton seemed quite pleased with hearing those words out of his mouth.

"I imagined it's quite a different festival to what you are used to."

"It is, but nonetheless it was a very enjoyable occasion."

Horton nodded and turned to his cup of tea. Gavin hoped he would burn his tongue as well.

"Then again all of this must be different from what you are used to. Are you fitting in well, dear?"

There was more behind the question, Gavin could feel it. He also didn't like the term of endearment. Ryan tensed.

"I continue to study the customs of this kingdom," Gavin explained. "It's a vast culture and quite fascinating."

Horton placed his cup back down, no sign of him burning his tongue, and Gavin was unreasonably disappointed because of it.

"The recent storms must have been a surprise to you. They aren't common in the Ramsey kingdom."

"They are quite terrifying, sire. I've never seen anything like it."

"The biggest threat to your kingdom has always been the flames," Horton said. "The Ramsey kingdom is blessed with a lot of woods and lush fields. It's a feast for a fire. But then again, I’m sure you know this all too well."

Now Gavin tensed. He wasn't quite sure where King Horton was going with this, but he didn't like it.

"I remember the great fire a few decades ago; after it hadn't rained in many weeks," Horton went on. "It just took a single spark and it ate away... was it two towns?"

"Three," Gavin said carefully. "Albeit I fear that was before I was born."

"Right, right. Was your father already on the throne back then?"

"He was... he was about to inherit."

"A dark time for the Ramsey kingdom," Horton continued, and Gavin pressed his lips together. It had been. He hadn't been born back then, but it was a time he had studied extensively.

"The future Queen was killed by her own blood and she had been so popular! What had the commoners called her?"

"The Exalted." His aunt. He had never met her, she had long been dead by the time Geoff had been born, poisoned in pure greed. Their father had barely talked about her, but rumors had it she would've led the kingdom into a new, golden time.

Then again, there was no way to know that for sure.

"The Exalted! Gifted with magic so powerful that the kingdom would have blossomed by her presence alone! I hear people call Princess Elisabeth her resurrection!"

Gavin wrapped his hands around each other, holding on tight enough that his knuckles turned white. Stupid rumors, he had heard them himself, but never had he taken them as a threat. Right now it felt like one and he wasn't even sure why.

"The older brother of your father was hanged for his crimes by popular demand," King Horton went on like this was an appropriate topic over tea. "Leaving your father as the only remaining heir and just two months later this fire... the people thought the Ramsey's had angered the Gods-"

"Enough!" Ryan's hand cut straight through his father's words. "You're making my husband uncomfortable."

He was right and Gavin noticed how much he was pressing his back into the seat, how his shoulders were around his ears to make himself as small as possible.

It had been dark times for his family, dark enough that it was a hushed topic at home. A dark smudge on the pristine Ramsey kingdom. It had influenced his father greatly on his quest to strengthen the Ramsey name again.

"I apologize, King Gavin. Hearing about this must have brought back painful memories," Horton replied. "The journey here was long and exhausting and I tend to forget my manners when I'm tired. Will you forgive me?"

Gavin cleared his throat before answering, "Yes, of course."

"Very well. I should retire before I say another insensitive thing."

They stayed seated while Horton got up and left the room. Gavin barely paid it any mind as he thought back to those cursed words.

It had been a long, long time since he had thought about his aunt, but her portrait was still hanging in the entrance hall back at home. After Libby had been born, many had commented on the resemblance. When Libby had developed her talent for magic-

Ryan shook him and Gavin snapped out of his thoughts. How long had he ignored Ryan's gestures? He wasn't sure, but he felt guilty doing so.

"I apologize for my father-"

"He wouldn't hurt Libby, would he?" Gavin asked. Just the thought made his throat tight. His aunt had been poisoned because of her power and her popularity. Libby was so much like her... And how had Horton said it? Just a small spark was all it took.

He didn't want to be that spark.

Ryan's eyes widened and then they grew dark. There was such a desperate sadness crashing over him that it only fueled Gavin’s panic.

He made to get up, but Ryan quickly pushed him back into his seat.

"Calm down."

"But-"

"Sit."

And then it was Ryan who got up and left the room. Gavin found himself sitting there alone with the three cups of tea on the table. Two of them were barely touched and only Horton had finished his. The tea was golden when the morning light finally hit it. It had been tea that had killed his aunt, it was so simple and easy to slip something in it.

"Gavin?"

Michael's hand was on his back. He hadn't even noticed that he had bent over, face buried in his hands to get rid of the thoughts in his head.

"Michael-"

"What happened? Ryan just said it was his father, but he... he didn't hurt you, did he?"

Michael was kneeling in front of him, holding on to his upper arms like he had to hold him up. Gavin had a hard time focusing on him. It was like watching him through thick fog and Gavin had to blink to get rid of it.

Huh?

"He said... something about a spark?"

Michael frowned and grasped him tighter. It was grounding and Gavin pressed a hand against his forehead. Horton's voice was still echoing in his mind, but he couldn't grasp the words anymore. All that was left was the feeling, the threat, and guilt, and the aftertaste of nightmares.

Ah-

"He used his magic," Gavin muttered. "He... I'm not sure. He made me believe things."

Michael's eyes widened as he understood. Pulling a chair closer, he sat down with him.

"They say the Haywood's can control the thoughts in your head."

"It was something like that, I don't know." Gavin shook his head to clear it. There were still traces of that awful feeling, of those ideas and pictures in his head, but they were fleeting.

What a scary gift. He had heard the rumors about it of course, but rumors were one thing. Feeling it himself was something completely different.

He could only imagine what it had to be like working under a man like that or even just negotiating with him. What it would be like to grow up with someone who didn't find him worthy.

Just the thought made him feel a bit sick, but it grew better after a few deep breaths.

"I should've seen this coming," he said. "I knew about it, but I didn't expect him to use it against me."

"He shouldn't have," Michael agreed.

Right. And now with Gavin's head clearing again, he could see how unreasonable his concerns had been. Horton wouldn't go after Libby, no way.

Libby was too popular and she was safely tucked away at home. Hurting her, even threatening her would be a crime, something his father wouldn't be able to look past. Horton would risk war, a long drawn out battle between those two big kingdoms. Maybe the Haywoods had more military than them, but the Ramsey's simply had more supplies to last them.

All of that for what? Just because Gavin had been a bit too loud, had forgotten his place? Because he had rather assured that the harvest was good than help the mines immediately?

No, that was unreasonable, but when Horton had implied it with his velvet voice... at that moment he had believed it.

"Ryan asked me not to leave your side under any circumstances during his father's visit," Michael told him. That took some of the tension away.

"We have to remind ourselves what King Horton can do."

"I'll kick your shin when it happens again."

Gavin laughed and while the sound was still a bit shaky, he felt better. Now he knew about it and Horton wouldn't be able to surprise him like this again.

"I always tried to stay clear from King Horton," Jeremy told him that evening. With winter closing in, the sun had set early and the day had felt way too short even with how early it had begun.

Gavin hadn't seen Ryan all day after he had left the parlor. He was pretty sure he was avoiding him. After dinner, Horton had invited him to a private conversation. He had asked Ryan with signs, not out loud and Gavin was now certain Horton didn't know he could read them as well.

Whatever the case was, he wasn't to join them.

He had been on the way to retire to his chambers when Jeremy caught him. Another thing he hadn't considered is that his and Ryan's sleeping arrangements were a secret, especially in front of his father. With Horton also residing in the private part of the castle, it would be easy for him to figure out and Gavin wanted to avoid any more trouble.

So Jeremy had quickly led him into Ryan's chambers and later he would sneak back into his own. It at least gave them a chance to talk.

"Did your father serve King Horton?" Gavin asked. He and Michael were sitting around the fire while Jeremy walked around to ignite the candles in the room.

"My father, my mother, and my uncle serve him," Jeremy explained. "He was good to them, my father always assured me of that, and he was a good King. The kingdom flourished under his reign. He made some very important trading deals that helped the people."

Jeremy didn't mention that Horton's magic surely had helped with that, but Gavin didn't expect him to. Back in the Ramsey kingdom, their servants knew not to talk about their gift. It was seen as treason and punished accordingly.

Michael would never dare to even mention it if Gavin didn't permit him to. He couldn't imagine that it was any different from Jeremy.

"King Horton counts on the richness of the kingdom. The minerals and metals the mines bring can be exchanged for anything else we need, so he put his focus on the mining industry."

"If you say it like that it doesn't sound as bad," Michael threw in when Jeremy finally sat down with them.

"I don't think it is bad, it's working, has been for years." Jeremy sighed. "At least in the northern kingdom. The southern part that was given to Ryan isn't as developed. We're closer to the sea and susceptible to its storms and floods. The Haywood kingdom always had to buy food for the winter, but it's worse in this part. I think Ryan is right in prioritizing our supplies before the mines, but his father..."

Jeremy trailed off and Gavin could feel the worry radiate from him.

Things weren't as easy, things weren't black and white. As it seemed both Ryan and his father tried to do what they thought was right for the kingdom. Gavin could admire that. However that didn't change the fact that King Horton had passed his crown to his children, his time to reign was over and he had to accept Ryan‘s rule now. But Ryan had already told him that his father didn't think much of him, thought him a failure, not capable of ruling.

He wondered what the two of them were talking about right now.

"Just because he was a good leader doesn't excuse his actions," Michael threw in. "As far as I'm concerned he's an asshole."

"My mother always warned me not to get in King Horton's way when he wanted something," Jeremy continued. "He gets what he wants. He's King and nobody dares to tell him no."

"Ryan is King now."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. Ryan has tried to tell him no before, but..." Jeremy trailed off with yet another sigh. He looked defeated sitting here with them in candlelight like he had been watching a battle that had long been decided, but just wouldn't come to an end.

"King Horton gets what he wants, that's how it's always been. Gavin, you think differently than him so you are his enemy. It's the same with Ryan."

"But Ryan is his son."

Jeremy shrugged. "I don't think King Horton is too happy with both of his children. He finds them too soft, but he never made it a secret on who his favorite was. That's why he's living with Queen Eleonora most of the time."

"Well, ain't she happy about her father breathing down her neck," Michael muttered.

"What was it like before Ryan inherited?" Gavin asked. "When he was also living with them."

Until now Jeremy had willingly told them about King Horton, but now his face clouded over. There was something defensive in his voice when he answered, "It was bad. There were... there were dark times. For him, Ryan was lost the moment they knew he couldn't speak anymore, and he let him know. It was- honestly, it was disgusting."

Jeremy sneered, an ugly grimace on his face, but before Gavin could ask further, the door was opened. 

It was Ryan and if possible his face only darkened once he saw them all waiting for him.

Jeremy was on his feet just a heartbeat later. "I prepared your favorite tea," he explained while turning to the kettle.

"Not now."

Without missing a beat, Jeremy shrugged him off. "There's also a snack. You didn't eat much today."

Ryan huffed agitatedly before pointing first to Jeremy and then to Michael. "Prepare everything for a-" Gavin didn't recognize the last gesture and Michael also frowned.

"A what?"

"H-U-N-T."

"Hunting? Isn't it a bit late in the year for  _ that?" _

"Who cares," Jeremy spat. When he put the plate down on the table, it was a bit too forceful. "Because King Horton wants to hunt! Not even because he wants to hunt or something, just because-"

Ryan stopped him with a warning gesture and Jeremy promptly answered with yet another sign Gavin didn't know. At least it deflated Ryan a little.

"Prepare, now."

Michael heaved himself from his seat. "If my King wishes it so," he said before actually winking at Ryan. Jeremy grasped Michael’s arm and pulled him from the chambers.

Ryan didn't even wait until the door fell shut before he gesticulated at him, "Your valet lacks refinement."

"Yeah, well. What can you do?"

That little banter had at least managed to bring some color back into Ryan's face, but he bypassed Jeremy's tea to reach for the bottle of wine. Besides the festivities, Gavin had never seen Ryan drink any kind of alcohol.

"You should eat something first," Gavin said because he knew what wine on an empty stomach could bring.

"Don't tell me what to do." Sharp movements that felt a little like getting slapped. It was the same roughness Gavin had faced in the first weeks of being here. And just like back then, he kept his mouth shut because that was apparently what was expected from him. Seeing Ryan like this was such a stark contrast to the Ryan that had shown him the endless ocean and he wasn't sure how to deal with this side of him.

A goblet in his hand, Ryan sat down opposite him and he had to notice Gavin's hesitation because his shoulders slumped.

"I apologize. It's been a rough day, but that's not your fault." 

"It's alright."

Ryan shook his head and did the same gesture that Jeremy had used before. Gavin was pretty sure it wasn't meant for him.

"What does that mean?"

Again the corner of Ryan's mouth twitched. "Instead of spelling out someone's name, you can use an individual gesture for them. This one," he repeated the motion, "is Jeremy's for me."

"It's like a nickname?"

"Kind of. It means Idiot King."

Gavin didn't recognize the noise he made, but he hadn't expected that. At least it made Ryan smile.

"He calls me that when I'm being an idiot. His words, not mine." He hesitated before admitting, "He's been calling me that quite a lot recently. Especially since you came to live here."

That startled another laugh out of Gavin and like a peace offering Ryan reached for the bread and cheese on the table. Good.

"So, we're going hunting tomorrow?" he asked to keep the conversation going. Ryan's movements halted and whatever tension that had left him came back full force.

"My father demands we do."

Gavin pulled a face, but he had learned not to question it. "It's quite late for hunting parties, isn't it? I wonder if we’ll even catch much."

"That hardly matters to my father," Ryan insisted. "I hate hunting."

That was... strangely sweet and Gavin hadn't expected that. The fearsome Mad King who disliked killing animals for sport. His words also implied something else.

"So it's a punishment for you?"

Ryan nodded and watched him with sharp eyes. "Don't leave my side tomorrow. The forests here are deep and dangerous, especially after the storms we had most recently. There are bears and other creatures that get hungry this close to winter. I will make sure that Michael knows about the dangers as well in case you do get lost."

"I'm good with directions, you should rather worry about Michael getting lost," Gavin informed him, but his try to make light of the situation didn't work.

"Do you know how to hunt?"

"We also organized hunting parties for our guests. I'll be fine, Ryan."

Ryan nodded and fell silent. There was still so much tension coming from him, that Gavin feared he would just snap. Maybe he should leave him alone to calm down, but the wine was still right by his side and he didn't want Ryan to drink himself silly.

"Did your conversation go well?" Gavin asked hopefully, but Ryan just turned away and occupied his hands with eating, so Gavin let the topic drop. It had been a stupid question anyway.

The minutes ticked by and he instead looked around Ryan's chambers, the books he kept, and the little nicknacks on the shelf. While doing so he nearly missed Ryan's gestures and he didn't think Ryan would've repeated them.

"When father gets angry he stops listening. It's like I'm not even there anymore."

"That's awful."

"It is what it is. You get used to it."

Only that Ryan hadn't. There was no way he had because it was obvious how much it weighed on him, how it hurt.

_ "I lost my voice." _ A secret Ryan had confessed to him on the cliffside and maybe for the first time Gavin began to grasp what it meant. Ryan could scream and rage all he wanted, Ryan could state laws and policies all day, but all the others had to do was look away. 

It had to be exhausting fighting against it. Gavin had no idea how to help.

"You can have the bed tonight,” Ryan signed.

"Oh, I figured-" Gavin stopped himself, but Ryan could tell.

"I won't stop you if you want to go back to your chambers. I promised you that on your first day here," he signed. "However I know that my father will keep an eye out for that during his visit."

Which would only make things even more difficult for both of them.

"I will sleep here," Ryan told him with a gesture towards the seating area. 

"But-"

"It wouldn't be the first time I fell asleep here. I don't mind," Ryan explained. "You are still free to go, of course."

Turning around, Gavin tried to catch a glance towards Ryan's bed, but couldn't see it. The wooden folding screen was in the way and Gavin had never bothered looking behind it. It was private after all.

"You can have your bed," he said. "I'll sleep here."

Ryan immediately shook his head. "I insist."

Ryan's bedside table was overflowing not only with books, but documents as well. Like even at night he was working away.

There was a blotch of ink on his sheets, but Gavin didn't mention it. 

"Fiction?" Gavin asked as he took a closer look at the books. "I didn't take you for a reader of fiction."

There came no answer and he realized it wasn't possible in the first place. Not with the room divider between them. He made to pull it away before realizing that Ryan might just get dressed behind it.

Instead, he pulled the books towards him and looked through them. In the midst of them was one that caught his eye because he recognized it as one from their kingdom. The language of flowers, Gavin had studied it for so long he would recognize it anywhere.

However, his copy had been well kept while this one looked a tad worse for wear. There were bookmarks between pages and when he opened one of them, he found little scribbled notes as well.

The Wisteria. The name was underlined, a circle drawn around it like someone was excited to finally find what they had been looking for.

Welcome to a new home, a new life. Royalty.

He recognized Ryan's lettering even though it was not as neat as usual because he had written it just for himself.

Ryan appeared next to him, carrying a candle to add to the dark behind the folding screen. "I read fiction because I enjoy it after a long day. I apologize for the mess, I should've cleaned-"

His hands slowed down when he recognized the book Gavin had in his lap and with the added candle, Gavin could see him blush. 

"You sent me the flowers. You looked for the right ones and..." Gavin trailed off. Over his time here he had received new flowers at least once a week. A pretty bouquet that would greet him when he returned to his chambers and he had thought it was the gardeners who ordered and sent them. Maybe in Ryan's name.

But to imagine Ryan sitting in his bed, going through the book to find the perfect match-

"It was the only language we could both understand," Ryan explained.

Gavin could feel his chest fill with warmth as he looked back down at the book. The countless notes, the markings, the ink that even stained his sheets.

And Ryan had sat here just like he was right now, clad in a white nightgown and had worked through this just to give him a present the next day.

He didn't know what to say, just stared helplessly up to Ryan.

"Good night, Gavin."

"I- yeah, good night."

But he couldn't sleep. Ryan's bed wasn't bigger or smaller or softer than his, but it was different. It smelled different, smelled like Ryan. Soap, ink, and pine needles.

He was way too aware that someone else was in the room with him. He couldn't see Ryan from here and Ryan couldn't see him, but he could hear him move and breath. Gavin himself tried to shift as little as possible as if he wanted Ryan to forget he was here and that wasn't very comfortable.

Also, there was a lot to think about, especially about King Horton. He had learned about the Haywood family before coming here, but it had been reluctant. If he didn't think about them, maybe the whole marriage was just a bad dream.

That had turned out as well as expected.

He did remember that Horton was popular with the people, that he had done many good things for the kingdom, but before coming here they had never met, not really.

The Haywoods had visited once, but he had been so young that besides a quick introduction, he had been quickly ushered out of the room. Thinking about it, that had to be when he had also met Ryan, but he couldn't remember that incident.

His eyes traveled in the dying candlelight until they found the book again. Not any book about the language of flowers, but one from home.

Ryan must have ordered it to be sent here and that was sweet.

The only language both of them could understand, but Gavin hadn't listened. Not really anyway. He recalled good wishes, greetings, and strength.

Slipping from the bed, he stepped up to the screen separating them and folded a part of it until he could see Ryan.

Ryan wasn't yet asleep either, he hadn't even laid down. He was still sitting at the table, the goblet of wine in front of him, but as far as Gavin could see, he hadn't taken to it yet. He was so deep in thought that it took him a few heartbeats til he noticed Gavin and then a moment longer to school his expression.

He looked sad and lonely sitting there, thinking about things that couldn't be pleasant. What had his father told him today? Awful things, Gavin was sure of it. Had criticized Ryan over and over again that he wasn't capable, wasn't a King enough, that his decisions didn't matter.

Before it had made him mad, now it just brought a strange calm over him.

"Is something wrong?" Ryan asked. Gavin shook his head.

"I just realized I couldn't see you," he told him. "If you were to talk to me I wouldn't know and I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. I want to know what you're saying."

It was late and it had been an exhausting day for both of them, otherwise Gavin was sure he wouldn't be able to see such a vulnerable expression on Ryan's face. Like someone abandoned, like a lost child that finally saw a light showing them the way.

"You can have the bed," Gavin told him. "Or we could share, I wouldn't mind."

Ryan smiled, but shook his head. "I'll be fine."

"Is this okay? To be able to see each other?"

"Very much so."

The bed still wasn't his own and felt strange, but it was better to be able to see. That way the breathing and the shuffling truly was Ryan. Every once in a while Gavin lifted his head to make sure the other was still there.

At some point, he must have fallen asleep because he woke up from a soft touch. Gentle fingers were brushing strands of hair behind his ear and when he opened his eyes, it was still dark.

Ryan instantly let go to gesture something at him, but Gavin was still too out of it to read it. Instead, he rolled onto his back and blinked the sleep from his eyes.

The skin Ryan had touched felt tingly.

"What time is it?" he asked and again Ryan signed something at him. Fuck.

Reaching up, he rubbed his face to wake up fully.

"Sorry, what?"

Ryan's mouth twitched in amusement. "Early," he signed, nice and slow. "H-U-N-T."

"Right, right."

Ryan was already dressed, but when Gavin took a close look, he frowned at the dark rings beneath his eyes and the small tremors in his hands.

"Did you even sleep?"

As an answer, he just got a smile.

"Go and get ready."

The dogs. Ryan didn't like going hunting because of the dogs. It was obvious the moment they stepped out of the castle and could hear their barking.

Ryan was scared of them. It was such a visible reaction that Gavin felt taken aback by the strength of it. Ryan paled and had to force every step closer, the soft tremor in his hands were full body shivers now and he balled his hands to fists to hide them.

Gavin would love to ask what it was about, why he was so scared, but there were too many people around. Ryan's father included.l He was watching Ryan closely.

Surely he knew about Ryan's fear. If Gavin had noticed there was no way he hadn't, but then again it had been Horton's idea to go hunting and now Gavin understood Jeremy's anger from yesterday.

This was a punishment.

It was barely dawning when they left the capital and headed towards the nearby woods.

Ryan was riding ahead with his father by his side. As far as Gavin could see, the two of them weren't communicating, but Ryan seemed too occupied keeping an eye on the dogs.

Gavin was riding behind them and was quite happy about the fur coat Michael had prepared for him. This early in the morning it felt like snow was only a breath away.

Jeremy came up by his side and he made an imposing picture, sitting up on his horse with the axes strapped at his side. There was a covered cage strapped to his horse that contained Ryan's hawk. Horton wasn't paying any attention to them, but just to be sure, Gavin signed at him instead of speaking out loud.

"Keep an eye on Ryan. I don't think he slept at all last night."

Jeremy seemed frustrated, but not surprised by that. For a moment he glared at Horton before nodding.

"He asked me to look after you," Jeremy signed back.

"Michael can do so. I'm more worried about him."

Hunting parties could be dangerous. No matter how many people saw it as a sport, they were still facing wild animals. It was too easy for something bad to happen.

Hunting was necessary and Gavin had joined many hunting parties before. Yet it was always a stressful, exhausting experience. Even when you were well rested.

They reached the forest and the dogs were off, chasing something through the underbrush.

Gavin followed a bit listlessly, his bow only lifted occasionally to shoot an arrow in the general direction of their prey. It was a fox; foxes were sly and fast. Without the dogs, they would've already lost its traces long ago.

The first animal of a hunt was a joke anyway, they would offer the kill to their guest and only afterward would the real hunt begin.

"Horton is watching you," Michael murmured at one point. His words were puffs of white, but he didn't seem to be too cold. The warm fur coat fitted him well and he carried his sword on his back just in case. He hadn't left Gavin's side the whole morning.

"I know."

"You should nail that fox right in front of everyone."

Gavin wasn't sure if he would be able to, he hadn't been the most talented with the bow but even if, "He would see it as an insult."

"Maybe, but wouldn't it be worth the look on his face?"

Gavin snorted and felt a little better after that.

They cornered the fox eventually and that was the part Gavin despised. There was no pride in playing with an animal that was so exhausted that it could barely keep on its feet anymore. It was just cruel.

He expected Horton to do something like that, gloating in the power he held at that moment, but when Ryan offered him the kill, he did no such thing.

Instead, his eyes raked over the men around him until they rested on Gavin. It was eerie how much he looked like Ryan right now, but they were far from the same.

"King Gavin," he called. "I want to offer this first kill of the day to you."

Ryan looked stricken, but Gavin couldn't even pretend to be surprised. Just another test in the end.

"I wouldn't want to insult you by taking away my husband's offering to you. The first kill should be yours, King Horton."

Horton smiled at him. "You were welcomed here to reign under my name and be safe under King Ryan's protection. As a Haywood, you must provide for your people."

He pointed to the fox cowering against a tree and Gavin knew he couldn't refuse, knew that Horton hoped he would.

"I thank you, King Horton."

Michael handed him the spear and Gavin slipped from his horse.

What a poor thing the fox was, its fur of such a pretty reddish brown and bristling with each step Gavin came towards him. There were deep bite marks where the dogs had gotten to it, but it still snarled and bared its teeth at him.

What an unfortunate day for both of them, Gavin thought as he weighted the spear in his hands and brought it down.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was scared of coming here."
> 
> Ryan paused. "Are you still scared?"
> 
> Three months later and he was finally able to shake his head. "Just a bit homesick still."

Chapter 10

"How long will your father continue to stay?" Gavin asked. Ryan just shrugged. He had grown quiet during the King’s stay, keeping to himself and not instigating any conversations as far as Gavin could tell.

Gavin could easily imagine Ryan as a little child being told to only speak when spoken to. Harsh words that cut too deep into a child and leaving wounds that never quite disappeared.

With his father being back, Ryan must have been reminded of those words every time he saw him.

Being here in Ryan's chambers felt like an escape after a long, long day of watching his words, steps, and the way he carried himself. Gavin himself was tired, but that wasn't anything against Ryan. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink for a week and considering that they shared the room now, Gavin couldn't remember a time he had seen Ryan sleep.

Often Gavin tried to sit up with him, maybe try and get to the bottom of it, but he was always the first asleep and Ryan would wake him the next morning, already dressed and asking him to prepare as well.

Which left him here with a pillow and blanket from the bed, lounging on the loveseat Ryan usually slept in; because tonight was the night he would get Ryan to sleep in his own bed. It had been a discussion ever since Ryan's father had come to visit, but Ryan had always insisted. So if he wasn’t going to listen, Gavin would simply give him no other option.

Ryan had to know what he was planning, it wasn't really that cunning a plan, but he hadn't mentioned it.

"The storms will get worse and the first snow might be soon," Ryan signed eventually.

"So King Horton should leave soon to avoid those."

"Or we might get surprised by a storm and he'll be forced to stay here."

Gavin paled at the thought. He was already so fucking sick of the whole situation. Ryan must have noticed because he shook his head.

"That won't happen though. Besides preparing for the wedding, he hasn't stayed longer here than necessary."

"Don't scare me like that," Gavin muttered. Letting his head fall onto the armrest. "But that explains why you were so... broody during our wedding."

"You weren't exactly a ray of sunshine either."

Gavin barked out a laugh. Wasn't that funny? Back on the day of his wedding he had been sure that he would never be able to laugh about it. Thinking about it, he sobered up. 

"I was scared of coming here."

Ryan paused. "Are you still scared?"

Three months later and he was finally able to shake his head. "Just a bit homesick still."

"Maybe we can arrange a trip in the spring. It's been years since I've been in the Ramsey kingdom."

"Really?" Gavin sat up, his heart beating faster.

"Why not? Prince Geoffrey's coronation will come up soon as well. Maybe we can visit twice next year, but I can't promise you that."

Still- that was so much more than he had dared to hope for. Watching Ryan now, he didn't know how to articulate his gratitude. It just felt like someone was squeezing his chest too tightly, something that happened all too often recently.

"Thank you, Ryan."

"Everything for my husband."

Husband. Gavin felt himself blush, but tried to cover it with a laugh. 

He laid back down, burying his face in the pillow and breathing deep. It was comfortable being here, the awkwardness of the first few days had passed and now the fire was warm, the tea empty, and the loveseat soft. It would be easy to fall asleep right now and then Ryan would be forced to sleep in his bed.

How very cunning of him!

But their conversation was still turning in his head and it wasn't even the prospect of going home. He didn’t want to think about that right now, not when so many things were happening. Ryan needed him to focus on the now and not what might be next year. Also, he didn’t want to get homesick, not when he had his arms wrapped around the fluffy pillow and was daring to drift off.

“Were you scared?” he asked. The corner of Ryan’s mouth twitched.

“Very much.”

“Really?”

“Are you surprised by that? I only met you once and that as children. I didn’t know who you were, what you thought of me. Maybe you didn’t agree with my way of handling this marriage, maybe you wanted…” Ryan trailed off, his hands lingering uncertainty before they continued, “maybe you wanted a proper marriage and would tell my father about our arrangement. I would’ve been in quite some trouble.”

“Oh.” Gavin hadn’t thought about that, he had been so happy that he had his own chambers that he hadn’t even considered that Ryan was breaking rules that had been around for ages.

"Most of all I was scared you would find out about my lack of power. That you would also ridicule me."

Gavin pulled a face. He remembered that day vividly, the small study Ryan had lured him in, and how very angry he had been with him. But both of those things were distant, his expression though, the solemn look on his face and finally the little note he had passed over the table.

_ I'm weak. _

Ryan had written those cursed words down without hesitation, defeated, and forced to give up his little secret. Thinking about it, he didn't have to. He could've played the powerful ruler, could've ordered Gavin to shut up and stop making trouble.

Surely it had cost him a lot of strength to come clean.

"Do you regret it?" he asked. Ryan thought about it. He thought about it for so long that Gavin grew unsure, not even knowing which answer he was hoping for. Ryan was watching him like he was searching for something and under the gaze from someone else, Gavin might grow nervous, but not now.

"I think I was very fortunate to have married you."

The words were warm, so much better than the cursed words that always went around his head. Gavin hid his smile in the pillow.

"Me too..."

It grew quiet after that little confession, just the fire and the occasional wind howling around the castle. He could hear Ryan get up and could feel him come closer, then the hand on the small of his back. He turned to look again at Ryan.

"You should head to bed."

Gavin barked out a laugh and hugged his pillow more tightly.

"I'm already in bed. All tucked in!"

Ryan watched him, quite unimpressed with his defiance, but Gavin wasn't willing to give up his place. At least until Ryan simply picked him up bridal style like he wasn't a full grown man.

Gavin shrieked, certain that he would fall any second, but Ryan just began carrying him towards the bed with his blanket and pillow and all.

"I'm too heavy!" Gavin protested, still a bit dizzy from the sudden acceleration.

Ryan gave a short hum before actually lifting him even higher just to show off before tossing him onto the bed. 

Gavin's face was burning by the time he untangled his limbs, but Ryan had already turned around to return to the front of the room.

"Wait!" Gavin nearly ate shit in his hurry to get to him but he managed to snatch Ryan's sleeve.

"Ryan, please!" The other stopped and turned towards him, his eyebrows raised, but Gavin wasn't about to lose this.

"You need to sleep!" he insisted. "I don't think you slept more than a few hours recently and that's not enough. You need to get some proper rest!"

"I'm fine."

"Do I have to pick you up as well? Because I will!"

Ryan laughed, louder than Gavin had ever heard before. It was surprisingly high and pleasant and he couldn't help himself but feel proud of discovering that new noise.

"I'd like to see you try."

"Watch then!"

Wrapping his arms around Ryan's middle, he tried to at least budge him, but he didn't truly think he had a chance. Ryan was taller than him, broader as well, and considering that he had just picked him up like it was nothing, he was also stronger.

He was also outright laughing now, his blue eyes crinkling and when Gavin gave up, he took his face in his hands.

The gesture felt intimate and Gavin knew that it was. That while doing so, Ryan couldn't talk, but he was forced to look at him. And Gavin did look, wanted to make sure that Ryan knew that he was watching, was listening. Even without the hands between them, he wanted to understand him.

Finally, Ryan nodded and Gavin couldn't help but grin.

"You've won," Ryan signed at him when he let go.

For one, two heartbeats neither of them moved. They stayed close enough together that Gavin could feel his body heat against his skin. Ryan's hair was down for once, something that he only seemed to do in the safety of his chambers and Gavin had the urge to touch it. He had done so once before, but after the cliff and the ocean, his hands had been so cold that he couldn't remember what that had been like.

He imagined his hair to be very soft.

Ryan's hand brushed against his cheek, gentle enough to make Gavin shiver.

"Good night, Gavin."

During King Horton's stay, the library became a kind of safe haven. Usually, Gavin didn't have to deal with him, not when he joined Ryan during his work, and Gavin wasn't expected to be there. No, his mission was to be out of the way and smile during meals.

It wasn't like he was mad not having to deal with Horton, but it annoyed him to no end to be pushed aside like that. He had promised Ryan though. So during the day he usually hid away in the library.

By the way Jack prepared him tea and snacks each day, Gavin was pretty sure he knew exactly what he was doing.

Unfortunately, one could only do so much reading at a time and Gavin had read a lot in the past week. Now he was just listlessly picking at the snacks and letting his thoughts wander.

Ryan had slept like a stone last night, so much so that for once Gavin had been awake before him. When he had gone to wake Ryan, he hadn't been sure how.

"I never thought about it before, but isn't long hair super bothersome?" he asked Michael. "Like my sisters always kept their hair in a braid during the night. I'd imagine it would get tangled otherwise or you'd like have it in your mouth or something. But Ryan keeps his hair down when he goes to sleep."

It had been fanned out over the pillow and Gavin hadn't been able to help himself.

"His hair is so soft. I always thought only girls have such soft hair, but maybe that's stupid of me because his feels like velvet."

He trailed off, watching the life in front of the window and it took him definitely too long to find Michael straight out staring at him.

"What?"

"His hair is so soft," Michael echoed. His voice going high in disbelief. Gavin could feel the heat on his face.

"I just noticed it!"

"His hair feels like velvet? What the fuck, dude?"

Now Gavin's face was outright burning and he turned away. Until now Michael had one leg up on another chair, but he especially sat up to continue to stare at him.

"What the fuck are you two doing when Jeremy and I leave?"

"J-just sleeping!"

"Mhm."

"I had to wake Ryan up this morning-"

"Because surely that isn't Jeremy's job."

"-and I touched his hair-"

"As you do. What else did you touch while you were at it?"

"Nothing! I- It was just an observation!"

"Sure. What did  _ he  _ touch then?"

There were phantom hands on his face, caressing his cheek before they painted pretty words in the space between them. Something that he definitely couldn't tell Michael because by now Michael had his face in his hands and was way too amused by this whole thing.

"If he touches you wrong you tell me and I'll kick his ass, you hear me?"

"He didn't!" Gavin let his eyes travel in a desperate attempt to change the topic and they landed on the book Michael had put down.

"What are you even reading?"

"A book about the weapons used in this kingdom. Especially axes. Next time I will win against Jeremy," Michael said easily. "Now tell me more about your observations late at night behind closed doors."

"Michael!"

He realized how loud he had become and threw a glance to the front of the library. Usually, he would at least get a disapproving look from Jack, if he wasn't already on the way to scold them, but Jack was occupied, talking to someone at the door.

"Oh shit."

"You observed shi-"

"No, Michael." Gavin pointed ahead and Michael made an angry noise when he found King Horton.

"Shouldn't he be breathing down Ryan's neck?"

"Well, apparently not today."

Jack stepped aside to let King Horton in and instantly those blue eyes searched for him. Gavin got up to meet him halfway.

"King Horton, I thought you were joining court today."

"The court sessions seem to be going fine, so I wasn't needed anymore," King Horton explained. "It has come to my attention that the sessions in the past few weeks had derailed and stopped focusing on the good of the kingdom, but we extinguished that spark just in time."

Something in Gavin tightened, but he forced his smile to stay.

"How fortunate."

"So I rather want to spend this afternoon with you."

Oh, joy.

"Join me on a walk, Gavin."

"Very well-"

"That's King Gavin for you," Michael interrupted. Gavin froze. He half turned around to throw Michael a look, but Michael just shrugged.

"He earned the title by marrying your son, so you should address him as such, your Majesty."

Gavin cleared his throat before Michael could speak any further. "I don't think I've formally introduced you to my valet, Michael Jones."

"Pleasure to meet you, King Horton," Michael lied easily before dropping into a deep bow.

Horton observed him closely and he didn't seem too pleased with what he found.

"A warrior of the Ramsey kingdom. Nothing too impressive."

Gavin opened his mouth to protest, but Michael was faster. "You should tell that to your knights because I wiped the floor with them."

"Did you now?"

"Well, Jeremy is still a challenge, but I'm working on it."

Horton's eyes traveled over Michael, searching for a lie perhaps. "Talented with a sword, but apparently not in etiquette."

"I'm not the one who forgot King Gavin's title, your Majesty," Michael said easily.

"Michael," Gavin hissed. "Please excuse the loose tongue of my valet, my Lord."

King Horton looked at Michael like he had no intention of doing so before turning away.

"Our walk?"

King Horton led him out of the actual castle and onto the walkway around it. There wasn't anything to see here, but Gavin was pretty sure that wasn't the point. Besides the three of them, nobody was around. Away from others, there were no witnesses. Gavin couldn't help but feel a little nervous. It was the same with Michael, he could feel him tense.

"We should talk," King Horton said and while Gavin nodded, Horton made no move to continue. No, he had stopped in his tracks and was staring Michael down.

"Leave us."

Michael's eyes narrowed, but he made no move to do as he was told.

Just like Ryan, King Horton was a tall man. He easily towered over Michael. Used it to intimidate, but it would not work on Michael. "That was an order, servant."

Michael replied easily. "Leaving now would contradict my actual orders, so I will not."

For a frightening second, Gavin thought Horton would lash out. In a fight, Michael could take him, but the consequences would be dire. Gavin had seen the fury in Ryan when things didn't go according to plan. Now he saw glimpses of that in Horton's eyes, if only for a moment. A heartbeat later and Horton had himself back under control.

When he turned to him, he was watching him in expectation, but Gavin shook his head.

"My valet does exactly as he is instructed. I have no reason to send him off."

"Very well." King Horton continued his way. Gavin followed his steps. "It seems now that we're out of the public eye there is no more need for formalities. Gavin, I am quite disappointed in you.

I know you weren't around while your father and I discussed this marriage, but your father assured me that his offered sons would be obedient."

Bile rose in Gavin's throat. A part of him wanted to call it a lie, that King Horton was just trying to rile him up, but truthfully, he didn't think so. No, he could see his father sit on his round table just how he had seen him sit and discuss trade deals many times.

What had Ryan told him? His father had offered him and Roland and that made an awful lot of sense. Roland, who was timid around new people and who didn't shine besides on the battlefield. Who drowned his thoughts and shortcomings in a little too much wine. And of course him, little Gavin, who was good at nothing.

"This marriage was meant to be beneficial for both kingdoms," Horton went on. "The Ramsey's got jewelry and weapons and the Haywood's got technology and supplies we needed. All you and Ryan had to do was be quiet and play pretend. Instead, you got involved."

"This is our land."

"I am sure Ryan told you enough to let you know that that isn't the case," King Horton replied as if that was the most normal thing in the world. "I am thankful for all you've done for the kingdom until now, Gavin. Really, I am! I heard about the storm and how you worked so tirelessly to save the fields. I was quite impressed with that, but afterward, you abandoned the mines. The mines are our lifeline and should be prioritized above all else. They are the only way to get to the resources this kingdom has to offer and the flooding could cause irreparable damage."

"I disagree. Without a steady supply of food, you soon won't have anyone able to work the mines. With or without flooding."

King Horton scoffed. It was such a dismissive little noise that it drove Gavin up the wall.

"That's where you're wrong. I guess it can be excused by your lack of knowledge about these lands and your youth. Ryan, however, should've known better."

"Ryan agreed with me!"

"Ryan!" He spat the word like it was a curse, like it was a joke. "Ryan is too soft to lead. A smart boy, talented in many things, but not in the ones that matter. He never showed the determination needed to deserve the crown, unlike Eleonora."

"You underestimate Ryan," Gavin snapped and stopped walking. Horton took two more steps before turning around and the new distance between them felt freeing. "Also it doesn't even matter. Ryan is King. You gave up your right to rule the moment you passed down the crown to your children."

"My right to rule?" Horton asked and he seemed honestly confused. "The right to rule never laid in any form of a crown. You saying this just shows how immature you still are."

"Ryan is King-"

"I am King." The words crash like thunder over him, making Gavin jump. Before, when Horton had used his magic on him, it had been sly, something hidden that had crawled into Gavin's ears, but not now. Now there was a force behind it that physically hurt. It was an order that nobody would dare to backtalk.

I am King, it whispered. And what I say is the law you have to obey.

"My right to rule is in my very blood, not in gold and thrones. As long as I have blood still in my veins this kingdom is mine to command. This is the order for as long as time!"

"Stop!" someone cried out. Gavin could hear them even though he had clasped his hands over his ears to avoid the pain. There was an arm wrapped around his shoulder that pulled him back, further away from Horton.

"Don't you dare use your magic against him!"

Michael.

Blindly Gavin reached out and put a hand on his arm. If to steady himself or to hold him back, he wasn't sure. His head was fuzzy, he couldn't hear his own thoughts, just Horton's voice.

_ I am King. _

"Ryan lost the right to rule along with his magic. Without me and my name, he wouldn't even be here anymore," King Horton told him. "It's only because of the love for him that he has this much. But I will not let him destroy what my family built up for generations!"

Gavin wanted to protest that what he had seen until now was anything but love, but his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth.

"This is my last warning to you, Gavin. Do as you were intended to."

The influence faded, leaving a hollow ache behind his eyes. Michael's arm was still there, wrapped around him a tad too tight, and by the time Gavin could see again, King Horton was gone.

"You okay?" Michael asked and Gavin nodded before pushing himself back up. His knees were shaking.

"I think so."

Only that it wasn't the truth, Michael could tell, Gavin just wasn't able to put it into words yet. Not until hours later when he sat down in Ryan's chambers, away from anyone else, and with a blanket pulled around him.

His head felt strange, not quite like he had a headache but similar to it. It tingled, as weird as that sounded, and in the silence surrounding him, he could finally pinpoint what he was feeling.

Violated, yeah. Like back when his father had called him into the throne room to inform him that he would get married soon. In front of the court so that Gavin wouldn't dare to cause a scene.

This time someone had been in his head, had made him believe things that he didn't want to believe, and when he listened closely, he could still hear King Horton's voice echoing. He wanted it gone, but once again his own opinion didn't matter.

_ "Your father assured me that his offered sons would be obedient." _

What ugly words, but he didn't doubt them. He could hear his father say them, somewhere in a pretty room as he talked with King Horton in secret. Maybe just in a letter because it was a matter not worth meeting in person.

His father had never told him how long he had considered the option of a marriage for him, but then again his father had rarely spoken to him. Every child after Geoff had only been a backup just in case things happened to Geoff. Once it was clear that Geoff would inherit... well, every one of them could be of use in other ways.

He had known that and he had been sure that he had accepted it, but it still hurt.

Then there was this other thing, a tidbit of information he had caught, but hadn't quite known what to do with it.

_ "Ryan lost the right to rule along with his magic." _

People couldn't lose their magic, Gavin had never heard about a case like that. Children without any trace of magic might have been born into royal families, duds, and freaks that were quickly hidden away.

His brother Roland had seemed to be one such magicless child. Geoff had told him that for the first few years Roland had been hidden away from the public eye, a secret. At least until they had found traces of his magic. Roland had been lucky that he hadn’t been the firstborn because a leader without magic was unheard of.

No, a child like that would probably disappear, along with any traces of them.

What about Ryan then? Gavin had heard rumors that he was a dud, but he didn't think King Horton would keep him. Much less give him a single ounce of power.

Because of his voice? King Horton used his voice for his magic and Ryan wasn't capable of that, bu-

There was a knock on the door and it made Gavin jump. He had stared so intently at the candle in front of him during his thoughts that he had to blink the phantom flame away to properly see.

"Yes?"

It was Ryan, of course, and as always he looked stressed. After every dinner, he would stay back with his father. Gavin couldn't even imagine what that was like. If his father used his magic on him too, boring into his head and whispering to him.

It would explain many things, how Ryan saw himself, how he had given up fighting for his place in this kingdom. How tired he always was.

When there was a voice in his head, telling him over and over again that he wasn't strong enough, wasn't capable, wasn't King... Gavin was surprised he could still stand.

"Okay?" Ryan asked him. Gavin nodded. He scooted to the side so that Ryan could sit next to him.

"Michael told me."

Huh. It was interesting that Michael trusted Ryan that much. They had come a far way from King Asshole.

"I'm fine," Gavin assured him. "Just thinking about things."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Just a glance showed him that Ryan didn't think the same. He looked upset, guilty, and run down.

"Can I brush your hair?"

Ryan's hair really did feel like velvet. Gavin let his fingers travel through it maybe more than was necessary to untangle it. Ryan had turned away from him to let him work, but he was still tense.

"My sisters always kept their hair in a knot to avoid it tangling in the night."

"I'm usually too tired to bother with it."

Gavin hummed in response. Beginning to gather Ryan's hair in his hand. The moment he brushed against his neck, the other jumped, but like before Gavin didn't comment on it.

"The Haywood magic lies in their voice, doesn't it?"

Ryan didn't answer for a while and Gavin couldn't help but wonder if he was overstepping some boundary here. It seemed like an innocent enough question, after all, he had experienced it first hand today, but it was a well hidden secret for every family.

"It's more complicated than that," Ryan finally signed. "My father's magic manifests in his voice; that of my sister as well, albeit it is different how it influences people."

"And your own?" Gavin asked, breathless.

Ryan's shoulders pulled up, but he didn't get up. Gavin half expected him to, yet instead he continued to let him brush through his hair. It was a nice rhythmical motion to keep his mind off of things.

"My father told you I don't possess any magic?"

"He said you lost it." And with it, Ryan had lost his right to rule, but that was something Gavin kept to himself. Ryan knew it anyway.

"My magic was similar to that of my father before I went mute, but I didn’t lose it with my voice."

Gavin let the brush sink slowly. "Before... you went mute?"

Ryan threw him a glance over his shoulder, but not long enough for Gavin to read his face. He just gestured to his hair. Gavin began to braid it. He had been stupid, hadn't he? He had always figured Ryan was born mute, but that didn't have to be the case.

"When did you..?"

"When I was fifteen."

"Did you grow sick?"

Ryan shook his head only slightly to not disturb his work.

"Accident," he signed.

"You lost your voice during an accident?" Gavin asked. He could feel Ryan think about his answer.

"El made a mistake."

"El..?" Gavin muttered before he got it. "Eleonora? Your sister? What kind of mistake-"

Ryan's hand brushed against his as he checked on his hair.

"Ribbon?"

"Oh, right." He had laid the ribbon over his leg to not lose it and now bound it around Ryan's hair to secure it. "There you go."

Again Ryan reached around to check on the braid before nodding. When he turned around to face him, his smile looked more like an apology.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I haven't lost my magic, no matter what my father believes," Ryan assured him. "I just needed another way to manifest it. My father wouldn't approve so I never showed him."

"King Horton doesn't know?"

Ryan shook his head. "Please keep it like that."

"But if he could see that you were still able to-"

"Lost cause."

Gavin's shoulders slumped. Today had drained him and he felt a little lost, like he was fighting against something way bigger, a fight he would never be able to win.

Ryan had to feel the same.

"I'll show you." It was an offering, a sign of trust, and Gavin had to smile.

"Your magic?"

"My magic."

"I would love to see it." And he meant it even if he was a bit scared. Especially after what King Horton had shown him today. The distant ache was still there. But Ryan wouldn't be so cruel, Ryan was gentle.

"My father has informed me that he will leave tomorrow," Ryan told him. "Afterward I show you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ufff, this week has been rough guys. My laptop has just stopped working on monday and a new one really broke my budget. 
> 
> If you want and can afford to, you could head over to my Tumblr to see how you can support me. It would be much appreciated!


	11. Wisteria will continue

Oh boy, what a mess those past days have been.

I will not go into details about the whole Ryan situation. He fucked up big time and I don't condone his actions in the slightest. I've never seen him as a stupid man but this just shows how little we know about people even if we watch them everyday.

However, I will also say that I am deeply disgusted by some of the people in this fandom. The amount of hate I saw in the past days has been shocking and not what he or his family deserved.

If you are one of those people who not only threatened Ryan, his family or his friends please go. I don't want you here.

**I don't want any hate or discussion in my comments and I will delete them if I see fit.** I will moderate them from now on, so if you have any hate to give or don't agree with me - nobody will see it. This isn't the right place for that. Not here and not under any other fanwork, be it art, writing or anything in between.

I write Ryan as a fictional character, now more than ever. Please accept that and if you can't, you're free to leave.

**What about Wisteria?**

Guys, I'm not sure yet. I put a lot of work into this story and don't want to see it all gone. But I will take a break to figure things out, see how comfortable I am with writing Ryan from now on. 

I have a backlog of chapters I will post until then, so I will be posting regularly in the next weeks.

If you can't take to read/hear about him, that's fine. **I totally understand!** We all feel betrayed. Please step back, take your time and look after yourself first.

If you chose to come back to this story or the fandom itself later, I will welcome you. My stories will stay up, I will keep my upload sheldule as it is.

**Please remember:** Wisteria and all Fanfictions out there are a work of  fiction . The Ryan in those works is a character, not the real life person. We don't condone his behavior just because he is a character in our work.

**Be kind to each other and yourself. There are enough bad things out there already.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably delete this with the next chapter but the message still stands.
> 
> Look after yourself first, friends.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your magic?"
> 
> Ryan nodded and intrigued Gavin stepped closer.

Chapter 11

Watching the carriage leave the courtyard and growing smaller in the distance shouldn't fill him with so much relief, but it did. He hoped it wasn't too obvious, but honestly he didn't care.

He had sat there all morning with an ugly fake smile, waiting for this very moment and now... now Horton was gone.

Ryan next to him continued to watch until the carriage had disappeared like he had to make sure his father wouldn't just stop and turn around.

They entered the castle again and Gavin had the urge to jump and celebrate, but he forced himself back under control. Gods, it felt like he could finally breathe again.

"My father caused a lot of damage during the court sessions," Ryan signed for him and Gavin felt his good feeling fade. He hadn't joined the court at all during Horton's stay and now he had no idea what had happened. When Ryan had returned to their chambers at night, he had been too stressed out to talk about things like that.

"Will you catch me up?" he asked. Ryan threw him a thoughtful look.

"Do you want to? Now that you met my father."

Right, King Horton may be gone now, but that didn't change anything. The court still listened to him and Horton could show up just as quickly as before. They just didn't have him breathing down their necks anymore.

Do as you were intended to. And he was meant to be quiet and play his role. 

The thought made him sick.

"What about you?" he asked instead. "Do you still want to fight this?"

Because he could understand if Ryan wouldn't want to, when he was just too tired and Gavin didn't doubt that King Horton would punish his son as well. He already had during this trip in ways Gavin probably hadn’t even thought about. Deep inside he knew it, he could see it in the haunted look in Ryan's eyes and how hard he had found rest.

So he wouldn't push. This was Ryan's fight, not his own, and it was Ryan's family he had to fight against. It could be too tiresome, too painful, and if Ryan chose to leave it be, to maybe wait until Horton would eventually pass away... Gavin would accept that.

They were on the corridor towards the library, a way that Gavin walked often, and he was familiar with the warm light falling in from the windows. When Ryan stopped it was in one of those golden squares. His eyes looked so much kinder right then. How Gavin had ever confused them with Horton's own, he didn't know.

When Ryan reached out, he waited, allowing him to cup the side of his face. It was a gesture that was nearly familiar by now and it made Gavin's heart pick up a beat. It was the proximity of another, the feeling of skin on skin, and how Ryan was searching for something in his eyes.

Whatever he found, it made him raise his free hand to spell out, "Danger."

"I know," Gavin said. "But it's not just about me or you. There are also your people out there counting on you."

"Us."

That made him smile and he leaned against Ryan's touch. "Our people counting on us."

Ryan sighed, but he was also smiling. Gavin already knew his answer before his fingers spelled it out.

"Fight."

He put his hand on Ryan's and squeezed. "Good."

Ryan was forced to let go of him to talk and Gavin already missed the touch.

"There is more you have to find out about my family," Ryan spelled out. "Dark things, cruel things. You heard the rumors about my family."

"Every family as old as yours has dark secrets," Gavin told him. "I know the Ramsey's are always portrayed as those pure and good leaders, but even we..." He sighed, but Ryan was nodding.

"Later," he signed. "Today is a happy day. Bad things can wait."

"Right!"

Gavin turned around, ready to march towards the library because that's where he figured they were heading, but Ryan pushed open the door closest to him and Gavin took a moment to recognize the room. He had been here only once when Jeremy had shown him around the castle and had promptly forgotten about the music room.

Now he looked around like all of this was new. The golden light of the day fell in through the huge windows, creating a spotlight for the main piece. The dark piano in the middle of the room looked perfect, no smudges on the polished wood and still Ryan reached out to let his fingers travel over the length of it as he walked around it. It was only when he sat down on the bench in front of it that it dawned on Gavin.

"Your magic?"

Ryan nodded and intrigued Gavin stepped closer. "I thought it was in your voice?"

"I told you it's more complicated than that." Ryan pushed the lid of the piano up and Gavin quickly helped to prop it open.

"Jeremy told me you play the violin."

"I do, but I'm not any good. My sister says there is no soul in my music, and honestly, I was never too keen on learning."

"Your sister also plays the piano."

"The piano and the violin and she sings. Sophie is insanely talented."

"I always wanted to visit one of her performances, but never got the chance to," Ryan told him and Gavin wasn't sure why, but he didn't like that.

"She isn't spoken for yet so you could've married her instead."

That made Ryan laugh and Gavin had to admit that even to his own ears that had sounded ridiculous.

"I want to hear your sister play not marry her," Ryan clarified. "Also I guess I prefer men over women."

"Oh."

Ryan watched him for a while, something intense in his gaze, and Gavin knew he was waiting for something, for an opinion or judgment, but honestly he had never quite thought about it. All his life he knew he would marry whoever his father chose for him, why bother fretting over could-have-beens?

"I don't... I didn't think I had an option."

Ryan nodded and Gavin relaxed. Of course, Ryan understood.

"Born into nobility, we are expected to be a certain way," he continued. "We marry those who benefit our kingdom the most, we are talented in the magic that was given to us in our blood and we lead the kingdom into a golden future."

"It's even worse when you are the firstborn," Gavin said. "I remember how much Geoff struggled, how much pressure was on him to perform well in all the necessary points. Surely it was the same with you."

Ryan tilted his head to the side like he was considering this. When he went to answer, his fingers were slow. "As a child, I was eager to learn. My tutors always claimed I was a bright kid. I didn't have many problems with any of the subjects and they all thought I had a bright future ahead of me. That of course changed when I lost my voice."

"The accident," Gavin said, and Ryan nodded.

"The accident. Afterward, all my education was for nothing. As you noticed, the Haywood magic is conjured through our voice, and without it, I was not worthy of leading. It was all just... gone."

Ryan's eyes went past him, deep in thought. Gavin stepped closer like his proximity could help in some way. It took some courage to reach out because usually it was Ryan who instigated a touch and right now his hand on Ryan's meant more than normal.

"That's what your father thought," Gavin reminded him. "But you found a way, didn't you? With your magic. And we'll also find a way for you to rule."

Ryan hummed in acknowledgement, he didn't look quite like he was miles away anymore. Instead he turned his hand in Gavin's to hold it for a moment. It didn't last long, but for a peaceful fraction of time, they just existed holding on to each other.

It was Ryan who pulled away to open the lid hiding the keys of the piano.

"Our magic is conjured by the sounds we create," Ryan explained. "Our voice works best and before I lost it I was able to influence people just like my father. I could make my words sink into their mind. Music isn't quite as strong because it isn't all me, but I made it work."

He looked up at him and Gavin gave a reassuring nod.

His heart was beating fast and he wasn't quite sure what to expect. Would hurt like Horton's magic had, this deep ache behind his eyes that was still there when he thought about it? He didn't think so, he was pretty sure Ryan wouldn't show him his magic if there was any risk it would hurt him.

No, Ryan had put his cloak around Gavin's shoulder and had sworn his protection.

He didn't recognize the song Ryan was playing, but there was instantly a shiver working down his spine. It was like the melody went straight under his skin, a feeling he knew all too well. It had always been there when he had heard Sophie play, her eyes closed like all those people around her weren't even there.

Ryan's music went even deeper after a moment. It sank straight down into Gavin's soul, like a warm drink on a chilly day, and at first Gavin fought against it. It was too intimate. If he were to let Ryan in, he would see the not so pretty parts of him, the secrets and thoughts he carried too close to his heart. How insignificant he was against everyone around him.

But he was defenseless against the magic and when he finally gave in, the melody didn't look around and search. It just settled there, warm and comfortable, and reminded him of sunlight.

His mother's hand on his hand, kind and warm. She had golden hair, the same he and Libby had inherited. It had been a long time since he had thought about that. About anything else but her still form in the bed while a baby cried a room over. Pale and unmoving. Just gone. For a few horrible weeks he had hated Libby for taking her.

But he couldn't, not when he shared the golden tresses with her. Not when she held onto his hand as if her life depended on it. How someone finally needed him, little Gavin, youngest of the Ramseys and unremarkable in nothing else.

Libby’s golden hair shown expressially bright when outside. When she sat next to him in the garden as they held their own little tea parties. One particular one there was another blond head amongst them. Someone else awkwardly sitting down with them. At first he thought it was Geoff.

Geoff who he loved so much, Geoff who he could look up to. Not his mother who had just been gone one day, not his father who didn't care, who barely looked at him, but  _ Geoff. _

Crown Prince and their father's favorite, but who’d rather sneak out of the castle with Gavin to go on adventures. Geoff's hand in his, Geoff giving him a piggyback ride because his own legs were so much shorter, Geoff-

The song stopped and Ryan called his name. At least Gavin was pretty sure he heard him, his voice having the same tone as the melody and he opened his eyes.

He wasn't sure when he had closed them, but the golden light of memory faded only to reappear when he blinked a few times. It was there, painting a spotlight around the piano and tickling warm on his skin. It shone on Ryan who was looking up to him, concerned and shocked and Gavin realized he was shaking.

Ryan reached up to catch his arm, his flesh prickled with goosebumps and when Ryan pulled, he gladly sat down on the bench next to him.

He was crying and he couldn't remember when the last time he had done so. Not when he had been forced to come here, not when he had heard about this engagement or when Annabel had to leave to get married herself.

"Sorry," Ryan signed at him, something tight and panicked in his face as he brushed tears from Gavin's face. "Happy. It was supposed to be a happy melody."

"I know." Gavin had to laugh at how much his voice was shaking. "Those are happy tears. I just- I don't know, everything was just golden and-"

He had remembered things, things he had thought were long forgotten. His mother and how she had laughed. For a moment he was sure he could take in her scent once more, something he couldn't even recall before, but there it was and his heart ached for it. He had loved her so because he had been her baby, her youngest, and when she had been gone, he had felt so lonely-

He laughed again because the loneliness didn't matter, not when he could remember her hand on his head, her soft, flowy gowns, and her scent. Things that had been buried beneath her loss for too long.

But there was another memory as well, something born from the melody and he felt the sturdy blanket under his knees and saw Libby sitting next to him. She had a big hat on to protect her against the sun because she was so small and Gavin had to watch out so that she would only eat the little treats they had and not some strange thing that she found fancy.

There had been someone else sitting down with them and their hair had also been golden in the sunlight.

"You were singing that song when we met," Gavin said and Ryan's eyes went wide. There wasn't much space on the piano bench and where their arms pressed together it was pleasantly warm.

"I never met someone else with magic. I was too young to be formally introduced to society and I'm pretty sure Libby and I were sent to the gardens to not bother your family, but you... you found us."

"I got lost. The Ramsey castle was so big," Ryan agreed.

"I bothered you to show us your magic and then you sang this song and everything- everything turned into a dream around us!"

"You let flowers bloom around the blanket."

"Gerbera." He could see them bloom in front of his inner eye. Cheerfulness.

"I had never seen them before and I was surprised by how colorful they were," Ryan told him and Gavin had to laugh. Such a nice memory buried under time and distance.

"Did you choose to play this song to remind me?"

"It's an old song of this kingdom," Ryan explained before huffing, "but yes. I did."

But there was something else and his heart was so full that it nearly burst when he thought back to the boy in the garden, just a tad older than him and seemingly awkward with just being there. But he had sat down, had indulged in Gavin's jest, and- and-

_ "You're Prince Gavin, right? My name is Ryan." _

Suddenly there were new tears in his eyes and he realized why Ryan was staring at him like that, expecting something just like Gavin had done all those years ago, waiting to see a magic trick.

"Your voice," Gavin brought out even though his throat was so tight, he feared he wouldn't be able to breathe.

Ryan's shoulders slumped and then Gavin was hiding his face against his chest, holding on before the golden light could take him away again.

"I remember your voice, Ryan."

And Ryan was pressing him close, one hand buried in his hair and his head leaning against his. He was also shaking and Gavin could hear his heart beat too fast. Now he was so much taller and stronger than this awkward boy from before.

"I can still hear it. You were calling my name."

_ "You're Prince Gavin, right?"  _

Gavin frowned like that could make him remember the picture more clearly. 

_ "My name is Ryan." _

He could picture the blanket they had sat on, a soft pink that he had ruined by spilling juice all over it years later. He could see the gerbera and how they had bloomed with his and Libby's combined glee. The melody of Ryan's song and how the light had turned to something otherworldly, how the grass had seemed more green than ever before and for a moment, for this single place in time everything had felt like a fairytale where everything turned out good and they lived happily ever after.

_ "You're Prince Gavin, right?" _

He had expected that Ryan's song would be stuck in his head, but it hadn't. Just those words.

_ "-Prince Gavin-" _

Surely they had talked more back on that day, but he couldn't remember, couldn't recall any more words coming from Ryan. He wanted to. They were pieces he wouldn't get back, little treasures that he had found today.

Ryan's voice and how his name sounded coming from him.

_ "-Gavin-" _

He had spent the better half of the night searching for more, staring up onto the ceiling like it was the sky from back then, like if he just pretended enough-

He figured it didn't matter. He didn't care that Ryan was mute, that didn't stop them from communicating, but the memory had been such a pleasant surprise. He was greedy for more.

_ "My name is Ryan." _

Gavin turned onto his side and glared at the embers of the fireplace instead. Sleep avoided him today in this annoying way it sometimes did. When he could just tell that he wouldn't find rest, that nothing but his body was tired and his mind was running ahead.

The bed felt different, felt wrong, and maybe it was only because it was late enough that he could be honest with himself; he missed Ryan.

With King Horton gone there was no need to play pretend anymore, no late night chatting in Ryan's chambers and no daily fights about who got the bed. 

There had been a very awkward moment after dinner when Gavin had nearly followed Ryan into his room before realizing that wasn't needed anymore and then they had stared at each other, nobody saying anything and he hadn't known-

So his dumb big mouth had wished Ryan a good night and that was that.

The evening felt empty all alone in his room after Michael had excused himself and Gavin hadn't known what to do, so he had laid down to rest.

Now, hours later he still laid right there and was growing frustrated with himself. Twice he had made to get up, to march out into the hallway and knock on Ryan's door to ask if he could come in. But he had no reason, not one he could just blurt out, and maybe Ryan was asleep. He certainly needed to.

With a groan, Gavin pulled the blanket over his head. It didn't smell right, smelled like him and he didn't want to think why that bothered him suddenly.

"Oh, this one is the prettiest of the bunch!" Gavin called. 

"That's what you said with the last three as well."

"I really mean it though, Michael! To the right! No, more to the right and... yeah, a little up. That one!"

Michael's hand wrapped around the branch and broke it off. He had climbed without any problems up into the wisteria tree in the garden and now jumped down like the height didn't exist. He thrusted the flowers towards Gavin, looking annoyed.

"Enough now."

"Thank you so much, boi!"

The recent storms had taken some life out of the tree and soon it would lose all its blossoms for the winter, but Gavin had managed to salvage the prettiest, he was sure of that. When he added this last one to the bouquet he was already carrying, it quickly got its color back and he beamed at Michael.

"Aren't they pretty?"

Michael didn't even look at the flowers, just at him. The frown hadn't left him once today.

"Why are we doing this again?"

"For Ryan, I told you!"

"No,  _ why  _ are we doing this?"

"Because it will make Ryan happy," Gavin explained. "We'll sneak into his chambers now and put it on his desk. When he comes in tonight it will be the first thing he sees."

"And we wouldn't want Ryan not to be happy," Michael said slowly, and wasn't that a strange thing to say? Pressing the flowers against his chest, Gavin looked at him, confused.

"I mean, no?"

"A lot of effort for this gesture. A gardener could've done as well."

No, that wouldn't have been right. Gavin wanted Ryan to know that the flowers were from him, that he had come here on his own and he had gotten them. Well, Michael had, but still.

"It means more when it comes from the heart, doesn't it?" he explained. "Also Ryan gifted me so many flowers already, it's time to return the favor."

Michael was still watching him in this strange, intense sort of way that made Gavin squirm. Like he was trying to figure him out.

"You like him."

Gavin's heart missed a beat and he had to laugh, albeit quite awkwardly. It was an innocent enough question, wasn't it?

"I guess so. Don't you like him as well?"

Michael sighed and ran a hand through his hair. From his adventure up in the tree, he had small blossoms stuck everywhere. "He's growing on me, but I'm still keeping my eye on him."

"You worry too much."

"That's literally my job."

Gavin hummed in agreement, but when he turned to head back into the castle, Michael didn't follow. No, he kept standing there with wisterias in his hair and Gavin waited with bated breath because he knew Michael was searching for words. 

"It's alright, you know?" Michael told him. "Just please be careful. It could make things even more complicated if you’re not careful and I’m just getting used to being here.”

Michael shrugged and no matter his words, there was a kind smile on his face. "But I'm still ready to flee into the woods if you screw shit up. I hope you at least wait until winter is over because with how much everyone is panicking about the coming months, I don't want to experience that first hand somewhere out there."

Gavin laughed, his face warm. The wisterias in his hand bloomed a brilliant shade of violet by how grateful he was for Michael.

"I don't know yet," he admitted. "I'm still... figuring things out."

"You got all the time in the world."

Michael wrapped an easy arm around his shoulders and pulled him into his side. He felt warm against him after the wind that already smelled like snow out here and the fur of his cape tickled against Gavin's skin.

"Thank you," Gavin signed at him, but instead of spelling out Michael's name, he crossed his arms across his chest and clawed at it.

Michael blinked at him before blurting out, "Bear?"

"Ryan said that you can use a gesture to address someone else, like a nickname! Jeremy uses," he showed Michael the sign, making him snicker, "for Ryan."

"He calls him an idiot King?"

"Yeah! But Ryan just uses," Gavin stretched out his little finger and couldn't keep his laughter inside.

"Because Jeremy's small?"

"Exactly!"

"Perfect."

"So now you are bear. I think it fits you just right," Gavin said and repeated the clawing motion and Michael shoved him aside. His face was burning.

"I guess there's worse than that."

Gavin beamed at him, but before they could continue, the gate towards the garden was thrown open. It was Jeremy and if he hadn't looked so out of breath, Gavin was pretty sure the two of them would've snickered and raised their little finger at him. Instead, their laughter died when Jeremy shook his head.

"There you guys are. Gavin, a messenger is searching for you."

The man waiting in the parlor for him was run down and gaunt. His hair was tousled from the winds outside and he hadn't shaved in a while. Even his coat was dirty and smelled like earth, but the Ramsey emblem on his chest was bright like the man had made sure to take better care of it than himself. When he slipped out of his seat, Gavin was sure he had collapsed, but instead, he just kneeled in front of him.

"Your Majesty, I came as fast as I could."

"You are one of Geoff's brigade," Gavin said. He hadn't bothered to sit down yet, there was too much nervous energy pulsing through him.

Ryan had already been in the parlor when he had arrived, but only now did the messenger pull a letter from his pouch.

"I bring a message from your brother."

Gavin took the letter and thumbed over the seal, the sprouting flowers of the Ramseys. Over his time here he had received two letters, both from Libby, but this one filled him with dread.

"I'll bring you to a room to rest," Jeremy told the man, who did look like some sleep would do wonders for him. Gavin waited until they left the room before he broke the wax.

Geoff's penmanship, he recognized it instantly. It was the fancy lettering he used in official documents and not only that - he addressed Ryan, not him.

For a moment Gavin was confused about that, debating if he should pass the letter on, but his hands wouldn't move, not until he skimmed over the text.

"My father..." he began before trailing off.

Someone pulled on his sleeve, probably Ryan to get him to look at him, but Gavin couldn't take his eyes off of the letter. Geoff was asking for permission for him to return, he was asking Ryan because Ryan had to allow him and Geoff knew that. Geoff always knew exactly what to say; these words made breathing hard.

"I need to go back home," he finally brought out. Looking up he saw Michael was standing by the door, blossoms still in his hair, but he had carelessly thrown the wisterias onto the table if only to cross his arms.

Ryan was frowning and got up. He didn't take the letter from him, but reached his hand out and Gavin handed it over.

"My father has fallen very sick," he explained, even though Ryan was already reading those very words. "They don't think he will make it. If I want to see him one more time-" The words got stuck and he had to swallow around them. "Ryan, I need to go back home."

Ryan shook his head.

For a second Gavin was so stunned that he was sure Ryan just hadn't understood what he wanted from him, but then... then Ryan folded the letter carefully and shook his head once more.

"I can't allow that."

"What?"

"With winter coming-"

"Ryan. Ryan, I-" He grasped Ryan's hands in his, keeping him from any more protests. His fingers felt a lot warmer than his own.

"My father is... I need to go back!"

Ryan watched him before throwing a look over his shoulder. He must be looking for Michael because just a moment later Michael pulled on him to sit down.

"It's dangerous," Ryan entreated. Gavin snarled in reply.

"Everything in this kingdom is apparently dangerous!"

He wasn't mad at Ryan, he wasn't mad at anyone. He just felt a bit too numb.

His father was dying and that should fill him with sadness, right? It didn't, honestly and that scared him. He didn't care much about his father, just like he had never cared much about Gavin either, but it still hurt. It hurt because his mother had died without any of them being with her. She had been brought into a chamber by her midwife and the next time the door opened his mother had been gone. And his father? His damn father hadn't cared, he had looked at the newborn child and had dared to be disappointed that it was a girl.

Gavin had never felt so much rage in his childhood than at that very moment and thinking about that, he nearly agreed with Ryan. His father didn't deserve him to be there, he probably wouldn't even care-

Geoff would.

That was the panic beneath the surface because Geoff was the closest to his father, Geoff would have to take over, would have to keep everything together. Himself and the kingdom and the family, and Gavin wasn't even sure what would be harder.

What would Geoff say if he just didn't show up? After everything Geoff had done for him-

No, he wouldn't disappoint him.

"I have to go back!"

Ryan was watching him closely, trying to figure him out, but Gavin couldn't wait for that.

He made to get up, but Michael was holding him back, pressing him back into the seat.

"You're not listening," he hissed. Gavin realized that Ryan was forming words with his fingers and he took none of them in.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to calm down, to close his eyes and think for a moment.

Ryan was waiting for him and when he moved his hands, they were slow and clear.

"Winter will break over us soon. I am guessing the first snow will fall this month," he explained. "If you get caught in a storm while traveling you will freeze."

"We traveled through winter before."

"Winter here isn't the same as back at your home. It's deadly."

Gavin shook his head. "I can make it. If we hurry we can reach the Ramsey kingdom in ten days. That's probably before any snow will even fall."

"How do you want to get back?"

Gavin froze because he hadn't thought that far ahead. He didn't know how long he would stay at home, how many days or even weeks. It depended on the condition of his father, but if he was as sick as Geoff claimed... then they would hurry with the coronation, with politics, with so many things.

Geoff would need all the help he could get, not only from him, but all his siblings. If he didn’t take over immediately, show a steady hand in his decisions, the people would grow nervous.

The coming weeks would be too important to miss them.

"I don't know yet," he admitted. "But I know I have to be there. I owe that much to Geoff."

Ryan deflated. He made to get up and maybe to run away, but he stopped. Gavin saw him swallow, saw him fight with himself and still he didn't expect the answer.

"I told you I wouldn't keep you here as a prisoner. If you chose to leave you can."

Gavin's eyes grew wide at that and this time when he got up, Michael didn't stop him.

"Ryan-"

"But if you leave now don't you dare come back this year. Winter is too dangerous."

"You want me to stay... until spring?"

Ryan clenched his jaw, but then nodded. He wasn't able to look at him, not even when Gavin placed a hand on his arm.

"Spring is an eternity away. I can come back as soon as I can and we'll be very careful during our trav-"

"I swore to protect you. It's safer to stay back and wait.” Ryan brushed his hand off. “Stay until spring.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your amazing comments! They really helped me through the past days ♥  
> Stay strong everyone!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gavin?"
> 
> A chair was pushed back and he lifted his head to find Geoff coming for him now. It made his throat all tight but he forced the words out.
> 
> "I missed you."

Chapter 12

The familiar golden light fell in through the windows of the carriage as Michael opened the door. Gavin got out, his shoes hitting the familiar stone tiles leading up to the castle. The cracks in between grew alive with grass as he did so, painting a way up the side of the stairs. He could hear water around him, small streams were leading through the entire castle and garden around and he hadn't even noticed how much he had missed the noise until now.

"Sophie," he called.

She was waiting for him on top of the stairs, wearing the same smile she always had. Her real one, not the one she put on for shows.

"Gav."

She wasn't wearing any flowers, nor jewelry but he had already expected that. He had felt it in the cities surrounding the capital, how the people had watched his carriage pass through. Seeing his big sister like that just confirmed his suspicions.

They met halfway and Sophie hugged him tightly. She was smaller than him but angled his face to press a kiss against his forehead. It was so familiar, it made his heart flutter.

"I'm so happy to see you again. It's been so long."

"I'm too late, aren't I?"

She nodded and took his hands between her own. "Come inside. You must be tired from the long journey."

He had missed these huge halls, the domes painted brilliantly over their heads. Plants growing up the sides, blooming all year in vivid colors and the presence of flowing water everywhere. It was bright and open and so different from Ryan's castle.

"I was at a concert when Geoff's letter reached me," Sophie told him. "I hurried back but even I didn't manage to see him again. Father died the very same night Geoff sent the letters."

"So there was no chance at all."

"No." With each step, her gown danced around her, layers of silk that barely weigh more than a feather. When she was playing in front of the people her long hair was always pulled into complicated braids and fastened with gold and emeralds but today it was simply bound back.

Everything about her showed that she was in mourning but Gavin could see it in her eyes that she wasn't, not really.

"Is everyone already here?" he asked instead because he wouldn't blame her, not for this. Never.

"Raphael went out to spread the message. Just an excuse to get out of the castle. You know how much he has threatened this day."

The day Geoff would snatch the crown right in front of him. The day their father wouldn't be there anymore and Raphael would have to use his energy on something else besides trying to impress him.

"Annabel came back three days ago. She brought her youngest son with her. He's so tiny, Gavin!"

"What about Charlotte?"

Sophie's smile fell. "The messenger came back empty handed. Her husband took the letter but sent him back right away. Who knows if she even knows what has happened."

Gavin pressed his lips together. He hadn't seen his older sister in nearly a decade now and he wondered if he would ever see her again. If he would so much as hear from her. For his wedding, he had received a gift in her name but there hadn't even been a real letter attached to it.

How awful.

Sophie squeezed his hand. Her fingers were long but calloused from endless hours of playing her instruments.

"Everyone else is here though. We were wondering if you would make it. Geoff said he didn't believe in it but here you are."

She let go and pulled a door open and there was Libby. Libby who seemed so sad, wilted like a flower but when she looked up, her eyes grew huge.

"Look who's here," Sophie singsonged but Libby was already on her feet.

"Gavvy!"

His heart dared to burst just seeing her as she threw herself into his arms. He could still remember the last time he had held her, back in Ryan's parlor, and how scared he had been to let her go.

He picked her up and buried his face in her hair. She smelled just like before, like chamomile and tulips and the soft fabric of her gown nearly gave with how tight he was holding her.

"Gavin?"

A chair was pushed back and he lifted his head to find Geoff coming for him now. It made his throat all tight but he forced the words out.

"I missed you."

"What are you doing here?"

They had settled down in the parlor and Libby hadn't let go yet. Gavin didn't want her to anyway, he kept her securely in his lap.

"The same reason why all of us are here," he explained and Geoff just blinked at him. He looked tired and stressed and a little like he had aged five years since the last time Gavin had seen him.

The past weeks couldn't have been easy for him.

Sophie put a hand on Geoff's arm and articulated his question a little better, "Haywood let you go?"

"Ryan knows about this. I didn't run away or something." Calling it an agreement might be a bit too much, Gavin knew all too well that Ryan wasn't happy about all of this. On the endless way here he had enough time to calm down and think about everything and every time he thought back to how they had parted, made his throat tight. Ryan hadn't even bothered to look at him and Gavin knew that he had wanted him to stay but this was important-

"We didn't exactly expect you to come home," Sophie admitted.

"When father passed away hours after I sent the letters out, I even tried to stop the message reaching you," Geoff added, making Gavin frown.

"Why?"

"Why? Gavin, the Haywood kingdom is known for its harsh winters. I didn't want you to take such a dangerous journey for basically nothing," Geoff said. "You are also new in the kingdom and leaving it so soon before a difficult season would hurt your reputation."

That was something Gavin hadn't even considered and his heart sank. He had prepared for his departure in a single day, there had been no time to stop and consider all possibilities.

He still had a hard time grasping how exactly the kingdom thought about him. The farmer liked him, as well as the people in the greenhouses and everyone on the marketplace always greeted him respectfully... but that didn't have to mean a thing.

Now his sudden departure right before winter.

"I had to come here," he said, the same words he had told Ryan as well. "Father died."

Sophie threw him a doubtful look but didn't comment on it, just like he hadn't done with her fake mourning. Geoff just sighed and rubbed his tired face.

"Of course. I'm not blaming you, Gavin. I'm happy you are here."

Hearing those words should take some of the weight from him, it was what he had wanted after all but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth. It felt like all of this was a mistake. 

"You must be exhausted after the long journey. Libby, why don't you bring Gavin to his room?"

Libby stared up to him with big eyes. "Did you forget the way to your room already?"

"I just want your company," Gavin told her, amused and Libby slipped from his lap.

"Alright then."

"Your clothes are different," Libby informed him as they walked through the hallways of the castle. She reached out to touch his coat and Gavin had noticed as well.

Sitting in the parlor with his siblings the difference had been so obvious. Their soft green against his bold red and gold. Even the fabric, the velvet he was wearing was so much thicker than the delicate silk.

He hadn't even noticed how used to it he already was.

"It's what we wear in the Haywood kingdom."

"Because it's so cold? Geoff said it might already be snowing at your place."

"It wasn't when I left but it will be soon. It was already quite cold."

Libby hummed and looked out of the window. It showed the garden, reaching until the horizon and glorious in the golden light of the sun. Here it was still warm, the winter something looming but far enough away not to worry.

"You're so far away," she muttered and reached up to take his hand.

Gavin felt another lump built in his throat but ignored it. "Thankfully someone always writes me such nice letters."

Libby grinned up at him but it darkened quickly and she sighed deeply.

"Father collapsed on the way to dinner," she explained. "He looked strange. His eyes were all open but he didn't talk, just... stared and when I called him he didn't even turn his head. Just stared up to the ceiling and his breath was-"

She stopped as a full-body shiver worked through her. Gavin soothed his thumb over her hand.

"I'm sure he was happy you were there."

She shrugged like she couldn't quite believe that. "I grew a flower for him but I was so sad that it kept on wilting. I wanted Geoff to help but he had no time for that."

"I'm sure he was just very busy."

"Oh, I know. He already apologized and it wouldn't have changed anything anyway. Father was dead a day later and since then Geoff is hurrying around. Everyone is." She sighed once more, a deep one that he had never heard come from her. It was the sigh of an adult and hearing it made his heart all tight.

He wondered if Libby recognized it as well.

"Raphael is super angry and he stormed out of the castle and hasn't come back ever since. Sophie says he's working but I wish he was here instead. Roland is also angry but he stayed. He and Geoff fight a lot and I wish they didn't."

"That's because they are all so sad," Gavin explained. "They have so much to do and sometimes when you're so stressed, it's hard to stay nice with each other. When things calm down they'll get better."

Libby nodded but she was still holding on tight enough to nearly crush his fingers.

"I'm happy you are here now," she said once they reached Gavin's room. "I missed you."

He pressed a kiss on top of her golden hair and wanted to just pick her up and keep her safe somewhere. Maybe out in the garden where she could forget all of this was happening.

"I missed you too."

When he stepped inside his room, Michael was just about done with pulling the dust covers from the furniture. The few remaining ones looked like ghosts from fairytales.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Sorry about your father."

"Thank you."

Just pretty words that were expected from them, things that society would fault them from if they wouldn't have been said out loud. Gavin didn't think he was grieving, not really.

He was sad, yeah but because this had hurt his family, this had stressed out Geoff and forced Libby to grow up. It had made old fights reignite that he had thought long burned out.

He wasn't sad because his father was gone. Because his father had never really been there. Not for his children who were born too late, his children that were just gambling chips to be sold for this kingdom.

All in all, he was nearly happy for his siblings. For Sophie and Libby because Geoff would not just give them away to whoever offered the most.

Michael knew all of that. He had been too long by his side not to.

"You're gonna take a nap?" he asked, the topic through and Gavin nodded.

"Just a few hours. I'm beat."

"Do you mind if I spent today checking on my family?"

"Of course not."

But Michael didn't move and Gavin also didn't head to his bed. His chambers were big, this first room easily doubling the size of the one back in Ryan's castle. The flowers were missing that usually adorned his room, poppies for the month he had been born in.

The room looked empty without them.

"Will we stay here for long?" Michael asked and Gavin couldn't quite look him in the eyes.

"Ryan said he would prefer it if we stayed until spring. It's safer."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I know."

He fidgeted around and it was easier to look out the glass doors leading the balcony. The endless garden behind that they had spent their childhood in.

"I don't know yet," he admitted. "What do you think?"

"I think we could make it back before winter hits if we departed in the next few days," Michael said without hesitation.

"Geoff's coronation-"

Michael watched him for a moment longer before shrugging. "Just let me know beforehand."

When he passed him by, he touched Gavin's arm and Gavin knew he would stay with him no matter his decision. Even if he didn't agree with them.

"Gavin!"

"Annabel."

He was engulfed in an embrace and held on tight. It had been too long since he had seen his big sister, after she had married she was staying in a neighboring kingdom but both of them had been too busy to visit often.

"I haven't seen you in so long," she said and pressed kisses all over his face. A habit that had always annoyed him as a child but right now he had to laugh.

"Good to see you as well, Anna."

"I'm so sorry that I couldn't be with you at your wedding! Is Haywood treating you right?"

He wrenched himself free but didn't quite escape her hand, tousling his hair. "Ryan is very good to me. I'm fine."

"Good. Tell Haywood that I wouldn't hesitate to invade his kingdom if he hurts my favorite little brother, you hear me?"

"I'm your only little brother," he reminded her, only to get a pinched cheek in return. "Also, I think your husband wouldn't agree with that decision."

"You say that but you'd be surprised." She patted his cheek and he didn't think she was lying. Annabel always had been headstrong and Geoff had claimed that from all his siblings, he would never have to worry about her.

"I have to check on Will. Do you want to join me, you haven't met your nephew yet!" She threw a look towards the door she had just come from and sighed. "It would be more fun than hearing them fight any more."

It certainly was but Gavin shook his head anyway.

"I'll meet him soon, right? First I have to do my part."

"Alright." She pressed another kiss to his cheek before letting go. "Let me worry about Geoff, okay? Watch out for Libby, she's taking this hard."

"Okay."

Gavin threw the door open and the agitated voices stopped when everyone inside turned towards him. Ah, Roland was here, no wonder.

"Look who could make it," Roland called right away, his voice too loud for the size of the room. "The Haywood. Nice clothes, Gav."

"Good to see you, Roland. I see you haven't changed."

Did Roland know that their places could be reversed right now? Gavin tried to imagine a world where Roland had married Ryan and suddenly felt sorry for Ryan instead of his brother.

"Why would I change? Nothing here has changed until now!" Roland banged his hand onto the table before Gavin had even sat down.

On the head of the table, Geoff threw him an apologetic look but he seemed too tired by this all to protest.

"You wouldn't know change if it spat in your face, Roland," Sophie mentioned. She gestured to the goblet next to him. "You were drunk the moment the sun rose."

"You suddenly have a big mouth just because you think you're safe now," Roland protested. "Geoff might still consider some of the offers for your hand. I heard there were some interesting options for-"

"Enough," Geoff finally said but it sounded listless. Like the word had lost all meaning in the past weeks. "We have bigger problems than that right now."

Roland didn't look like he had even heard him. He made a wide gesture towards Gavin that nearly barrelled over his goblet.

"How can you even look at Gavin anymore, Sophie? You are older, you should've been married first and if father had bothered to die a few months pri-"

"Roland!"

"What?" Spit was flying from his lips. "Gavin wouldn't have been Haywood's bitch if father had decided to keel over a few months earlier and Sophie just sits there, acting all high and migh-"

"Gods above, Roland! We're planning a celebration for our dead father and you can't stop being an asshole!"

"The old man didn't deserve any celebration in the first plac-"

"Don't talk like that," Geoff threw in but Roland immediately jumped at the words.

"Of course you would say that, daddy's dearest! Nobody else protests-"

"Where is your valet? You are too drunk to be here and if I have to ground you, by the Gods, I will-"

Gavin had barely noticed Libby, not with how tiny she had made herself. Her legs were pulled against her chest, the arms wrapped around her knees. Quite the opposite of what she had been taught but then again, who could fault her?

Doing his part, that's what Gavin had told Annabel and he had figured it would be to lend Geoff a hand but seeing this here... he wasn't surprised but disappointed and when he slipped from his seat, nobody even noticed.

"Hey," he muttered and brushed golden hair out of Libby's face. She looked up to him, looking miserable and older than she was but when he offered his hand, she took it without hesitation.

Nobody stopped them when they fled from the room and left the angry voices behind.

"What are we doing?" Libby asked him.

"I figured we could do something fun."

"Fun? But father..." she trailed off, unsure.

"It's okay to be sad that he is gone but that doesn't mean you can never be happy again."

Libby pressed her lips together and when she glanced up at Gavin, she seemed to search for something. When she spoke, she whispered as if it was a secret, "I'm sad that everyone is fighting, not because father is gone. A little bit about that as well, I think but now you are back and Annabel as well. That made me super excited even though I shouldn't be. Does that make me a bad person, Gav?"

He quickly shook his head. "Should I tell you a secret?"

"Please."

"I'm sad that we are fighting as well and because Geoff has so much to do right now. Not so much because father is gone. Am I a bad person to you?"

"No," she told him and it felt good to hear that. "When you answered my letters you always wrote a joke to make me laugh, so you can't be a bad person."

It made Gavin laugh and oh, if the world would work like that. But right now it did, at least he could pretend.

"He wasn't a very good father, was he?"

Libby shrugged. They stepped out into the garden and even though it was evening, the sun was still brilliantly and it was warm. It was such a stark contrast against the cold wind in the Haywood kingdom.

"But you know what? We're not the only family with that problem."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

He thought of Horton and how his words had bored into his ears, forcing him to think what Horton wanted him to. He had never dared to ask if he had done the same with Ryan but he feared he knew the answer.

"Did you already meet Will?" Libby asked him, ripping him from his thoughts. "He's super cute! Anna let me hold him but you have to watch out for his head."

"I haven't met him yet but I will check on him later."

"Roland said you should be pregnant soon as well, but I know he was lying."

Gavin sighed. He had known that his brother had issues but damn, he hadn't grown better during the time he had been gone. Maybe because he had found out that their father had also considered him expendable.

"Roland isn't fun to be around anymore. He drinks a lot," Libby told him.

"It sounds like it."

"But what he said before... Now that father is gone, do you have to be married anymore? Can't you just come back?"

"You know it doesn't work like that." They reached the first trees and Gavin let himself drop beneath its branches. With the nearing winter most trees they had passed by on the journey already had their colorful leaves but not this one here. No, it was too close to the castle and the magic they held. In some years it would stay green throughout the winter.

"Once you're married you stay married until death. Even father's death won't change that."

Libby hummed and when she kneeled by his side, she reached for his hand.

"Can I?" she asked as she thumbed at his ring and he slipped it off.

"Don't let it drop."

"I won't." She held the gold into the sun and let the light play over it. "It's pretty. The Haywood's make the prettiest jewelry, Sophie told me. When you married your cloak was sparkling like the night sky."

"Can I tell you something? As pretty as that thing was, it was super heavy."

Libby laughed and leaned into his side. She was still turning the ring in her hand to watch it.

"You were very scared when we got there... are you still scared?"

"No." And it was the truth. He could still remember how much he had jumped whenever Ryan had grown angry, wary of what might happen. Thinking back to it, that sounded laughable. It had only been a defense mechanism of someone who had been cornered and didn't know how to get out. Of course, Ryan had lashed out, Gavin had blamed him for things out of his control. Ryan had been scared of him finding out the truth and judging him but he had been too tired to continue to fight alone.

That had changed after King Horton left, Ryan had promised him to continue to fight. But now-

"I think I made a mistake," he told Libby. The words he had kept inside just spilling out.

"What kind of mistake?"

"I promised someone to help them but then... then I just left them alone."

Libby was watching him, her cheeks still smushed against his shoulder but even so, she looked scolding.

"Why did you leave them?"

"I wanted to come home," he whispered. "I wanted to for so long and when I got the chance-" When he had gotten the chance, the perfect excuse he hadn't stopped to think about it. He had run away and not looked back, he hadn't even considered what he had done to Ryan because it would've made him stop.

Also, this wasn't home anymore, not in the same way. Everything felt different, his room, the people around, even this garden. The golden light was still there but his family... in his memories, they had always been picture perfect but who was he kidding? They weren't, nobody was and he had only gotten here this morning but he could already tell that he didn't belong here. Not like before.

He was welcome here, always would be because this was the place of his childhood but time had moved here and time had moved back with Ryan and now they weren't aligned anymore. They were off and as slightly as it was, he couldn't ignore that.

The golden times of his childhood seemed endlessly away and he couldn't go back there.

"You should apologize then," Libby told him. “If you say you're sorry and really mean it, I'm sure they'll forgive you."

He hadn't returned to his chambers, not yet. Instead, he had sat beneath the tree until it got too dark to see. Libby had stayed with him for a few hours, talking about anything and later dozing before he had sent her inside.

He had asked her if she remembered the boy who had joined them on their picnic all those years ago but of course, she couldn't. It was too long ago and she had been so small but Gavin couldn't help but wonder if Ryan's song would help her recall as well.

Now, he gathered his courage to knock on the door in front of him and it sounded too loud in the silence of the castle around.

"Geoff?"

For a moment there was no answer and he already started to wonder if Geoff might not even be in yet. There was lots to do, or maybe he was already asleep and-

"Come in."

Pushing the door open, he was pleasantly surprised that Geoff's chambers hadn't changed one bit. The flowers growing up the walls were still as brilliant as always, purple lilies and red poppies, the same flowers as in his own room. It had always filled him with an unreasonable pride to know that the same flowers represented the two of them.

It smelled like lavender and old books and the shelves were full of little nick nacks. Souvenirs from all the places Geoff had visited as the Crown Prince, the people he'd met during his duties but most important the gifts he had gotten from his siblings. There were letters and drawn pictures, some from Gavin himself but mostly from Libby. Geoff also kept a picture of their mother but Gavin had never found joy in looking at it. Now as he did, he had to smile. In his memories, their mother always looked pale and sickly because she had been but not always. In the picture she was young and looked regal, the crown on her head. Nothing like the last time Gavin had seen her, still and unmoving in her bed.

Geoff himself had thrown himself into his favorite seat and by the way, he blinked at Gavin, he had been asleep.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"All good, I wanted to talk to you anyway." He got up to stretch but when Gavin got closer, he was pulled into a hug immediately. Good. Geoff's arms were strong as they curled around him and he felt warm. For the first time since he got here, it truly felt like home because that had always been Geoff. 

When Gavin got in trouble, when he needed advice or when he'd been scared... His mother hadn't been around anymore, and he would never dare to step underneath his father's eyes alone... so he had come here. No matter how busy Geoff had been, he'd always had time for him, just like right now.

"Sorry you had to see this today," Geoff muttered and Gavin shook his head. He buried his face into Geoff's chest and breathed deep.

"Roland found out that father also offered him to Ryan?"

Geoff made a surprised noise. "Now how did you find out about this?"

"Ryan told me."

Geoff pressed a kiss on top of his hair before letting go and dropping back onto his seat.

"Roland had been drinking in the city and caused a ruckus. Father said that he wished Haywood would've chosen him instead of you because you at least knew how to keep your mouth shut. It's gotten worse after that."

"I'd nearly forgotten how lovely father could be," Gavin sighed but could see how Geoff pulled a face. It wasn't as easy as that, especially for him. Geoff had been the crown prince, the firstborn and all of father's attention had been focused on him. They had been close, Gavin could remember being so envious of Geoff because of that and from all of them, only Geoff had truly lost someone. 

That, along with all the new responsibilities and hearing his siblings talk bad about their father... it couldn't be easy. Geoff had always been in an awkward position between being the crown prince and being their older brother, especially after their mother had died. Gavin had never really thought about that before.

"Are you okay?" he asked and Geoff let a hand card through his hair, leaving it all messed up.

"Yeah, just tired. Stressed. The past weeks have been... long."

"I'm sorry about father."

Geoff gave a rough laugh and shook his head. "You know? He was my father and always will be, more than he had ever been to any of you but I nearly agreed with Roland today. I saw what he had planned, how he is playing Sophie's suitors against each other just to get a better deal out of the marriage... I'm nearly glad that it happened."

He hid his face behind his hands, making his words come out muffled. "I have no idea how to solve this without stepping on any toes. I could buy us time but to get Sophie out of this and she doesn't even know..."

"If someone can do it, it's you." Gavin sat down next to him and burrowed into Geoff's side. "You were always the one looking out for us."

"Not good enough," Geoff muttered and he curled a strong arm around Gavin's shoulders. "If father had died this summer or if I put my foot down, you might still be with us."

Gavin hummed but it was like before when Roland had said the same thing. It didn't touch him anymore and he knew a few months ago he would've sunken his claws into the idea, would've turned it around and around in his head like a treasure. 

"What's done is done," he told Geoff and meant it with every word. "I can't say that I'm glad it happened, not yet but maybe one day but I'm alright, Geoff. I'm alright."

"Really?"

"The Haywood kingdom is different and I have a lot to learn but I'm needed there. My magic helps the people and even I..." He trailed off and could nearly feel Ryan's hands on his face, looking at him like he was  _ happy  _ that Gavin was there. 

_ "I think I was very fortunate to have married you." _

Geoff had turned towards him, Gavin could feel his breath ruffle his hair.

"Does Haywood treat you well?"

"He's very good to me. He respects me, Geoff, and he listens." His chest felt tight saying that. Had he listened?

"He really allowed you to visit?"

"He did. He even said I should stay until spring because it's too dangerous to come back during the winter."

He could feel Geoff tense and when Gavin pushed himself to sit up, he saw him frowning. Before he could say something, Gavin had already reached for his hand and squeezed.

"I think I fucked up big time, Geoff."

"Why?"

"I don't think Ryan wanted me to go. He wanted me to stay. It was a test and I failed because I didn't think straight. I was so homesick for so long and the message just gave me an excuse." His voice was too tight and even when Geoff rubbed a soothing hand down his back, it didn't help to calm him down. "I promised him to help, to fight, to stay with him and at the first chance I got-"

Gavin shook his head and closed his eyes, didn't want to see for a moment. Everyone around had known, hadn't they? Michael of course, it had been in each of his glances and Jeremy as well. Gods above, Jeremy had to be so pissed at him and honestly, Gavin did deserve an ass kick from him.

Ryan.

Ryan had put his trust in him, had opened up and Gavin had taken it, had filled his heart and soul with it until he felt so close to him that it had been scary. Close enough that he thought there could be something more, something in the touches and the looks and the softness of Ryan's hair.

"I think I really fucked up. I think I broke Ryan's trust in me and now-"

Now it was all over. It was something that Gavin couldn't take back because he had just turned away.

With winter coming, Ryan had told him what a difficult time it was for the kingdom, for their kingdom and the people- and what if King Horton heard of Gavin leaving? What if he came back, would stay the winter to make sure Ryan did what he considered right-

Ryan's birthday was coming up and Gavin wouldn't be there, the end of the year celebrations as well but Gavin had just run away and how could he-

"Now you have to work on fixing it," Geoff told him.

"I don't think I can! I screwed it all up!" Tears were burning in his eyes when he thought back to Ryan. Ryan sitting in his chambers all alone right now, Ryan facing the court each day just like before, knowing that Gavin had promised, Gavin had told him to fight and then he had just left him-

"Hey," Geoff said softly. He took Gavin's face in his hands and forced him to look at him. Gavin hadn't even noticed how much he had curled into himself. "Hey, Gav. You're sorry, okay? I can see it and Haywood will see as well."

"But-"

"You made a mistake and you realized it. So why not go back and try to fix it?"

"It'll be months until it's safe enough to travel and that's too late! I can't-"

"Then leave tomorrow."

Gavin stopped, stunned but Geoff continued to watch him, honest and calm.

"But father," Gavin said before realizing that he didn't care. His father had done nothing for him, nothing that Gavin had to repay. 

"Your coronation, Geoff." That was more honest and while Geoff smiled, he also shook his head.

"I would love for you to be there but I won't blame you if you found something that's more important. The kingdom isn't done with mourning and before two moons have passed, I will not have an official ceremony. If you stay, you will only be able to return in spring. If you leave as quickly as possible and travel safely, you can make it back in time."

Gavin opened his mouth but didn't know what to say. It was Geoff who pulled him in and embraced him again.

"I can't make that choice for you. You're your own person, Gavin, with your own life. Actually, if you think about it, you've become King before me. Doesn't mean shit because you're still my little brother and honestly? You are my favorite brother."

"That's only because Raphael and Roland are fucking useless right now."

"Maybe. Maybe not." Geoff pressed a kiss to his cheek. "No matter what you'll do, there will be nothing that changes between the two of us, alright? I'm proud of you no matter if you chose to stay or to leave."

When he got back to his chambers, he felt strung up and endlessly tired at the same time. His room still felt strange but Michael was inside, lounging on his chair and he at least looked familiar in the dying fire.

"Took your time."

"Yeah, I-" Gavin began but then shook his head. "I think I want to head back tomorrow. I know we just got here and-"

"Oh thank the Gods," Michael proclaimed and raised his fist in a tired celebration. "I was afraid you wouldn't make up your mind today because I didn't unpack any of your shit. Like, I would've to work through the night to get everything ready if you didn't fucking say that right now."

Gavin looked at him, stunned but then all the doubt fell from him. Of course. Of fucking course and he began to laugh.

"Michael-"

"No, I'm serious! You didn't even have shit to wear for tomorrow and I only realized half an hour ago, so I dug through your luggage to find something. You better be happy with the outfit because I honestly don't fucking care."

"Mich-"

"Thinking about it, you don't have a nightgown. They are at the bottom of the luggage and it's so much harder to get things packed again when you took something out? Like, I know it fitted in before but it doesn't anymore and I don't know why. How does that even work-"

"Michael," Gavin interrupted him, still laughing. He grasped Michael's shoulders and pulled him into an easy hug.

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've been writing for a week now and while I feel like I've gone through every available emotion during the process, it's actually been helpful in working through things? Then again I deal with everything in my life through writing, so that shouldn't be that much of a surprise.  
> I will finish Wisteria, simple as that. Not only am I nearly done with the story (I just finished ch 20 and I'm expecting this to have around 24 chapters in total) but I also never left a story unfinished before and I'm not going to start now - least of all because of some selfish asshole out there. If I let every selfish asshole out there stop me, I wouldn't have gotten to where I am right now.   
> So fuck it, if anything I will finish this out of spite but spite got me through most of life.  
> However I did change some things to make it easier on me, so I'm sorry but you will not get the ending I had anticipated for this story. I hope you understand.  
> Still, I deeply believe that every story is worth telling and nobody will stop me from doing so but myself.
> 
> Thank you for all the encouraging comments I got since all of this started. They helped more than you could imagine. Love you guys ♥


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I missed you," he confessed and was surprised by that himself. He hadn't realized that until now but it explained the tight feeling in his chest, the latent sickness he was carrying around in the pit of his stomach.  
> "I missed you, Ryan."

Chapter 13

Gavin didn't leave his home in the same headless way he had left Ryan's side. If he'd learned something from that mess it was at least that.

He took his time the next day to actually think, to tell Geoff about his choice and revel in the "good boy" he received. He sat Libby down and explained it to her. She was disappointed but when he told her he had to go back and apologize properly, she had agreed. Even more so when he asked her to assist in preparing presents to take back to the Haywood kingdom.

That was the hardest part, leaving Libby behind. She was still sad about the situation, about the hostility between their siblings but Gavin knew she could do it, knew he couldn't take her back with him.

He took his time to meet Will, his nephew and it was both exhilarating and terrifying. It was stupid to be surprised how small babies were, after all that wasn't the first one he had seen but holding him, he barely dared to breathe. The child was so delicate, so easily breakable and sometimes it blew Gavin's mind to imagine they all had started like that.

There would come a time when Will had to grow up, just like Libby had done in the past weeks. What a cruel world they lived in.

Roland wasn't happy about his decision but Gavin was pretty sure Roland wasn't happy about anything anymore. His words were sharp and meant to hurt but Gavin didn't let them.

It didn't matter what Roland thought, not when Gavin knew better. Not when making this choice had calmed his head down, had made him see clear for once.

The journey home had taken them ten days but now on the way back, they moved slower. They had to because of the weather conditions but Gavin didn't dare to push.

In front of the window, the landscape changed into something foreign and white. He knew snow, had seen it before in the few days in winter when it would fall at home but here it was absolute. In between the mountains of the Haywood kingdom, it could stretch until the horizon, perfectly white and undisturbed, like nobody had dared to touch it.

Not even Michael said something about it, they could just watch it, in awe at the sheer amount of it. How the coachman even saw the road was beyond Gavin, it looked the same as everything else around them, and only on occasions, they saw signs of someone else that had traveled here before them.

It wasn't snowing thankfully. During the whole time they traveled through the Haywood kingdom, the clouds were heavy and dark but not a single flake fell. They gathered around the mountains, pushed against the sharp sides of them like domestic sheep by the wind and the wind was strong. It bent the bare trees like back on the cliffside and rattled on the carriage until the vibration made Gavin's teeth clatter.

When the capital finally appeared between the mountainside, he sank into his seat. It was cold, even inside the carriage but the thick mantles kept them warm. Ryan had ordered a shawl from the fox Gavin had hunted and he pulled it closer around his shoulders. The fur was soft to the touch as it tickled his neck.

"Do you think he will listen?" Michael asked him. At the beginning of the journey, they had sat opposite of each other but now the proximity meant more warmth and pressed together, they watched the capital come closer.

"I hope so," Gavin muttered.

"He will be so pissed at you."

"Yeah." But he wasn't scared of a pissed off Ryan, he was scared of what was beneath. Of the damage, he had caused by just leaving him. By not listening.

The first buildings passed by them but barely anyone was outside. No, the window and doors were tightly locked and only the smoke coming from the chimneys showed any sight of life. By the time the carriage stopped in front of the castle, Gavin had only seen a handful of people and the guards of course. The guards who bowed and opened the carriage door and then they were back.

Nobody waited for them at the entrance because nobody had known that they were coming. Gavin had considered sending a message ahead as it was usually done but if the weather would've turned for the worst, he would've sent the messenger right into his death.

It didn't matter anyway.

Outside it was even colder, a cold so sharp he was sure it could hurt his bare skin. It tingled in his lungs and seemed to linger there. A cold he could taste.

"King Gavin!" one of the guards called and quickly sent for servants. "If we would've known of your arrival-"

"It's all good. We hurried to get back safely," Gavin told them and his words appeared as white fog in the space between them. "Where is King Ryan?"

"He should be with the court, your majesty."

Of course.

The huge doors were pushed open to let him in and the harsh warmth of fire hit his skin. All six fireplaces of the entrance hall were burning but even that couldn't stop the gust of cold Gavin brought in.

He made his way through the castle and more servants dropped to their knees, some maids were hurrying, most likely to prepare his chambers for his return but Gavin didn't stop there.

No, he made his way right to the conference hall.

It had been nearly a month since he had been there. A useless month that had nearly been completely wasted by unnecessary traveling but that wasn't something he could change anymore.

Taking a deep breath, he lifted his hand and knocked.

There was some shuffling behind the door and then Jeremy pulled it open. He must have wanted to send whoever it was away, at least he looked annoyed by it but his words turned to silence when he realized it was him. The surprise was short lived before he glared at him.

"Jeremy," Gavin began but the other just dropped into a deep bow.

"King Gavin."

Ah, he was pissed. That was fair and right here was not the best place to address this with the court undoubtedly listening to every word they were saying.

A chair was pushed back, he could hear its leg scratching over the floor and then there was Ryan.

Seeing him again made Gavin's heart sink. He looked worse than what he had expected. Stressed but he had expected that, tired as well but worse were his eyes. There was something dark in his gaze, something hurt and Gavin had to force a smile.

"Ryan."

Ryan continued to stare at him, the shock making him pale and he took a moment too long to shake himself from it. When he did it was like a mask, calm and collected and fake.

"My condolence, King Gavin," he signed and right, the news of his father's passing must have already reached the surrounding kingdoms.

"Thank you."

Through the open door, he could see the court and their greedy looks, how they were excited for each word to maybe twist it around or not. Gavin didn't really care, he just knew he didn't want them to listen in. But Ryan made no move to go anywhere else and Gavin half expected him to just sit back down and lock Gavin out.

"Can we talk?" he asked before Ryan could and saw the other sigh.

"Of course."

The way up into the private part of the castle was awkward. Gavin didn't dare to start a conversation and Ryan didn't seem to care for one. It wasn't until they reached his chambers and Gavin closed the door that Ryan so much as acknowledged him but when he did, it was like a storm.

"I told you not to come back until spring." His hands were cutting through the air between them but Gavin could see them shake.

"I wanted to come back right away."

"It's too dangerous! Nobody knew you were on the way here! What if you got snowed in? I wouldn't even know to look for you."

"Ryan-"

"Won't you listen to me even a single time?"

"Ryan," he interrupted him. "I came back as fast as I could to apologize."

Ryan stopped but where Gavin had hoped he would relax, he was faced with a cold fury.

"Don't."

"I shouldn't have gone back in the first place but-"

"Don't even pretend."

"I'm not pretending! I shouldn't have gone back but I was homesick for so long and so I jumped at the opportunity! Not to get away from you but to meet my siblings again!"

Ryan shook his head and just like the last time they had seen each other, he wasn't looking at him. 

"That was wrong of me and I know it! I knew it the moment I got back home, fuck, I knew it the moment I sat in the carriage and actually thought about what I'm doing! I should've realized it sooner but I didn't."

"Liar."

The word stood between them like something physical and it hurt. Ryan was trembling and was looking at something passed Gavin's shoulder.

"Ry-"

"Liar."

"Please listen to me!"

That was the wrong thing to say and he knew it the moment Ryan's furious eyes found him. His fist crashed into the shelf next to them, making a book fall over and Gavin knew that before that would've scared him, that he would've jumped and tried to get away. Now he saw it for what it was.

A cry for help, an enraged outlet for someone who couldn't scream at the top of his lungs.

Gavin didn't so much as flinch.

" _ You _ didn't listen," Ryan told him. "You said you  _ would _ but that was also a lie.  You lied to me."

"No, I-"

"You said we would fight but the moment I decided to fight, you were gone!"

"I still want to fight!"

Ryan shook his head.

"You said you could hear me! That you wanted to know what I was saying but you-" His hands stopped and he turned away.

For a horrible moment, Gavin couldn't react and his chest hurt. There were tears in Ryan's eyes and Gavin had known he had hurt him but he had underestimated the trust Ryan had put in him. Maybe it was impossible for him because he hadn't lived through the same as Ryan.

He forced himself to speak, to try and explain. "My family was always the most important to me. Next to all of them, I was so small and insignificant but... but at least I could watch them soar, I could try and help them. The thought of leaving Geoff in such a situation without helping him after everything he's done for me just felt so wrong."

He followed Ryan deeper into his chamber, watched as he sank into his seat like there was no strength left in him.

"That was a mistake and I realize that now. I realized it while we were traveling there but I didn't understand that things are different now! I'm different, I'm not the little, overlooked brother anymore. I'm- I'm a Haywood now."

Ryan half turned towards him before he caught himself and turned away. Gavin sat down next to him and reached for his fist to carefully uncurl it. He held Ryan's hand between his own but not too tightly. If Ryan wanted to speak, he should.

"I promised you to fight alongside you and I said so many big words but when it came to it, I ran away. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that and even then, I should've realized my mistake sooner. I listened, I promise you that, Ryan, but I didn't understand, not really. I hope I do now and... and..."

The words got stuck in the frustrating way they sometimes did. He knew what he wanted to say, could taste the feelings in the back of his throat but words just weren't grand enough to convey them.

"Can I hold you?" he asked instead and Ryan tensed but Gavin didn't know what else to do. It's what Geoff would always do, an easy gesture of comfort without much thinking and when Ryan didn't answer, Gavin slowly wrapped his arms around him. He wanted to give him any chance to pull back, to push him away but when that didn't happen, he drew him in.

"I have a kingdom now that I have to take care of," Gavin muttered. It was a bit concerning how Ryan just leaned against his shoulder, his head still turned away. "I also have a husband now but I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm sorry."

"You never called me that before," Ryan signed and Gavin frowned.

"What?"

"Your husband."

No, he probably hadn't. Ryan had and while it had been uncomfortable in the beginning, it had always sent a pleasant spark through him later.

"My husband," Gavin repeated. "Something like that won't happen again, I promise you that."

He leaned his head against Ryan's, could feel his soft hair against his cheek, and wished he could go back. Back to receiving the message and change what had happened next. If he'd only listened to Ryan back then, if he'd taken the time to properly think, nobody would've gotten hurt.

"I missed you," he confessed and was surprised by that himself. He hadn't realized that until now but it explained the tight feeling in his chest, the latent sickness he was carrying around in the pit of his stomach.

"I missed you, Ryan."

And Ryan turned his head, just a little and while Gavin couldn't see his expression, he could hear his breath catch right next to his ear. His hands came up just a heartbeat later, not to talk or to show or for Gavin to listen to, but to hold on. Trembling fingers resting on his spine, warm and holding on and Gavin wrapped his arms tighter around him.

Just to be there.

"I thought you two made up," Michael protested.

"We did."

"So mind telling me why we have to sit through super awkward meals now?"

Gavin groaned and threw himself onto his bed. He wished he could tell Michael to back off but unfortunately, Michael was right. After he had come back three days ago and had apologized there was a lot of nothing between him and Ryan. Ryan didn't seem angry anymore or maybe Gavin was just too stupid to see it. If Ryan still needed time, Gavin didn't want to push him so he also stayed quiet, which left them in a very, very awkward stalemate.

"Was the making up followed by making out?" Michael asked and alright, fuck that.

"Shut up, Michael."

"Just saying, it would explain things."

"It was not. Not that it's any of your concern."

Michael hummed and sat down next to him. "Jeremy said that if you screw this up he will kick your ass and I kinda promised him that he can because you're an idiot and deserve it."

"Geez, thanks, Michael. I'm always happy to know that you have my back."

"Of course. If it helps I'm allowed to kick Ryan's ass under certain conditions as well."

"Do the two of you do anything else besides talking about me and Ryan?"

"We do but it's just so entertaining!" Michael told him. "You know those short stories Princess Sophie loves to read? The one where a new volume gets released every month and she gets super excited about it? That's kinda it."

Gavin lifted his head far enough out of his pillow to glare at Michael but the only thing he got was a charming smile. Fine.

"I apologized," he explained. "And I think it went well but Ryan said he needed to think, so I don't want to bother him right now."

"Doesn't sound promising," Michael hummed and Gavin could feel his weight lift from his bed. "Do you need me for anything else tonight?"

"No, you're free to go."

"Good." He reached down to tousle Gavin's hair. "Gonna meet up with Jeremy then."

"Why would you-"

"Planning," Michael said as if that wasn't the most ominous thing ever. "Good night!"

"I don't like the plotting thing that's going on between the two of you!" Gavin called after him but before he had finished the sentence, the door was already shut and Michael gone.

Well then.

It was snowing the next morning. Gavin woke to gray light and when he got up to look outside everything had a white dusting. It was cold and he touched the tulips on his desk to keep them alive. Red and yellow, the last ones that had been blooming in the garden, Ryan had assured him of that. It was a surprise that they had lived through his absence. Someone must have taken great care of them and now he would make sure they would make it through the winter until new flowers were blooming.

Michael helped him into a gown, that was woolen and soft and kept the worst of the cold out and it was in dire need once they left his chambers. The hallways of the castle were freezing cold and the frost was painting flowers up the windows.

Ryan and Jeremy were discussing something when they entered the dining hall but stopped once they noticed them. That hurt but Gavin still forced himself to smile.

"Good morning," he signed and Ryan replied. Afterward, they fell into the same awkward silence as they had in the past days and Gavin sighed inwardly.

At one point one of them had to move a step forward and while he knew that, he for sure as hell wouldn't be the one. Judging by Michael's annoyed look, he knew it all too well.

"Have you ever been into a mine?" Jeremy asked into the silence and Gavin quickly shook his head, desperate for any form of noise.

"No. We have some back in the Ramsey kingdom but I never visited."

Jeremy threw a triumphant glance towards Ryan, who just glared back.

"You should take him with you, Ryan. You know, Gav, before winter hits we always take a look to make sure the mines are prepared. Ryan wanted to do this by the end of the week but with the snowfall, it would be best to do it today. Right? Ryan?"

Ryan didn't reply, just continued to stare at Jeremy.

Gavin waited with bated breath for an answer, for any kind of reaction but all he got was a kick from the side. Michael, who nodded and oh-

"I can tag along," Gavin found himself saying without actually thinking about it, only to realize that wait? Did he actually want to, or was that just because of Michael?

Before he could decide, Michael and Jeremy literally high fived in front of them.

"You're not even subtle," Ryan signed.

"Why would we be?"

Sighing, Ryan turned towards Gavin and that was at least something, right? "I fear I need a new valet. The Dooley family has forsaken me."

"We could swap?" Gavin offered only to break into giggles when Ryan promptly shook his head.

"I'm pretty sure it was your valet that corrupted him."

"Maybe you should've stayed in the castle," Ryan signed to him. "I don't want you to feel like I'm sending you back but if you can't-"

"I'm fine," Gavin assured him even if his clattering teeth weren't really convincing.

It was cold, colder than he had ever experienced and all the layers of clothes didn't seem to help at all. His hands were clad in leather but he couldn't even feel his fingers anymore.

They were in the carriage bringing them out of the city and somehow Ryan didn't even seem to notice that they were freezing in here but Gavin wasn't about to just run back. It was only the beginning of winter and knowing that his heart sank.

"It'll be warmer once we're in the mine."

"Really?"

"The mines usually have a pretty constant temperature."

Oh, thank the Gods.

Thankfully they reached the mine ten minutes later and somehow Gavin was still alive. He had pulled his cloak around himself like a blanket and with the two of them in the carriage, it had grown a little warmer but all of that was gone the moment they got out.

He was pretty sure he wasn't going to make it through the winter.

"Come on." Ryan offered his arm and reluctantly Gavin unwrapped himself to take it. At least Ryan was warm by his side and they stopped by a hut that gave them cover from the wind.

"Your Majesties!"

"This is John, the man in charge of this mine," Ryan explained and Gavin offered his hand.

"Pleasant to meet you."

John kissed his covered fingers before throwing him one look and pointing towards the mine. "Let us get out of the wind."

The mine was a black maw and looked so unnaturally that it made Gavin nervous. It was some deep flight reflex inside of him about the fact that he couldn't see far inside. There were a few feet of rough stone, lightly covered in snow and then a black nothing, only disturbed by a couple of torches along the ways. The flames flickered with each gust of wind and reminded him too much of the eyes of wild animals.

"Okay?" Ryan asked him and Gavin hadn't even noticed how he was clinging on to the other man.

"Yes, of course."

He hadn't thought that being underground would have any effect on him but he'd been wrong. The further they went down, the narrower the path seemed to get. Other adits were branching off in the dark and he could hear voices coming from there but could see no one. It was frighteningly eerie walking through these tunnels with only a lantern as a lifeline.

It did grow warmer, however, so at least that helped.

John was explaining the precautions they had met before the winter and while Gavin tried to listen, he had no idea what he was talking about. There were a lot of words and phrases he simply didn't know and it was somehow disheartening. Mining was such a big part of this kingdom and he knew next to nothing about it.

Ryan squeezed his arm and Gavin let go so that he could reply. In the dark, it was harder to see his hands but Gavin lifted his lantern to be able to translate.

As it turned out that was a lot harder than he had anticipated. It was something completely different to understand Ryan and then reply, but to actually put what he was gesticulating into words messed with something in his brain. On top of that, there were a lot of new signs he didn't know and Ryan had to spell out for him.

John was looking at him like he was a complete idiot and Gavin couldn't help himself, he wished he'd just stayed back in the castle.

When Ryan finally seemed satisfied and sent John away, Gavin couldn't help but sigh. "I apologize. I wasn't very helpful... I don't know how Jeremy does it."

"You're still learning," Ryan signed.

"But..."

Shaking his head, Ryan took the lantern from him and offered his arm again. Gavin took it, expecting to be led outside but instead Ryan just brought him in further. When he turned around, he couldn't even see daylight anymore and something about that sent red hot panic through him.

"We won't get lost, will we? I heard about people getting lost in mines and they are never found."

Ryan shook his head with his hands occupied and Gavin swallowed his fears down. They didn't go too far anyway before Ryan stopped and pointed towards the wall. At first, Gavin saw nothing, the stone was a bit wet but then something reflected the light.

"Is this gold?" he asked and gladly took the lantern when Ryan offered it to take a closer look.

"It is."

"Can I touch it?" The words had barely left his mouth before he already slipped out of his gloves and pressed his finger against it. It felt smooth, different from the rough rock around, and held more fascination to him than any other gold he had ever touched.

There was something else, a noise he hadn't really noticed between the echoes of their steps and distant waterdrops. Maybe because in his head it didn't belong here but he could hear a bird, chirping somewhere in the dark.

When he raised his lantern, he could make out a cage right at the edge of their light and confused he stepped closer. Sure enough, a little canary sat inside, hopping around. It was bright yellow and in the colorless world around them, it looked like the rising sun.

"Ryan?" he began to ask but Ryan was already next to him, gesturing.

"It's hard to tell if the air goes bad in a mine. The men get tired and collapse before they know what's happening and some have died. The canaries help. When the air becomes bad they stop singing."

"Oh, that's smart." There was some kind of corn at the bottom of the cage and he watched the bird eat some of it. It made him smile.

"It's so cute! Ryan, do you like animals, Ryan?"

Ryan pressed his lips together and Gavin wanted to kick himself. During the hunt, he had seen that Ryan was afraid of dogs, right? So much had happened with King Horton and his own father, that Gavin had already forgotten about it.

"I like cats the most," he babbled on. "We have a lot of cats running around the castle ground to help against vermins and they were all so cute! They would lay in the sun and you could pat them. One of them would sleep on the window sill of my study each day and it was all black and super soft!"

Ryan chuckled next to him. "I think I could deal with a cat."

"Really?" Gavin asked, hopeful. When he looked up from the cage, Ryan was watching him and not the bird. His smile fell at being caught and Gavin sobered up as well.

"Please don't feel sad anymore," Ryan signed. He reached up and touched the side of Gavin's face. It wasn't skin on skin, Ryan was still wearing his gloves but it sent a spark through Gavin nonetheless.

"How can I when you still feel sad?" he asked. "I hurt you."

"I'll try not to be sad anymore as well. I've long since forgiven you." He took Gavin's bare hand in both of his and squeezed and as happy as he was to hear these words, Gavin couldn't just leave it behind like that.

"I'm really sorry, Ryan. I wish I could-"

Ryan shook his head and pressed Gavin's hand against his lips. His breath felt warm on his skin.

"Put your gloves back on. We'll be heading back now."

* * *

Snow was dancing outside his window and Gavin couldn't quite take his eyes from it. No matter how often he observed it, there was something completely fascinating watching the flakes appear out of the completely white sky, only to be thrown around by each and every gust of wind. It was something he could watch for hours, as long as he was inside where it was warm.

The city beneath looked empty if it wouldn't be for the smoke coming from the chimneys, everyone had retreated back into their houses to watch and wait.

He had doubted Ryan when he had said traveling would be near impossible during the winter but now he knew how foolish he'd been. If he'd spent another week back in the Ramsey kingdom, he might've not made it back.

The door to his chambers opened and Michael stepped in. He was shivering and brought cold air with him that made goosebumps break out over Gavin's skin.

"The Haywood warriors are all insane," he informed Gavin only to promptly shake himself like a dog. It made molten snow splash everywhere.

"Training didn't go according to plan?"

"You won't be as cold if you move," Michael echoed. "Well fuck, I'm still fucking cold!"

Laughing, Gavin got up from his desk to search for a towel.

"Warm up then. There's still tea in the pot."

"Gavin, I agree with your choice to return here because you should follow your heart and don't fuck up your blossoming relationship-"

"Shut up!"

"But next year we fucking stay somewhere where it's not as cold."

Gavin threw the towel at him but Michael barely cared. He had wrapped himself in a blanket and was sitting right in front of the fire. There was still snow dripping from his hair.

"You look like a washed up dog."

"I feel like one as well."

They fell into a comfortable silence and Gavin sat back down on his desk. The book about mining sat in front of him, basically untouched for the past hour but he couldn't really interest himself for it. It was quite a dry topic with nightmare fueling dangers. To imagine the pitch black tunnels and the sudden drops lurking in corners. Some holes went so deep into the earth that nobody could say how deep they truly were or if there even was an end.

How horrifying, to slip and fall forever in complete darkness...

Shivering, Gavin leaned back in his seat and rather continued to watched the snow outside. It was early afternoon but it was already growing dark. Winter days were short and the nights long and he couldn't help but yearn for the summer days in the Ramsey kingdom. At first he had felt guilty about that but now he held it close to his heart because Ryan would be there.

He had said they could visit next year and Gavin was so eager to show him around the castle and the gardens. He wanted to go back to the place they had met and see Ryan under the golden light again.

"You brought some games, didn't you?" Michael asked and was already rummaging through the cupboard in the room. His hair was mostly dry by now and standing every which way.

"I did but you put it away. I don't know where they are."

"You can’t expect me to remember everything," Michael protested even though he promptly pulled a box out. Inside was a set of cards and Gavin pushed his book away.

Everything sounded better than continuing to learn about mining right now.

"I say the both of us refresh our memories a little and then we challenge Haywood," Michael said, shaking the box a little.

"With your luck, Ryan will think you're cheating."

"And that's why we'll be playing with coins!"

"Don't steal the riches of the King."

"I'm not. I'm gambling the King of his riches." Michael shrugged. "Totally different."

Half an hour later they knocked on the door to Ryan’s chambers. It was Jeremy who opened and he instantly frowned when he saw them.

“You two usually mean trouble,” he said but let them in.

Ryan was sitting on his desk, hunched over documents, and looked as enthusiastic about it all as Gavin had felt about his own studying. He was wearing his glasses and his hair down and ah, fuck-

He didn’t even listen to Michael explaining their game night with big words, at least not until Ryan put his glasses down.

“We didn’t bring any of the board games with us from the capital, did we?” Jeremy asked.

“We’re here to work and not to play,” Ryan just signed, making Jeremy roll his eyes.

“Gavin, tell your husband to not be such a killjoy.”

“Ryan, don’t be a killjoy.”

Throwing his hands up in defeat, Ryan left his desk and they settled in the seating area. When Michael began to explain the rules it turned out that both of them already knew them. Apparently their simple card game was common even outside the border and Gavin saw their little big plan already fading… at least until Michael’s luck kicked in.

“He’s cheating!” Jeremy called out, twenty minutes in.

“Am not.”

“There’s no way!”

“Michael was born in the month of fortitude,” Gavin explained, “but it might as well have been under a fortune moon.”

“Born under a full moon, baby,” Michael said as he pulled another card. “My luck never runs out.”

“Month of fortitude?” Ryan asked and Gavin felt a bit bad for bringing a card game. Every time Ryan talked, he had to put down his cards to free his hands but he didn’t seem to mind.

“July,” Gavin clarified only to be met with confused faces. “The sun, moon, and stars during your birth are used to predict your future.”

Both Ryan and Jeremy shared a glance before shrugging.

“I guess that’s not common here. It’s a superstition from home. Michael was born under a full moon, so he will never walk in the shadows.”

“If it would’ve been a new moon I would’ve been patient. Kinda threw that out of the window,” Michael added before grinning. “Also I won.”

"What the fuck!" Jeremy screeched and threw his cards on the table. "Doesn't matter how he was born, he's cheating!"

"Must've been born in November," Michael fake-whispered into Gavin's ear. "Sore loser that bunch."

"I was born in June!"

It was late by the time they wound down. Outside the wind was still howling but with all four of them in here, the room was warm and cozy.

"I hope we didn't keep you from too much work," Gavin told Ryan as he handed his cards to Michael to store them back in the wooden box. "Albeit it might be a bit late to worry about that."

Ryan shook his head. "This was fun. It's been a long time since I played a game."

"When you still lived in the capital?"

"As a child, El and I would play all the time but I didn't think to bring any games with me when we moved here."

"We have to start our own collection then!" Gavin proclaimed. "We did bring an old board game, didn't we?"

"Yeah, it's in your room though. You move around collecting wooden stars," Michael told him as he got up only to be promptly pointed at by Jeremy.

"I'm not playing with this guy anymore!"

"Are you sure you weren't born in Nove-"

"Stop with this bullshit!"

"I mean June means you are a good leader, so that’s at least something!”

Gavin watched the two of them leave with an amused grin. He was about to follow them when Ryan caught his hand and stopped him. Considering the situation, he looked surprisingly serious.

"What you talked about before, the thing about one's birth."

"Oh... Like I said it's just a stupid superstition." Gavin laughed a tad awkwardly. "The Elder still believe in it but it's just a fun thing to do."

"I never heard of it," Ryan signed. "I figured I knew a lot about the Ramsey kingdom but only from an economic standpoint. I never bothered learning things like that."

"Jack wouldn't be happy hearing that!"

"He wouldn't. It looks like I neglected my studies."

"That's quite dramatic," Gavin said. "That reminds me though that I brought a couple of books with me. I wanted to bring more but there was no time and I figured if we visit next year..." He trailed off, suddenly unsure if Ryan would even want to go back anymore. After all, Gavin already had his chance and-

"I would like that," Ryan replied and patted the seat next to him. "But I want to hear it from you instead. You were born in May?"

Gavin sat back down and nodded. "The month of diligence but like I said, it's kinda stupid."

Ryan smiled. "What about me?"

"People born in December are preserving," Gavin explained. "Your birthday is coming up soon."

Ryan pulled a face. "A bothersome day. I can just hope it'll continue to snow like this."

"So that King Horton doesn't visit?"

"Exactly."

Ah fuck, Gavin hadn't even considered the possibility and to make matters worse- "We will have to dance, don't we?"

"It is a ball," Ryan agreed. "Jeremy will fill you in about the required dances ahead of time."

Gavin groaned. Just thinking about it made him nervous. "I don't like dancing. I like watching people dance but that's about it. At home, the women would wear long, loose skirts and when they were spinning around, it looked like flowers were beginning to bloom. If you sat on top of a balcony it looked so pretty!"

And on top of the balcony is where he had usually hidden, not only as a kid before he was introduced into society but also later together with Roland and Michael. It had been their safe haven.

Next to him, Ryan sighed and when Gavin turned towards him, he looked upset. 

"What's wrong? Are you still-" Sad. Sad because Gavin couldn't keep his damn mouth shut about how great his home was, how a part of him was still longing to go back to his golden childhood. A childhood that hadn't been perfect but against Ryan's own had to seem like a dream.

"I have to apologize," Ryan signed and that was honestly the last thing Gavin had expected.

"You? But why?"

"Your father passed away and I barely took notice."

"Oh, I- It's fine. With everything happening-"

"It's not fine," Ryan interrupted him. "I was hurt but I wasn't exactly any better. I never bothered to ask you about your trip."

Gavin turned away, uncertain of what he should reply. Since the message from Geoff had reached him, everything was just a mess and he had the distinct feeling that every single choice he had made since then had been wrong or hurt someone that he cared for. It would be easier if he could just forget about everything.

"You know I wasn't very close to my father. He was-" Gavin bit down on his lip. Talking ill of the dead was disrespectful and this was his father, the King for many years. Back at home, it would be an outcry if he so much as thought like that.

He wasn't home anymore though.

"He just cared about Geoff anyway. Why would I care about him then?"

"That's not how it works," Ryan signed, and oh, how true that was. Feelings were never logical and Gavin could feel them swell in the back of his throat. Maybe he had been bottling it up, had focused too much on everything else because he really shouldn’t care, right? He had been nothing to his father so he as well should-

But now it was bubbling up and a part of him didn’t even want to keep it inside.

"I wanted him to apologize," he blurted out. "Just once! I wanted to hear him say it, that he was sorry for mom! He kept on pushing her because he was obsessed with new heirs, more heirs, with the Ramsey bloodline! And the doctors told him over and over again that she wasn't strong enough for another child but he never listened-"

Until she'd been dead. Cold and pale on that bed and Gavin had been too young to understand-

He was on his feet like he could escape those pictures by simply walking away from them but that had never worked. The excitement over a new sibling and how it had turned to fear after each year. How many he had seen, tiny and weak, and how many they had buried. It still turned his stomach.

"I hated Libby! Those first few months after her birth I hated her so much because I thought she took my mother away from me. It took me too long to realize just who took her away, that Libby had done nothing besides being born. My father had-"

Gavin pressed the back of his hand against his mouth to keep the words inside. They were wrong and blasphemous but he couldn't stop them.

"I'm happy he's dead! It's better for everyone around! He sent me off to marry a stranger I had never met! He didn't even come along or properly said goodbye! His last fucking words to not embarrass the family!"

Gavin scoffed. "And he did the same to my sisters. I haven't seen or heard from Charlotte in over a decade! She was sent away one day and then she was just gone. Libby doesn't even remember her! He had planned the same for her, I know it. Pretty little Libby with her natural talent and of course Sophie as well. My father should've died sooner!"

Ryan was staring at him but Gavin couldn't find the shock he had expected. No, he was listening but Gavin had a hard time catching his breath. All those words that had just been blurted out but now they were gone and he lifted his chin, defiantly. He wanted Ryan to dare and tell him he was wrong, that he should watch his words, and be thankful for the life his father had provided him.

They didn't come.

"My father was wrong. I'm not a tool," Gavin told him. "I'm not just a name and blood to be used up for a kingdom. I'm  _ more." _

Ryan got up but Gavin didn't back down. He stared up to him and squared his jaw, challenging him.

"M-O-R-E," Ryan spelled out. "E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G."

"Not only back home. Here as well," Gavin demanded. "I don't want to continue like this. I don't want to sit by your side and smile and be silent. This is our kingdom!"

Ryan smiled. His finger brushed over Gavin's cheek, a barely there touch before he tucked some strands of hair behind his ear.

"Let's fight for it then," he signed. "I'll protect you from everyone who dares to tell you differently."

"Even your father?"

Ryan watched him closely, his eyes wandering over his face from his own eyes, down to his lips. This time there was no hesitation.

"I was praying for someone like you when everything was dark, when nobody was listening," he told him. "Someone my father couldn't take or influence or ridicule. Someone that was all mine. My most precious."

The confession settled warm in his heart and tinted his skin dark.

"All yours?"

"If you'll allow me." Ryan cupped his face but didn't come closer, didn't move, just waited and Gavin had to smile.

"All yours," he said and put his hands on top of Ryan's to squeeze. "I think I want that."

Ryan leaned in and Gavin closed his eyes when a kiss was pressed against his forehead. He was pulled in then, into a gentle embrace and he hid his face in Ryan's shoulder. It was good like that, warm and soft.

Ryan had leaned his head against his and his hands were holding, not pulling. Gavin could feel the drum of his heart and let it go.

All those bad things that had happened, the homesickness, his conflicted feelings about his father, about his siblings, about King Horton and this kingdom. 

They would come back eventually but not as strong, not anymore. He had made a choice, he had a goal and if Ryan stayed by his side he could fight, could help him fight. 

"All yours," he muttered against the soft cotton of Ryan's shirt. "All mine. Everything."

Ryan's arms tightened and Gavin closed his eyes and let himself be held.

They stayed like this for too long but it didn't get awkward. It stayed a simple comfort, something between the two of them.

It made him think, about the past and his regrets there and the future and these new could-have-beens. It also reminded him of the box he had brought but had hidden away because he hadn't dared, had feared the commitment coming with it but now...

"Ryan? Can I get something for you? I'll be right back."

Ryan made a curious noise but let go of him. Not without pressing another kiss to the side of his face and Gavin had half a mind to turn and meet his lips.

Not yet. There were still things to talk about, secrets to share and they had time now. So much time.

He slipped away, out of the room and his skin felt too hot and a little like he had left another world. It was quiet outside and when he opened the door to his chambers, he expected Michael inside but there was no one. The card game laid neatly on his table and the fire was stoked but Michael must have left afterward and Gavin wasn't quite sure if he was disappointed or not.

A part of him wanted to grasp Michael's arm and tell him the news in excited whispers and another part of him wanted to keep it a secret for his heart a little longer. He would have to make that choice another time and for now, he opened the cupboard and saw the box immediately. 

Back at home, he had been so sure that this was the right thing to do but afterward, when things had been awkward between him and Ryan, he hadn't quite dared. Now he pulled the black box out and weighed it in his hands for a moment.

Yeah, now it felt right.

When he entered Ryan's chambers again, Ryan was still standing there. He appeared to be restlessly pacing around, nervously even but when he looked up, he was smiling.

"What's that?"

Gavin took a deep breath before putting the box on the table.

"Your birthday present."

Ryan stopped him from lifting the lid. "Too early."

"No, it's fine. It needs light while it grows." Putting the lid aside, he pulled a glass dome from inside. It wasn't very big, a little larger than his hand with a flat bottom to stand on. When Gavin placed it on the table, he could feel his nerves flicker. Inside were a few inches of earth and the tiniest hint of green. A seedling that had barely broken the surface.

"A flower?" Ryan asked and came up next to him. Gavin could feel his body heat against his arm. "What kind?"

"Depends on what grows," Gavin told him and then had to laugh about Ryan's confused look. "You showed me your magic, so let me show you mine. Well, Libby helped because I wasn't quite strong enough and it's a complicated spell... but it's mine. Through and through." He tapped against the glass dome encasing the little bud and smiled.

"I'll tell you more when it's time, alright? On your birthday if everything goes according to plan. Will you watch over it until then?"

Ryan touched the glass like it was something delicate and quickly let go again. He was watching Gavin with wide eyes and his hands moved uncertainly, "How do I water it inside there? What if it dies? I never took care of a plant."

How endearing. Gavin leaned into his side and Ryan's arm wrapped around his middle, holding him close.

"Don't worry, it won't die. It's magic, right? All it needs is warmth and light. You can open the dome if you want to but it will let the magic escape. Please don't do that. Just keep an eye on it."

"You'll tell me more on my birthday?"

"Yeah."

"A reason to look forward to that day," Ryan signed and Gavin grinned. He turned his head to press a kiss to Ryan's clothed shoulder and to be able to do that sent a shiver through him. He could see goosebumps breaking out over Ryan's arm.

"It's getting late," he muttered and while Ryan did nod, his arm stayed wrapped around him. Gavin also made no move to get away, he stayed tucked into his side and watched the glass dome and how the reflection of the fire moved over it.

"Will you tell me more about your trip home?" Ryan asked after a while. "Good things. Things that made you happy?"

It was the dead of night but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, not after everything. He was too strung up to toss and turn in his bed, unable to catch up with his thoughts when instead he could tuck himself into a seat here where the fire was warm and he could talk until dawn.

"I would like that very much."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan shook his head. "Just wanted an excuse to have you for myself."
> 
> Gavin felt himself blush. "You could've just asked."

Chapter 14

Gavin took his seat next to Ryan and let his eyes travel over the court in front of him. He could see a lot of displeasing faces upon his arrival but honestly, he had long stopped caring about that.

He didn't join every court session, there were other things Ryan needed his help with and Gavin gladly took on tasks that didn't involve sitting in front of some assholes that did their best not to listen to him but this right here was important.

While he was still busy with Ryan's birthday, there were already preparations being made for the end of the year festivities. In case they needed any supplies, they would have to send someone out to gather them the moment the snow stopped and the streets were traversable again.

Gavin had no doubt that it would be something that Ryan had no problem with organizing, after all, he had done so in those past years but that wasn't all to it. During the new year evening, the castle would hand out food, a warm meal in the dead of winter not unlike they had done after the wedding. Gavin could still vividly remember how that had worked out and his eyes stopped on Lord Regan for a while. To make sure everything went according to plan this time, it would be for the best to have every one of the royal family present.

Lord Regan noticed his look and turned away with a sigh. Yeah, King Horton would hear about this here but knowing that didn't leave Gavin uneasy. No, below the table he could feel Ryan's hand squeeze his knee in silent support. If Gavin wasn't so layered up not to freeze in this castle, he would feel the heat bleed into his skin.

"Where's everyone?" Gavin signed. He didn't want the court to hear him asking a probably obvious question because he was sure King Horton would also hear about  _ that _ _._ "The court isn't complete."

A handful of seats weren't occupied and he was missing some key members here, the younger ones especially, the ones not so much under King Horton's control.

"Those people come from further away," Ryan explained to him. "Some have manors outside the capital or come from nearby cities to stay in the castle for a couple of weeks. With winter they returned home."

"So they won't be joining us for the remainder of winter?"

"It depends on the weather. I allowed them to stay where they are if traveling is too dangerous." Ryan shrugged. "Also court sessions are calmer with fewer people here."

Gavin chuckled. "I bet. Is there any chance or lovely Lord Regan might miss some sessions in the near future?"

Ryan's lips twitched. "As long as his heart stays healthy, I fear not. He lives in the upper capital."

"Bummer."

Someone cleared their throat and Gavin realized that he and Ryan were having a conversation in front of everyone that nobody could follow. For a second he wanted to apologize for the rude behavior before he stopped himself. First of all, because he was King and he didn't have to apologize for shit and second because fuck the court.

"Lady Janis? Is something the matter?"

"I was just wondering if there was something you wanted to share with us."

"If anything concerns you, Lady Janis, I will therefore inform you," Gavin told her only to turn right back to Ryan.

"Can you believe this woman?" he gestured. "The nerve!"

Ryan pressed the back of his hand against his mouth to hide his grin but his eyes were bright. It only made Gavin more excited.

"Also did you see what she is wearing? Red and black, how uninspired!"

"Gavin-"

"What if next year we make the colors blue and silver? It would throw everyone for a loop!"

Ryan chuckled, a noise this room had probably never heard before and Gavin couldn't help the pride blooming in his chest. Even if beneath the table Ryan pinched his leg.

"Let's get down to business," he offered. "The faster we're done, the better and you can return to Jeremy."

"Right." The prospect of spending another afternoon with dance lessons dared to hamper his excitement but Ryan was happy and he couldn't let that go to waste.

"Just one more thing?"

"Go ahead."

"Don't you think Lord Regan has this distinctive old man smell?"

And Ryan lost it.

“One more time,” Jeremy promised. “Just the last part, I think you got the rest down.”

Gavin groaned but took Jeremy’s hand in his.

"I don't like dancing."

"I know, you've already told me several times," Jeremy teased and took the first step. Gavin followed and tried his hardest not to look at his feet at the same time. 

"I think it would be easier with music."

"I fear I can't play the piano and dance with you at the same time. If Michael wouldn't be completely useless-"

"Hey!" Michael called in mock agitation like he wasn't the one sitting on the piano bench, amusing himself on their behalf. "I'm protecting both of you, alright? Super important business."

"A valet without musical education is a disgrace!" Jeremy called while giving Gavin a spin. Gavin didn't mention that he had to duck his head to pass underneath Jeremy's arm.

"We focused on more important things than playing a nice tune!"

"And what would that be? Because it couldn't have been manners!"

"Guys," Gavin threw in only to be promptly ignored.

"I can dance!"

"Oh yeah? Get up here then!"

"Not dances from another country!"

"Excuses!" If it would be the first time happening, Gavin would be impressed by how with all that yelling Jeremy didn't miss a single step but by now he was used to it. Jeremy caught his hand again and both of them came to a stop. Gavin gave a little curtsy while Jeremy bowed, only to be promptly elbowed aside.

"Our dances are way more fun anyway," Michael said and wrapped a strong arm around Gavin's middle. "More passionate."

"Passionate!" Jeremy cried out.

"Yeah, like this!"

Gavin sighed to himself as he got tipped back. He linked their fingers and wrapped his arm around Michael's shoulders and gave in. It was a game they had played way too often as children and if Michael wanted to show off, so be it.

"Don't let me fall," he said and Michael just winked at him.

"Have I ever!"

"Actually yes, you did!" 

"I was eleven and we were just getting started to learn this! That doesn't even count!"

"It does!"

Michael shook his head and then the whole world turned upside down. Gavin could swear his head nearly brushed the floor but he knew Michael would hold him up if only to impress Jeremy.

There was a knock on the door before it opened and of fucking course it was Ryan. He rose one of his eyebrows at them and if all of Gavin's blood wasn't already rushing towards his head, it would now.

"Just showing how flexible you are," Michael leaned down to whisper and alright, he would never tell Michael a single thing ever again.

"I'm going to murder you!" Gavin hissed and tried to get back into an upward position, only for Michael not letting him. It didn't take long until both of them crashed onto the floor in a heap of tangled limbs.

"Impressive," Jeremy commented drily and Gavin decided he would just continue to lay on the ground, hoping it would open up to swallow him. Then again Michael was laughing so hard on top of him, that he couldn't even get up and Gavin couldn't help but fall in.

What a mess.

"Aren't you supposed to protect him?" Ryan asked as he appeared above them and just sent Michael into another round of childish snickering.

"He can take it!"

"If you say so." Ryan offered his hand and Michael didn't hesitate to let himself be pulled up.

"Can you imagine that Michael never had any kind of musical education?" Jeremy threw in and Ryan made a surprised noise. Gavin took his hand as it was offered to him and Ryan easily picked him up.

"Are you hurt?" Ryan asked as he was dusting him off.

"No, I'm fine. We were just messing around."

"Good." Ryan turned towards Michael. "You really can't play an instrument?"

Michael just shrugged and folded his arms in front of his chest. "It's not a requirement, so I passed on it."

"It's a requirement in this kingdom. A valet should be able to provide entertainment."

"Are you saying my sheer presence isn't entertainment enough, Ryan?"

Ryan huffed amused but that wasn't enough to save Michael. "Jeremy, why don't you teach Michael? We don't want him to lack any education."

"Michael wants to lack that very education-"

"Sure," Jeremy interrupted him. "Sit down, will you? I'll show you the basics."

"Gav!" Michael called but he was already shaking his head.

"You did let me fall just now."

"Oh, come on!"

Laughing, Gavin turned back to Ryan. "I wanted you to take another look at the guest list. We both know what drama it could cause if I forget to invite someone."

Ryan shook himself like that brought back some unwanted memories before nodding. He led Gavin out of the music room, a strong hand at the small of his back and both of them ignored Michael's whine.

"Do you really want Michael to learn an instrument?" Gavin asked when the door fell shut behind them.

Ryan shook his head. "Just wanted an excuse to have you for myself."

Gavin felt himself blush. "You could've just asked."

"I could've but he did let you fall to the floor."

Gavin laughed and when Ryan's hand brushed against his, he took it and linked their fingers. That was stupid, hiding this especially when Michael knew and Gavin was pretty sure Jeremy did as well. But it was something new and exciting and fragile and he didn't want everybody to find out. Especially if everybody included people like Lord Regan.

So instead they took another glance to make sure nobody was watching them even if it was only for a simple gesture like that. Gavin couldn't find that he minded it much, not if something so trivial made his heart race and his skin flush. It reminded him too much of his childhood, of sneaking out of the castle and past some guards with Michael.

Their own little adventure.

"I really wanted you to take a look at the list though," Gavin said even though a part of him wanted to keep quiet if only to have Ryan’s hand in his for a few moments longer. "I don't want to step on anyone's toes and with your birthday coming up..."

"It's fine," Ryan assured him. "We have to send the invitations out in the next few days anyway."

"It stopped snowing, so it should be safe now."

To his surprise, Ryan sighed at that. They had walked towards the library where Gavin kept most of his preparations for Ryan's birthday but now Ryan stopped to look outside. The window showed their little garden, the branches of the wisteria tree white in frost but it was sunny. When Gavin looked up, he couldn't make out a single cloud and the sky was of a brilliant blue.

"The first snowstorms are over. My father will probably use the good weather to make his way here."

Gavin's heart sank. He didn't want Horton anywhere near this castle or the celebration. He wanted him to stay far away from them.

A part of him was excited about the festivities and Ryan's gift and everything else, even if it meant he would have to dance. He didn't mind that as well because it would be with Ryan and that was the reason why he pushed himself so much. Everything was meant to be perfect but it wouldn't be, not with Horton around. No, he would hang over everything like a shadow, and even now, nearly two weeks before the celebrations he sullied Ryan's mood.

Gavin watched as he leaned his head against the window, looking outside wistfully like he could simply escape and Gavin didn't know what to say, how to make it better.

He caught Ryan's hand between both of his again and squeezed before getting on his toes and pressing a kiss against his cheek. Ryan's facial hair tickled against his lips and he smelled like pine needles.

"You enjoy sweets, right?" Gavin blurted out in a desperate attempt to cheer Ryan up. "I prepared an assortment of sweet pastries for your birthday. I know that's not really custom but..."

But it made Ryan smile and Gavin smiled back, tentatively. Ryan's free hand brushed over his cheek, gentle enough to make him shiver and when Ryan tipped his chin up, he caught the other's gaze.

Ryan had pretty eyes, Gavin had noticed that on their wedding day as well. Blue and piercing and strong. Like the sky after a snowstorm in the middle of winter where one could rest and take a much needed break.

And maybe their eye contact was a bit intense, especially for just in the middle of the hallway but Gavin couldn’t help himself and leaned ahead to close the distance.

At least he would've if someone in the music room didn't choose that very moment to play a note that was so high, it made Gavin's hair stand on end.

"That was on purpose!" Gavin called out. "I don't know how he knew but-"

Ryan was laughing in that adorable way he rarely did and how could Gavin stay mad then? Especially when Ryan took his face in his hands to press a kiss against his forehead.

"I will enjoy my birthday if only because you are putting so much work into it," he promised.

"And to spite your father?" Gavin asked hopefully and Ryan took a moment to think about it before he nodded.

"And to spite my father. That sounds good."

"You should move closer to the fire, King Gavin."

Gavin looked up from his notes to find Jack placing a mug with hot cocoa in front of him.

"Thank you but I'm trying to grow used to the temperatures." Even though he said that, it felt heavenly to wrap his cold hands around the mug to warm them. Even with the snow stopping, it had only grown colder and from his favorite desk in the library, he could watch frost flowers climb up the windows.

Jack chuckled, probably because Gavin was the only one in the library still wrapped in a fur cloak. He even had his fox shawl on beneath it but with time the cold still found a way to sink into his skin.

"As admirable as that is, I don't think that will work, my Lord." Jack chided him softly before picking up his book. Gavin didn't protest, just gathered his supplies, and followed him towards the front where the fire was raging.

"Ryan mentioned that it will only grow worse. He calls this weather mild," Gavin threw in. "I can't be holed up in this castle for a whole season."

"I don't want to discourage you but even after living in this kingdom for well over a decade I haven't grown used to winter. Those born here will always be at an advantage, I believe it's in their blood."

Gavin hesitated before he asked, "You weren't born here, Jack?"

Jack actually laughed before shaking his head. "I guess I never told you but I was actually born and studied in the Ramsey kingdom."

"I did not know this! How come you ended up here?"

"Because I was offered to work for the royal family here."

Jack smiled but trailed off. They had reached the front of the library now and the fire was a tingling sensation on his skin.

"King Horton was searching for a translator for Ryan. Sign language is something uncommon in this kingdom and it wasn't taught on any of the universities, so they reached out further."

Jack put down his books on the table but Gavin didn't bother sitting down.

"That must have been a great opportunity but... aren't you around the same age as Ryan? You must have been so young!"

"Actually I'm younger. I came here right after I finished my studies when I was sixteen. Ryan was seventeen, I believe."

Gavin opened his mouth to protest but Jack was just watching him. He had calm eyes, knowing eyes and when he pressed Gavin's arm, he smiled.

"Stay in the warm whenever you can, King Gavin. This kingdom is cold enough as it is."

He left then, ready to tend to his duties but Gavin barely noticed.

Ryan had told him he had gone mute when he'd been fifteen. Did it really take him two years to start learning sign language? Then how... how had he managed to communicate with the people around him during that time? The pieces of paper Ryan would always carry around... after Gavin had learned sign language he hadn't seen them again but he could clearly remember how awkward it had been to communicate through them.

What took King Horton so long?

Even if sign language wasn't taught in this kingdom, it should've been easy to reach out and find someone else.

Gavin dropped his supplies on the table but didn't sit down. He marched to the entrance of the library where Jack was keeping busy and he would just ask him. He was pretty sure Jack had told him that tidbit of information especially so that he would catch on and-

The doors to the library were thrown open and Jack looked very displeased at that.

"Jeremy," he chided but Jeremy just raised his hand.

"Sorry, Jack. Kind of an emergency. Gavin-" He reached him and it had to be urgent if Jeremy didn't even bother with his title while they were in a semi-public place. "Oh good, you're presentable."

"Thanks..?" Gavin muttered.

"The guards just informed me that a carriage from the southern kingdom reached the capital."

That's all it took for Gavin's heart to sink. "King Horton is already here?"

"It seems like it." Jeremy took hold of his arm and began to tug. "Come on, you and Ryan have to greet him!"

Right.

He hurried through the corridors of the castle and felt the first signs of anxiousness flutter in the pit of his stomach. It was still a week until Ryan's birthday and while Ryan had warned him, he had hoped King Horton wouldn't already be on his way. Maybe he would've waited and if the weather got bad again he wouldn't even be able to show up-

But that wasn't what had happened and Gavin steeled himself as Jeremy led him into the entrance hall.

The fireplaces were roaring with heat, trying to fight off the winter and Ryan was sitting in front of one of them. When he saw them coming, he got up and Gavin just had to take one look at his face to instantly embrace him.

"It'll be fine," he muttered against Ryan's shoulder but he knew it fell on deaf ears. Ryan was shaking even with the fire close by and he was pressing Gavin so close to himself, that it took his breath away.

When he let go, he looked past him.

"Are the chambers prepared?" he asked Jeremy, who nodded.

"The maids are on it right now. They should be done by the time King Horton wants to retire."

"Michael?"

And Gavin hadn't even noticed Michael, also sitting by the fire. He looked uncharacteristically serious.

"My liege."

"Do under no circumstances leave Gavin's side, no matter what. Protect him."

"With my life." Michael bowed, a hand pressed against his chest, and Gavin could feel his heart sink.

"Ryan..."

Like so often Ryan's hand laid on his face and even so close to the fireplace it felt cold.

"Be careful, be strong," he told him. "I know you want to fight but choose your battles wisely. My father is cruel and powerful and if he finds out how much you mean to me..."

Ryan closed his eyes, something pained flashing over his face.

Gavin caught his hands in his but before he could say something, he could hear the clip-clopping of hoofs coming from outside and knew that their time was up.

Even then- Even then Ryan didn't move. Just stood there, frozen on the spot, and held on to Gavin's hands. Petrified, so scared that he was made of stone and Gavin could feel something build in the back of his throat.

For the first time, he was sure he could hate someone from the bottom of his heart.

"Ryan," Jeremy urged, and with a deep breath, Ryan shook himself. He offered his arm and when Gavin took it, he squeezed it.

"Be brave," he muttered and while Ryan did nod, Gavin knew he already was. That each damn step, each smile he would fake those next days would cost him so much strength.

The gates to the hall were pulled open, sending a horribly cold gust of wind inside. Down the stairs stood the carriage and when they stepped outside, the door was opened.

A woman stepped out, bowed at them before offering her hand to the person inside and Gavin held his breath. It was hard to tell with the huge cloaks but when she pulled her hood back and smiled, Ryan relaxed next to him.

"Hello, big brother," Eleonora greeted him before hurrying up towards them and promptly throwing her arms around Ryan. "Fancy meeting you here!"

Gavin let go of Ryan's arm so that he could properly hug her back and to his immense wonder, the carriage was closed again and brought away. There wasn't a second one.

"Am I not the best birthday present ever?" Eleonora whispered into Ryan's ear and Gavin stood just close enough to catch her words. Ryan held her so tight, he nearly lifted her off the floor.

When she was finally let go, she turned to Gavin. She was as tall as him and while she had the same eyes as their father, there was a warmth in them that made him relax.

"Queen Eleonora, it's a pleasure to see you again."

"King Gavin." She offered her hand and he pressed a kiss against her glove. "I hope my brother is treating you well."

Gavin caught Ryan's eyes before nodding. "He's ever the gentleman."

"Is he now?" She seemed amused and waved the woman who had traveled with her closer. "Can we go inside? Whatever chitchat we want to indulge in I am sure there is a better place for that."

"Queen Eleonora, while I am delighted by your presence, I can't help but wonder; where is King Horton?" Gavin asked once they sat down in the parlor. It was significantly warmer in here and who he figured was her valet, helped Eleonora out of her heavy coat.

"Father remained in the north as for now. The weather is so unpredictable and we couldn't risk having both of us stranded here for weeks in case it gets worse. So I came on my own while father watches over the north."

"I see." Gavin was impressed with his own control. He didn't jump up to high five Ryan right here even if Ryan seemed to expect that. He looked quite amused by the whole situation and Gavin was glad to see the stress from before fade.

Still, he didn't know much about Queen Eleonora and while it was obvious that Ryan preferred her, Gavin wasn't sure how to treat her. Everything she saw, she might take back to their father.

"Did you travel safely?" he kept the conversation going and Eleonora nodded eagerly.

"Thank you, dear. The weather was good thankfully. Not one cloud in the sky but that makes the nights so very cold! Being inside feels good."

Next to Gavin, Ryan started to laugh and Eleonora pouted.

"Ryan, it's rude to laugh at someone."

"El," he spelled the two letters out so fast that they looked like one. "Please stop being so formal, it doesn't suit you. You can relax around Gavin."

Eleonora hesitated and Gavin did as well, at least until Ryan turned to him.

"Gavin, this is my sister, not the enemy. She's very dear to me."

"Wait!" Eleonora called out. Her eyes were huge. "You don't have a stick up your ass? I can talk to you like a human being?"

"You can still talk decently with him. He is my husband after all," Ryan protested only to get shushed by his sister.

"First of all, I'm El," she introduced herself again and Gavin shook her hand.

"Gavin. I don't think I have a stick... up my ass..?"

She laughed and then pulled Ryan into yet another hug.

"I'm so happy for you," she told him, only to press kisses all over his face. "We don't have to plan to assassinate your husband now!"

Ryan rolled his eyes but was undoubtedly happy.

"Also, where's Jeremy that little shi- There you are!"

Jeremy had just entered with a tray of tea and biscuits in hand. With a sigh, he passed them over to Michael before Eleonora hugged him as well.

"Good to see you too, El."

"Did you grow while I was gone? Just kidding!"

"I take everything back I said."

Gavin watched all of that with big eyes before turning towards Ryan. "Are you sure she is your sister?"

"If I'd known she would come I would've warned you."

"You have lipstick all over your face now."

Ryan sighed. "That's what happens around El." But he was smiling and Gavin put a hand on his arm to squeeze.

"Good?" he asked and Ryan took his hand to press a kiss to the back of it.

"Good."

Queen Eleonora had retreated to her chambers shortly after to rest after the long travel. With her gone things seemed... calm, unnaturally so. Her presence had been like a perfect storm and Gavin had watched in wonder as she had marched up and down the parlor, reciting stories of the north and their childhood. Things Gavin ate up because it filled the room with warmth and laughter and colors.

Also quite an embarrassed Ryan but he hadn't protested when Gavin held his hand in his. No, he seemed too content for that.

He had also retreated now and Gavin very quietly knocked on his door. If Ryan had taken a nap, he didn't want to disturb him but when he peeked inside he was awake.

Ryan was wearing looser garments, something he only did around his chambers and while he looked tired, he was already smiling at Gavin. He put the book he was reading aside and got up from his place before the fire.

"If you want to rest I can-" Gavin began but by then Ryan had already pulled him into a tight hug. Gavin closed his eyes and let the warmth seep in.

"Are you happy?"

Ryan nodded. When he stepped back it was only far enough to press their foreheads together.

"Very happy," he signed.

"I'm glad."

They sat down on the seats before the fire where it was warm and comfortable. The book Ryan had put away was a fictional story, an old play about the shining knight and the damsel in distress. Gavin would laugh about it but if Ryan was reading something like that, he must have been in good spirits.

"Tell me about Eleonora, please. We haven't talked much about her."

"She's two years younger than me and yes, she has always been like that."

Gavin laughed. "It sounded like that by the stories she told."

"She always was a breath of fresh air at home, especially after mother left us. I'm sure you can imagine what it was like with only my father and the court around."

"Your mother..?"

"She's fine but lives all the way up in the north of the kingdom. It's been a while since I've seen her but she does send letters occasionally," Ryan explained. "She was arranged to marry my father and after she gave him heirs, he allowed her to live her own life. She has a mansion by the sea where it's warm most of the year and she's happy there. The two of them never got along so it was better that way."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

Ryan shook his head. "There are things I admire about my father and that is one of them. The public thinks she is of bad health and needs to rest most of the time, that's why she rarely makes an appearance."

"But you barely see her!"

"She took care of us until we were old enough before leaving and she's happy where she is right now. She and El are very similar and my father was... suffocating her spirit. He respected her enough to allow her to live freely."

Ryan was watching the flames, his head tilted to the side like he was thinking about something but it was with a smile. "I always figured that was why my father preferred El over me. She reminded him of my mother and while he didn't love her, she is still the mother of his children."

He turned towards Gavin and his hands seemed slow and heavy when he signed, "My father isn't all bad. I never lacked anything during my childhood and he was a good King. Things turned unfortunate later."

Gavin pulled a face. "I still want to hate him."

"That's quite childish."

"I don't care how good he can be if the sheer thought of meeting him makes you..." Gavin trailed off and he could still feel Ryan shake next to him, could see his haunted eyes when he had thought their guest had been his father.

King Horton had whispered to him with his magic, had made Ryan believe bad things and while he had enough respect to let his wife go, he didn't show the same to his own son.

"He takes the kingdom first and I can't really fault him for that."

"I can," Gavin proclaimed and made Ryan laugh.

"Fine," he signed and leaned into his side. "You asked about my sister though."

"Right." Today had turned out so much better than anticipated and he didn't want to ruin it by talking about Ryan's father. Instead, he shifted in his seat until he leaned against the armrest and could hold Ryan properly. The fire was warm but with Ryan's back pressed against his front, he felt ablaze.

"Did you really plan to assassinate me?" he asked and Ryan started to laugh in that same adorable way he sometimes did. Hearing that, Gavin knew it came from his heart.

"My sister offered to take care of that if you are, and I quote her now, an abusive asshole."

"That's fair."

"I'll let her know that it's not needed."

"Thank you."

Ryan craned his neck to look up to him and his smile still hadn't faded. "I will later talk to her about everything that's been happening. She might be closer to my father but I've never faulted her for that. No matter how... bubbly she can be, she is a fair and talented leader, and no matter what happened between the two of us, I can't be mad that she inherited the crown that should've been mine."

He plucked one of Gavin's hands from his chest and pressed a kiss to his pulse point. "I'm happy you can meet her. She is someone very dear to me."

"Then I'm excited to get to know her."

Ryan nodded and Gavin could see how heavy his eyelids were. With everything going on and the fear of his father's return, he probably hadn't slept all too much.

"Do you want to take a nap before dinner?"

Ryan nodded again but when he moved to get up, Gavin stopped him and pulled him back against his chest.

"Okay?" he asked and while it was a tight fit on the lounge, they untangled their legs enough to lay down comfortably.

"Okay," Ryan agreed and took his hand once again to tangle their fingers.

"Stay."

"I will," Gavin promised and worked his free hand through Ryan's long hair. "You just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the amazing playlist and song suggestions you've been sending me! I'm having a field day listening to them while writing - keep it going!
> 
> I nearly finished chapter 23 of this story today. If everything goes according to plan, this story will have 24 chapters + an epilogue! I will finish this story during the first leg of NaNo and then continue with a private project. The updates will still continue as usual =D
> 
> If you want to join me during NaNo feel free to do so!  
> https://nanowrimo.org/participants/kahnah
> 
> The goal of NaNo is to write one book or 50.000 words during the month of November. It's a super hard but also a super fun challenge!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She sighed and let go of his arm to face him. "I want to tell you what happened."
> 
> Gavin hesitated. They were in a remote area of the castle, somewhere Gavin had never been to before, and even when he looked around, he couldn't see so much as a servant hurrying along. There was a door close by leading outside and now that both of them had fallen silent, he could hear the wind rattle on the windows.
> 
> "That's something that Ryan should tell me," he muttered and Eleonora nodded.

Chapter 15

"Gavin!"

Gavin stopped on his way to the library to wait for Eleonora to catch up. Her dress had so many layers that she had a hard time walking quickly with it.

"I thought you enjoyed Ryan's company?"

"We're done lamenting about the past and catching up on our lives," she assured him. "Also I got a bit sick about him gushing over you. There's only so much you want to know about your brother's love life."

Gavin went bright red. "He was... gushing over me?"

Eleonora threw him a surprised look before sighing. "Oh, young love. How innocent! You know how I brought father to let me come here? I told him I wanted to learn about married life and he fucking bought that! I was in shock because I always figured that Ryan was many things but certainly not a loving husband! I mean, respectful yes but romantic? No way! But here I am and I stand corrected."

"Oh, Ryan is very... romantic..." He went quieter with each word and hoped she wouldn't be able to tell how much his face was burning. By the way she looked at him that wasn't working but at least her smile was without any ill will.

"I have to thank you, you know?" she told him. "My brother can be shy and awkward and a bit rough around the edges, so I was worried for him. He isn't good around new people and this whole situation is... well, it's fucked up."

"Yeah..." Gavin agreed. "Is he in court now?"

Eleonora nodded. "He doesn't want me around during that and I respect his wishes. So I figured the two of us could talk about a few things."

"Sure."

She linked their arms and led the way and while Gavin had no idea where they were going, he didn't protest.

"I hate this place," she told him. "The castle back home is so very beautiful but this manor right here... it feels so empty. I hope in the future you and Ryan will visit one day and I can show you around. All the places of our childhood and oh my god, Ryan's old room! I left it untouched!"

"You mentioned it was a mess."

"It still is! He holds on to everything and can't throw it away. It's so weird! But then again his room here might not be much better."

"It's a bit of a mess but Jeremy makes sure it won't get too far."

"Jeremy is a blessing."

She laughed but Gavin could tell that something had saddened her. When she spoke again, she tried to sound as cheerful as before but it didn’t quite work.

"We owe a lot to Jeremy and he doesn't deserve the shit the court puts him through but he's always been too loyal for his own good... When Jack joined us, he was studying sign language alongside me. The two of us were the first, even before Ryan. We had to show everyone that it was possible!"

Gavin frowned. "Before Ryan? What's the point in that? Shouldn't you’ve learned together?"

Eleonora's smile turned into a grimace as she led him away from the main part of the castle. "What has Ryan told you about how he lost his voice?"

"That he was fifteen and it happened because of an accident."

An accident involving the person next to him. Ryan had said that Eleonora made a mistake and here she was, biting down on her lips.

"He told you so many things, even about the situation with father but he still claims it was a small accident. Like I spilled some milk, something easily fixed but well... it wasn't. Sometimes I wish he would properly blame me."

"He adores you," Gavin said. "You coming here made him happier than I have ever seen him."

"I love him as well but Gavin, it's not only because of me that he is so happy. When he told me about all the things you've done for him and this kingdom... I can't remember ever seeing him excited for his birthday but right now, he is." Eleonora stopped in her tracks. "Thank you for that, Gavin. After the accident, there were a lot of dark times and I feared Ryan had already lost his strength but it's still there. I'm so glad to see it again. I could never forgive myself if I’d truly had taken everything away from him."

She sighed and let go of his arm to face him. "I want to tell you what happened."

Gavin hesitated. They were in a remote area of the castle, somewhere Gavin had never been to before, and even when he looked around, he couldn't see so much as a servant hurrying along. There was a door close by leading outside and now that both of them had fallen silent, he could hear the wind rattle on the windows.

"That's something that Ryan should tell me," he muttered and Eleonora nodded.

"That's admirable but he won't. Ryan pushed everything away that happened on that day and the years that followed. He would rather forget such a big portion of his life than face it. I can't blame him."

"If Ryan doesn't want me to know-"

"I believe you should," Eleonora interrupted him but it was with a gentle hand on his shoulder. "If you two are as close as I think you already are and will only grow closer... you have to understand him. There are only four people who know what happened on that day and Ryan won't tell you. Jeremy will take that day to his grave because Ryan had told him so and he already blames himself enough already even though he only was a child... I guess all three of us were..."

She hesitated, her gaze far away before she shook herself. When she tried herself on another smile, it was an awful caricature of one.

"That leaves me and father, and while I love my father I wouldn’t put it past him to use it against you. To either hurt you or Ryan and if that day comes I need you to be strong for Ryan. I can't expect that from him, not around father, not with this. So all I can do is count on you if that day comes."

She pushed the door open and let the wind in. It felt like a slap in the face, freezing and harsh.

"But I leave the choice to you."

Eleonora left, out into the cold world beneath the castle walls. It wasn't snowing but the harsh wind was raising the snow from the ground, making everything outside a hazy white. It was hard to follow her with his eyes, she seemed to disappear in the mist and the wind dared to throw the door shut again.

Gavin reached out to stop it. His knees felt weak and the draft was ripping on his cloak and finding every bare skin to chill him to the bone. Still, he stepped out and followed the silhouette in front of him because he knew she was right.

He could imagine King Horton sitting there, pushing all of Ryan's buttons, knowing exactly where it hurt and he had seen Ryan fold beneath his father. When that happened, he wanted to be there and hold him up.

He reached the safety of the stables and Eleonora was already waiting for him. Her hair was messy from the storm and Gavin's ears were ringing from the short distance but here it was dry and besides the horses, they were alone.

"Ryan will be angry with you if you tell me," he found himself saying and Eleonora nodded.

"I know." And still, she waited until he came closer, a hand outstretched to pat one of the horses. "Ryan told you about the Haywood magic, the power that lies in our blood. It can develop in different ways depending on who uses it but you already know that. My father can bore into your mind, can influence your very thoughts and Ryan learned from him. It's a terrifying ability but neither of us thought much of it, after all, we had rightfully inherited the power in our very blood. When Ryan was hurt and lost his voice it searched for a new outlet and he found it in his music. Gods above, the day I felt his magic again after so many years of nothing... I was so overjoyed."

This time her smile was honest, like in her mind that memory was as golden as Gavin’s own childhood. 

"I love animals. When I was a child I would collect every stray cat around the castle and smuggle them into my chambers. I owed three dogs and five horses and I collected the prettiest hawks. Once I managed to lure in a fox, much to the dismay of my father."

"Foxes are wild. They can't be tamed," Gavin said and Eleonora threw him a long look. When she turned around, he followed her. First through a door that led them to a room full of supplies for the horses, currycombs, and horseshoes neatly stacked on shelves before they reached the outside again. Not for long, just to cross the courtyard to a shack Gavin had never been to.

Eleonora waited until he caught up with her before opening the door. They were greeted with an overwhelming amount of barking. It chilled him to the bone and he stopped, frozen on the spot while Eleonora went on. Inside it was dark and he could barely make out the cages that kept the hounds at bay. Eleonora let her hands wander over the iron bars like those fangs wouldn't be able to rip her fingers right off.

"Don't be afraid," she told him but he could barely hear her over all that barking. At least until she raised her voice a little.

_"Quiet."_

Only the wind remained and Gavin's own labored breath. It was like the hounds had all dropped dead but when he inched inside, he could still see them. In the dim twilight they were sitting there, ears raised and calmer than before.

"Your voice controls animals," he whispered and felt a little tug of...something. He wasn't quite sure yet but it wasn't good.

"I influence them," Eleonora corrected him. "That happens when you believe you might be able to talk to animals if you just work hard enough. Isn't that the dream of every child? I know now that it's not possible but I can calm them down. Even wild ones like a fox."

Even though he had just seen it, when Eleonora put her hands through the bars he nearly wanted to slap it away. He had seen those very dogs hunt animals three times the size of them but the hound inside the cage just trodded closer and let himself be pet.

"This wasn't the way my father had intended my magic to develop but it didn't matter. My brother was the heir and more than capable of leading the kingdom. My marriage was arranged when I was twelve years old to a man I didn't know. Who cared what I could or couldn’t do."

And while the dark feeling was only growing, Gavin couldn't help but feel for her. "That's so young."

Eleonora shrugged. "The wedding would only be happening when I was coming of age and while I had always known deep down inside it would come to this, I was so terrified."

She crouched down to be on eye level with the dog. "To leave my family behind to live with this... this stranger. I didn't want that but it was my duty to my kingdom. I wasn't the crown princess, I wouldn't inherit any kind of power. Then again... you know that all too well."

She looked up to him but Gavin didn't know what to say. His mouth was dry, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and there was still that distant knowledge that he pushed away.

"I couldn't enjoy anything anymore. I could only think about my inevitable future and I... yeah, I began to hate my family. My father who didn't listen, who only told me that it was my duty as a princess of this kingdom, as the second born. My brother as well... How childish."

"Eleon-"

"Ryan had done the same as me and was born, just two years earlier and didn't deserve my ill will. He was the perfect little heir, smart and strong, and polite. He had inherited the magic and used it in a proper way. I was the weird girl that was too loud and had too many cats hidden in her chambers."

"I don't want to know anymore," Gavin blurted out and took a step back. The dark knowledge began to fester in his chest but Eleonora didn't stop. The huge dog had put its heavy head in her hand and she used her other to scratch behind his ear. It looked domestic and nearly adorable but it made Gavin's stomach turn.

"I began to wish that Ryan wasn't around, that I could inherit, that I could _stay._ I knew it wasn't his fault but it wasn't my fault either, right? We were just kids and I didn't know what else to do..."

She leaned her head against the bars and closed her eyes. "I wish Ryan would be gone. If Ryan would be gone I could stay at home with my family. I wouldn't have to be afraid again."

The hound began to growl, a deep grumble that went straight to Gavin's bones and made him shiver. Eleonora didn't seem to notice, didn't even look at those long fangs so close to her hands.

"What did you do?"

He didn't want to know, the question just tumbled out of his mouth without his doing.

"I whispered and my dog listened," she told him. "The same dog that had slept in my bed for years, that had grown up with me. With Ryan as well. The dog we had played with for countless hours and I loved her so dearly. She sank her teeth in Ryan's throat and wouldn't let go. I screamed and begged because I didn't want to hurt Ryan, not really. I just didn't want to be in that situation anymore. I wanted to be free."

Eleonora let go of the dog to hide her face behind her hands.

"But at what cost? It wasn't Ryan's fault, never has been. But he was the one paying for it."

Gavin was running. The castle had never appeared this big before as he hurried down corridors and past faces he barely noticed.

"Gavin?"

Jeremy was calling him from somewhere but even that wouldn't let him stop. When he finally reached the private part of the castle, his knees buckled and he caught himself on the wall. His free hand pressed against his mouth. He wanted to keep it all inside, at least until he reached his chambers where nobody could see him.

His door stood open and of course, of fucking course right now was the time the maids cleaned his room. He tried to catch his breath, to get himself under enough control to send them away and safe face but before he could, a hand laid on his arm.

"Gav?" It was Jeremy and when Gavin turned towards him, his eyes widened. "What happened? Did someone hurt you?"

"That's why King Horton wanted to go on a hunt," Gavin blurted out. From all the things Eleonora had told him, his mind had latched onto that. On that horrid, cold morning, and how Ryan had shaken by his side, how he had forced each step. "Because he's scared of the dogs!"

"What?"

But Gavin couldn't tell him, couldn't form a single coherent sentence as everything went down into helpless sobs. They wrecked through him and if he wouldn't hold on to the wall, he was sure he would go down but he couldn't just stop, couldn't simply get over this.

The pictures Eleonora had painted for him wouldn't leave and he couldn't stop thinking about the hound and how docile it had been as she had petted it. How huge its fangs were, how he had seen countless times how the dogs would jump at a deer and bring it down. To imagine Ryan, barely more than a child-

He started to cry so hard it shook through his whole body. He cried at the thought of how scared Ryan had been of the dogs, how his father had forced him to come along for the hunt and how with everything, Ryan had still found the strength to worry over him.

Gavin wasn't sure how long he cried. When he came back to himself, he was sitting down and someone's hand was rubbing down his back. It wasn't Ryan and that was good because Gavin didn't know how to face him, what to tell him-

Jeremy pushed a handkerchief into his hand before getting up. "Eleonora told you?"

It wasn't even a question and Gavin didn't bother with an answer. His breath was still hitching and he couldn't even remember the last time he had cried like that.

"Here." Jeremy put a mug in front of him. "With extra honey. That cheers everyone up."

"You were with him on that day."

"On that day and every other day that followed," Jeremy agreed. He sat down beside him and for the first time Gavin looked up. The room he was in was smaller than his own but homely, with things laying around and little souvenirs on the shelves. There were books on the table and an assortment of axes hanging on the walls.

It had to be Jeremy's chambers and Gavin relaxed. Nobody would see him in here.

"She took everything from him," he whispered. "Just like that, just because she was jealous of his birthright."

Jeremy hummed thoughtfully. "I can't tell you what to feel but Ryan doesn't blame El. She had just turned thirteen, she was a child."

"What about you then?" Gavin asked. "Don't you blame her as well?"

Jeremy shook his head and Gavin scoffed at him. "She nearly killed him!"

"It happened in the garden. We were outside studying when that dog came out of nowhere." Jeremy got back up, this time to fetch himself a cup of tea. "I saw her coming, a beautiful purebred dog, but I thought nothing of it. Ryan even put his book aside to greet her but then she just... she just bit down and wouldn't let go again."

Gavin shook himself. He was sure he would grow sick.

"I was so shocked and as shameful as it is, I couldn't move. El did. She was suddenly there, screaming and tearing at the dog. I don't blame her for what happened because I saw her face at that moment, Gavin. I saw how terrified she was and I saw her afterward."

Jeremy hesitated before putting another spoonful of honey in his mug. "Cheers everyone up, doesn't it? Tea, I mean. The sweeter, the better. My mother always told me that and I always told Ryan. Each and every day."

His smile was shaking and he was holding too tight to the mug. It had to burn his fingers but he didn't seem to notice.

"I was sure Ryan was dead, mauled right before my eyes but he survived. Gods above know how."

"And his sister got what she wanted," Gavin spat but Jeremy shook his head.

"El was the one who brought in Jack. She searched for a solution the moment it was clear that Ryan wouldn't be able to speak anymore. Sign language wasn't well known in this kingdom but when she finally found Jack, she was the first to learn. I joined her and we surprised Ryan with it, just like you did."

During the harvest festival. Gavin could still recall the wonder in Ryan's eyes and right now it made his throat tight.

"It took her two years, that's what Jack told me!"

"Like I said, El needed time to learn about sign language, to find someone willing to come here and teach. Also, it wasn't like Ryan was in any condition to learn. Drink your tea, Gavin."

Gavin took the mug in his hands and nobody commented on how much they were shaking. When Jeremy sat back down by his side, his body warmth was comforting.

"It took months until Ryan recovered and even when his wounds were healed it took even longer until he... I don't know, until he was back again? He locked himself in his room and ignored everyone else around him. Even when we gave him a notebook and a pen, he wouldn't write or try to communicate in any way." Jeremy laughed but it was a bitter sound. "All I could do was make tea. Tea with a sickening amount of honey in it because Ryan likes sweet stuff. Because it cheers people up, right? Two mugs in the morning, one in the afternoon, and a kettle full in the evening because nights can be so very long. Day after day."

Gavin looked down at the mug in his hand and finally went to drink it.

"Is the tea sweet enough?"

"It is," Gavin agreed. "You are very good at making tea."

Jeremy beamed at him and Gavin smiled back. Sitting here in his small chambers where it was warm and the harsh wind outside was just a distant noise, he felt better. The tea really did help with that.

"I don't know what to do now," he admitted when he put the empty mug down. "How to face him. How I should explain to him..."

"Just don't cry," Jeremy told him. "Ryan wouldn't want to upset you, even if it's something like that. He hates it. Besides that..." He hesitated then shook his head.

"Nobody but yourself can answer that."

"Here." Michael put his dinner down in front of him and Gavin nodded his thanks. They were in his chambers, locked away from anyone else and for right now, Gavin wanted to keep it this way.

Going down and joining Eleonora and Ryan for dinner? Ryan didn't even know that he knew and he was sure that Jeremy wouldn't just tell him. Would Eleonora? Maybe. Gavin should probably tell him but until now Ryan had been with the court, and he hadn't had an opportunity to catch him alone.

So he would've to play pretend during dinner, smile while he knew what Eleonora had done to him. He couldn't do it. The day already had taken too much out of him and now he felt rubbed raw and endlessly tired at the same time.

"Eat," Michael reminded him and Gavin tore his eyes from the window. He had watched the night stretch out over the capital below and the torches that would light one after another. Now he turned to his soup, strong and warm against the cold outside.

Michael hadn't asked what had happened or why he wouldn't join the others. He had come back after his training and hadn't questioned why they didn't leave the room again.

Gavin figured Jeremy had told him something and felt yet another wave of gratitude towards the other. He wouldn't have known what to tell Michael if he'd asked and that felt weird. Usually, he told Michael everything, they had been together for too long to bother with lies but this was such a personal matter-

What a mess.

Michael cleared the table after he was done and then turned to stoke the fire. He was waiting, just like Gavin and at some point, there was a knock on his door.

"Should I let them in?" Michael asked.

"Please do. It's probably Ryan."

Michael opened the door and stepped aside to let Ryan in. Afterward he left the both of them alone and Gavin looked up to Ryan. He was a bit surprised. He wasn't quite sure what he had expected but Ryan seemed calm. His hands weren't shaking and while he did seem a little pale, that wasn't out of the ordinary. Still, he didn't doubt that Eleonora had told them about their little chat this afternoon.

"I don't want your pity," Ryan signed and Gavin blinked, surprised.

"Pity?"

"All of them pitied me. The prince without a voice, the prince who lost all his power and his stand in the kingdom. I got so sick of everyone just repeating how sorry they are for what happened to me, like that would help. I could do nothing but listen to that, over and over again. That's what they wanted in the first place. If I can't talk, I won't make any kind of problems, right?"

Gavin opened his mouth but couldn't find what to say. Instead he took a moment to think about those words and it made his heart heavy.

Ryan alone in his room, unable to communicate with all those people, and Gavin knew too well how many people could suddenly turn up when bad things happened. After the death of his mother so many nobles had come to assure them how sorry they were. How many of them had tried to raise in his father's favor. How some of the ladies visiting had tried their best to become their next queen.

No, nobody of them had listened and he could bet that nobody had listened to Ryan as well. Nobody had truly cared.

"I'm sorry for what happened to you," Gavin told him. "But I don't pity you, Ryan."

Ryan looked away. He was still standing and Gavin leaned ahead in his seat to touch his hand.

"It must have been so scary."

Ryan's jaw was working but when he didn't reply Gavin got up. He didn't quite dare to hug him, not when Ryan did his best to ignore him right now but he squeezed his arm.

"And hey, even if you can't talk, I think you caused enough trouble for your father recently."

The corner of Ryan's mouth twitched.

"I blame that on a bad influence," he gesticulated and Gavin laughed.

"You're welcome."

With a sigh, Ryan turned back around to look at him. It was the first time since coming in here and Gavin forced himself to keep eye contact. He wanted the other to see that he was honest. Whatever Ryan did see, it made him put a finger under Gavin's chin to tip his face up.

"You cried."

He had washed his face in hopes to remove every evidence of that but apparently that hadn't worked. It didn't matter anyway, Gavin wasn't ashamed of crying because the story had hurt his heart.

"Yeah."

"I never wanted you to cry for me."

Ryan looked pained when he said that but Gavin could just smile.

"I think we both know that I already care too much about you. Someone hurt you, so I was hurt as well. Wouldn't it be the same for you?"

That was a bolt question and the moment it left his mouth, he wished he could take it back. There was a short moment where he feared Ryan would ridicule him for it but instead, he just nodded.

"Nobody will hurt you without going through me first."

Ryan motioned towards the loveseat but before Gavin went to sit down, he pointed to the kettle still over the fire.

"Do you want some tea first?"

"I had enough of Jeremy's tea for today. Thank you."

"It's good tea though," Gavin told him. "He's right, it does cheer you up even if it's too sweet."

"It does." Ryan agreed and his smile was so gentle, a tiny little thing and Gavin hoped he could see it more often. "I am forever grateful to him."

Gavin took the place beside him, close enough to feel his body heat. "I bet."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you myself." Ryan sighed. "It's hard to talk about, hard to even remember properly because the time afterward is... blurry. Like looking out into a snowstorm. I forgot a lot about it and I'm nearly glad for that. Those endless days in my room while the fever wrecked through me and I didn't know if I would live or die. The even longer months and years afterward when no one could understand me-"

Ryan stopped himself and shivered.

"It's in the past now," Gavin told him and while Ryan nodded, they both knew that was easier said than done.

"I wanted to tell you. There were times I nearly did but my hands just wouldn't move," Ryan went on. "I trust you. I really do and that... sometimes it scares me."

Gavin wrapped his arms around Ryan's and leaned into his sides. "Trusting someone is terrifying. Sometimes I'm so scared that I do something stupid again and this time you won't be able to forgive me."

Ryan shook his head but Gavin just held on tighter.

"I don't want to screw this thing between us up. I was never good in... well, anything."

Ryan laced their fingers together and brought Gavin's hand up to press a kiss to the golden ring on his finger.

"Good," he spelled out. "Mine."

Gavin closed his eyes and smiled. "Yeah."

They stayed seated where the fire was warm and the darkness outside couldn't reach. After such a draining day Gavin was daring to drift off but he didn't want to, not yet and eventually Ryan slipped his hand from his to speak again.

"A part of me is a little glad El told you. It felt... wrong to keep that from you but I don't know if I would've ever been brave enough to tell you."

"I'm glad to know now but..." he trailed off before pressing his face against Ryan's shoulders. "She shouldn't have told me without your blessing."

That wasn't really what was bothering him. It was part of it, sure, the fact that Eleonora had come to him intending to reveal what laid in Ryan's past but she had given him the choice.

It was just too easy to blame her for anything that had happened.

"Please don't," Ryan signed and brushed strands of hair behind his ear. "Don't be mad at her. El is my sister and someone very dear to me. I would hate it for both of you to be at odds."

"After everything she's done-"

"She was a child and she was outright terrified," Ryan reminded him. "Can't you feel for her? Didn't you say you were also scared coming here?"

"But I would've never harmed Geoff!"

Ryan sighed. "Believe me, everything you blame her for she has already done herself. I forgave her years ago. I hope you'll be able to as well."

Jeremy also held no grudge, he had told him and for a while, Gavin hadn't wanted to understand. Not when she had hurt someone so important to both of them. Not when she had nearly killed-

But he could feel for her. He had been terrified of being married off to some stranger but he had been older, more mature. Eleonora had been thirteen, just a child thrown into a hopeless situation.

She had only searched for a way out.

"I will try."

Ryan kissed the top of his head.

"Thank you."

Gavin's hand shook when he raised it to knock on the door and he stopped. His stomach was turning and even though he had slept like the dead after yesterday, he didn't feel well rested. He had been awake way before dawn and had watched the city beneath come to live while he'd been thinking.

Now here he stood and the cold was gnawing on him. Ryan had told him it would only get colder from now on but he couldn't quite imagine that.

With one last deep breath, he finally knocked.

There was some shuffling behind the door and then a blond woman opened the door. Eleonora's valet, he knew.

"King Gavin," she said before bowing deep. Behind her, Eleonora stood from her seat before the vanity and her eyes grew wide. She didn't look like she had slept much, the same type of tiredness in her face he often saw with Ryan.

"Gavin, I-"

"Are you busy today?" Gavin asked before he could chicken out. He pressed the notes he had brought tightly to his chest, even if it wrinkled them. "You know Ryan longer than me, so I was wondering if you could take a look at my plans for his birthday."

Eleonora stopped in her tracks and her shoulders slumped in utter relief.

"I would love to."

  
  


This super amazing fanart was done by the great Tacca! Thank you so much for all your lovely support!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's your birthday," Gavin blurted out. Now that he was more awake he remembered just what date it was and how excited he had been going to bed last night, hoping all his preparations would work out.
> 
> Now Ryan nodded and when he got to his feet, Gavin hugged him.
> 
> "Happy birthday, Ryan."

Chapter 16

Gavin woke to a knock on his door. That was unusual because Michael usually just barged in. Maybe he had to act like a proper valet? This close to Ryan's birthday the castle was busy at all times of the day.

Gavin had to squint to see his room. The fire had mostly burned down and left everything in a dim glow.

"Michael?" he called but the door didn't open. Sitting up, he asked, "Who's there?"

Again no reaction besides another knock and oh-

"Ryan?"

The door opened just enough for Ryan to peek inside. He waved a little sheepishly at him.

"Is something wrong?"

Ryan shook his head and Gavin slipped out of bed. He instantly regretted leaving the warmth of his furs.

"Close the door, will you? You're letting the cold in."

Ryan slipped inside. He was carrying something in his hand but in the dim light Gavin couldn't make out what it was. Sleepily, he pulled the curtains open but no light fell in. Right, they were in the depths of winter and it would take a few hours until the sun would even attempt to rise.

Thankfully Ryan had caught on and was already kneeling by the fireplace to throw new logs in. He was still wearing his nightgown and had only thrown a fur around his shoulders to keep warm.

"What's wrong?" Gavin asked as he padded towards the front of his chambers. It had to be ridiculous early, considering that Michael hadn't woken him yet, and seeing Ryan here at this time left him at a loss.

At least until Ryan pointed to the table and signed, "It opened."

He had put the glass dome down on the table and when Gavin stepped closer he could see that the flower inside had most certainly grown. It was finally blooming but more importantly, it reminded him of two things; Ryan had woken him at the ass crack of dawn to show him and-

"It's your birthday," Gavin blurted out. Now that he was more awake he remembered just what date it was and how excited he had been going to bed last night, hoping all his preparations would work out.

Now Ryan nodded and when he got to his feet, Gavin hugged him.

"Happy birthday, Ryan."

Ryan pulled him in and when Gavin pressed a kiss to the side of his face, he gave a soft hum.

Ryan was warm against him and he smelled like pine needles. Gavin took a deep breath while he buried his face in the fur Ryan had wrapped around his shoulder. It tickled his skin but in just the right way and he closed his eyes. With the fire stoked, the warmth came back and he knew he could fall asleep like this, even if it would be standing up. At least until he was poked in the side.

"Cat," Ryan signed. "Cute."

"Cats are cute," Gavin agreed sleepily and Ryan laughed.

"You."

Gavin just hummed and started to drift off again only to be promptly shaken.

"Flower."

"Ryan," Gavin whined when Ryan pulled him towards the sitting area. "It's so early, Ryan!"

"You made me wait for weeks."

Fine, that was true. Gavin let himself drop onto the loveseat and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Ryan sat down next to him to wrap his fur around him and no matter how sweet that gesture was it didn't hide how he was shaking with excitement.

"Alright, let me see." He picked the dome up to take a closer look but Ryan was faster.

"Gerbera," he told him.

"Did you look that up?" Gavin asked him and when the other nodded, he huffed, "How long are you already awake?"

"A while. I'm excited."

"You're just a child deep inside, aren't you?"

Gavin tucked his feet in but couldn't help but smile.

"Cheerfulness," Ryan signed. "You made it grow when we first met."

"When you sang in the garden for me and Libby," Gavin agreed. "I'm surprised, I thought it would be a poppy."

"You didn't know?"

Gavin shook his head. "When I was born the kingdom was abloom with poppies, so that's what people always associated with me. Not a very regal flower but Geoff had already claimed lilies, so-"

"Pretty flower," Ryan interrupted him and Gavin had to smile.

"You're right. I like poppies."

He held the glass dome up to watch the flower more closely. It was of a light pink and he felt his cheeks heat up.

"It's an old spell that is usually only cast when the crown prince or the crown princess marries. It's a gift to their spouse during their wedding but I could do it as well with Libby's help," he explained. "This flower grew from my own blood."

Ryan looked alarmed and Gavin quickly put a hand on his arm. "Just a drop. I just pricked my finger and the magic inside the dome makes the flower grow then. So no, I didn't know what it would be."

Ryan took the dome in his hands and studied the flower more closely.

"Your flower?" he asked and Gavin bit down on his lips.

"It's connected to me through blood."

"It changed color, or am I insane?" Ryan gestured. "It was a really soft purple when I came here."

"Oh, probably because I was asleep."

Ryan stared at him, then at the flower. He put the dome back on the table to free his hands.

"It changes with your-" He touched the place right over Gavin's heart and with burning cheeks, Gavin nodded.

That left Ryan in clear wonder. "For me?"

"Of course. It's your birthday presen-"

Gavin trailed off when Ryan took his hand in his and brought it up to kiss each of his knuckles.

"Ryan-"

"Thank you," he signed and when he tucked on his hand, Gavin easily nestled into his side. Ryan wrapped an arm around him and made sure the fur covered him completely and Gavin waited with bated breath for the next question.

It took a few minutes while they cuddled and watched the flower together but then Ryan's hands came back up. "Pink? Does it mean you're happy?"

"That as well," Gavin muttered and when he heard Ryan's little confused noise, he hid his burning face into his shoulder. The flower just turned into a more intense pink.

Ryan hesitated and Gavin could basically see the cogs turning in his head.

"What does it mean then?" he finally asked and Gavin chewed on his bottom lip.

"Means I'm in love," he muttered.

He could feel Ryan turn towards him but didn't quite dare to look up at him. Instead, he occupied his hands with tucking on the fur Ryan had brought him. Only when Ryan jostled him, did he stop and lifted his gaze far enough to see him.

"With me?" Ryan asked.

Gavin blinked at him before bursting into laughter. It was a bit hysterical and Ryan reeled back in surprise but he couldn't stop it.

"With you?" Gavin echoed. "No, with bloody Jeremy!"

"Listen-"

"Ryan. You're an idiot, Ryan!"

At least the other was also blushing healthily now and Gavin buried his face in Ryan's shoulder to stifle his laughter.

Outside the room, he could hear movement and that reminded him how freaking early it still was. Ryan even made a shhh-gesture but he couldn't stop himself.

What an idiot. What a loveable idiot.

"Ryan!" The shout came from outside, followed by a door being thrown open. Both of them turned around but it wasn't in here and it took a moment until Gavin got it.

"I think El is looking for you," he said and Ryan sighed. He leaned heavily against Gavin like he was trying to hide.

"Don't want to. Want to stay here."

"I'm sure she also has a present for you."

That made him hesitate and before long he was sitting up again. "I don't want her to wake up the whole castle."

"Of course not."

He gathered the dome from the table before hesitating. The flower inside was still flushed pink and Ryan smiled when he noticed. It was a bit embarrassing but before Gavin could protest, Ryan already leaned down to press a kiss against his forehead.

"I already got my favorite present."

"Good," Gavin muttered. When he tried to hand the fur back, Ryan shook his head. He left without another word and Gavin had to smile when even in the safety of his own room he could hear Eleonora cry out.

Reaching up he touched the tingling place on his forehead and let himself fall to the side. When he tried to hide beneath the fur, he blushed even more.

It smelled like pine needles.

Michael was kneeling in front of him, struggling with the last few brass buckles that kept Gavin's robe together. They started around his collarbone and went down to his tights, each one accompanied by a fine golden chain. It was the third layer Gavin had squeezed into and he was still missing his shawl and cloak.

The festivities would go well into the night and he would be happy over everything that would hide his bare skin when the temperature dropped. It still felt unusual and he couldn't quite keep his eyes from his mirror image.

The crimson was familiar by now and he reached up to touch the golden trim of his collar. The collar so high that it scratched beneath his chin and for the first time he wondered if it was traditional clothing or if he just thought so because Ryan always wore it like this. Surely there must've been scars from the attack that he tried to cover.

"Hey!" Michael called and Gavin realized that by moving his arm, he had smacked his long sleeves right into his face.

"Sorry."

"Those things are so impractical," Michael muttered before throwing him a closer look. "Is it too tight? Can you breathe properly?"

"Yeah, it's all good."

Michael hummed and finally closed the last buckle and got up.

"Ryan looked so happy today. Don't stop smiling for him now."

"I won't. I'm just-"

He didn't even know what he wanted to say. Looking at himself he felt a little out of touch but when Michael smacked his back, it faded. Many things had changed since he had come here nearly half a year ago but Michael stayed the same. Knowing that took some of the weight from his shoulders.

"There we go," Michael said as he smoothed the robe down. "It's a hellebore, isn't it?"

Gavin twisted around to see the piece of light fabric attached to the robe. The tailors had done a fantastic job recreating the blossom.

"If Ryan would've been born in the Ramsey kingdom this would be his birth flower."

"And when you two will dance tonight it will flare up for both of you and look like blooming flowers," Michael said. "You were always gushing about that kind of shit back home."

"Yeah."

Michael placed his head on Gavin's shoulder and sighed. He had to be tired already, after all he had been awake since the early morning hours and had helped him prepare for the festivities. "Feels like forever ago, the last time we hid away during a festival."

"Do you miss it?"

"Being a kid? Always. Life was easier back then but..." Michael trailed off but Gavin understood anyway. Leaning his head against Michael's, he lifted his hand. Even with all the jewelry, he was wearing only one ring and the tiny emerald flowers made him smile.

"This is becoming home now, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Would you rather be back in the Ramsey kingdom?" Gavin asked and Michael huffed.

"Idiot, my place is always by your side. I knew that since birth," Michael told him as he stood tall again. "But you know... we could've had it worse."

Gavin smiled and felt such a wave of gratitude that it felt nearly dizzying. Michael who had been with him for as long as he could remember and Michael who had followed him here and had stayed with him through the hardest times in his life. Where would he be without him?

So Gavin bowed his head to him and pressed Michael's hands against his forehead. The other tried to pull back but Gavin didn't let him.

"I'm a very fortunate man to have you as my valet."

"I mean, good thing you also realize this finally." He couldn't say it without clearing his throat and Gavin had to laugh. His heart felt full, ready to burst when Michael squeezed his hand back, his skin so much rougher than Gavin's own.

He couldn't help but wonder what his flower was doing right now but didn't really care. It was something good.

"Could you stay like that?" Michael asked of him. "It would make it so much easier to get that headpiece onto your big head."

"I don't think my back will enjoy this position for too long."

"By the Gods, our King is getting old!"

The great hall was filling rapidly with people and Gavin watched with wide eyes. The sky had been covered by heavy clouds all day, not giving the sun a chance to shine and Gavin was still waiting for the heavy snowfall. A part of him had looked forward to it, after all that would mean fewer guests who could make it to the festivities.

No such luck.

He was still standing outside the great hall, peeking inside but the sheer amount of people made him antsy. Placing a hand on his chest, he could feel his heart pounding and even though he had known this, it freaked him out. He had invited all those people right there but had never seen their faces and now he was looking into a sea of strangers, all who were quite important to this kingdom.

Distant relatives of Ryan, influential characters that had made their way even from the southern kingdom, nobles who aligned with King Horton. It would be the first time he would be introduced to them.

The only familiar faces were Jeremy, who he could see hurrying around, making sure everything was running smoothly, and Eleonora. She was already standing in the middle of the hall, mingling with the people like it was her second nature. Her dress was gorgeous, a faded red adorned with golden stitching and sparkling rubies. Its skirt was so puffy that nobody could come too close to her and Gavin couldn't help but envy her for it.

"Gods above, grant me strength," he muttered a short prayer.

A hand laid on the small of his back making Gavin look up.

"Okay?" Ryan asked and Gavin smiled for him.

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"You can do it. They'll adore you or else-"

"Or else?" Gavin asked but Ryan's only answer was a dark little smirk.

He looked good in his tight fitting robe. It was of a darker red than Gavin's own but the golden stitching reflected the torchlight wonderfully.

Neither of them were wearing their heavy fur cloaks just yet and so Gavin could see the slender sword strapped to Ryan's hip. It was only for decoration but it still looked impressive.

"You look gorgeous," Ryan signed and while Gavin felt his face heat up, he couldn't help but ask, "I thought saying something like that was indecent? Especially for nobility."

"It is but there's nobody but us out here." Ryan took his hand and pressed the golden ring to his lips. "It would also be a lie not to say so."

"Thank you," Gavin muttered before clearing his throat to slip into his formal voice. "I am also quite charmed by your appearance, King Ryan."

"See? You'll be just fine. I'll be right by your side the whole evening."

Gavin smiled at him. "Well, what should I be afraid of if I have the infamous King Haywood by my side?"

"Nothing," Ryan signed before offering his arm. "Ready?"

Taking his arm, Gavin leaned into his side and looked up to him. Ryan waited patiently, his blue eyes traveling over him like he had to take this picture and for a moment Gavin wanted to offer to just stay out here.

"I'm ready."

A hushed murmur fell over the great hall once they were announced and Gavin was well aware that each pair of eyes was following their every step. The crowd around them parted to let them through and he kept his gaze to the front of the hall. If he dared to let his eyes travel, he feared he would freeze in his motions. Like this, he could at least pretend there weren't too many people around and if he held a bit too tight to Ryan's arm, neither of them mentioned it.

They stopped in the middle of the hall and when he turned to Ryan, he easily caught his hand. Gavin placed his own on Ryan's shoulder and the other had to feel how much he was shaking because he sent him an encouraging smile and squeezed his hip.

It didn't help, not a lot at least because Gavin had never been confident in his dancing abilities and least of all in front of a crowd he had to impress. Unfortunately, it was too late to second guess himself now and when the music started, it made the hairs on his arms stand on end. It echoed here in this great hall, a different feeling than back in the small music room and Gavin stood taller just hearing it. He kept his eyes on Ryan and it was easier to pretend they were alone, maybe late at night hidden away in the music room.

Ryan led with the first step and Gavin followed easily, keeping his chin high and focusing on Ryan, not the hundreds of eyes following them. Ryan and his blue eyes and braided hair and the golden hall that whirled around them, all the people inside just splashes of colors.

When Ryan lifted his hand, Gavin spun around and Ryan caught him as easily as if he had practiced with him a hundred times the same steps and not Jeremy. His arm wrapped around his middle and pulled him close enough that Gavin could smell all the scents sprinkled on Ryan's clothes.

"Jeremy didn't do that," Gavin muttered underneath his breath.

"Good," Ryan mouthed and Gavin nearly missed his steps now that he was occupied with Ryan's lips.

The music climbed and Ryan gave him one last spin, just to catch his hand with so much ease that it made his knees weak and he was glad that they came to a stop right afterward.

Slightly out of breath, Gavin gave his courtesy and while Ryan bowed, he pressed Gavin's hand against his lips one more time. Another thing that Jeremy for sure hadn't done and Gavin could hear the crowd murmur. Now that they stopped it wasn't as easy to just ignore them and even though there was polite applause, he felt small beneath their gazes.

It got better when Ryan pulled him close and tucked him into his side before steering him towards the back of the hall.

"Did your flowers bloom like they did back at home?" Ryan asked him, his eyes only on him and not on the people around him.

Honestly, Gavin hadn't paid too much attention to the light fabric on their backs during the dance and how it had hopefully flared out. 

"Yeah," he said. "Do you recognize the flower?"

Ryan shook his head.

"It's a hellebore. The flower of your birth."

Ryan watched him for a long time and Gavin kept his intense gaze, at least until they reached the steps up to the table at the end of the hall. 

"You two looked gorgeous," Eleonora assured them and Gavin was happy enough just to sit down for now.

"Thank you."

Ryan sat by his side but continued to hold on to his hand. He looked regal, not only in his attire but because of the throne-like chair he was sitting in. Gavin could only hope he looked at least similarly impressive. 

On Ryan's other side Eleonora was leaning in, whispering facts and rumors about the attendees to them, and more than once Gavin had to hide his smile behind his hand.

From up here, they had a better look across the hall and now that the royal pair had done their first dance, the others followed along. Men and women spinning around each other and in the golden candlelight everything looked like a fairytale.

Someone squeezed his shoulder and when he looked up it was Michael.

"My liege," he mumbled before placing a goblet of wine in front of him. Gavin nodded his thanks because he would for sure need it.

Their respite didn't take long and soon Ryan sighed next to him.

"Ready for the hard part?"

Just the thought made cold sweat break out all over his back but he took a huge gulp from his wine to get rid of it.

"Of course."

_ Mingling. _ Gavin had always been good at it, smiling and agreeing and shaking hands with important people of the kingdom before he could hide away again. It was different here, more important.

He held on tight to Ryan's arm as they moved around the hall to meet important personalities from all around the kingdom. Jeremy followed them like a shadow, introducing names after names and translating Ryan's best wishes.

Gavin couldn't even tell how happy he was to have him here. He had a hard time memorizing all the names and faces and he was still not confident in translating Ryan's gestures as well as Jeremy did. Right now all he had to do was being delighted by each new person, answering the same kind of questions again and smiling.

Ryan stood strong and unwavering by his side like he wasn't sweating profusely. It was hot in the hall, no matter its size. The three fireplaces were roaring and with so many people around, moving, chattering, and dancing- It felt like there wasn't enough air. After the cold of the past weeks, his body felt like it couldn't deal with the heat anymore and he couldn't wait to get back to their seats.

Unfortunately, Ryan pulled him from one person to the next. New names and new professions. Distant cousins with the same blue eyes and cold hands when Gavin reached out to shake them. His own hands had to be sweaty and he made his best effort to wipe them on his clothes as discreetly as possible but it didn't help much. He wasn't even wearing his fur cloak yet.

He pushed himself through what felt like at least half an hour when he realized that he was actually growing sick. He could feel it deep in the pit of his stomach, something churning there and he still had the feeling that he didn't get enough air in his lungs.

Fuck, what if he had to barf now? There were people waiting, he could feel their eyes on him and he wasn't even sure how he looked right now. He for sure felt like his head was bright red and was pouring sweat.

The person in front of them bid their goodbye, Lady someone from somewhere and Gavin's fingers buried into Ryan's arm.

"I think I'd like to drink something," he whispered and when Ryan turned to him, his eyes widened in concern.

"Good?" he asked like so often and Gavin shook his head minutely.

Ryan wrapped his arm around his middle and led him back towards their table, no questions asked. How embarrassing.

Still, it felt good to sit down and when he reached for his wine, his hands were shaking. Fuck-

He downed his cup and Michael appeared by his side to refill it. He managed to block him at least a little from the crowd.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

"It's so hot in here," Gavin said. "I can't breath."

His cup was full but Michael didn't move yet. He threw a look towards Ryan and when Gavin also turned, he swayed dangerously. Gods above, he felt sick.

"He didn't eat properly all day," he could hear Michael say. "Maybe a short break would help?"

Ryan gesticulated something to him but Gavin couldn't focus on his hands, he was too preoccupied trying not to faint.

"Ryan asks if you want to catch some fresh air," Michael translated and Gavin nodded.

"Yeah, I think-" He made to get up but just the idea to walk through the whole crowd to get out of here was discouraging him. At least Ryan wrapped his arm around him again and led him in the opposite direction. Apparently, there was also a door because just a moment later they stepped out of the golden light and into a dimly lit corridor. The shift in temperature made him shiver and he wanted nothing more than to sit down again but there were still people around, servants who hurried past them with bottles of wine and watched them with huge eyes.

How embarrassing.

"Sorry," Gavin muttered but with one arm around his middle and the other holding onto his, Ryan could only shake his head.

He pulled him further, down some hallways, and just being out of the hall felt better, felt like he could breathe again. When Ryan opened a door the cold night air felt like a slap in the face.

"Here." 

Michael. Gavin hadn't even noticed that he had been following them but now he wrapped the fur cloak around him. It felt wrong with how hot he still was but the air felt icy on his damp skin.

"Thanks," he muttered and when Ryan helped him sit down on some steps, he felt like the ultimate failure.

"You should go back," Gavin told him. "All those guests are here for you."

Again Ryan shook his head and it only made him feel worse.

"They will notice you're gone."

"Michael?" Ryan turned to him now. "Ask El to cover for us. She'll know what to do."

"But-" Gavin began to protest but Michael was already nodding.

"Alright." He squeezed Gavin's shoulder before hurrying away and Gavin slumped over.

"Sorry," he muttered again and nearly felt like crying. "I ruined it."

"You didn't, you just need a break."

With a sigh, Gavin ran his hands through his hair. It was sweaty and probably stood every which way. When his fingers touched his headpiece, he pulled it free. What a mess.

"Why didn't you eat properly?" Ryan asked and Gavin shrugged.

"I did eat but it was- I don't know. I was busy making sure everything was going well and the guests had a place to stay and the food would be ready in time and the great hall was immaculate. I wanted things to be perfect," he muttered and felt his face burn. "It's your birthday and I wanted you to enjoy it. Now look at me! Fucking useless-"

Ryan shook him and with horror, Gavin realized that his voice had grown thick and he felt so upset, he could cry.

Ryan tugged on his cloak and when Gavin let go, he wrapped it around both of them just so he could pull Gavin against his chest. Gavin hadn't even noticed that he was still shaking but it eased when Ryan rubbed down his back.

"Not useless," he spelled out with his other hand. "My everything."

That made him smile and when he leaned his head against Ryan's shoulder, he felt exhausted. The night was still long, endlessly so, maybe a break would really help. His eyes slipped shut and he could just  _ be .  _

The chilly night air felt refreshing and soothed the churning feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was cold sitting on the steps but Ryan was like a furnace and for a while, he was sure he could just fall asleep like this.

Ryan jostled him before that could happen and his hand spelled out, "Snow."

For the first time, Gavin took the time to actually look around. They were on the edge of the little garden and this late in the year the wisteria tree was covered in frost.

It was also starting to snow again and Gavin had to smile. The snow was nice and now as his shaking had eased, he could enjoy the sight. At least until Ryan pulled him to stand.

"Cold ground," he signed and quickly closed the cloak around Gavin again. "We might get sick."

"I think I froze my ass off."

Ryan raised his eyebrows and then made a big show of spinning him around, just like they had done while dancing.

"Still there," he assured him and Gavin burst into laughter. 

"Let us thank the Gods for that!" He squeezed Ryan's arm. "I think we can go back now. I don't feel so shaky anymore."

"No rush."

"But-"

"El has it under control," Ryan assured him and while Gavin somehow didn't doubt that, it still left him worried.

"It's your birthday though. You should enjoy it to your heart's content."

"I do." Ryan made a gesture toward the garden. "Beautiful."

"Yeah." Even now in winter where no flower was blooming and the grass was iced over, it was pretty. The frozen branches of the wisteria tree reflected the cold moonlight like crystals and when Gavin reached out his hands, he could catch snowflakes. They disappeared right away but that didn't matter.

Against the golden light of the great hall and the heat, he knew exactly what he would prefer as well but it wasn't as easy, was it?

He put a hand on the trunk of the tree and could feel its sleeping strength brim beneath. December, the month of perseverance because the cold and the dark would pass for simpler times.

"We should-" He trailed off because Ryan was watching him. He was standing a step behind him and had such a soft expression on his face that Gavin had to smile. There were snowflakes caught in his hair.

"What is it?" Gavin asked.

"May I kiss you?"

His eyes widened and all the heat rushed back into his head. Ryan let his hands fall back to his side as he waited and he had to swallow before answering because there was no doubt, he didn't even have to think about it, just-

"Please."

Just like that Ryan was with him and cupped his face like so often. But this time he was tilting his chin up and when he pressed their lips together, Gavin let his eyes slip shut.

Ryan was warm, was emitting heat and Gavin grasped the front of his tunic to get himself closer because Ryan was already pulling away again. That was way too soon and Gavin might have whined at it even if he would rather die than admit so. An arm wrapped around his middle to keep him as close while they broke apart and Gavin blinked up to him, still in shock that this was truly happening. 

With his crown and the silver winter light, Ryan looked royal and otherworldly and Gavin had to touch the side of his jaw to make sure he was even real.

"Good?" Ryan asked and instead of answering, Gavin got on his toes to crash their lips together again. Ryan responded just as eagerly, pressing in deeper until Gavin's back hit the rough bark behind him. 

Between his fingers, Ryan's hair felt like silk and velvet and the finest of sand. He smelled like pine needles and cinnamon and a dozen other things and where Gavin’s thumb pressed underneath his jaw, he could feel his pulse flutter.

When he pulled back, Ryan was smiling at him and Gavin beamed back. They were catching their breaths and each of their gasps mingled into little clouds between them.

Gavin kissed him once more then, soft and slow and he was sure his heart could burst by how gently Ryan was holding him close, how he wrapped an arm around his shoulders to keep him away from the cold tree behind him.

When he leaned his head against Ryan's shoulder and wrapped his arms around his middle, he was laughing and like an answer, Ryan pressed a short kiss right beneath his ear. It made him shudder and his stomach made a strange somersault but then Ryan began to hum. There was magic in the noise, a low drumming sound and Gavin closed his eyes and let it in. Something in the depths of his chest, something warm and fuzzy that tingled in the tips of his fingers.

It was good, made him giddy and he pressed his smile against Ryan's neck, wanted him to know just what he did to him.

They stood there for a while but he wasn't sure how long. Only when he began to feel Ryan shake did he lift his head and frown.

"You didn't bring a coat."

"I'm better with cold than you," Ryan assured him as if his fingers didn't shake. Gavin quickly slipped out of his own to wrap it around him.

"Do you want to go back inside?"

Ryan shook his head like a petulant child and even that made Gavin's heart flutter.

"Come on, we already stayed away for too long."

They left the garden but before they could slip back into the hall, Jeremy found them. He was carrying Ryan’s cloak over one arm and had apparently been looking for them.

“Oh, are you coming back in? Gavin, do you feel better?”

“Yeah, the fresh air helped.”

“You still shouldn’t risk anything. I arranged for the meal to be held ahead of time so please eat properly.” Jeremy held the cloak out for Ryan to take when he hesitated. “Your hair is messed up.”

Ryan froze and when Gavin threw him a look he blushed crimson. He had tucked on Ryan’s hair and had pulled the braid apart.

“The wind,” Ryan signed, which was the worst excuse Gavin had ever heard considering that he hadn’t even noticed any wind, let alone one strong enough to mess with their hair.

Jeremy raised his eyebrows before he looked from one to another.

“Gavin, you are missing your headpiece.”

Oh, right. “I put it down when we sat in the garden.”

He hurried back, glad to escape Jeremy’s eyes that seemed to know just a bit too much. When he returned with the golden circlet in his hand, Ryan was waiting for him at the door towards the great hall.

“The wind?” Gavin couldn’t help but whisper and Ryan pouted.

“Listen-”

“You are an awful liar, Ryan.” He held the headpiece up to him. “Can you at least help me with this? I have no idea how Michael did it.”

Like Ryan was any more talented. When Michael had slipped it on before it had been over in a minute and it certainly hadn’t hurt but somehow Ryan managed to pull on every strand of hair he could find. When he was done it felt crooked but Gavin couldn’t quite care because they were kissing again, hidden in the shadows and the murmur of the great hall as a steady reminder.

At least Gavin managed to keep his hands away from Ryan’s hair this time and when they broke apart, smiling and with heavy breaths and didn’t even want to return to the golden light. They had to though.

“Good?” Ryan asked and Gavin nodded.

“Good.”

What followed was one of the best nights of Gavin’s life.

If anyone had noticed them missing, nobody dared to comment on it, and with the food served, it was soon forgotten. The food was delicious, heavy, and warm and perfect for the cold winter nights. The wine was sweet and never seemed to run out and afterward, when Ryan continued to pull him around the hall to introduce him, he didn’t even listen. How could he when their shoulders were pressed together and Ryan’s warmth bled into him?

No, he felt drunk of the closeness, the way every small touch felt electrical, and how Ryan looked at him like he was something precious that was worth all this trouble.

They danced and who cared if he wasn’t the best at it? He didn’t, not with Ryan’s hand in his and Ryan’s eyes on him and if they’d never stopped turning, he could pretend they were all alone in this hall where the music was loud enough to vibrate in their bones.

He danced until his feet hurt and then some more and when they finally sat down, he felt light and out of breath. Ryan was next to him like he had been all evening and his eyes were sparkling more than all the jewelry he was wearing. His face was healthily flushed and there was a shimmer of sweat on his skin. Gods above, Gavin barely dared to look away.

At least until Michael very noisily put down another goblet in front of him.

Gavin reached for it without any thought because until now the wine had been sweet and made everything around warm and fuzzy. When he took a sip, he pulled a face.

"Michael, that's water, Michael," he protested.

"It is advised to take a break once in a while to think clearly, my liege," Michael answered with a quick bow, and Gavin needed a moment until all those fancy words made sense to him, then another until he translated it into what Michael was actually trying to say.

"I'm not drunk," he wanted to say but it came out more than a question. He turned to Ryan who had drunk as much as him but his train of thoughts derailed somewhere between then and the softest hint of freckles on his nose.

Ryan was occupied with Jeremy anyway but all his gestures were sloppy and sent Gavin into a giggle fit.

"Is it late?" he asked no one in particular but Michael, lovely Michael, answered.

"Way into the new day, my liege."

"Oh." That was funny. Everything was freaking funny and he wanted to turn to Eleonora to tell her just how funny it was but Eleonora was dancing with a fancy gentleman.

"Maybe we should retire," Ryan offered and Gavin whined. He didn't want the evening to end and the golden light to fade. Everything felt like a spell and if they left these halls it would all just be gone.

Then again his feet were hurting and he felt exhausted and full and sleepy, so maybe that was a good idea.

"Yeah, let's."

He was drunk. The moment he got up he swayed but it was alright because Ryan was also drunk and when Ryan offered his arm, they could sway together and that made it even. Right?

Gavin was pretty sure that was how it worked and he wanted to tell Ryan about his theory but by the time they left the hall and all those strangers, it was gone.

Instead there was Ryan, holding him close with an arm wrapped around his middle and a hand maybe a bit too low on his hips. That was all he could think about, that hand that burned through all of his layers down to his skin and he wondered if Ryan knew what he was doing to him, if he was so bold to do it on purpose or if it was just a drunken accident.

They made it into the private part of the castle and the moment the door fell shut behind them, Gavin pressed Ryan against the next wall. The kiss was hungry and wet and absolutely perfect and that cursed hand stayed where it was, joined by another just to slip deeper and he was sure he would burn up.

There was an embarrassing noise coming from his throat but he didn't care, not when Ryan pulled him until their chests were flush together and Gavin finally, finally pulled that soft hair free. He buried his hand inside, letting it slip through his fingers, and when Ryan deepened the kiss-

"Alright."

Gavin was pulled back by his cloak like a cat by his scruff.

"No!" he whined and tried to get back to Ryan but Michael was too strong. Ryan blinked at him rather dumbfounded like he couldn’t quite grasp where Gavin had disappeared to.

“I think that’s enough, your Majesties.” Michael wrapped an arm around Gavin’s to keep him from swaying. “Ryan, I’m sure you can find your own room, right? Jeremy should be with you in a heartbeat.”

Ryan blinked a few more times as he processed that and Gavin nearly cried with how cute he was. Unfortunately, the moment he nodded, Michael began to drag him away.

“Say goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” he echoed and it took him until they were in his chambers to frown. “Wait. Michael, I wanted-”

“Yeah, I could see what you wanted.” Michael pushed him into a seat and began to worry over his buckles holding his robe together. “I could also see that both of you are clearly drunk.”

“We’re both adults!”

“You’re both idiots,” Michael corrected but his voice was gentle and while Gavin couldn’t deny that he wasn’t thinking straight, he had to smile. When Michael noticed, he grinned back.

“You good?”

“Am happy.”

“Yeah?” Michael pushed the robe from his shoulders and then pulled the headpiece from his hair. “Took you two long enough.”

Gavin hummed and his head lolled back without his doing. He was nearly dozing off but there was something nagging on the back of his head, something he wanted to say and it took a while until he could find it again.

“Michael?”

“Yeah, Gav?”

“I think I’m in love.”

Michael laughed and the sound made Gavin grin like they had just shared a little secret with each other. It didn’t even fade when Michael pulled him to his feet.

“Are you ready to be in love in the morning?”

“Yeah, I think so.” And his bed was soft and warm and Gavin was drifting off before Michael had fully pulled the blanket over him. He could still feel his hand linger over his shoulder though, could still hear him lean ahead to whisper,

“I’m happy for you.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm more anxious about: accidentally deleting the finale of this story after I've just written it or posting this chapter.
> 
> In other news, the story is finally done! Around 480 pages for you guys to enjoy!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "King Gavin Haywood from the house of Ramsey, are you willing to fight this battle with my brother?"
> 
> "Yes," he answered without hesitation

Chapter 17

The sunbeams felt like getting stabbed in the eyes and Gavin cursed whoever let the light in before pulling his blanket over his head.

"Come on, it's nearly noon."

It didn't feel like noon, it felt like he hadn't slept more than an hour but the voice woke him up further. It wasn't Michael.

"Jeremy?" he asked as he peeked out from under the blanket.

"Good morning," Jeremy greeted him. "I prepared a light breakfast."

"Where's Michael?"

Jeremy pulled a face. "Let's say he's fortunate enough to sleep in today."

"Doesn't he feel good?"

"Oh, I trust he feels amazing actually! He won a little bet and I'm sure I will hear about it until the end of this year."

"What kind of bet?"

Jeremy threw him a pointed look before taking the end of his blanket and pulling it away. Gavin shrieked at losing his protection against the cursed light and now the cold crept in.

"Ryan decided to have breakfast in his room. Will you join him or do you prefer to eat alone?"

"I don't really feel hungry," Gavin muttered and gathered the blanket from the floor to pull around him. His head hurt.

"Do you feel sick?"

"Just a little under the weather."

"Then that wasn't an answer to my question. Where should I bring your breakfast?"

Gods above, Gavin had realized that Jeremy could be so... assertive.

"If Ryan doesn't mind."

"I'm sure he won't." Jeremy disappeared into his wardrobe and Gavin took the time to rub the sleep from his eyes. He looked around and outside the sun was shining weakly but her beams were warm on his skin. It really had to be nearing noon and slowly the memories of the night before returned. Yeah, he didn't think Ryan would mind and Gavin couldn't help but smile.

He slipped out of bed, eagerly to see the other again.

Jeremy was still standing in his wardrobe, holding one of his long flowing gowns in his hands.

"Oh, that's one of the things I brought from the Ramsey kingdom," Gavin said.

"It's so soft!" Jeremy called out and let the green fabric run through his hands. "You'd freeze!"

"Well, it's a lot warmer where I'm from. This is for summers though, the ones for winters are a little thicker." Gavin pointed to one of his old winter robes and Jeremy reached for it. His wonder would be amusing if Gavin's head wasn't pounding.

"That's for winter? No way!"

"I take it you've never been in the Ramsey kingdom?"

Jeremy shook his head. "The last time the Haywood family visited I was too young and stayed behind."

"Next year then. Depending on the time of year you will wear something like that as well."

Jeremy still looked doubtful but he couldn't quite put the robe down. "I mean, you could wear it with some woolen breeches?"

"It's green," Gavin pointed out but Jeremy just shrugged.

"As if Ryan would mind."

"The court-"

Jeremy laughed. "You won't see any one of them today. The festivities ended only three hours ago. There will be no work done today."

The feeling of silk felt foreign on his skin even though he had worn it for most of his life. It was strange to wear his old robe with woolen breeches and tights but he needed it to keep warm.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he wasn't quite sure what to feel but Jeremy looked happy enough.

"Is this right?" he asked after he bound the belt around his waist. Its ends nearly reached the floor.

"Perfect."

Jeremy took another look before laughing. "Now I'm actually even more excited to see your old kingdom. Michael already told me a lot."

"Did he?"

"It sounds very different," Jeremy muttered. He reached out to touch the silk one more time. "It looks different as well."

"I'll show you around and I'm sure Michael will as well."

Jeremy grinned up at him. "I'll remind you!"

Gavin was unreasonably nervous when he opened the door to Ryan's chambers. A part of him was sure that what had happened yesterday was all a misunderstanding or for show or just because of maybe a little too much wine. He knew that wasn't the case but his heart was still beating wildly in his chest.

All of that faded when Ryan saw him and instantly stood from his seat. He looked so concerned that Gavin was actually a bit taken aback.

"Are you feeling well?" Ryan asked and Gavin nodded.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I-"

Ryan gesticulated towards the table and Gavin had to laugh. In the middle of a rich breakfast stood his flower and the petals hadn't quite unfolded as brightly as yesterday.

"I just have a headache," he assured Ryan. "Please don't worry too much. This gift was meant to bring you joy, not concern."

Ryan's shoulders slumped in relief and when he stepped closer, Gavin's heart picked up again. Unfortunately, Ryan just touched his gown and Gavin wrapped his arms around himself.

"Do you mind?"

Ryan quickly shook his head and when his hand brushed against the side of Gavin's face, he looked up. They stood there a little awkwardly and again Gavin felt self-conscious. Yesterday things had been easy in the golden light with music and drinks. Even before that, under the wisteria tree with the snow falling slowly, he had been so sure-

He didn't want to have any more doubt about this anymore.

When he stepped even closer, Ryan's eyes widened and that alone should be invitation enough but-

"May I kiss you?" Gavin asked because Ryan had done so as well and just saying it filled his chest with warmth. Ryan nodded eagerly and when Gavin took his face in his hands, he could feel the stubble rub against his skin.

This early in the morning Ryan didn't smell like the scents he usually used. He smelled like soap and when Gavin kissed him, his lips were so ridiculously soft that it made him whine. Ryan pulled him close enough that his warmth bled through his thin robe and his hands seemed to leave a trail of heat behind.

When they broke apart, Gavin grinned up to him and signed, "Good morning."

The very first gesture he had learned, the one Ryan had taught him and he could hear Ryan chuckle. He pressed a kiss to the top of Gavin's head.

"Good morning."

It wasn't until the evening until he saw anyone else and then it was only Eleonora who joined them for dinner. She was wearing quite a curious head that had a veil attached to the front, hiding most of her face.

Ryan seemed pretty displeased by that.

"It's clothing meant for mourning."

"I am mourning my good decision making," Eleonora told him. "It seems to have passed away sometime last night."

"Did you celebrate until the morning?" Gavin asked her. His headache had settled after a few hours and he had been able to eat something, while Eleonora didn't seem ready to even look at her food.

"Darling, I would've danced even longer if I could've!"

"Are you sure you two are related?" Gavin couldn't help but ask, making Eleonora laugh.

"Don't worry Gavin, you made both of us Haywoods very happy. Ryan, I hope you assured your husband that you are thankful for all he has done to make your birthday memorable!"

Ryan looked thoughtful and a little unsure Gavin asked, "You did enjoy last night, didn't you?"

"I very much did. It was my favorite birthday to this date." He took Gavin's and kissed the back of it and Gavin was pretty sure his insides turned to liquid. He caught those blue eyes and didn't even want to look away.

At least until Elenora made a very undignified noise. "Will you two stop? My stomach isn't ready to handle something like that."

When they made to retire, Gavin felt tired no matter how late he had woken up but before he could reach his chamber, Eleonora stopped him.

"Can we chat for a moment longer?"

Ryan threw her a distrusting look but she just wrapped her arms around Gavin's. "What? You can't have him all to yourself! He's my favorite brother-in-law!"

"I would hope I'm your only brother-in-law," Gavin remarked. He gave Ryan a small wave before getting pulled away and couldn't quite hide his disappointment. He had kinda hoped Ryan would invite him inside his chambers but now Eleonora closed the door behind them with a sigh.

"I hope you don't mind."

"What's wrong?" Gavin asked and couldn't help but be a little concerned.

"Nothing much." She pulled the strange hat from her head and squinted against the candlelight in her chambers. She looked tired and pale but not unhappy and a bit of the tension left Gavin.

"I'm just not sure when we would get another opportunity. Winter is a peculiar time."

She stepped up the window but didn't look over the city beneath. Instead, she bent down to look at the sky. "It's cloudy, so the temperature should stay like this but the moment the night clears it'll grow cold."

"Like it isn't cold now!" Gavin protested but her laugh made him doubt his own words.

"With Ryan's birthday over I have to return home soon and it has to be while traveling is safe. If it looks like the weather stays like this, I'll start my journey tomorrow."

She turned towards him and offered him a seat by the fire. Gavin couldn't help but notice that each place had a soft blanket on top of it and he couldn't help himself but wrap one around his shoulders.

"True winter starts now," she explained. "For the next few weeks, the kingdom will basically stop. It gets too cold to work, to even go outside and so the people hide in their houses and gather around the fire. It is a time to rest but also a time of sacrifice. Those who couldn't prepare properly will die."

That was a grim thought and when Gavin looked out over the city beneath with all its light, he couldn't help but wonder how many of them would eventually extinguish. Then again, here it probably wasn't as bad. The small villages further out though- They were too far away for anyone to reach them right now and had to depend on their own.

"I heard what you did about the harvest, how you saved so many fields. Even my father was impressed by it."

"The storm still destroyed a lot of them," Gavin muttered.

"Nature is our biggest enemy," Eleonora told him. "The Haywood kingdom is rich in many things, be it jewelry or men ready to fight for its sake but it's always been plagued by the sea and the cold. Especially the southern part."

Eleonora sat down opposite of him. With her voice even and the hands folded neatly in her lap it was a stern reminder that she was royalty. Gavin had nearly forgotten about that over the past few days.

"My father saw it as some kind of mercy to even allow Ryan the little power he wields. At some point, I fear Ryan started to believe so as well, that this is all he deserves, that he should be glad about the scraps our father left him with. Father can be... he is a very cruel man. Determined, strong-willed, and very protective about this kingdom of his but cruel."

Her hand twisted in the fabric of her skirt as she pulled a face, "It's because of me that Ryan is in this situation but I can't change that anymore. He was the heir to the throne, he was to inherit all the power but now he is left with little to none. Ryan told me he planned to fight against this injustice and it made me so very happy to hear it but Gavin..."

She trailed off and Gavin frowned.

"What do you want to say?"

"He said the same before, that he was willing to fight but he lost his strength, he became discouraged and how can I blame him? How can he feel powerful with how things are?" She pointed to the room and Gavin was reminded how small it was against what he was used to. "He calls this place his castle because that's what father told him it is. He wears a crown and a signet ring but it's all fake! This isn't enough! How can he feel like a King when everything around him is just for show?"

"He can't," Gavin muttered. He thought of the fake signet ring he himself had, how it had bettered his standing in the kingdom but it wasn't real, was it? Just a plaything.

"The right to rule is passed down by blood. It manifests in the magic the royal family wields. This tradition goes back as long as we can remember." Eleonora reached over the table to take his hand. Her fingers were cold. "Ryan has that right but I fear he has forgotten who he is and what he deserves. His magic used to rival even that of our father and it's still there. He is the King but he will need help to realize that, to remember. Gavin-"

She squeezed his hand and met his eyes. The same blue as Ryan's and he could feel her magic paint the words clearer, more urgent but he didn't think she was influencing him. No, it was just her heart speaking.

"King Gavin Haywood from the house of Ramsey, are you willing to fight this battle with my brother?"

"Yes," he answered without hesitation and while that eased her expression, she didn't let go just yet.

"It won't be easy and it won't be pretty. My father won't be your only enemy on this path, even Ryan might try to stop this when things get rough. He's so scared of losing the things he holds dear, that he doesn't realize he's lacking the things he deserves."

"He is the King, by blood and by name," Gavin assured her and finally Eleonora smiled.

"The north is on your side. If you are in need of anything please let me know. No matter if it's supplies or support. Ryan is my brother and I owe him more than I can ever repay but with you here I found hope. Ryan did as well."

"King Horton-"

"Let me worry over father," she told him. "I can not promise that he will not visit and try to stop you. I can't promise that he might even try and harm you but I will try to keep him away for as long as possible. May I ask you to look out for my brother in my stead?"

"I will."

Eleonora bowed her head to him and even when Gavin tried to stop her, she didn't.

"I wish to see my brother on a throne just how he deserves," she said. "I am forever grateful to have your support on this, Gavin."

Evenings had quickly become Gavin's favorite time during the winter. In his chambers where nobody would bother him, it was cozy and he usually wrapped himself into a blanket to read by candlelight. He and Michael had pulled the seats as close to the fire as they deemed safe but the cold was always lurking just a few feet deeper into the room.

Today he was leaning over the map on the table though and while he had found what he had been looking for, he wasn't quite sure what to do next.

Eleonora's words were still ringing in his ears and they were daunting. All of it felt like a lot of pressure, a lot of work but he was determined to not let that stop him.

Jeremy was probably his best bet but he had been so busy after the birthday that Gavin hadn't approached him yet. Soon though.

There was a knock on his door and when he looked up, Ryan was already peeking inside.

"Busy?"

"No, I was about to call it a day," Gavin told him. "Please come in."

Closing the door behind him, Ryan sat down next to him and promptly leaned against his shoulder. When Gavin threw him a look, he was pouting and Gavin had to bite down on his lips not to laugh.

"Do you miss El?" he asked because that wasn't the first time he had seen that look on Ryan's face. He had worn it ever since Eleonora left.

He still took a moment to answer, like he was surprised by that question.

"She is annoying and was getting on my nerves," he told him but when Gavin just hummed, Ryan gave in. "But now that she's gone everything is a bit... quiet."

"She's fun to be around," Gavin agreed.

"Winters are always lonely," Ryan signed. "There are no letters coming from her or my mother, just a few very important messages that get delivered. If something happened to El it would take so long until word would reach me, so I can't help but worry."

"She should already be back in the capital, right?" Gavin asked. He shifted to sit more comfortably and Ryan took the opportunity to put his head in his lap. That was nice.

"The weather was good during her journey, there is no reason to think something happened to her. She knows the dangers of winter as well as me."

Gavin was pretty sure Ryan was telling that mostly to himself. He could feel the nervous energy emitting from him in waves and reached down to card a hand through his hair.

"See. She's back home now and is also sitting by a fire right now. She probably misses Jeremy's tea!"

At least it made Ryan smile and after a deep sigh, he even closed his eyes.

"Do you want a pillow?"

Ryan nodded. "You're bony."

"Well, excuse me for having bones!" Gavin grasped a pillow from the other seat and when Ryan settled again, he went back to playing with his hair.

"You must also miss the letters coming from home," Ryan signed in the space between them.

"I've been keeping busy but I'm sure they're fine," he said. "The time of mourning is over, so Geoff should inherit very soon if he hasn't already."

"Even the hardest times pass. He will be a fantastic King."

Gavin was sure of that as well but hearing Ryan say so made him proud. Yeah, Geoff would be a good and fair King.

Ryan lifted his hands again but it was unsure. Gavin had become pretty good in determining when he was hesitating about asking something.

"Do you regret not staying there when you had the chance?"

"No." That answer came easily and while his thoughts had been often with his family in the past weeks, he had never second-guessed his decision to spend winter with Ryan instead.

"So many things have happened since my father's death. I wouldn't have met Eleonora or celebrated your birthday! Who knows where the two of us would be. Certainly not right here."

Ryan smiled, his eyes still closed. "I would've missed you."

"Me too," Gavin told him. "I was needed here. So coming back was the right decision."

Ryan hummed, clearly pleased with the answer.

He drifted off a few minutes later, his breathing even and the blanket halfway wrapped around him. He was laying on his side, his head still in Gavin's lap and giving him full access to his hair.

Like this Gavin couldn't continue to work on his little project but he also didn't mind, not when he could spend the time playing with Ryan's hair, braiding it this way and that. Libby had always kept a bunch of ribbons and accessories by her bed and what Gavin would give to have those nearby. Then again it was a little price to pay for being here, warm and cozy and home. Yeah, not the home of his childhood but a new one.

Realizing that felt a bit scary but that was fine. Right now everything was fine.

He must have also fallen asleep because he woke up when he noticed someone walking around the room.

Michael, he realized blurrily. Michael stoking the fire before the night, quiet as a mouse. When Gavin blinked his eyes open, Michael was still crouched by the fire but he was talking to Ryan. Sure, quick gestures to not wake him up.

When Gavin sat up, he winced and reached for his neck. Ah, sleeping while sitting up hadn't been his brightest idea.

"Your husband is old, Ryan," Michael said good-naturedly. "Soon he won't be of any use anymore."

"Shut up," Gavin hissed. "Don't you have better things to do?"

"I had better things to do since birth but then you came along."

Gavin kicked after him but Michael easily jumped to his feet and out of the way.

"If your Majesties excuse me now, I'll prepare the carriage."

"The carriage?" Gavin asked but Michael just winked at him before leaving the room. So he turned to Ryan who looked a little sheepishly.

"Do you want to go on a little adventure tonight?"

"Tonight?" Gavin blurted out. "But we're all tucked in. We've already had dinner, Ryan."

"Michael is right, you are becoming an old man."

Gavin pouted at him but Ryan just pinched his cheeks like that was an appropriate answer.

"Fine, what kind of adventure?"

"A secret one."

Gavin groaned. "And for that I have to go... out there? Where it's cold?"

"It's not as cold if you layer up."

"That's a lie and you know it!"

Still, when Ryan pulled him out of their little cocoon, he followed. Now that he was more awake, his interest was peaked. It was a little hard to tell how late it was but considering that Michael had still been around and the maids were busy as always, it couldn’t be too deep into the night. Gavin had layered up against the winter but the moment they stepped outside he wrapped his arms around him. No matter what Ryan tried to make him believe, he was pretty sure no layering up in the world could make him ignore this cold. He threw him an accusing look that Ryan dared to just shrug off.

Michael was already down here and held the door to the carriage open. Even though he was also shivering, he managed to look smug.

“Have fun on your adventure,” he said. “I’ll stay back and have a regular evening cuddled into my bed.”

"Fuck you."

Laughing, Michael closed the door after them and Gavin instantly scooted over to Ryan, to share some of their body warmth.

"So where are we going?"

"Surprise," he signed and while Gavin did roll his eyes, he didn't ask further. Mostly because he knew he wouldn't get an answer but also because the moment they traveled through the streets it grew dark in the carriage. The houses all had illuminated windows, flickering from the warm fires inside but it didn't reach far enough to light up the inside.

Once they left the main streets and followed the outskirts of the capital, it grew pitch black. It was a bit eerie, not even to be able to see his own hands but Ryan wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his side so what should he be scared of?

At their wedding, Ryan had put his cloak around him. He was under his protection and Gavin relaxed.

There was a single, illuminated tower they were heading to and Gavin made an intrigued noise. It was a huge tower, standing on top of a hill and when the carriage stopped in front of it, Gavin had to crane his neck to see the top.

"What is this place?"

"The highest spot of the city," Ryan signed in the light of the entrance. It jocked a distant memory.

"You talked about this before when I was visiting the city for the first time."

"I figured Jack would've shown you but I'm glad he didn't. It's a waste to see this place at any different time than a clear night."

Ryan offered his arm and led him through the entrance to a big room, where it was warm and bright.

"King Ryan!" one of the men inside called. They weren't guards like Gavin had thought, at least he couldn't see any kind of weapons around. No, instead there were... things that Gavin hadn't seen before. Gadgetry that looked delicate and positively weird. There were books as well, a lot of them.

Scientists.

"This is Sir Fatting," Ryan spelled out for him and Gavin offered his hand to the man.

"Pleased to meet you."

"It is an honor, King Gavin." He kissed his ring before turning back to Ryan. "We've awaited your arrival ever since your letter. You chose a wonderful night, my liege."

"How long have you already planned this?" Gavin couldn't help but ask and even though Ryan's mouth twitched, he didn't answer.

"King Gavin," Sir Fatting addressed him. "I was informed you never visited this place, so please allow me to show you around."

"You are researching something here?" Gavin asked carefully. He threw another look around. The maybe dozen people inside were all back to work, sitting on desks to read or write things down but he could feel their eyes on him.

"This is the astronomy tower. The biggest one in the southern kingdom." Sir Fatting sounded excited while saying so and Gavin figured it was a thing to be proud of. The tower had been quite tall from outside after all.

"I've never visited one before. Back in the Ramsey kingdom astronomy is blamed to be heresy to the Gods."

Sir Fatting's eyes widened in something that was nearly fear and even Ryan threw him a concerned look.

"You didn't offend me," Gavin assured him. "I don't share the same sentiment as the church. The more we understand, the more we can develop the kingdom."

Sir Fatting visibly relaxed. "I'm glad. If you would like to follow me then?"

There was an overwhelming amount of books around, some in languages Gavin had never heard of before and others so old that the pages dared to give if he touched it wrong. Some of the machinery were delicate little things and others huge and heavy. It took two men to carry them and then of course there were the telescopes.

Gavin had seen those on paper before but he hadn't expected them to be so tall. There were different kinds with different lenses according to Fatting. Depending on how deep into the night sky they wanted to look.

When they finally made it up a ladder and through a hatch, the cold settled like a blanket on them. Inside by the fire, it had been warm enough but out here Gavin instantly began to shake again. It didn't stop him from following Sir Fatting up the spiral staircase.

When they finally made it to the top of the tower, Sir Fatting opened a door for them and then excused himself. Outside was a wooden walkway leading around the whole tower and Gavin quickly reached for the balustrade.

"We're so far up," he muttered and his words came in a white cloud but he barely noticed it. It was pitch black here and it strained his eyes to even make out the forest he was looking over.

When Ryan touched the small of his back, he waved him towards the other side of the tower. There was the city beneath them with all its warm light. It made Gavin smile and he leaned into Ryan's side.

"So pretty."

Ryan nodded but then pointed into the distance. Nestled in the hills around, he could see more lights, far away cities and villages that sparkled in between the woods around.

"The city of Strawdown," he recognized and then had to grin when he realized he could name them all. Ryan also looked very pleased with that but when he gestured something, Gavin shook his head.

"Sorry, I can't really see."

Ryan's cold finger touched his ear and Gavin stopped to listen. At first, there was only his heartbeat and the other's breath but just barely there-

"The ocean! Oh, Ryan! It's so pretty here!" He turned towards him, away from the sparkling lights and kissed him. Against the cold around Ryan's lips felt blazing against his, like they could burn right through him but Gavin didn't even think about pulling away.

When he finally did, there was a finger brushing along his jaw until he tipped his chin up.

Above them were stars. So many of them that they lighted up even this dark night in an otherworldly blue light. With the air crystal clear, he could see their flicker, could see the different colors and leaned against Ryan, he stood there for the longest time just to watch.

"I don't know any constellations because it's forbidden knowledge," he told him. "But Ryan, even without I can see so many pictures above us. All those stories, they fill the books downstairs, right? I don't think there are enough pages in this world to tell them all."

He could more feel than hear Ryan chuckle but that didn't matter. All that mattered was the here and now, with Ryan steady and warm by his side.

"This is our kingdom," Gavin found himself saying. "From the wood this walkway was made off, to everything that touches the ground within the border. Even those stars."

He couldn’t see Ryan’s gestures but he knew what he wanted to tell him. That it wasn't quite this easy, that that was only wishful thinking but who cared? It was close enough as far as Gavin cared.

"It's our kingdom. Right here, beneath the stars." His hands found Ryan's face in the dark, traveling up his jaw like he hadn't already memorized the shape of it.

"My King."

He didn't even think about the cold anymore until they headed back into the carriage. It had to be such a late hour now because even the castle wasn't as illuminated anymore and Gavin was shaking helplessly. Under the stars, everything had felt powerful and otherworldly, like something as trivial as the temperature didn't even exist but that magic had stayed up there at the top of the tower.

Ryan wrapped his own cloak around him and while it was warm from his body and smelled like him, it didn't help much to ease his shivering. It felt like the winter had sunk right through his skin and down into his bones.

Entering the castle felt like a blessing and he didn't protest when Ryan straight up brought him into his chambers. There the fire was still going and its warmth felt like little needles on his skin.

"Sorry," Ryan signed and Gavin laughed through his chattering teeth.

"It's all fine! I really enjoyed this little adventure."

"The stars are the brightest during winter that's why I took you there but maybe I should've waited-"

Gavin stopped his hands with his own and squeezed.

"I'm fine, Ryan. I just have to get warm again."

Ryan hummed and quickly sat Gavin down in front of the fire. He made to get more blankets from his bed but Gavin caught his sleeve and stopped him.

"Stay here? You're warm," he asked and Ryan eagerly sat down to pull him into his side, as if he had only waited for this invitation. It was adorable and Gavin chuckled to himself as he nestled closer. The warmth of the fire and Ryan’s own slowly seeped in to make him drowsy.

"Sleep?" Ryan asked and Gavin nodded. He was ready to just sleep on this loveseat but Ryan pulled him up, his strong arms still wrapped around him and Gavin made a little noise of protest. At least Ryan didn't shove him out into the cold hallway, just lingered a little unsure in front of the fire.

"Here?"

The implication alone woke him and his heart seemed to work overtime to get rid of the coldness in his body.

"Sleep here?" Gavin asked just to make sure but Ryan's face was so red that it wasn't even needed.

"Good?"

"Good," he agreed even though his stomach made a strange somersault. At least until Ryan leaned down to press his lips to the top of his head and Gavin had to laugh. What was he even nervous about? This was Ryan and tonight Ryan had shown him the stars.

It wasn't even the first time they had slept in the room together but the first time sleeping in the same bed. 

It was warm with the second body under the blanket but the two of them laid there a bit awkwardly, not quite touching but close enough to feel the other's presence.

Back during King Horton's stay, Gavin had offered Ryan to share the bed because Ryan had looked so lonely and tired out there on his loveseat. Also, things had been different between them. Ryan would've never reached out to find his chest beneath the covers. His hand stopped there for a moment, right above his heart and Gavin turned his head towards him.

Ryan was laying on his side, his head propped up on his other hand as he watched him. Like this, he couldn't gesture but Gavin could see the same old question he always asked, and knowing that filled his chest with so much warmth that Ryan had to be able to feel it.

"Good," Gavin affirmed because Ryan always made sure. The hand on his chest moved over his shoulder, down his arm before tugging him closer and Gavin turned towards him.

"You're warm," he muttered and pressed his own hands against Ryan's chest. The other shivered, either because of their temperature or the touch alone.

When Ryan fully laid down, he pressed their foreheads together and Gavin closed his eyes. Fingers were running through his hair and he could feel Ryan’s breath on his skin, could feel his chest rise and fall under his touch.

He fell asleep to the rhythm of another heartbeat.

When he woke up, everything was white. The whole world outside the window had disappeared somewhere and the snow was pattering against the glass like rain.

Under the furs and blankets and quilts it was still warm, especially with Ryan pressed against his back.

Gavin watched the snow for a while, too sleepy and comfortable to truly wake up. He didn’t want to move, not when he used Ryan’s arm as a pillow and had the other lazily draped over his middle. Not when the other’s legs were flush with his own and Ryan’s breath so deep and steady in his ear.

Huh, he had figured Ryan would be the first awake.

They hadn’t bothered opening the room divider yesterday and now as he looked around, he could see the stoked fire. Ah, Jeremy must’ve been inside. Maybe Gavin had heard him or something, maybe it had been the snow waking him. 

He stretched to get rid of the stiffness in his limbs but their body heat hadn’t reached the lower part of the bed and he quickly pulled his feet back up. Ryan stirred. The arm draped over his middle pulled him in until they laid flush together and Gavin couldn’t help but chuckle.

To his surprise, Ryan’s forefinger pressed against his lips to ask him to be quiet.

“Sorry,” he muttered. As an answer, Ryan just sighed and buried his face into Gavin’s shoulder. They laid there for a while longer as the world disappeared into white but the warmth didn’t fade. Gavin managed to snatch some of Ryan’s hair to lazily play with it and he was just about to drift off again when Ryan sat up. He instantly whined as he pulled his arm free and began to rub it to get the circulation going again. 

“Oh, sorry,” Gavin said before pulling the blankets around him again. Ryan’s movement had let the cold of the room in for just a second but he could feel goosebumps break out over his skin.

Ryan looked very unimpressed by that.

“You stole all the blankets,” he signed and Gavin would feel a little bit bad if he didn’t have to stifle his laughter. The motions of Ryan’s numb hand were awkward and sloppy, like those of a toddler.

“Also your feet are freezing.”

“I told you I was cold!” Gavin protested but Ryan just repeated, “Freezing!”

Gavin couldn’t help but laugh about his pout. It was cute, he couldn’t help himself and wrapping the blanket tighter around himself, he also sat up.

“I’m so sorry, Ryan,” he promised and cupped his face. Ryan’s stubbles scratched against his skin. 

“I’m sorry for my bony lap and I’m sorry for my cold feet.” He pressed a kiss to Ryan’s jaw, his chin, and then finally to his lips. “I won’t even steal your blankets anymore! See, I’m sharing!”

He pushed him down, pulling the blanket over the both of them until they were hidden away in the dark. He couldn’t see it properly anymore but he could tell that Ryan was smiling, even before he kissed him again, long and languid because during this morning there was no hurry.

Outside the world was white and cold and here in their dark little hidey-hole it was warm thanks to their two bodies.

“I’ll make it up to you, alright?”

  
  



	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A castle," Gavin summarized. "There is a castle right outside this city but the King lives in this manor?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a NSFW-ish scene in there, not actual smut but if you want to skip this, it is marked with ~+~+ both at the beginning and the end!

Chapter 18

Jeremy always seemed busy. Gavin couldn't remember an instance where he wasn't doing at least something productive and even now he was checking on the guest rooms to see if the maids had left them in acceptable conditions. When he noticed him, he didn't seem annoyed at being interrupted.

"Gavin, what are you doing here?"

“I was looking for you," Gavin said. "Do you have a few minutes?"

"Yeah, sure. In private?"

"I would prefer it."

Jeremy's eyes lingered over the papers Gavin carried before leading him down the hallway. Gavin was heading towards the private part of the castle but Jeremy stopped him to open a door to a small parlor. Gavin had never been inside of there but then again Jeremy seemed to know every nook and corner of this place.

"Is this fine?"

"Yeah."

Gavin put the map down on the low table while Jeremy turned to feed the fire. Outside the snow had stopped but the world was still white with frost. Even the sky was so bright that it hurt to look at and at night ice flowers would bloom all over the walls.

Ryan had told him that now they were in the worst of winter and while he hadn't believed him at first, he could now see how foolish he had been. The fact that there was something besides them out there that was alive seemed far fetched but he knew it was true.

"So, what is it?" Jeremy sat down beside him and even he had a fur cloak wrapped around him now. Gavin had gone for two when he wandered the halls.

"I was studying this area of the kingdom," Gavin explained and while it wasn't really a lie, he felt a bit bad. It had been Eleonora's words that gave him this idea.

Leaning over the map, it was easy to find the capital and nearly in the middle of it the place they were in right now. Just a few inches away from the huge walls was the forest they had hunted in with King Horton and just on the other side-

"I was wondering about this right here." He pointed to the little square there, right next to a lake and Jeremy stiffened.

They were watching each other and he could see how Jeremy balled his hands into fists, how he was holding on to himself because that's what he'd been taught, right? The perfect little valet, that was capable but quiet, unseen if needed to be but always around.

Gavin knew they were long passed that already.

"The crescent lake residence," Jeremy explained to him. His voice was tight. "A property owned by the Haywood's since generations but usually used for vacations, at least while the kingdom was still one. If the royal family had business in the southern part they would stay there but ever since the kingdom was split nobody used it."

"A castle," Gavin summarized. "There is a castle right outside this city but the King lives in this manor?"

Jeremy's jaw was working and when his eyes met Gavin's, they were burning with such deep anger, that Gavin nearly hesitated. But then again, he had hoped for this reaction right here and it only strengthened his resolve.

"Go ahead," he told Jeremy, and just like that Jeremy was off.

"A fucking castle!" he blurted out. "A beautiful castle on top of it! I was there once with Ryan, they visited it during summer when it was warm enough to swim in the lake. But King Horton told Ryan to live  _ here!" _

"Why?"

"You know why!" Jeremy was on his feet, pacing around the room and it was strange and heartwarming at the same time to see him this worked up over this. "Because Ryan isn't the real King! Because he told Ryan exactly that! That he didn't deserve anything else, that he should be happy with what Horton already gave him! A fucking manor that doesn't even truly belong to him!"

"Before the split, this was the biggest city in the southern area, wasn't it?" Gavin asked. "The Regan family controlled it under the King's name."

"First Lord Regan himself but once he was called to join Horton's court, his son took over. This is one of their fucking properties!"

"Ryan was easier to monitor so close to Horton's confidants. Lord Regan lives in the upper city."

"Wouldn't want to have good old Lord Regan go through the trouble of traveling to a castle beyond the woods! Not only him, Lady Janis and the other old members of the court all have houses here! That way Horton can assure that no matter at which time Ryan holds court, they can always be here!"

Gavin had seen that first hand, hadn't he? The court wasn't complete, the members from further away couldn't make it during the winter but those were the younger ones, the ones not as much under Horton's influence.

There was bile rising in his throat at the thought of how deep all of this went.

Horton had told Ryan that he wasn't even worthy of a castle to live in and at some point, Ryan had started to believe in. And there was something else, something Gavin had only noticed once he had started to think about this place and now he could barely get it out of his throat.

"Ryan doesn't even have a throne."

Jeremy stopped in his tracks.

"Gavin," he began, something nearly amused in his voice but they both knew that wasn't the case. It was bitter. "You don't even have a crown."

He hadn't realized that. When he appeared in front of the public, he would be provided with a headpiece. Pretty jewelry fitting to his even prettier gowns but not a crown.

He stared up at Jeremy and didn't know what to say.

Thankfully Jeremy was furious enough for both of them. He came closer again and nearly stabbed the place on the map with his finger.

"The crescent lake residence is a three hour trip from here, maybe four in the winter. There is no excuse why we don't live there! It's only because Horton wants that piece of power as well!"

* * *

"Are you carrying an ax?"

Michael looked down on himself but now that he had stopped walking, his cloak had fallen shut and Gavin couldn't see it anymore. He promptly pulled it out though.

"Yeah! Check this out!"

He threw the ax up and caught it just as easily. Gavin could only be more impressed if he didn't have to worry over Michael's fingers.

"Did Jeremy show you?"

"He did. Only fair considering that's his ax."

"Why do you have his ax?"

"Won it in a bet."

Gavin frowned. "Another bet? What are you guys betting about anyway?"

Michael laughed and threw the ax again. It painted a beautiful arch in the sky before he caught it.

"Just one bet but let's say the stakes grew higher the longer it took."

"What does that mean?"

By the way, Michael smirked at him, he wasn't sure if he even wanted to know but by then it was already too late.

"We were betting who of us would catch you guys making out first and well, I won on Ryan's birthday, didn't I?"

Gavin flushed bright red. He tried to protest but all that came out of his mouth was a blubbering mess.

"Jeremy claims he caught you guys beforehand out in the garden. Said Ryan's hair was all messed up and stuff but that just doesn't cut it, does it?"

"You guys are horrid!" Gavin sputtered and gave Michael a shove. 

They had just left the castle and the steps down towards the gate were slippery. Michael barely managed to stay on his feet and when he stumbled down, he sank nearly to his knees in snow.

He didn't look impressed by that.

"If I get snow in my boots-"

"Your own damn fault for-" He just turned away to avoid the first snowball but the second one hit his shoulder. The cold flakes felt like tiny needles on his skin but that didn't stop him. He slithered down the steps, nearly eating shit but that was worth it. His leather gloves saved him from the worst of the cold as he formed his own snowball, his back turned to Michael's onslaught.

Before he could get his revenge though, someone loudly cleared their throat. Gavin turned around, expecting Ryan because they were still waiting on him, but his laughter died in his throat. Instead, it was Lord Regan, standing in the entrance and looking quite disapproving.

"King Gavin," he chided. "That is hardly the way someone of your status should present themselves."

"Yeah Gav, do it like this guy and never relax once in your life!" Michael called and not for the first time Gavin envied him of his easy honesty.

Lord Regan didn't seem to agree with that sentiment.

"Etiquette is a virtue," he said. "I feared Dooley was bad but your valet was raised by dogs!"

"Hey-"

"Watch your tongue, Lord Regan!" Gavin called. "As far as I'm concerned Michael is more useful to this kingdom than you!"

Lord Regan scoffed but Gavin knew he had hit him where it hurt. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised to see him lash out but-

"Apparently he wasn't the only one raised that way."

Stunned, Gavin stared up at Lord Regan's smug expression. Never before had he met such disrespect and he wasn't quite sure how to react. Thankfully Michael knew it all too well.

"Don't you dare!" he thundered. He trudged over to the stairs and threw his cloak back. Beneath the fur wasn't only the ax but also his trusted sword. "You are talking to your King!"

"He doesn't act like one, so why bother?”

For a second, Gavin was ready to just let Michael go. He was already halfway up the stairs and the smug look on Regan’s face was fading with each step closer. Michael would crush him for sure and while a distant voice in his head assured him that it wouldn’t turn out fine, no order left his lips.

“What’s going on here?” Jeremy called. He had just walked out of the castle and Ryan was right by his side, his forehead wrinkled in confusion.

“Lord Regan?”

Lord Regan paled and Michael laughed at his misery.

“Lord Regan just wanted to wish us luck for our little journey,” Gavin lied. “Isn’t that the case?”

He had never believed Lord Regan stupid and right now it was evident in the way he was watching him like he was trying to figure him out. Gavin wasn’t sure if he did but he also didn’t care.

“Exactly, my liege.”

“Go now. I will keep your words in mind.”

Lord Regan turned to get back inside but Ryan didn’t move. The old man was forced to awkwardly push by him but he did so to quickly disappear.

“What the fuck, Gav?” Michael called. “That was more than enough reason to throw him into the next dungeon. Fuck, doesn’t this kingdom execute people?”

“This wasn’t the right time for this.” Making a scene right in front of the castle wasn’t the best idea, Gavin was too aware of the eyes that could and probably were on him right now. They had enough fun with what had happened already.

Still, this blatant disrespect was worrying.

“What happened?” Jeremy asked again. The two of them joined them at the bottom of the stairs and Gavin could already hear the carriage approaching. He was ready to put the topic to rest until they were inside but Michael was fuming.

“Lord Regan compared Gavin to a dog!”

"He did what?" Jeremy sputtered in disbelief but it was Ryan who went pale in anger. He was already turning around, probably to chase Lord Regan down but Gavin caught his arm just in time. 

"Don't be stupid!" 

Ryan shook his head wildly but Gavin didn't let go of him. The carriage reached them and along with it a handful of guards. Their eyes were wide and Gavin could bet they had never seen their King like this before. 

"Come on," Gavin pleaded. "You wanted to show me the residence, right?" 

Ryan deflated but beneath his hand, he could still feel him shake. This wasn't the right place though and when Gavin tucked him toward the carriage, Ryan followed. 

It wasn't until they sat down that Gavin let go of him and instantly Ryan gestured," Why did you stop me?" 

"Think about what kind of situation I would've brought you in," Gavin said. "You would’ve been forced to punish Lord Regan or let him insult me." 

"I know which one it would've been!" 

"Ryan… you know you can't outright punish him. If your father-" 

Ryan turned away from him and even as Gavin put a calming hand on his arm, he didn't acknowledge him anymore. 

He threw a helpless glance to Jeremy sitting opposite of him but he looked just as conflicted. 

"I think once Lord Regan finds out why we're visiting this fancy residence of yours it will be punishment enough," Michael threw in and Jeremy quickly nodded. 

"That's right! If we really end up living in the castle by the lake, he will have a hard time getting there. Especially during the winter and with his old age." 

"We'll strip him of his power one step at a time," Gavin assured him. "But we have to do it in a smart way. Today just showed that he wants to agitate us so that we'll make a mistake." 

He wasn't sure if the words reached Ryan. He was still turned away, his free hand pressed against his mouth and Gavin could see him worrying on his nail. It made his heart sink because he knew the other was fuming underneath and he wasn't sure how to calm him. Today should've been a happy day, seeing this new castle, taking this first step of defiance… He wondered if that was why Lord Regan had done it in the first place. 

Now it felt tainted.

The forest had become a wonderland since the last time Gavin had seen it. Every single tree was painted in frost, white and sharp like glass. Even the dead branches were heavy with snow and he wondered what would happen if he dared to shove at the tree. Would he be buried by snow or would he break the trunk like porcelain? 

By the way Michael's eyes shone, he wondered the same. 

The snow was high enough to make their journey slow but it was the early morning and there was no rush. Quite the opposite, after being cooped up in the same four walls for the past few weeks this little trip was exciting and while the interaction with Lord Regan was still on their mind, Jeremy easily managed to pull them away from it with stories. 

Nearly four hours later the thick walls of the castle greeted them and between the trees five towers appeared. They were high and round and from up there one must be able to see for miles. The heavy iron gate was pulled open and revealed the Haywood castle. 

Back before his marriage, Gavin had imagined something like this. The dark windows looked a little menacingly but not because the Haywoods were gruel or evil but because nobody besides a handful of servants lived here. Everything was buried in snow but Gavin could see a stable, a well house and a big space for festivals, at least during the summer.

And that was only the entree way! The carriage followed a winding path up towards the actual castle and Gavin could only imagine what it looked like beneath all the snow. He was pretty sure he could make out fountains on each side. 

The entrance hall was mostly empty but spotless, furniture all pushed to one side and covered by white sheets. 

The servants greeted them with deep bows but left them alone just as quickly. Gavin could only catch glimpses of them as they stoked the fires around the castle. 

The rooms Jeremy showed them were smaller than Gavin was used to from the Ramsey kingdom but he understood now that it was needed. Smaller rooms were easier to keep warm and right now that was his priority. Still, this was undoubtedly a castle. 

There was marble under his soles and plush carpet in the parlors. The tapestries were colorful with glimmering stones weaved inside and the windows were huge to let in the cold winterlight. 

There was a circular hall that was completely empty but towards the back of it was a raised dais. Ryan walked up the three steps, probably to show him what the huge, arched windows showed but Gavin didn't follow. He couldn't quite take his eyes from Ryan up there, illuminated from all sides by white light and flickering candles. 

He didn't wear his crown, usually didn't but up there he didn't have to. 

"This could be the throne room," Gavin said and Ryan turned back towards him. He looked doubtful but Gavin knew he was right. He could imagine citizens walking up to their King here, sitting higher than them and demanding respect. 

Taking a hold of his heavy cloak, Gavin dipped into a perfect courtesy. 

"My King." 

Ryan was wildly shaking his head and quickly pulled on his arm to make him stop but Gavin could just laugh. He felt light as Ryan pulled him up the dais as well, Lord Regan's words forgotten as he looked out of the windows like Ryan wanted him to. 

A garden. Grande and wonderful with different trees and flowerbeds. It was hard to make out under all the snow but he couldn't see any wisterias. Something they would have to change if they really planned to pull through with this. 

While both Michael and Jeremy explored the lower part of the castle, Ryan took him up a great staircase into the area of the royal family. 

The whole wing felt bigger than what they had back in the capital and it was also more spacious. Ryan opened door after door for him, reaching from small, cute parlors to studies and closets and finally the bedroom. The room was smaller than his chambers but cozy. There were two seats in front of the fireplace and behind was a door leading onto a balcony. Gavin was already pushing it open and stopped in the threshold. 

The balcony showed the garden, huge and under a perfect blanket of white. It reminded him so much of home that his throat got tight but he managed to swallow around it. Back home there was no lake, curved like a crooked smile with a thin layer of ice on top.

"Beautiful," he murmured and his breath was a haze of white. This was a castle, this was  _ their  _ castle and he was so excited, he turned around to wave Ryan outside as well. Instead, Gavin deflated because Ryan had slumped down in the seat by the fire and wasn't even looking at him. 

"What's wrong?" Gavin asked as he stepped back inside. "Don't you like it here?" 

Ryan shook his head and Gavin's heart sank. This was clearly better than the place they were living in right now but he wouldn't push Ryan. He and Jeremy had jumped this whole thing rather suddenly on him after all. 

"What's wrong with it?" 

"Don't deserve it." His gestures were abrupt and angry. "This is a place for Kings." 

"Ryan..." Gavin reached for his hand just to remind him of the signet ring he was carrying but Ryan instantly pulled away. 

"How can I call myself a King when I can't even protect my husband?"

Even at a time like this, the word husband sent a pleasant spark through him.

"Is this about Lord Regan? Ryan, it's not like I left you a choice. I didn't tell you because I knew it would be the wrong time."

"I let an old man disrespect my husband and didn't even say a thing!" 

"First of all, I know you would have protected me, that's why I didn't tell you," Gavin began but again Ryan shook his head. 

"Weak," he gestured. 

"Rya-" 

"Weak!" 

Gavin's heart sank further and when he sat down beside him, Ryan bodily turned away from him. 

"You deserve better. You deserve a crown and riches and power. Instead I can barely give you an appropriate place to live and even then… Even thinking about living here against my father's word leaves me so terrified I can barely sleep." Ryan scoffed, a self deprived sound that Gavin instantly hated. "Which King is scared of their own father?" 

"More than you would probably think," Gavin murmured. "But how many of those dare to fight against their fear?" 

Ryan scoffed again and Gavin reached for him. He turned his face towards him and let his fingers stroke down his jaw. 

He hated how upset Ryan looked. 

"We're fighting but we have to do it the smart way. Lord Regan just tries to provoke us and that means he's scared. He has no idea what we are doing today but he knows we're planning something. Let him talk all he wants because words are all he has right now."

"My father-" Ryan began but Gavin just shook his head. 

"We'll deal with him when the time is right. Together." He leaned closer to kiss him and under his touch Ryan relaxed. 

"Today is about this place," Ryan gestured. "Do you like it?" 

Gavin nodded. "I do but I will follow your decision. There is no need to rush." 

Ryan hummed. "This is a happy place. We spent many childhood summers here." 

"Tell me about them." 

Ryan kissed the ring on his finger solemnly but when he looked at him, he smiled. That was better and Gavin smiled back.

"There are fishes in the lake and El was sure she could talk to them," he began and Gavin listened. 

* * *

It was colder than Gavin had ever experienced in the time shortly before the new year began. It was a cold that made his skin feel numb and sank down into his bones, making them shake. It wasn't even snowing anymore, the sky was of a hazy white that let no sunlight through. Outside even the snow was iced over and everything had simply... stopped. The market place was closed and no messengers were coming or leaving. The kingdom was holding its breath, waiting for the distant spring.

December, the month of perseverance, and never before had Gavin agreed more.

It was nearing noon and he hadn't left the bed. Today there was no need to and simply walking through the hallways of the castle required more layers of clothing than he was ready to put up with right now. Instead, he had gathered every blanket and fur he’d been able to find in Ryan's chambers and had built himself a little nest to hide inside. With the fireplace roaring, Jeremy's tea in reach, and a book, he wasn't really planning to move much. When Ryan came in, he had nearly drifted off but snapped back to attention.

"How did it go?"

"If the weather stays like that nothing should get in the way of the new year celebrations," he signed before shrugging out of his heavy fur coat. "We can't expect to send the food out in case it storms, it'd be too dangerous for the servants and the people."

"We could just wait until the weather gets better then."

"That's what I was thinking." He began to unwind his shawl before stopping and raising his eyebrows. "You're wearing my clothes."

Right. Gavin looked down and tucked on the woolen tunic. "It's soft and warm. Do you mind?"

Ryan folded the shawl without taking the eyes from him. When he finally put it down, he signed, "Cute."

Gavin had to smile and stretched his arms over his head. Not only to get the stiffness out of his back from staying curled in here all day.

"It smelled like you."

Ryan cleared his throat like that could hide his blush but Gavin didn't miss it. He marked the page he was on before closing the book to drink the sight in.

"What are you reading?"

"One of the books on your bedside table," he explained while Ryan slipped out of his boots. "It's fiction. Today's a lazy day."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"I'm surprised that you read such lustful things, Ryan! This lady showed her ankle!"

To get his message across, he kicked the fur away to show his own, bare ankle. Ryan froze in his motions, sending Gavin into a laughing fit.

"I shouldn't leave you alone in my chambers anymore."

"Nope," Gavin agreed, popping the p. "While we're at it," he stretched his arms to reach the bedside table and pick up Ryan's glasses.

"How can you read anything through these?" He put them on and everything in front of him went out of focus. Like an oil painting, someone had smudged. He could still make out Ryan coming closer, a smudge in red and gold, and Gavin was just about to assure him that he was still handsome even like that, when his chin got tipped up.

"Ryan-"

Ryan kissed him with an urgency that made Gavin's knee weak. He brought an air of cold with him and his fingers touching him felt like icicles but his lips were soft and warm against his.

Gavin instantly wrapped his arms around him and laid back, forcing Ryan to catch himself over him if he didn't want to crush him. The world was still unfocused around him, so he closed his eyes against it and opened eagerly when Ryan leaned in. He tasted like frost and tea and Gavin would gladly indulge, wouldn't those pesky glasses dig uncomfortably in his nose. At least until Ryan grasped his middle and even through the thick wool, the cold made him jump. The glasses slipped somewhere into his hair where he didn't have to care about them anymore but-

He turned his head and Ryan's next kiss hit the space right beneath his ear, making him shiver.

"Wait-"

Ryan stopped instantly and sat up to take his weight from him. He looked worried and his concern made Gavin flush all the way down to his chest. Even though Ryan's eyes followed the red, something hungry in them, they snapped right back up to him.

"Too fast?"

"No, no! Your glasses. I don't want them to break."

Ryan huffed, a mixture between amusement and annoyance but he plugged the glasses up from wherever they had fallen. It made Gavin smile and he let his hands travel over Ryan's shoulders until he could hold his face. "Better."

Ryan took a look at him before making a so-so motion with his hand, making Gavin splutter, "Really?"

"You looked cute with them."

"But I couldn't see you," Gavin whined and sat up to press a kiss to his jaw. "I wanted to see you."

~+~+~+~+~~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~++~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

Ryan made a strange noise in the back of his throat that Gavin had never heard before but before he could comment on it, the hands were back, pulling him close until his chest was pressed flushed with Ryan's. They were also really, really cold and Gavin couldn't stop himself from shivering.

"Sorry," Ryan mouthed but when he tried to let go of him, Gavin caught his hands and pushed them back where they belonged.

"It's okay," he muttered and added another kiss under Ryan's chin. "I'll warm them up. Just keep them close."

Ryan crashed their lips together and pushed him back down until they were nestled in between all the pillows and blankets and the warmth of the fire.

Gavin tried his best to not get swept away by the soft glide of lips against his own, while he was trying to lose Ryan's braid and kick the fur between them away at the same time. Honestly, he was impressed at himself when he freed Ryan's hair without any help.

Ryan nipped at his bottom lip and a very loud, very embarrassing noise escaped his throat. At least Ryan was chuckling about it, chasing the flush of his skin with his lips and Gavin told him to fuck off. Or at least he tried to. What came out was a garble between shut up and more.

Then Ryan's breath caught in his throat and Gavin let his eyes flutter open, didn't know when he’d closed them in the first place. Ryan's fingers brushed over his bare skin again and he couldn't quite keep from shuddering.

The woolen tunic had ridden up at some point, probably from him kicking the fur out of the way and Gavin hadn't bothered with breeches. He hadn't bothered with much more than his smallclothes because it had been warm in his little nest here and now the breath Ryan let out was shaking.

He lifted his head, just enough to allow some space between them, enough to watch each other, and Gavin let him. His heart was fluttering like a little bird in his chest and his breath was coming a bit too hard but he laid still while Ryan was gathering his courage.

Ryan was watching him closely before letting his fingers skim down his bare leg some more and Gavin bit down on his bottom lip. The hand was stroking down the inside of his thigh, too soft, too low but Ryan was still watching, waiting.

"It's okay," Gavin whispered. "...please touch me?"

Ryan squeezed his thigh and his touch made goosebumps break out all over his skin. At least until he let go to sit up and Gavin threw his head back to whine.

“Really now?”

Above him, Ryan chuckled but his pupils were blown as Gavin pouted up at him. He kissed him, short and sweet, and not at all how Gavin wanted him to.

"I will touch you," he signed and his own breath was going hard. His hair was mussed where Gavin had run his fingers through it, hanging over his shoulders as if it wanted to entice him.

"But you have to tell me if I touch you in a way you don't want me to."

It made his heart swell and Gavin reached up to cup his face. "I will."

"I'll stop the moment you tell me to."

"I know." He hadn't even worried about that, not with how gentle Ryan was with him but the concern warmed him to the core.

"Promise you tell me."

"I promise."

And the next kiss was deep and hungry and exactly what Gavin needed. His legs fell open easily as he pulled Ryan's weight on top of him and the hand was back on his bare skin, on his thigh. The fingertips were burning as they traveled up and finally brushed against his smallclothes.

Gavin made another embarrassing noise but it got lost in the kiss between them, the tongue against his own. He arched from the bed to get closer and feeling Ryan's need against his own made his eyes flutter shut.

There were too many layers still between them and he tried to push them away to get to skin but there were always more, like Ryan had especially layered up to mock him.

When he finally touched Ryan's stomach, the other shivered and Gavin frowned.

"You too," he said. He turned his head to speak but Ryan just sucked a bruise into the column of his throat and Gavin lost whatever he wanted to say. He hung on to it, knew it was important and he managed to gather the words again.

"You tell me too," he tried again and when Ryan just nodded and didn't truly listen, he buried a hand in his hair and pulled. Ryan moaned and grinded down and Gavin flushed so hot, he was sure he was going to die.

"Ryan." He caught his face in his hand, forced him to look at him, and then when he did, his pupils blown, his lips bruised, he nearly leaned in to kiss him again. But before that-

"If something's wrong I want you to tell me too," he gasped out and the heat between them was stifling. He was already drenched in sweat even though Ryan had pushed his tunic up to his ribs and one of his cold hands was splayed over his belly.

Ryan nodded again but Gavin just shook his head.

"How? How would I know? We need a sign."

Ryan stared at him before his eyes grew soft. When he kissed him again, it was gentle and slow and nearly brought tears to Gavin's eyes.

"Like this?" Ryan signed before clicking his fingers. "Good?"

"Good," Gavin agreed and when he tried to pull him down again, Ryan caught his hand. He pressed a kiss right on top of his racing pulse and Gavin couldn’t stop smiling.

"Very good."

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Afterward, Gavin laid on his front, a pillow pushed underneath his bare chest as he continued to read his book. Ryan was curled into his side and with the hand not turning the pages, Gavin was brushing through his hair. Even after all this time he couldn't help but marvel at how soft it was.

It wasn't too cold yet but he figured they would be soon. They had kicked the fur down and neither of them had bothered with picking it back up again. Gavin was pretty sure it would be him in the end. 

There was a lazy finger wandering from his thigh up to his shoulder blade and back but whenever he checked on Ryan, he seemed closer and closer to sleep.

He was actually pretty sure Ryan had drifted off when a kiss was pressed to his ribs. It tickled and Gavin squirmed but Ryan just continued until he reached his collarbone. When he looked up to him then it was with so much adoration that Gavin had to swallow. 

"I want to live in that castle with you," Ryan signed. 

"Yeah?" 

Ryan nodded. His white tunic was crumbled because he hadn't put it off at all. Gavin figured it was to hide the scars on his throat, not that he did care. Least of all when Ryan allowed his hand to dip beneath it in search for skin. And while Ryan shivered and his belly was as hot as before, the touch wasn't as charged anymore. Just comfortable. 

"I imagined us waking up in the morning," Ryan continued. "We could have tea on the balcony and watch over the garden." 

"That sounds nice," Gavin agreed. 

"You would also have a garden. A real one." 

"I grew fond over the little one we have here," Gavin admitted with a smile. "We could have picnics in that big one though. Maybe around the lake to watch those pesky silent fishes?" 

Ryan chuckled and Gavin let his hand stroke up his chest. "Would you join me again? Would you hum that song for me?" 

Ryan kissed him, soft and warm like everything was right now. 

"Everything for you, my love." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished NaNo today! If the new Zelda hadn't come out, I bet I could've done it sooner but I'm still happy with it!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring announced itself in a flood of letters. There was still snow on the ground but with the sun finally breaking through this eternal haze, it grew less. Enough for messengers to finally reach them and Gavin couldn't help but be excited. 

Chapter 19

In the Ramsey kingdom the winter festival was a big spectacle. There were dances and banquettes and when the old year ended and the new began, the future was predicted. 

Some used the stars and the state of the moon, others asked the church for guidance but the most popular was the flower oracle. 

When the moon was at its peak and the year shifted, one of the royal family would sit in front of a basin that was filled to the brim with water and flowers. They would then blindly pick three of them and their meaning would be a guidance for the upcoming year. There were even heralds waiting to bring the name of the three flowers into the last corners of the kingdom and sometimes even beyond the borders if requested. 

Gavin had played oracle twice but he could still remember how heavy the cloaks had been, flowers braided all the way to the floor and their sweet smell nearly nauseating. He had predicted good years, plentiful harvests and mild weather, something he had always been grateful for. 

The ending of the year was celebrated quite differently in the Haywood kingdom. 

Everyone wore their whitest piece of clothing to appease the snow. Gavin saw servants with immaculate white gloves and maids with crisp headbands. Jeremy and Michael wore tunics that looked beautiful under crimson cloaks and Ryan gifted him a pure white fur to pull over his shoulder. 

"From a fox," he explained to him when Gavin marveled at the softness. 

"A white fox? I never heard of such a beast." 

"They are rare and beautiful and clever," Ryan told him. "A perfect fit for you." 

He was wearing a wolf's pelt himself and Gavin loved the feeling of it against his skin whenever he leaned on it. 

There was no real celebration. It was too dangerous to invite guests at this time of year when even the massive fireplace wasn't enough to keep out the frost. Only during the first morning of the new year they send out food, warm stews and soup and fat meat for the last stretch of winter. 

Gavin nearly preferred it like this. It felt a bit weird to not have the bustling excitement of a year ending all around him, no distant relatives that visited, and the grande ball leading up to the flower oracle. 

Instead the castle was… calm. Most people had returned to their families and only the most needed servants and guards stayed back. Not even the members of the court bothered them, not this deep in the winter. 

It felt like a home, like something private where nothing mattered besides staying warm until winter ended. Not even crowns or titles and it didn't take long until they shared their meals with Michael and Jeremy. All of them sitting around the table like family, breaking bread and sharing wine until the candles dared to burn out. They played games and told old stories and played music, even Michael who had been studying in secret. 

This was home now. 

This was his family now and no matter how cold and white the world outside grew, it couldn't reach the four of them when they sat around the fireplace. 

Spring announced itself in a flood of letters. There was still snow on the ground but with the sun finally breaking through this eternal haze, it grew less. Enough for messengers to finally reach them and Gavin couldn't help but be excited. 

"You're smiling so much, who's the letter from?" he asked Ryan one morning. A servant had just brought them a pile of letters, neatly bound together by a string but Ryan had only opened one yet. He seemed content with it though. 

"Mother," he spelled out with the hand not holding the letter and Gavin perked up. 

"Is she bringing good news? Did she do well this winter?" 

"The letters are delayed, this is from the beginning of winter. She wishes us luck during the cold months." Ryan smiled softly. "She is doing well." 

"She lives in the northern part of the kingdom, right? Will I ever meet her?" 

"I'm sure you will," Ryan signed. His fingers brushed down the side of his cheek like so often. "I would love you to." 

Gavin beamed at him before ruffling through the pile himself. He found two letters from Libby and just seeing his old emblem made him a little homesick but it wasn't with the same intensity as before. 

A third one addressed to him caught his attention and he opened it first. 

"It's from El," he informed Ryan. "Looks like she made it back safely. Oh, and she's missing one of her dresses? Her chambers have been cleaned, right? We would've found it if it was still here." 

"Look for a second letter," Ryan said, no surprise whatsoever in his face. Sure enough, when Gavin dug deeper, there was a second one. 

"She found her dress, it was hiding in her luggage apparently." Gavin huffed before reading out loud, "'Please don't tell Ryan about this. He would just be annoyed and call me a scatterbrain.' Whoops." 

"Scatterbrain." Ryan shook his head fondly before handing another letter to him. That one was heavier, the paper lined with gold, and Gavin loosened the green ribbon around it. The Ramsey emblem stood proud on top and Gavin felt his throat tighten. The letter was, of course, addressed to Ryan himself but Gavin broke the seal. They both knew what was written inside. 

"Geoff was crowned King under the last full moon," he told him. "So he was crowned in the month of perseverance. Poor Geoff." 

"Is there a problem with that?" 

"The elders believe that a King crowned during the winter is a bad sign. Usually we hold coronations during spring or the summer months. If it happens earlier it means things aren't going right and the new King will lead under a bad star." 

"Superstition," Ryan just commented. 

"I agree but people will still believe it. I hope this doesn't get to Geoff's head." Gavin fell silent and looked at the document in his hands. How long had he waited to see Geoff on the throne? Even as a child he had dreamed of the day but back then he had always imagined himself right next to Geoff. 

Now the distance felt like a weight on his shoulders and he couldn't help but wonder what Geoff was doing right now. If he was okay, if his siblings were helping him where they could, especially Raphael and Roland. The two of them could be so brusk, so jealous. The crown had been so close to their own hands-

Gavin didn't believe that they would harm Geoff in any way but they could make his life so hard… 

"After all I've heard about your brother, he is a very capable leader," Ryan assured him. "The beginning might be hard but I am sure he will come out of it just fine. The Ramsey kingdom is strong and healthy, and now it also has the Haywood kingdom at its side." 

"You're right." Gavin folded the letter again but couldn't quite put it down. Instead he pressed it against his chest and even though he knew Ryan was right, his words couldn't get rid of the restless feeling inside. 

"We will visit, right?" he asked and Ryan was quick to nod. 

"I promised you." 

"When?" He didn't mean to push but this new letter had left him with an urgency he couldn't deny. 

Ryan considered his question for a moment before answering, "It's not safe for such a long trip yet and there is a lot of work ahead. We have to take care of our own kingdom first, see what damage this winter caused, no matter how mild it was." 

"Mild?!" 

"Mild," Ryan assured him with a smile. "Believe it or not. But that hopefully means the damage has stayed minimal." 

Gavin thought about that for a while before he nodded. 

"Our kingdom first, then we can worry about other ones." 

Ryan hesitated before his hands moved again, "Would you rather go ahead? I can take care of-" 

"No," Gavin shook his head. The letter in his hand was heavy but he put it down now to look up to Ryan. "Our kingdom first." 

Ryan kissed the top of his head and hummed, pleased. 

"Afterward, when things calmed down." 

"Yeah." 

"Ready?" Jeremy asked him and Gavin took a deep breath. He felt uncertain and a little sick but he nodded. 

Jeremy, who sat opposite of him in the carriage smiled. 

"I'll be with you the entire time. If you have questions about anything just ask." 

"Jeremy, honestly you are the only thing that's keeping me from shitting myself." 

Laughing, Jeremy got up and opened the door to the carriage. Gavin schooled his face into blank disinterest before he took the offered hand and got out. 

Glassbarrow was a city a day away from the capital and Gavin hadn't been here before. However the city had asked for supplies and those were sparse. Gavin had come to make sure the city really needed what it claimed it did. 

"King Gavin," a woman muttered before she shook herself. She bowed before him. "My name is Sandra, the mayor of this city. Forgive me but I expected King Ryan." 

"King Ryan is busy. However your request sounded urgent enough, so I decided to see for myself." 

The carriage had stopped at the market place and of course there was a crowd of people around. Gavin could hear them whispering and Lady Sandra also didn't look too happy with that decision. 

They didn't think him capable but Gavin let them talk. He had done similar things before and after winter Ryan had been swamped with work. Gavin was ready to take any weight off of him that he could. 

Folding his hands, his palm brushed against the signet ring he was wearing. Not the fake one but Ryan's own. Everything that would help his credibility. He still wasn't sure what people thought of him, most of all this far away from home. So he had come here, dressed up and with the same golden headpiece he had worn before. With the golden and ruby flower atop his hair, he didn't need a proper crown and with Jeremy by his side, nobody should doubt him. 

"You must be tired after your long journey, my liege. Would you like to rest?" 

Jeremy threw him a warning look but Gavin already knew. 

"There's no need for that, Lady Sandra. Please show me your warehouse." 

That way they couldn't hide any of the supplies last minute to appear poorer than they actually were. While Glassbarrow had known of his coming, Gavin had made sure they didn't know when exactly. 

Lady Sandra either schooled her face very well or had nothing to hide. Besides a quick bow she showed no reaction. 

"Very well, King Gavin. Please follow me." 

Glassbarrow was a cute city. Gavin enjoyed the plastered streets and the crooked houses. There was a busy harbor and even this early in the year the marketplace was well stocked. 

The warehouse Lady Sandra showed them were however nearly empty. The huge buildings were similar to those Gavin knew from home but he had never seen one this empty. Even after harsh winters, there was more than enough to feed their people, at least in the big cities. 

It left him with a bitter taste in his mouth but he made sure no one could tell. 

"38 people died during winter here," Jeremy reported to him later, when they were resting in the best room of the inn. "Mostly the old or the very young. The cold gets into their chests and freezes their heart." 

"That is awful," Gavin muttered. They were sitting around a table, enjoying bread and cheese by candlelight. It felt weird to be somewhere without Michael but Jeremy knew more about the kingdom than the two of them combined. 

"That's winter. It claims people's lives," Jeremy just replied. "Don't let that number sway you. We can't do anything against it if people are sick or don't prepare accordingly for the cold." 

"Alright. How many died from lack of food?" 

"Just five. That isn't a lot for winter and such a big city." 

Gavin nodded slowly. He felt bad thinking like that but Jeremy managed to say it in such a sober way that made it easier. 

"It didn't look like they were hiding supplies from us, right?" he asked instead and Jeremy agreed. 

"The remaining supplies should last them another week or two." 

"Ryan mentioned this winter was mild," Gavin said. That was still a ridiculous thought but Jeremy nodded without hesitation. 

"Winter can go well into the third month of the year, sometimes even the fourth. The fact that we can travel through the kingdom two moons in is a good sign." 

"Let us thank the Gods for that," Gavin muttered, mostly to himself. "If winter would have been longer…" 

"More people would've starved here. Their supplies wouldn't have lasted." 

Gavin pulled a face at the thought but deep inside he should've known that. 

"We have to better prepare this year." 

"The new trading deals with your kingdom thanks to your marriage will help." 

"For sure?" 

Jeremy laughed. He got up to fill both of their cups with tea. "Gavin, nothing is for sure with things like that. We can't say how well the crops grow or how long the next winter will stay."

"But we can prepare as best as we can," Gavin threw in and Jeremy nodded. 

"That we can do." 

He would ask Geoff about a better deal. While Ryan had shown him all supplies they had gotten thanks to their marriage, he still wasn't sure it was enough. Most of all because quite a part of it was shared with the northern kingdom. 

Maybe Eleonora could help but not with Horton looming over her shoulder. It would just pull his wrath even more on them. But Geoff… Geoff might be able to help. 

"So?" Jeremy asked him. "What do you say we do?" 

"Glassbarrow doesn't need all the supplies it requested," Gavin told him. "The harbor should work to full capacity in a month if the weather stays and the deep woods are brimming with wildlife. I do believe food for another two weeks should be more than enough." 

Jeremy smiled, pleased and Gavin couldn't help but feel proud of himself. If Jeremy agreed with him, he couldn't be too wrong. 

"Very well, my liege."

Lady Sandra wasn't too happy with his decision but Gavin didn't budge from it. Back at home, Ryan was taking care of other claims like this and they had to use their remaining supplies wisely. 

Gavin wrote the letter with the fancy lettering he had been taught and when he pressed his signet into the wax, he felt more royal than he had in a long time. 

They were back on the road the next day. It was the longest he had been separated from Ryan since his father's death and all in all this trip had taken him two days in total. It would be absolutely ridiculous to feel sorry for himself because of that. Even more than missing Ryan because he wasn't around right now. 

Stupid. 

At least Jeremy didn't comment on it even if Gavin just stared wistfully out of the window the whole trip back. 

Only when the capital appeared in the remaining daylight did he perk up again. The gates opened for them and when Jeremy pushed the door open, he could barely wait to follow him out. After this long just sitting in the carriage his legs felt a bit weak but he was already on the way into the castle when Jeremy stopped him. 

"The guards said King Ryan is at the training field." 

"The training field?" Gavin began before it dawned to him. "Michael." 

Jeremy nodded and both of them made their way there. The temperatures had steadily climbed in the past weeks and the remaining snow was half molten and wet. It soaked the trim of their cloaks but it was nothing a warm fire couldn't fix. 

Thankfully they found them on the inside training field to get out of the harsh wind. 

Both Michael and Ryan had axes in their hand and an unfortunate straw doll had been placed against the opposite wall. They took turns hauling the axes back but as far as Gavin could see neither of them managed to hit the doll. What he could see was that Ryan had shrugged his cloak off and his usual pristine white tunic was clinging to his back. He had even pushed his sleeves up and Gavin watched the muscles in his arm work as he pulled the ax back. 

His mouth went suspiciously dry. 

"Axes?" Jeremy called and Gavin was both relieved and disappointed that he interrupted his thoughts. 

When Ryan found them, his whole face lit up and Gavin was sure he had never felt so loved before. Especially when Ryan's fingers spelled out his name over and over again, like a puppy wagging their tail. 

"You're already back? That was fast," Michael said and threw his ax in the general direction of the doll without actually looking at it. 

"Gavin was very efficient. Kinda like he wanted to come back as soon as possible," Jeremy teased and Gavin could feel his face heat up. 

"I just did what needed to be done." 

Michael threw him a look like he was seeing right through him but by then Ryan reached him and he couldn't be bothered by it anymore. Not when Ryan was still breathing heavily and the strands of hair that had come loose during training were clinging to his face and neck. 

The kiss he pressed against Gavin's forehead was way too innocent for how hot he felt seeing Ryan so undone. 

"Did everything go fine?" he asked and Gavin nodded. 

"I think so. I will show you everything later, okay?" 

But Ryan just looked past him to Jeremy, who shrugged. 

"Gavin did everything right." 

"If Jeremy says you did fine, then there's no use for me to look over things." 

Gavin leaned into his side and even when Ryan moved away, he didn't let go. 

"I'm sweaty." 

"It's alright," Gavin assured him. "What are you two even doing out here?" 

"Michael dragged me out here." 

Well, Gavin had figured that much but he hadn't anticipated Michael to look so smug about it. 

"Either I used the straw doll or Lord Regan for practice. I let Ryan choose." 

"I'm surprised that you managed two days in court without hurting anyone." 

"Dude, me too. But chucking sharp things at not so sharp things helps me cope with frustration. Better than spending my evenings just staring at a flower." 

If Ryan hadn't radiated heat before, he did now and when Gavin grinned up to him, he cleared his throat. 

"I was studying letters," he protested but Michael was having none of that. 

"You sat there like a lost puppy, sighing every five minutes." 

"Did you now?" Gavin asked. Behind Ryan's back, he let his hand sneak under his tunic. His skin was flushed hot and Gavin let his fingers explore the muscles he had admired a few minutes prior. 

Ryan threw him a wide eyed glance but didn't protest. The other two shouldn't be able to see what was going on and when Ryan didn't tell him to stop, he leaned a little closer into his side. The skin on skin felt comforting. 

"My poor puppy," Gavin muttered and when Ryan looked at him now, it was with hunger. 

"Tell me about your trip?" Ryan asked and Gavin nodded. 

"Gladly." 

First he made a stop in his own chambers though to wipe the grime of the road from his skin. By the time he was dressed in his nightgown it was pitch black outside. Even with spring at their doorsteps daylight passed fast. 

He pushed the door to Ryan's room open and only hesitated when he noticed the others' quick movements. He hadn't thought of knocking, not when Ryan wouldn't be able to answer in the first place. Also he had invited him over. 

But now Ryan was hurrying away from his place on the floor to reach-

Oh. Ryan was pulling his tunic like a shield in front of him. He had been kneeling by the washbasin and now he stood there wide eyed because no matter how close they had become, Gavin had never seen him shirtless. 

No, he always made sure that his throat was covered. 

"I apologize," Gavin finally blurted out after just staring a little awkwardly. "I'll come back in a bit." 

He reached for the door when he heard Ryan sigh. 

"Stay," he signed. 

"Are you sure?" 

"I'm just being stupid." 

Gavin shook his head. "I don't think you are. You decide when you show me or you don't have to at all." 

Ryan pondered about that for a while but didn't seem to come to a conclusion. He seemed torn but before he could beat himself up anymore, Gavin had reached him.

He put his hand against the tunic. "Come on, put it on, and sit back down."

Ryan looked ready to protest but Gavin was already turning towards the washbasin. He sat down next to it and made sure to keep his gaze turned away. After a moment Ryan kneeled next to him, his lips pressed together.

"Sorry."

"No need to."

Gavin reached for the washcloth and wrung it out before facing Ryan again. He had pulled the tunic over again but didn't protest when Gavin pushed it up again. Not enough to see his throat of course but just until his shoulders to wash his back.

They were both quiet, the dripping of water and the crackling fire the only noise but while Ryan was still tense, Gavin found it relaxing. He washed his sweat and grime away and when he was done, he wrapped his arms around Ryan's shoulder.

"I missed you," he muttered, and just like that Ryan relaxed.

"I missed you too."

"I fear my father's cruelty," Ryan signed. He was propped on some pillows, the blanket pulled up to his shoulders against the cold and his gestures were barely recognizable in the candlelight. He didn't look at Gavin, too concentrated on his words but that was alright.

"He is capable of unspeakable things and when I think about what he could do to stop us, it turns my stomach. I can barely sleep and when I do it's restless."

"Nightmares?" Gavin asked. He had turned onto his belly and was running his fingers through Ryan's hair.

"Not quite? It's just this tense feeling of threat like I'm expecting something bad to happen when I let my guard down. Even while we're asleep."

"Tell me what your father has done," Gavin prompted and now Ryan's eyes darted to him. Only for a moment, like a warning but Gavin didn't take it back.

"He inherited after my grandfather fell sick and wasn't capable of leading anymore. At least that was the story for the public."

Gavin nodded. That's what he had learned as well.

"My grandfather went insane one day. My father never talked about it but there were rumors it was because of his magic. Have you ever heard that magic can turn... sour?"

"Dead flowers," Gavin muttered and when Ryan threw him a questioning look, he elaborated, "That's what we call it. When it happens we Ramsey's can still grow flowers but they are dead. Dry and black and wilted, no matter how high they grow. Once you touch them, they turn to dust."

Ryan nodded. "Sometimes it just happens, and we can't explain why. For my grandfather, it turned... inwards, his magic. The words he would use to influence others were influencing himself, turning him into some stranger. It was best to keep him away from the public."

"So your father took over. He was the firstborn?"

"Yeah. He had two younger brothers and one sister. She was already spoken for, so I guess he didn't see her as a problem. A year into his reign he hung both of his brothers."

Gavin could feel himself pale. It grew even colder and he pulled the blanket tighter around himself.

"His own family?" he whispered.

"According to him they were plotting to overthrow him but who knows. I wasn't born back then, so it's impossible to know the truth." Ryan turned his head to look at him. He was worrying on his bottom lip. "I just want you to understand what he's capable of. That if it's for his kingdom he finds no mercy."

"He wouldn't hesitate to hurt me," Gavin said and felt a shiver run down his spine when Ryan nodded. "But with Geoff on the throne now..."

"That's why I want to talk to your brother once we visit. If he could make it clear that he still considers you family, you would be better protected. My father would never dare to go against the Ramsey kingdom."

"What about you though? Would he hurt you?"

Ryan took a moment to think about it before he shrugged. "I honestly don't know. If I wasn't capable of leading anymore, the kingdom would fall into your hands and I think he wants to avoid that under any circumstances."

"Gods above, Ryan," Gavin whispered and had to shake himself just thinking about that. "I was asking about hurting you, not... killing you. What the fuck."

"Sorry." Ryan smiled, something that was probably meant to be hopeful but wouldn't just do the trick after that grim topic. "It's a stupid thought anyways, please forget it again."

"You say that so easily..."

"My father hurts in different ways, not physically."

"By not listening?" Gavin asked and Ryan huffed.

"He perfected that over time."

Gavin let that strand of hair fall from his hand before laying down. He burrowed into Ryan's side where it was warm and safe.

"When he comes back I will stay by your side," he promised. "None of those private meetings. If he has something to tell you, he will have to say it in front of me and if he doesn't listen... well, I can yell all those words for you. I'll yell until I lose my voice as well, loud enough that Horton can't even hear his own thoughts anymore."

He could more feel than hear Ryan chuckle but it made him at least smile. Deep inside he knew it wouldn’t be that easy, nothing would be but he would die trying if he had to.

“I want to live there,” Ryan signed.

“In that castle?”

“Yeah. With you and Jeremy and Michael. With the garden and the lake and even with the throne room.”

Gavin craned his neck until he could see him. “Really?”

Ryan nodded. “Since you mentioned it, I realized that I have no place for the people to reach out to us. I never had the time for that, never found the courage to do so because even if someone would show up, I didn’t think I would be capable of changing anything. To imagine having someone come up to me with a request and then realizing I couldn’t do a damn thing about it…”

He shivered.

“It’s different now,” Gavin assured him. “At least it will be. Once your father realizes that he lost his power and we change the court-”

“I want to see you on that throne.”

Gavin fell silent as he worked through those words.

“What do you mean?”

“This is our kingdom, our castle, our court,” Ryan explained. “Even with nothing in our way, it will be a lot of work.”

“Of course.”

“I know the ins and outs of this kingdom, the organization, our relationships with our neighbors. I don’t doubt that you could learn all that and more but I’m inclined to say that out of the both of us you are better with the people.”

Gavin lifted his head to look at him, frowning. “I’m not sure if that’s true.”

Ryan chuckled and ran his own hand through Gavin’s hair for once. It was getting too long but Gavin couldn’t quite bring himself to cut it.

“You are quite popular, Gavin. The King who worked on the fields when his people needed him. Even now after winter you went out there and assured that the people are alright.”

Gavin felt his face flush but he couldn't bring himself to protest against that. Deep inside that was good to know because he had wondered what the people thought of him, if they also saw him as nothing more than a pretty thing to look at. He wanted everyone to know he was more.

“You want me to be the one who listens to the people?” he asked carefully and Ryan nodded.

“You are more than capable of that. Also I do believe the people would be more comfortable coming to you than me.”

Gavin opened his mouth to protest but couldn’t find any words. Mostly because now that the idea was in his head it made sense. Ryan working for the good of the kingdom in the background and he himself as the face and the voice of the royal family. Yeah, he could see him do that.

Back in that castle, sitting on the throne and listening, deciding, helping. 

“I think I want that,” he muttered but even he himself could hear how much his voice was shaking. That was a huge step and while he was nervous, he kinda anticipated it as well.

“Still time for that,” Ryan assured him and slowly Gavin put his head back on Ryan’s shoulder.

“I’ll think about it,” he said and felt the other nod.

Ryan wrapped his arms around him until he couldn't talk anymore but that was alright. When he kissed the top of Gavin's head, he knew exactly what that meant.

  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Welcome home," she muttered into his ear. "Geoff is already waiting for you."

Chapter 20

Sophie's dress was shimmering in colors that seemed otherworldly. Whenever she moved it flowed like water over her body and her long hair was pulled into complicated braids. After the time of mourning was over, she was wearing her flowers again. A crown of echinops sitting over her brow and around her wrists.

Her voice was carrying wide and no matter how big the concert hall was, it filled even the last corner.

Gavin was sitting on a private balcony up top and with his hand on Ryan's arm, he could feel the goosebumps crawling over his skin.

Yeah, Sophie had that effect on people. Gavin would love to tell him so but Ryan was watching with such rapid attention, that Gavin didn't dare to divide it.

Only when the show came to an end, did he manage to pry his eyes from the stage.

"Your sister is insanely talented. I'm happy I could finally hear her," Ryan told him.

"Let's meet her then."

It had been a happy accident to catch Sophie on the way to the Ramsey kingdom. The journey was long, even with the sunny weather. So to take a break in a nearby city was a welcome change from the days in the carriage.

They made their way through the concert hall, down behind the stage and Gavin could already hear her. The steps of Sophie's shoes, the rough sound of her voice after a performance - all those things were still deeply burned into his memory.

She was nursing a tea for her throat but once she noticed them, she stood at once.

"Gavin, I'm so happy you could make it."

She didn't hug him like before, she was too aware of Ryan by his side and Gavin knew they made an intimidating picture. The Haywood's were known for their jewelry and just like every time they stepped in front of the public, they were carrying all kinds of gold and gems. Even in the dim candlelight behind the stage, they sparkled wonderfully.

That didn't stop Gavin from wrapping his arms around her and even though Sophie hesitated for a second, it was short-lived before she hugged him fiercely.

"Let me introduce you to my husband," he said as she stepped back. "Sophie, this is King Ryan Haywood. Ryan, this is my sister Sophie, sixth to the Ramsey throne."

Sophie took a hold of her iridescent skirt and gave a perfect curtsey. "It's a pleasure to meet you, King Haywood."

"Likewise," Ryan signed and Gavin translated. "I am most impressed by your talent."

Sophie's eyes darted first to Gavin because he was the one talking, then to Ryan again and Gavin could remember too well how he had struggled with that in the beginning as well. Oh, how far they'd come.

"I thank you. However I wished you could've heard me play the violin instead, my singing still leaves things to be desired."

"Sophie isn't just talented with her violin on her own but I'm pretty sure she inherited every talent I could've had on top of it," Gavin informed Ryan.

"I'm sure you're not that bad."

"Oh, but I am."

"Will you head towards the capital next?" Sophie asked them and Gavin nodded.

"I heard you were performing again and Ryan had been looking forward to seeing you for years. Also, I feared we wouldn't be able to see each other during my visit otherwise."

"A fan? That's quite flattering, King Ryan. I hope the performance was worth the wait."

Ryan nodded eagerly and Sophie relaxed at that.

"Let's enjoy the night with food and wine before you continue your trip. Geoff is waiting for you and don't think Libby has stopped talking about it even for a minute."

Jeremy was pressing his face against the window of the carriage and Gavin couldn't help but watch him fondly. He reminded him too much of a little child and every time he lifted his head, his nose had left a new smudge on the glass.

"Awwww, isn't he just adorable?" Michael asked and Gavin nudged him with his elbow.

"Let him be, he's just excited."

"Like a puppy," Michael muttered and his grin only grew when Jeremy showed him the middle finger.

"Keep it shut, Jones."

"I meant that as a compliment."

"No word that has ever left your mouth was meant as a compliment."

"Jeremy, you are a delight."

"I told you to shut it!"

Gavin chuckled. Outside, the capital stood proudly at the end of the road and the endless farmlands surrounded them. Here it was way warmer than in the Haywood kingdom and the farmers were already out and about on their fields.

It was such a different picture to what Jeremy had to be used to, from the size of it all, down to the machinery and clothes. He was watching with rapid attention and Gavin could barely contain himself from stopping the carriage to get out and show him everything. Then again that would delay their arrival.

The capital itself was different, the houses built out of sturdy woods and straw roofs. Unthinkable with the Haywood climate but Gavin couldn't help but smile at it. The picture was so deeply rooted in his past that it made his heart flutter.

He was back home, the home of his childhood and while he knew he couldn't stay for too long, it didn't hurt. No, he was also looking forward to returning and fighting and claiming the kingdom of theirs.

Here, in this city, his family lived and he had missed them so but that wasn't the best part about this trip. No, the best was to reunite both of his families.

All those people most important to him in one place and that nearly made his eyes water. To hear Michael and Jeremy bicker... and when he looked up Ryan was smiling at him like he knew exactly what he was thinking right now. He looked good like that, all dressed up to impress with his high neck tunics and the fur wrapped around his shoulders.

Gavin figured he wasn't much better, the fox shawl, and the long sleeves he had grown used to so different from what he had worn here but that was fine.

The castle appeared on the horizon, protected by massive walls and huge towers. Everything was overgrown and the street up led through only a fraction of the gardens but he could hear Jeremy's breath hitch.

_ Home. _

And there at the top of the stairwell people were waiting for them and Gavin sat up in his seat. Libby had grown so much since the last time he had seen her and it nearly took his breath away. How long ago was that? Not even half a year and still-

Then she smiled and he recognized that she hadn't changed, not really and the weight fell from his shoulders. Next to her stood Roland and wasn't quite looking at them. He had always been shy around new people and it would only be worse around Ryan, his could-be husband. Gavin searched for the flush in his cheeks but it wasn't there, so hopefully he wasn't drunk again.

Ryan touched his hand to grasp his attention and Gavin turned towards him.

"Happy?" he asked and Gavin beamed at him.

"Yeah."

The entrance was abloom, probably mostly by Libby but when Gavin sat foot outside the carriage, he let red poppies bloom all the way up. Even from down here, he could hear Libby laugh about that.

Ryan offered his arm but it was Gavin who dragged him up the stairs. He had waited too long for this to be patient anymore.

"King Ryan," Roland greeted him. When he reached for Ryan's wrist to kiss his ring, his hand was shaking and he still didn't look at him. "Gavin. I'm glad to see you made it safely."

"Thanks for your hospitality. We're happy to be here," Jeremy translated Ryan's gestures.

Libby watched the motions with big eyes but when Roland scurried aside, she didn't mention it and just dropped into a perfect curtsey.

"A pleasure to be meeting you again, King Ryan."

"The pleasure is all mine, Princess Elisabeth."

Libby smiled but when she turned to Gavin, she seemed unsure how to proceed, if she should bow or not. Gavin quickly took that choice from her and simply picked her straight up from her feet.

"Gav!" she laughed and wrapped her arms around him. Her dress was soft against his skin and she smelled just like he remembered.

"Welcome home," she muttered into his ear. "Geoff is already waiting for you."

The small streams of water that were redirected through the castle, met into a shallow pool in the entrance hall. The walls were overgrown with plants and blossoms that painted pictures of the kingdom and old legends.

Of course Gavin knew all of that but he had grown blind to it in all his years living here. It was something different now that the others were here though, especially Jeremy.

Gavin couldn't help himself but throwing him looks that Jeremy didn't even notice, not with how he was trying to take everything in at once. Michael was watching him as well, a bright grin on his face.

Yeah, he had looked forward to showing his home to his new friend.

They followed the streams down a hallway and Gavin could barely contain his excitement anymore. The last time he had been in the throne room it had been one of the worst days of his life. Usually he wasn't welcome there, the place had been for his father and Geoff only and if Gavin had been called there, it meant he had screwed up or something bad had happened. He couldn't remember ever walking this path without a feeling of thread.

And of course... of course, the last time he had entered, his father had still been on the throne. Old but strong and so far above him that Gavin could do nothing but feel small.

He had just stood there under his cold gaze with the court around and hadn't protested when his father had told him to get married to a stranger. To the infamous King of the south and the shock of it all... he had just locked himself in his room, sick to his stomach and not even Michael had been able to help.

Now the doors opened in front of him and Gavin was overwhelmed by such a wave of pride, that it made his throat tight.

The throne room was the heart of the castle, with a ceiling high enough, that each stepped echoed. There were tendrils hanging down from there, blooming with lilies in a fantastic array of colors. Their fallen blossoms painted a path towards the steps leading up to the throne standing above them and of course, Geoff.

Geoff in his emerald gown, and the stained glass behind him, painting everything gold and green. He was standing now, his cloak heavy with lilies and the crown of their father on his head.

Gods above, how long had Gavin waited to see him like that? The rightful heir to the Ramsey throne, a good and just King.

There was no reason for him to kneel, not in front of his brother, not in front of another King and still, Gavin didn't hesitate to let go of Ryan's arm to fall to his knees.

"Gavin," Geoff said but thanks to the acoustics of the room it boomed from the walls. "Stand, please."

He couldn't and to his surprise, Ryan next to him also got down to kneel.

For a moment everything was silent and then Geoff began to laugh. It was the laughter of his childhood, the one that had always cheered Gavin up and in that moment Gavin knew things would be alright.

By the time he lifted his head, Geoff was standing in front of him to grasp his arm and pull him up himself.

"You ridiculous boy," he said and didn't even pretend to hide his fondness. "I missed you, buddy."

"Do you remember the first week after your wedding? The day I showed you around the castle?" Jeremy asked him and Gavin nodded.

"Yeah, of course."

"You asked me to see the garden and I did show you. How the fuck did you not just laugh in my face about that little courtyard when you are used to this?"

Jeremy pointed ahead and now Gavin had to laugh. They were in his chambers on the balcony overlooking the gardens stretching towards the horizon. Acres of green and hedges and pictures painted with flowers. That was something that Gavin had never grown tired of and still impressed him but he couldn't even imagine what it must be like for Jeremy.

"I didn't laugh at you because that would've been impolite," Gavin informed him but Jeremy just huffed.

"You know how often Ryan told me about his trip here and how he met this prince and princess in the garden and shit like that? And I was always just thinking 'damn, what an idiot. Who gets lost in a garden?' But now?" He made another gesture towards the garden as if the picture in front of them had changed.

"I mean, fair? I would be scared of getting lost in there!"

"I'll take you on a tour through them later."

"I think I need snacks for that. Do we have to bring snacks into the garden?"

"I would advise so. Come on, let's go back inside."

The main room of his chambers had already been prepared but Michael was still busy unpacking their stuff with a tirade of swears. Ryan was keeping his distance and had pulled a single bag aside to rummage through. Gavin was pretty sure that Michael had already told him to fuck off by now. While he was watching, Ryan placed the glass dome on the table and Gavin had to roll his eyes.

"You brought the flower with you?"

Ryan nodded eagerly. "I was scared one of the servants would try to water it. You said the magic would leave if the dome is opened."

"I guess so." Gavin sat down by his side and watched his little Gerbera. It looked healthy and stood proud and he couldn't quite help but smile.

* * *

"Did you manage to rest?" Geoff asked when they met up with him that evening. Without waiting for an answer he pulled Gavin in and kissed the top of his head. While doing so, he nearly knocked Gavin's headpiece with its ruby flowers down but Gavin couldn't be bothered to mind. No, he just hugged Geoff tighter to himself.

"We did. The journey was long but we managed to take a break and watch Sophie earlier this week."

"She was hoping for that." His gown was so soft under Gavin's hand and brushed gently against his face. If he would close his eyes, he could nearly pretend he was a child again, curling into Geoff's side for an impromptu nap.

They had come a far cry from that.

"Why do I get the feeling this isn't just a casual visit though?" Geoff asked and Gavin lifted his head.

Right.

Ryan hadn't moved far from the door and looked rather pale. This would be hard for him, telling Geoff how little power he truly had would hurt but Gavin knew that Geoff wouldn't judge them. Even if he was basically a stranger to Ryan, Gavin trusted him enough for both of them.

"We need your help," Gavin admitted and Geoff's arms tightened around him.

"Alright. Tell me what happened."

They were in one of the parlors overlooking the extensive garden. Gavin figured Geoff had chosen this one especially because of that, with him sitting in front of the window he looked... royal. The dying sunlight sparkled beautifully on his crown and his gown was shimmering with the different colors of the layers.

Ryan sat down opposite of him and while Gavin would love to sit by his side as silent support, he sat in the middle. Jeremy wasn't around and it was easier to translate Ryan's gestures like that.

He knew that Ryan had practiced what to say before but it was obvious how hard it was for him to begin. He wasn't even looking at Geoff but past him and while it made Gavin's heart heavy, they pulled through because it was necessary.

When Ryan's hands finally folded in his lap and Gavin fell silent, Geoff turned around to look over the garden as he thought about it and Gavin got up to sit right next to Ryan instead. When he took his hand, Ryan held on with all his strength. He looked humbled and defeated and no matter how often Gavin had assured him that Geoff was on their side, they both knew it wouldn't help. Not right now, not faced with this disgrace in front of another King.

"I heard King Horton was a thick-headed ruler but that he would go as far as this," Geoff finally said. "It does explain a lot of things that puzzled me about the Haywood kingdom before. The decision to separate the kingdom, as well as asking for Gavin's hand in marriage while Sophie was still unspoken for."

When Geoff turned back around, he looked thoughtful but not judgemental. Still, Ryan's hand held only tighter. If Geoff noticed, he didn't comment on it.

"You didn't mention any of this while you were visiting the last time, Gavin. So why now?"

"We want to take the control that Horton still holds away from him," Gavin explained and now Geoff's eyes darted to their entwined hands. "In doing so, Ryan fears for my safety."

"You think King Horton would dare to hurt someone from the Ramsey family?" Geoff asked and Ryan slipped his hand from Gavin's.

"He didn't hesitate to harm his own family," Gavin translated. "I don't see a reason to think he would be bothered by other blood."

"He did make sure that nobody could take the throne from him once he inherited it," Geoff muttered. He was watching Ryan closely as if to test him and this time Ryan did catch his eye. Good, Geoff wasn't a fan of weakness.

"Gavin could stay here during all of that. I would assure his safety," Geoff offered.

Ryan tensed next to him but Gavin barely noticed. He hadn't seen  _ that  _ coming and for the smallest of moments he considered the option. An excuse to stay here where it was warm and his family was.

But then he shook himself.

"Unacceptable," he protested. "I will not just sit back and-"

Geoff raised his hand to stop him from talking but his eyes were still on Ryan. Ryan who looked like he'd been backed into a corner, something furious in his gaze, and Gavin's heart sank. He hadn't imagined the two of them fighting and the thought scared him.

Ryan's eyes darted to him and for a second he was sure that Ryan was considering it but before Gavin could shake his head, Ryan lifted his hands.

"Please tell your brother that this is our fight. The two of us will fight for our kingdom together." Ryan turned back towards Geoff. "I will protect my husband just like I promised. With or without his help. However, I'd feel more at ease if he was on our side."

Gavin translated his words and was surprised that he couldn't read Geoff's face. Usually Geoff was an open book to him but slowly it dawned on him that he wasn't talking to his brother right now. He was talking to the King of the Ramsey kingdom.

"Very well," Geoff finally said. "Thank you for telling me about this. I will think about ways to assist you in your struggle."

"Thank you," Ryan signed and got up from his seat.

Gavin stared up to him, a little surprised by how fast this conversation had ended. In his mind, he had always imagined the three of them sitting for hours, making plans, talking about kingly-stuff but there was something hostile in the air.

At first, he wanted to stay seated right here and talk with Geoff. After all, they hadn't seen each other for nearly half a year but deep inside he knew that wasn't right. No, Ryan needed him more right now.

"Thanks for listening, Geoff."

He got up and didn't like how Geoff was watching him. Nearly concerned.

"Of course, Gav."

When he left the parlor, Ryan was already ahead and Gavin had to hurry to catch up to him.

"Wait," he called but when he reached for Ryan's arm, the other shook him off.

"Ryan, please-"

"He hates me."

"No, he j-"

"He doesn't think I can do it. That I can protect you and lead my kingdom at the same time." Ryan snarled and he was so angry that his hands were shaking. "Fuck, he's probably right!"

Gavin had seen Ryan angry before, he could still remember how he had reacted after Lord Regan had insulted him or while King Horton had visited but this one left him hurt. Because it was Geoff. He hadn't expected Geoff to make him angry and deep inside he had hoped that the two of them would get along. He wanted them to.

It felt like he was torn between them now, that he had to choose and just the thought scared him. He didn't want to, not when both of them were so important to him.

"Please," Gavin muttered but Ryan still didn't let him touch him. No, he stormed into his chambers and didn't even bother to react when Jeremy jumped in surprise. Ryan just brushed past him, out of the main room, and disappeared into the bedroom. The door fell shut with a deafening bang. Gavin’s steps had faltered before but now he stopped in the middle of the room and his heart felt so heavy that he could barely breathe.

Coming back here, visiting his family with Ryan had been something he had looked forward to but in his mind, it had always been happy. This place here and the Haywood kingdom were both parts of him and he didn't want them to be at odds.

He had expected Geoff to offer the perfect solution and he had expected Ryan to be grateful and things would work out. Of course that had been naive, he knew that but after everything that had happened in the past year... was it so much to hope for something to just work out?

Someone took his hand and he looked away from the door. To his shock it was Libby and he hadn't even noticed her. He had only seen Jeremy, who now pulled a face but could also offer no advice.

"Did King Ryan fight with Geoff?" she asked and Gavin wasn't sure what to answer to that. They hadn't, not really, not outright and when he didn't answer Libby squeezed his hand. "Did you two fight?"

"No," he said quickly even though he wasn't even sure if that was the truth either. He threw a glance to Jeremy, looking for help but what was he expecting? Jeremy hadn't been around.

"Just disagreed about some things."

Libby watched him for a moment longer and Gavin was nearly scared how deep her eyes bored into him, how much she might be able to see and he quickly turned away.

"What are you even doing here, Libby?"

"I wanted to visit you but the two of you were gone," she told him and pulled him closer to the seating area. "So Jeremy offered me some tea while I waited."

"Sit down, King Gavin. I'll grab you a cup as well," Jeremy offered and a bit taken aback Gavin stared at him. Then it dawned on him.

"Oh! I don't think we have to be this formal around Libby, right?"

Libby nodded eagerly and Jeremy smiled at her, "If Princess Elisabeth doesn't mind."

"Yeah, it's fine. Michael does the same and he's way meaner than you. Where is he anyway?"

"He's visiting his family."

"Oh, I'll make sure to send Fiona home as well," Libby said before turning to Jeremy, "She's Michael's cousin and they hate each other."

"They don't hate each other. They just like to fight," Gavin corrected her as he took the offered cup from Jeremy.

"They fight about everything though! Do you remember the big candy discussion?"

Gavin did and he couldn't help but laugh just thinking about it. He would love to tell the story to Jeremy but the other was watching the door leading deeper into his chambers and just thinking about Ryan sobered Gavin up again.

"Jeremy said he has never been here before," Libby blabbered on and that at least took his mind off of things. "I wanted to show him around the garden because it's too late for anything else."

"That's a great idea but maybe not tonight," Gavin mumbled but now his own eyes were stuck on that damn door. Should he go inside or leave Ryan alone? He wanted to talk about what happened but he wasn't even exactly sure what he should say.

Should he apologize? Then again, he didn't think he had done anything wrong. It had been Ryan’s idea in the first place and-

"No," Jeremy interrupted his thoughts. "Let's go and see the garden, Gavin. I would rather do that than sit here and worry."

Take some time then. Yeah.

He smiled at Jeremy and put his cup down. "Alright then."

It turned into a nice evening. After the cold winter, the sun felt wonderful on his skin. He must have grown more used to the temperatures as well because right now it nearly felt like summer, even though it was early spring and the sun was setting. But the Ramsey kingdom had always been blessed with good weather and that hadn't changed.

Libby was so excited, she made flowers bloom in her wake as she ran around, showing Jeremy everything she had learned. It was infectious and Gods above, Gavin had nearly forgotten how much he adored this place.

The garden stretched endlessly around them, with streams of water parting it in different sections. Everything was so open, so different from the Haywood kingdom and he could tell that it bothered Jeremy a lot. He looked around like he was expecting an ambush but here it was safe, they could relax.

The temperatures dropped with the sun and before long they made their way back.

Libby bid her goodbye with a kiss against his cheek and excited waving towards Jeremy. While they had been out there, telling Jeremy about all kinds of adventure things had been easy, had been fun but as he watched Libby leave, it faded just as quickly.

His mind went back to the meeting this afternoon but Jeremy caught up with him fast enough.

"Didn't work out too good, did it?"

"No," Gavin admitted. They made their way through the castle and at this time of the day, it was nearly deserted. Besides their own steps, there were only the flickering torches and the water making its way through the building.

"Geoff and Ryan fought. Or something close to it."

"Tensions must be high."

"I expected Geoff to help, no questions asked," Gavin muttered. "And he did offer his help, or at least he promised to think about ways but... I don't know. In my head, this all worked out so much easier. I wanted to show Ryan how great Geoff is but instead..." He trailed off as he thought about the way Ryan had just left with nothing more than a quick thanks. "He was rude and lost his temper. Geoff doesn't like people losing his temper."

Gavin sighed but when Jeremy squeezed his shoulders, it gave him at least some strength.

"Asking for help hasn't been an easy decision for Ryan," Jeremy said. "I can't excuse his behavior, for I wasn't there but I don't think he meant to come across the way he did."

Gavin nodded. They reached his chambers but Jeremy didn't open the door, not yet. He waited for Gavin to compose himself and only when he took a deep breath and nodded, did Jeremy reach for the doorknob.

"If you need any tea, please let me know."

That made Gavin laugh. "Thanks, Jeremy. I appreciate it."

Ryan wasn't in the main room of the chamber and with a heavy heart, Gavin made his way towards his bedroom. It felt weird to knock on his own door but when he finally peeked inside, he couldn't even see anyone.

There was no fire going and the bed unoccupied. No Ryan.

For a second Gavin just stood there, dumbfounded before fear sneaked in. He wasn't even quite sure what he was so scared of. That something had happened? That Ryan had given up and... just ran away?

Then he noticed the lonely candle on the balcony outside and he forced himself to calm down. It was a small balcony, more private than that of the main room but with a grande view over the garden. Ryan was sitting on one of the wooden chairs there.

Had he watched them from up here?

It startled Ryan when he pulled the glass door open but his shoulders slumped when he realized it was him.

"Can we talk?" Gavin asked and Ryan nodded, meekly.

He sat down next to him and Ryan had already prepared himself, because in the dim shine of the candle, his hands began to move,

"I have to apologize. To both you and King Geoffrey."

Gavin hummed. "What happened there, Ryan? We did agree to ask for help, right?"

Ryan pulled a face and tried to look away from him, something he did way too often recently, and this time Gavin reached out to stop him. He didn't like the dark shadow he saw crossing the other's face.

"It was humiliating," Ryan finally signed. "He didn't think I was capable of leading my kingdom and he didn't think I was capable of protecting you." Ryan all but snarled. "He might as well be right about both things."

Gavin bit down on his lip. He didn't know what to say but his silence wasn't the right answer either because he could feel Ryan grow antsy. Pushing his chair closer, he leaned into the other's side.

"Geoff shouldn't have offered to keep me here," he muttered and could feel Ryan shake with emotions.

In front of them, the garden stretched on and on. There was a circular field towards their right that Gavin would love to show Ryan right now. Moonflowers that would open their blossoms only during night and that glowed when the night was the darkest.

"I considered it when he said it," Ryan admitted. "To keep you here, far away from my father or the court."

"You know I wouldn't have wanted that."

"I know I wouldn't have been able to do it then," Ryan corrected him. Without you by my side, it would be the same as before. The moment I see my father... I just become petrified. I  _ need  _ you."

Gavin pressed his face into Ryan's shoulder and closed his eyes. That meant a lot, more than he could fathom right now. To be needed, he, who had never been good at anything. Little Gavin who was so easily overlooked by everyone around.

Now here he was, sitting under the stars with a King and knew that Ryan meant the words from the bottom of his heart.

"You have me," he told him. "This is our fight. I'll talk to Geoff tomorrow and assure him of that."

Ryan turned towards him but Gavin only opened his eyes once he took his hand and pressed it against his lips. The gentle gesture made him smile.

"Tell me something happy now," Ryan asked. 

"Something happy?"

"Yeah, about this place."

Gavin chuckled but let his eyes travel. There were a thousand stories right in front of him. Things that had played out in the gardens, all the hours and days and weeks he had spent down there. Flowers and plants that grew only here and in other, foreign places but then he knew-

"When summer is at its peak, I would sleep on this balcony," he told Ryan. "It would grow so hot that it was just easier and me and Michael would fill this whole space with pillows and blankets and then lie on our backs and watch the stars travel above us. Sometimes Libby would join us, sometimes Sophie but usually it was just the two of us. We would talk for hours until one of us would fall asleep or dawn came."

He laughed at the memory, how free they had been, how they had wished upon stars, and shared secrets that both of them still kept in their hearts, never to leave.

"That's a wonderful story," Ryan told him and kissed the top of his head. "It's truly a magical place."

"It is."

  
  



	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Gavin watched the castle grow smaller in the distance, he was smiling. Those two weeks they had stayed were already treasured in his heart.
> 
> "Was this worth the wait?" Ryan asked him and Gavin caught his hand to press it against his chest.
> 
> "It was."

Chapter 21

The sun shone so brightly on that morning that it hurt his eyes and Gavin briefly wondered if he had grown so used to the harsh light of winter, that he had forgotten about the gold he cherished so.

The grass beneath his feet was of a healthy green, something that didn't fade this close to the castle, at least not as long as the royal family lived there. Seeing it from his balcony had always assured Gavin that things were alright, that they were healthy and the Ramsey's were where they were supposed to be. That he was part of this, no matter how insignificantly it may be.

Something looked different though and it took him a while to realize that it was the contrast to his clothes. The deep crimson of his robes clashing a little with the green but that was alright. Things were different now and if he felt a little too hot this early in the morning because of his woolen clothes that was that.

When he ducked under the ivy that shielded the roofed sitting area from prying eyes it got better. In the shadow, the world smelled like earth and flowers and tea. Geoff was already waiting for him, the rich breakfast on the table between them untouched but he stood now.

"Are you angry with me?" Geoff asked and Gavin pressed his lips together. That was a question that he had asked himself quite often during the night hours and he still wasn't sure if he had found the right answer.

"Just confused," he admitted. "Maybe a little hurt."

Geoff's shoulders slumped but he offered him a seat without another word. There was a wooden box on his plate but a fine web of vines was wrapped around it, keeping it locked. It was a simple trick because, without extensive force, nobody but the royal family could open it. A single lily sat on top and when Gavin touched it, it didn't retreat. No, it kept everything wrapped together and while Gavin could get it to wilt, he didn't. 

Geoff would open it when he felt like it and for now, he just put it aside. They both helped themself with some food, bread with cheese and rich ham, fresh fruits that Gavin had missed back at Ryan's castle.

The ivy broke the sun into spots that illuminated the spaces between them and let them peek out over the gardens and the castle in the distance. It felt so much like another time in his life, when he was living here, that Gavin felt a little unearthed but the golden ring around his finger reminded him.

"You and King Ryan fought yesterday," Geoff informed him. 

Gavin tilted his head, thinking about who had told Geoff that. He was pretty sure they hadn't caused that much of a scene in the main part of the castle but Geoff just huffed.

"Don't underestimate your little sister. She sees more than you think."

"Don't use Libby to spy on people," Gavin chided him.

"She is very good at it though. The people tend to overlook her," Geoff said and reached for the teapot on the table. "I hope King Ryan didn't let his anger out on you."

That was a pointed comment with more behind it, a worry that was clear in Geoff's eyes and Gavin deflated a little. There had been a little resentment towards his big brother but it melted away now. He was just looking out for him.

"Ryan would never harm me, Geoff."

Geoff filled his cup with fresh tea but his eyes didn't leave Gavin's face for a second, like he had to make sure he wasn't telling a lie. When he finally lowered the pot, it was with a sigh.

"He also didn't want to protect you. At least he was very against the idea of letting you stay here."

"He considered it," Gavin assured him. "But I also didn't want to stay here. When you said that, you insulted Ryan."

"Because I dared to take something away that belonged to him?"

A bit taken aback, Gavin stopped before he quickly shook his head. "It's not like that. Ryan swore to protect me and he fears he might not be able to in front of his father. Otherwise, he would've never even thought about telling you anything about this. Admitting this... this weakness of his, was hard on him."

"I'm guessing what you told me yesterday wasn't all of it."

"It was the gist of things," Gavin admitted. "Things are more complicated and layered."

Geoff hummed and turned back to his food. "I wanted to see his reaction when I offered to let you stay here but I have to admit, I was more surprised by your own. Are you sure you don't want to take my offer?"

Gavin nodded without hesitation. "This place will always be home but back in the Haywood kingdom-" He trailed off, unsure how to explain it but Geoff knew him well enough to understand.

"You are needed there. That's how you put it last time."

"I can change things there, Geoff. I am needed!"

"You were always needed here as well, Gavin. Your family-" Geoff stopped and pulled a face before correcting himself, "Your siblings always appreciated you. Maybe you weren't about to inherit the crown but both you and Libby are such a breath of fresh air. I didn't realize you were thinking so... lowly of yourself."

It made Gavin smile and he had understood from a young age that he wouldn't be useful for the kingdom but he could be for his family. Getting ripped from that had hurt and left him directionless but now-

"Over there I can be King, Geoff."

Geoff's eyes darted down to the ring around his finger and Gavin knew that it was no signet ring but they had also found a way around that, hadn't they? 

"Ryan promised me the throne." 

Geoff froze and the slice of orange on his fork fell back to his plate and rolled from the desk. He didn't seem to notice.

"Excuse me?"

"Once we are free from King Horton's control and change the court Ryan wants to work in the background. I'm the one who is supposed to sit on the throne."

Now that left Geoff as a spluttering mess and Gavin couldn't help but laugh. He reached for his napkin to offer to Geoff when he went into a coughing fit.

"Gavin! My heart, you can't spring something like that on me!"

"You doubted me!"

"And now I believe you are insane! Did he mix something in your drink?"

"He did not."

Geoff's face was bright red by the time he leaned back, a hand on his chest as he took some deep breaths. "What do you mean he offered you the throne?"

"Just like I told you," Gavin said but now he was smiling. The heavy atmosphere from before gone. "Ryan will still take care of the internal affairs but I will become the face of the kingdom."

Geoff stared at him like he had properly lost the plot and even though the colors in his face returned to something more natural, he looked absolutely flabbergasted.

"And you are sure that you didn't misunderstand that?"

"I am, Geoff."

"No, I'm serious now." He leaned closer as if someone was out here with them and tried to listen in. "I'm sorry for bringing you into such an awkward situation yesterday, Gav, but I needed to make sure he isn't just using you. After hearing that right now more than anything."

Gavin frowned. "Using me?"

"Your marriage brought a lot of good things to the Haywood kingdom but then King Ryan comes here and asks for even more help under the pretense of protecting you. When I offer a solution that protects you, he refuses."

"That's not-"

"Your name and the magic in your blood is very important to the Haywood's, you realized this yourself. On top of that, having this kingdom as a trusted ally is more than effective for whatever King Ryan might have planned. Who knows if he doesn't just want his father to get out of his hair but take over the entire kingdom. The next thing we know, you are at a war and I agreed to help. The political-"

"Geoff, no," Gavin interrupted him quickly. The thought was laughable but only from his perspective. He understood where Geoff was coming from. "That won't happen. Ryan and his sister are very close."

Geoff threw him a doubtful look.

"Listen Geoff, I don't know how I can assure you that there is no ulterior motive behind this. That all we want is a chance to lead our kingdom how we see fit."

" _ Our  _ kingdom?" Geoff echoed and Gavin nodded.

"Both me and Ryan are Kings. We will both lead the kingdom."

"With you on the throne?"

"Exactly."

Geoff sighed and slumped in his chair. When he reached up to rub his forehead, he looked older than Gavin remembered him being. "Buddy, all of that sounds fantastic and I would wish nothing but the best for you. If this is all true I would be overjoyed but I'm just worried."

"And I appreciate it," Gavin told him and he truly did. "But I will go this path or without your help."

Another sigh but instead of protesting further, Geoff leaned ahead and touched the wooden box. With all their talk Gavin had nearly forgotten about it but as the lily on top faded, he took it back in hand. The veins fell away and it was easy to push the lid up. When he did, his heart nearly stopped.

Inside was a brooch. The golden socket held on to a pure emerald that caught the light around. Someone had painstakingly carved the Ramsey emblem into it and while it was beautiful craftsmanship, Gavin barely paid it any mind. He knew this piece, something that he had buried so deeply into his mind that he had nearly forgotten about but now it came back full force.

"Mother wore this," he whispered, his throat felt too tight to get any more words out.

"She did. It was one of her favorite pieces to wear," Geoff agreed. "It's part of the crown jewels of the Ramsey family. Wear this when King Horton is around and he will know that messing with you means messing with your family."

Gavin picked the brooch up and was surprised how heavy it felt in the palm of his hand. He didn't know what to say or how to deal with the well of emotions this single piece of jewelry put him in and so he just pressed it against his chest.

"Geoff, I-"

"There will be no further trading deals between our kingdoms, no more resources I can give you," Geoff told him and Gavin pressed his lips together. He wasn't talking with his brother anymore and he would have to accept that.

"I will not support the Haywood family further, not while there is so much boiling beneath the surface."

"I understand."

Geoff's eyes softened. "If there comes the day when you truly sit on that throne, Gavin, I want us to meet again. If everything is how you imagined it, if you are truly ruling as an equal partner then wear that brooch. I will know what it means and will gladly negotiate with you."

"Really?"

Geoff nodded. "Should things not be how you want them to be and you don't wear that brooch, I will also understand and will do everything in my power to help you."

The brooch still laid in his hand but now he put it down to get up. He had barely rounded the table when Geoff also stood and Gavin promptly threw his arms around him.

"Thank you, Geoff."

"You are still part of this family, buddy," Geoff assured him. "And your family is ready to fight for you."

"Gavin!" Libby saw him first and promptly left everybody else behind to run for him.

When he had returned from his breakfast with Geoff nobody had been in his chambers but it didn't take long to put the pieces together. And maybe he had been able to spot them in the garden from his balcony.

Libby crashed into him and he promptly picked her up. She was heavier than he remembered, taller as well but he wouldn't let that stop him.

"Did you kidnap everyone?" he asked and Libby just grinned.

"You hadn't shown King Ryan the garden yet!"

Yeah, because he had imagined something more romantic when he did so than sharing that with his little sister. Not that he could ever tell her that.

"Or because you wanted to spy some more?" he teased and her smile turned into something sly. Huh, that was new.

"Just looking out for my big brother," she assured him and before he could ask any further, her eyes found the brooch.

"It's so pretty!"

At first, Gavin wanted to ask her if she remembered that piece as well but then again, of course, she wouldn't. Libby had never met their mother.

"It is," he just agreed and put her back down. "Take me to the others?"

She grasped his hand and pulled him along to the blanket she had undoubtedly put there ahead of time. In the middle was an assortment of teacups and biscuits and it was so much Libby that he had to laugh.

Ryan was sitting there with her, Jeremy as well and Michael wasn't too far off.

When Gavin let himself drop next to Ryan and leaned into him, he wasn't quite sure if it was him or Libby who let the gerbera bloom.

But they did and they were beautiful.

Saying goodbye was bittersweet and heartbreaking but Gavin had enjoyed their trip throughout. He didn't think Geoff and Ryan would ever become best friends but they had put their animosities mostly aside, if only for his sake.

When Gavin watched the castle grow smaller in the distance, he was smiling. Those two weeks they had stayed were already treasured in his heart.

"Was this worth the wait?" Ryan asked him and Gavin caught his hand to press it against his chest.

"It was."

The way back took long and honestly, Gavin didn't know the kingdom well enough to realize they weren't heading towards the capital. He absentmindedly noticed that Ryan seemed fidgety but he figured it was worry. The court had been in charge during their absence and Gavin was also anxious about what they might have done. With winter gone and the autumn storms far away, they couldn't cause too much damage but it was a nagging feeling in the back of his head.

Maybe that's why he only realized where they were when he saw the thick walls and the towers behind. He sat up when he recognized the castle and Jeremy actually started to laugh.

"Gods above, he finally realized!"

"Took you long enough," Ryan gestured.

"Long enough? You guys have been dropping hints for three damn days," Michael protested. "How can someone be this dense?"

Gavin stared at them, flabbergasted before turning back to the castle. Guards pulled open the gates and then they drove up to the entrance. 

"I don't understand," Gavin muttered but couldn't quite avert his eyes.

When they had visited this place during winter, everything had been covered by snow but now he saw green grass and flowers and the fountains were running.

The place was busy, most of all. Back then there had been a handful of maids but now there were guards, servants,  _ people .  _ Everybody was hurrying around and when they entered the entrance hall, it felt lived in. There was no more furniture hidden by dust covers, the curtains were all pulled back to let the sun in and Gavin felt like he'd been hit by lightning.

"Ryan, what is going on?" he whispered but Ryan just shook his head. He led Gavin further in, straight through the castle and out the back. With winter gone the garden was of a lush green and in the back of it all the lake was sparkling blue.

"Not as impressive as what you're used to," Ryan admitted. "But I hope you will also enjoy this garden."

"Ryan," Gavin whined and it made the other laugh. His fingers brushed against the side of his face before tucking strands of hair behind Gavin's ear. It was long enough by now that he could bind it back but he hadn't bothered with it yet.

"This is home now," Ryan told him. "With the court busy I figured they wouldn't notice if I took certain... preparation while we were gone. Looks like it worked out."

Gavin stared at him, unsure what to say before he turned back around. The garden was well kept and he could see wooden benches to sit in close by and some around the lake in the back. When Gavin stepped onto the grass to look up at the castle, he saw the balconies above. He had only seen the royal chambers once and couldn't quite pinpoint where exactly it was from here but there were chairs and small tables to sit at.

_ Home. _

"We can... stay here?" he asked and Ryan nodded.

"I will have to check on the progress of course," he gestured. "But I did order that our private chambers would be readied first. I don't think everything is prepared yet, so those things will need time. I also left some things back in the old place to not tip the court off, so we should go back once more and-"

Gavin wasn't even listening anymore. He had crossed the distance and grasped Ryan's face to crash their lips together.

Ryan made a surprised noise in the back of his throat but just a heartbeat later his arms wrapped around him and pulled him in.

When they broke apart, Gavin couldn't help but laugh into his face but how could he not? There were unshed tears in his eyes and his chest felt so tight, he feared it would crush his heart.

"Home?"

"Home."

"So I think I got everything," Michael muttered to himself but that didn't stop him from tilting his notebook so that Gavin could read over his shoulder.

They were sitting in what would one day become the throne room and their voices still echoed in the mostly empty room. They would take a lot of decorations from the old castle and Ryan had also arranged for some artists to create new pieces but for now, there was at least already a throne.

It wasn't the real one of course. Ryan had assured him that the Haywood thrones were usually as sparkly and heavy as their jewelry and until the real throne would be here, it would take well over a year.

As for now, the throne was of heavy dark wood, and even if it was only makeshift, standing on top of the dais it looked... regal.

Gavin had sat on it already, just to see what it was like and even though he had been born royal, it had been the first time doing so. His father would've never allowed him to do it, even in jest. All in all, Gavin had never been allowed in the throne room of the Ramsey's in the first place, at least not without a good reason.

Sitting up there had felt... weird. Everyone looked so much smaller, even if he was just a few steps higher than them. He wasn't quite sure if he liked it yet but as with everything, he would have to get used to it first.

Right now he sat on the steps leading up to it because he was working together with Michael and if sitting on a throne in front of strangers felt weird, sitting there before Michael was simply wrong. Also huddling together on the steps while the sun was warm on their back felt so familiar.

"Looks like it," Gavin said and took the notebook in his hand to go through the list again. They would return to the old castle tomorrow and while Gavin knew that it probably wouldn't be the last time, he wanted to get most things in one go.

"Oh, wait. One more thing." Michael handed him the pen so that he could add another position at the bottom.

"Wisteria?" Michael asked him. He was sitting one step beneath him and while he looked into the book, his head leaned on Gavin's arm. That was nice.

"Please don't tell me we have to unearth that whole damn tree because you fucking do that on your own."

"No way! Even though I bet you could just lift the whole thing!" Gavin proclaimed before breaking into snickers when Michael threw him a rather unimpressed look. Not even the bear-gesture could help him get an agreement out of him so Gavin let it go.

"The tree probably stood there for ages, it wouldn't be right to selfishly take it for myself," Gavin said. "However I want to take its seeds and create saplings and plant them around the lake! Imagine how nice that would look when they are all grown!"

"I guess."

"Come on, Michael! Even you have to admit how pretty it would be to see those branches hanging over the surface!"

"Dude, as long as I don't have to take a shovel and bring a whole ass tree back here, I don't give a shit!"

Gavin couldn't help but laugh. It was short-lived when they were interrupted by a great tumult coming from outside. With so many people around who were working on getting the castle into pristine conditions, there were always some loud noises somewhere but Gavin instantly felt off by this one.

Michael had to agree because his hand wrapped around Gavin's wrist to pull him to his feet. He pushed himself in front of Gavin, his other hand resting on his sword as they waited.

For a few moments, it was quiet before one voice raised again and this time Gavin recognized it.

"Is that Lord Regan?" he asked and while Michael relaxed slightly, he still squeezed Gavin's hand.

"Stay back," he ordered before jumping down the steps. Before he had reached the heavy wooden door, Gavin could make out another voice outside.

"How dare you make such a scene?" Jeremy. Was he translating for Ryan?

It was impossible to know from back here and so he followed Michael as he pulled the door open.

Sure enough, it was Lord Regan standing in the entrance hall but not only him. There were a handful of other members of the court with him, the younger ones and they looked like they would rather be anywhere but here right now.

That was no surprise considering that Lord Regan looked run down, his wisps of white hair hanging in his face and his face flushed red in anger. He looked like he had run to the castle and was leaning so heavily onto his walking stick that for a moment Gavin actually felt something close to concern. That disappeared just as quickly when Lord Regan snarled, "We worked restlessly to assure the kingdom flourishes while you were taking a vacation!"

Ryan. He must have heard the commotion as well because he was coming down the stairs leading to the upper floor of the castle. His face was clouded over in anger which should be a clear warning but either Lord Regan didn't see it or didn't care.

"We do everything for this kingdom but you- you dare to move everything here and don't even ask the court!"

Spit was flying from Lord Regan's lips and the few people he had brought with him took a quiet step away from him. Honestly, he looked like a madman and Gavin wasn't the only one who thought like that because he could see maids and servants around, whispering with each other.

That could be good, they could maybe use that to take away from Regan's credibility if they-

"You don't deserve this, Ryan," Lord Regan spat. "Your father didn't allow you to even visit this place because you don't deserve-"

"That's King Ryan to you," Jeremy protested. He was standing next to Ryan, his hand also on the handle of his weapon but it was shaking in anger.

"Watch your mouth, Dooley! You have no right to speak to me like that-"

"And I forbid you to speak to your King that way," Gavin called out and Lord Regan's head spun towards him. He hadn't noticed him at first by the looks of it but now his face clouded over.

"You," he growled. "It's all your fault! You put those ideas into his head!"

Gavin left the throne room to stand in front of the old man. Michael was right by his side and his presence assured him.

"Bow before your King and beg for forgiveness," he demanded. "You, who do not possess a lick of magic, would do well to follow the laws of your Gods and this land. King Ryan is the rightful ruler and you are here to serve him."

Lord Regan's face pulled into an ugly mask. There was so much hate in his eyes that Gavin was taken aback for a moment. Hate towards him for disturbing the peace and the way this kingdom had run for way too long.

"I don't listen to the Royal whore."

It grew very, very quiet after that.

Gavin opened his mouth but found no words to protest. This blatant disrespect was vile and Regan had done so before, yeah, but that hadn't been in front of people. People who shared glances now and Gavin knew the whispers would start the moment they turned the corner.

This wasn't just a simple insult but an attack.

"Leave."

Jeremy's voice was shaking in anger but that was nothing against Ryan. Ryan who looked so furious, Gavin wouldn't be surprised if he'd straight up hurt Lord Regan.

"I hereby impeach you from every power you hold in court," Ryan went on as he marched closer. Jeremy hurried by his side, his eyes were on Ryan's hands like he couldn't wait to translate the next sentence. "For disrespect against the royal family I revoke any power you ever held in this kingdom."

"You can't-"

"I can and I just did."

"Dooley's voice means nothing! He's just a servant!"

Ryan's eyes darted to Gavin and he had to clear his throat to speak.

"Lord Regan, you are no longer part of the royal court." The words sent a red hot spark through him. Gods, they felt  _ good .  _ "Leave this castle right now and don't step under our eyes again."

"You-" Lord Regan made a threatening step towards him but there was Michael, pushing himself between them. Against his sturdy built, and thick cloak, and sharp sword Regan was nothing.

"Touch him and you'll regret it," Michael growled and Lord Regan let his hand drop at his side. He looked first from Michael to Jeremy and Ryan before returning to Gavin. 

Hate.

It was clear in his eyes but he was also smart enough to realize he had lost.

"Leave this place once and for all and don't return," Gavin ordered and the power he felt by doing so was unfathomable. Even when Lord Regan finally lowered his voice, it didn't dampen it.

"Your father will hear about this."

Yeah, probably. But when Gavin threw a look towards Ryan, he didn't look like he cared much. No, his hands were sure and steady as he turned to Jeremy and Michael.

"Escort Lord Regan from this property. If he chose to enter this castle without invitation again, throw him into the dungeon. Should he dare to badmouth someone of my family once more he will hang."

"Gladly," Michael replied and while Lord Regan hadn't understood what Ryan had just signed, Michael's grin should be warning enough.

Gavin would gladly watch the two of them throw Lord Regan out but Ryan's arm wrapped around his shoulder and he pulled him away. Back into the throne room and if Gavin made sure the door opened wide enough for Regan to see the throne, well... he could be petty as well. Before the door fell shut, he could see how Regan's eyes widened but it didn't leave him worried. It probably should, because King Horton would hear about it no doubt but he didn't fucking care.

No, he was tired of hiding and ready to fight. They had started the moment they had returned here and not to the capital and if King Horton had a problem with it, so be it.

Ryan's hand was grasping him tight, nearly painfully so but when Gavin looked up to him, it wasn't concern he found. Quite the opposite, Ryan was shaking with excitement and when he noticed Gavin's look, he actually grinned.

"Fight," he spelled out and Gavin's grin widened.

"Yeah," he agreed before pushing Ryan onto the throne and slipping into his lap.

"Our kingdom. Our fight."

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gavin, so good to see you again," he said when he finally let him go.
> 
> "King Horton, it's a pleasure," Gavin lied right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it! For everyone else, I hope you will have a relaxing weekend!
> 
> Ho boy, this is a fun one!

Chapter 22

Ryan wasn't shaking, no, he was standing still as stone. It wasn't thanks to steadiness or self-confidence because Gavin knew he had barely slept those past nights. He had woken up way too often to an empty bed, the blankets wrapped around himself, and the other half of the bed empty.

Ryan was petrified, simple as that but Gavin was standing right by his side, a hand on his arm for comfort.

They both watched the carriages pull up in front of the entrance and Gavin hummed, displeased. They had known the moment they had sent Lord Regan away that Horton wouldn't be pleased. Considering that it wasn't even a week later, he had to literally get into a carriage the moment he had heard the news. He had also brought more men with him, judging by the two other carriages following along and Gavin doubted they were filled with gifts for their new residence.

Fuck, if Eleonora hadn't sent a pigeon to warn them, Gavin wasn't sure if they even had enough rooms prepared for that many people.

But they had been warned and with the castle in their back, Gavin felt a little better about themselves. This was their fight and if all their big words weren't empty, they would show King Horton exactly who was wearing the crown in the next few days.

The door to the carriage opened and the moment they could see Horton, Ryan began to shake. Gavin pressed his arm against his side, hoping to calm him down but they both knew it wasn't as easy as that.

Horton threw one look up to them and Ryan went rigid. It wasn't even a glare or anything, rather something that was displeasing and even Gavin could feel bile rise in his throat.

Yeah, he figured he could hate this man.

"Ryan," Horton just said instead of a greeting and Ryan could just stare at him. Fuck.

Gavin slipped his arm free to step ahead, everything to divert the attention towards him. He reached out to kiss Horton's hand but instead, the old man grasped both of his shoulders. Gavin froze but with the small audience of servants and knights and whoever Horton had brought with him, he could hardly struggle. So he let himself be pulled in and nearly had to laugh at the idea that this was close to an embrace. Honestly, that was the last thing he had expected today.

Horton pressed a kiss to each side of his face. It had to be a form of greeting in this kingdom but if so, Gavin had never seen it before. He just smiled even though Horton's finger dug into his flesh. For someone of his age, he still had a surprising amount of strength in him.

"Gavin, so good to see you again," he said when he finally let him go.

"King Horton, it's a pleasure," Gavin lied right back. "We prepared some tea in the parlor if you want to join us."

"Gladly."

When Gavin turned around, Ryan was watching him confused, like he also couldn't understand what had just happened. Gavin made a mental note to ask him afterward but for now, he concentrated on the matter at hand.

The parlor Jeremy had prepared for them was a decent distance away from their new throne room. As funny as it would be to see Horton's reaction to that, it would also be ill-advised. Gavin was still hoping against hope that they might resolve this whole thing peacefully and agitating Horton wasn't helping.

Jeremy served their tea quietly and while he couldn't speak openly in front of Horton, he did throw both Ryan and him an encouraging look. Once he left, Gavin smoothed down his gown if only to occupy his hands.

"I hope the journey wasn't too tiring, my Lord," he began the usual pleasantries but Horton didn't even bother with looking at him. No, away from the public eye he didn't seem to care about Gavin anymore.

Instead, he took a sip from his tea, and Gavin couldn't help but ask himself if that was some weird kind of flex because that thing had to be piping hot. More worrying though was the way his blue eyes fixated on Ryan and Ryan alone.

Neither said something, not until Horton put his half finished cup down.

"Let's cut straight through the small talk and turn to the issue at hand," he said and Gavin felt himself tense.

"Unfortunately I don't even know where to begin after all the trouble you caused since my last visit."

Ryan had a hard time looking at his father but Gavin saw him trying. He still hadn't gestured a single thing.

"I am sure this visit was caused by the Lord Regan issue," Gavin began and Horton's eyes darted to him.

The old King sighed and leaned back in his seat.

"What a funny way of describing the situation, Gavin. The two of you insulted not only one of my oldest companions but also the head of one of the most influential families in this kingdom. The ‘Lord Regan Issue’ doesn't even begin to describe the scandal you caused."

"Unfortunately, Lord Regan left us no choice," Ryan finally signed and Gavin relaxed a little. He hadn't looked forward to partaking in the conversation on his own.

"You didn't even think about informing me, Lord Regan himself did. Not to mention that you didn't consult with me in the slightest."

"Father, Lord Regan's behavior was not fitting for-"

"On top of all of that, you did so in the public eye!" Horton interrupted Ryan if he had even noticed that he had gestured at all. Gavin was pretty sure he didn't actually care what Ryan had to say. "The gossip mongers already carried that story into every corner of the kingdom they could reach! Do you have any idea how that looks like, Ryan?"

"Then let us tell you what really happened," Gavin said and half expected Horton to just talk over him as well. To his surprise, the old King just sighed before gesturing towards him.

"Fine."

Honestly, Gavin hadn't expected to just outright tell him and now he didn't know where to start. Ryan touched his arm before he turned towards his father.

"He called Gavin a royal whore," he gestured and Horton's eyebrows shot up. Gavin hadn't seen that before and it was such a Ryan-move that it threw him for a loop.

"He did what?"

"He marched in here, caused a big scene, and when Gavin tried to get him to stop, he called him a whore," Ryan went on. "He did so in front of everyone in the entrance hall, even some of the court he had brought with him."

And Horton hadn't expected that. Gavin had rarely seen him express anything but calm confidence but now there was shock. Apparently, Lord Regan hadn't mentioned that little detail.

"Is that true?"

"He insulted me once before," Gavin threw in. "He compared me to a dog. Because no one but my valet was around to hear it, I decided against acting on it knowing what scandal it could cause but with the way he did it this time..."

“Michael, the warrior of the Ramsey kingdom,” Horton said and something about him remembering Michael didn’t sit well with Gavin. For now he put it aside to worry about it later.

"I couldn't let Lord Regan insult my husband in such a way and let him get away with it. It's only because I knew how much the Regan family has done for this kingdom that I didn’t hang him," Ryan gesticulated.

"Now let's not get too extreme-"

"Those opposing the royal family are enemies of the Haywood name," Ryan threw in. "The enemies of the Haywood name are traitors of the kingdom and traitors get punished. That's what you always taught me, didn't you?"

Horton reached up to rub his face. Like this, he looked old, nearly weak and Gavin wondered if Ryan could see it as well.

"There are a lot of people who can vouch for what we just told you, my Lord," Gavin assured him but Horton shook his head.

"There is no need for that. I believe you."

Which was a lie. Gavin was pretty sure Horton had brought so many people with him to have more eyes, to watch without being watched himself. But they hadn't lied about Lord Regan and Horton's spies would tell him exactly that.

"Gavin, I apologize for the disrespect that was shown towards you. I want nothing more than for you to feel welcome in this family, dear."

Oh, what a damn joke!

Maybe his disbelief showed on his face, even though he tried to hide it because Horton turned towards him and Gavin could nearly pretend he was being honest with the way he looked at him.

"I brought you here to fill a needed role in this kingdom, that much is true, Gavin. However, you are of royal blood and the Gods gifted you with magic no normal human can wield. That alone deserves respect and those who do not confirm will be punished," Horton told him. "I apologize that one of my men showed such rude behavior."

"I-" Gavin began but honestly, he didn't know what to answer to that. No matter how often he had imagined this conversation, he hadn't expected this. He threw Ryan a short glance but the other looked just as surprised as him.

"Thank you very much, King Horton," he found himself saying. "I will do anything to bring pride to my new name and I agree with Ryan; those who are against the Haywood's are traitors of this kingdom."

Horton's steady blue eyes didn't leave him but Gavin also didn't lower his gaze. This was some kind of test, at least he was pretty sure because for some reason Horton was amused by him and Gavin didn't quite know why.

"Well then," Horton said eventually and got up from his seat. "With that out of the way, I will rest until lunch. We can take on the other topics at a later point in time."

"Gladly. A servant will show you to your room, King Horton."

"I don't think I need a guide, Gavin. This is my castle after all. Then again, I figure the royal chambers are occupied with the two of you."

Right, Gavin had nearly forgotten about that little detail and he lowered his head in a short bow.

"Of course, please forgive my mindless words."

"No harm done."

He left the room, just like that and Gavin kept an eye on the door for a while longer just to make sure Horton wouldn't just come back inside or... peek through the keyhole or something like that. None of that happened but still, he felt out of his depth when he turned back around.

All of this hadn't taken longer than maybe ten minutes and if there wasn't an empty cup on the table, Gavin could nearly pretend all of this had just been a weird dream.

"Is it just me or did that go surprisingly well?" he finally asked and Ryan nodded. He looked thoughtful but wary. They had expected that Horton wouldn't protest against Ryan’s decision once he found out what happened. Much to Gavin's delight, Lord Regan had royally fucked himself over and Horton wouldn’t stand for disrespect against his family.

Still, that felt like it had been too easy.

"Did he whisper to you?" Ryan asked him.

"Whisper to me?"

"During the greeting."

Gavin shook his head. "He said nothing but that was weird. He didn't do that before."

"It's a greeting for close family. I figured my father did it just to whisper something to you and use his magic but..." Ryan trailed off and that just made the whole thing weirder.

"For close family?" Gavin couldn't help but ask. He reached for his tea, only to have something to occupy his hands with and it was still hot. Fuck, he had expected to sit here for at least an hour.

"He didn't greet you like that though."

"I've only ever seen him greet Eleonora like that," Ryan explained, and just like that his tea tasted bitter and stale. Gavin pulled a face.

"Does he try to pit us against each other?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well, that won't work!" Gavin got up from his seat, only to squeeze into Ryan's. As calm as the other had appeared to be towards the end of their conversation, Gavin could still feel him tremble and quickly wrapped his arms around his middle.

"I think he likes you," Ryan said and Gavin huffed against his shoulder.

"Honestly, that’s probably the last thing he thinks of me."

But Ryan shook his head and when Gavin looked up to him, he was deep in thoughts.

"My father is right. You were chosen by the Gods to inherit this magic and you are needed in this kingdom. I think he does feel bad that Lord Regan disrespected you."

Pressing his face into Ryan's shoulder, he frowned. Horton had seemed honest before but he didn't know him well enough to be sure. He hadn't used his magic at least, something that Gavin had expected beforehand.

"Doesn't matter," Gavin said. "It changes nothing. It might actually help us in making sure that he knows who the rightful ruler is."

Ryan leaned his head against his and exhaled. He was still shaking now that Horton wasn't here to see him and Gavin rubbed down his back until it eased.

"We should rest as well," Gavin offered. "You didn't sleep well since El's letter and I fear the real storm is still to come."

"The people King Horton brought are crawling all over the castle," Michael told him later that evening. He had been busy most of the day but now he had returned to help Gavin with his clothes. 

"There are too many for me and Jeremy to keep tabs on and while Jeremy has a handful of people he trusts, I can't say the same. I don't want to pull Jack into this."

Gavin shook his head. "Please don't. We want to keep the attention away from him for as long as possible. Horton doesn't need to know that we are considering him as Regan's replacement."

They were in their private chambers but huddled together in the small study overlooking the entranceway of the castle. Gavin might be a little paranoid but ever since Horton arrived, he got the feeling he was watched a little too closely.

He didn't think that was too unreasonable, considering that King Horton knew this place better than them. Surely there were secret passages and hidden nooks that none of them had found yet and the people he had brought for sure weren't here to enjoy the view.

This far up in the castle and away from any door leading to the main part he felt a little safer and just to make absolutely sure, they used sign.

"Those men are asking questions, starting conversations with the servants to dig for something."

"Maybe to find out if what we told about Lord Regan is true?" Gavin asked but Michael could just shrug.

"I don't know. I'm not a spy and they noticed me eventually and stayed quiet." Michael huffed in annoyance. "We should throw all of them out."

"We can't, they are guests of the royal family."

"Did King Horton even introduce them?"

Gavin shook his head. After their short conversation before, King Horton had stayed in his chambers. Probably to hear the reports of his men.

"We can't do anything as long as they don't cross any lines."

"Fuck politics." That one Michael said out loud and that startled Gavin into laughing. When Michael wound the fox shawl around his shoulder, he couldn't help but wonder if Horton would recognize it. Then again, his attention should be on the brooch holding it together.

Against all the crimson, the green emerald was an unexpected contrast.

"Permission to kick any ass that dares to sneak into your private chambers at least?" Michael asked, just a bit too loud and Gavin had to bite back another laugh.

"Permission granted. I was thinking we should leave you or Jeremy here at all times, just to make sure nobody sneaks in."

He made no move to lower his voice. If someone was listening in, Gavin wouldn't mind them knowing.

Michael gave him a once over before touching the smooth surface of the brooch. He didn't look too happy with it.

"If you do so, please make sure that the other one of us is around you guys then," he gestured. "I trust Jeremy to protect you but not this thing. It might make Horton think twice but with all these people around it leaves me worried."

Gavin caught his hand and squeezed. "I promise."

"Good." As if to negate his concern, he shoved Gavin playfully. "Ready to have a very awkward diner then?"

There was something extremely awkward about sitting here with Horton on the complete opposite side of a very long table. Usually Gavin and Ryan shared one end of it, if they even bothered to have their meal in the dining hall but this was just plain ridiculous. Gavin caught himself raising his voice just to make sure the other heard him and that made the polite small talk even worse.

He asked about Horton's journey here and how the winter had been in the north and while Horton did answer in the same uninterested way as Gavin asked, it wasn't until he mentioned Eleonora that he could see the old King smile.

Ryan had told him that Horton preferred his daughter and while Eleonora hadn't talked too much about her father, it had mostly been with a bitter fondness. A fondness he could see in Horton now. The way he lit up and actually talked about Eleonora's newest endeavors instead of just listlessly answering Gavin's questions.

That felt weird, made him seem more human and a childish part of Gavin didn't want that. He wanted Horton to be simple, to be someone he could easily despise and didn't wake any conflicted feelings in him.

But at that moment all that sat opposite of him was a loving father, who felt amused by his daughter.

Gavin glanced over at Ryan but if he was hurt by that he didn't let it show. 

When Horton finally put his cutlery down, he sighed contentedly but the warmth in his eyes was gone. Instead they bore into Ryan, not even bothering with Gavin and he could feel his husband grow restless next to him.

Who could blame him? Gavin felt it as well and even though he pressed his leg against Ryan's in silent support, he was just waiting for the request that would for sure come now.

"Ryan, a private talk if you don't mind."

As if Ryan could refuse! Gavin had to nearly laugh at that but he bit down on his tongue.

Even Jeremy who was busy stacking their empty plates threw him a worried look but then Ryan nodded. He got up but Gavin followed right away, didn't leave his side even for a second and Horton frowned.

"Gavin? Is something the matter?" he asked as if he cared and even though Gavin felt his hands shake, his voice remained steady.

"If it's about the kingdom I want to hear it as well."

"I don't recall inviting you."

"It's my right as King."

Horton's face clouded over into something grotesque. Like he was disgusted by being defied and Gavin had a hard time keeping eye contact but there was Ryan. Ryan's hand that laid on his back, both supporting and warm and so he stood tall.

If he truly wanted to fight for his family and this kingdom, this was merely the first step.

"Is that really how you want to do this?" Horton asked and Gavin’s throat was so dry, that he just nodded.

"Very well."

They left the dining hall and settled in the parlor from before. Instead of tea and biscuits to calm them down, Jeremy served wine and liquor. Gavin quickly wrapped his hands around his goblet to drink. A little liquid courage might do him some good but he made sure not to overdo it.

Apparently, Horton didn't feel the same.

"Leave the bottle here, Dooley and make yourself rare," he ordered and while Jeremy did put the bottle on the table, he made no move to leave.

Even in the dim candlelight, Gavin could see how pale he was but he pointedly looked at Ryan as he ignored Horton's clear order. His own role in this fight. 

It filled Gavin with such gratitude that he was sure his heart might overflow but it also left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Jeremy was a servant and for him to put Ryan over his father might be dangerous. Ryan realized the same because he quickly lifted his hands.

"Retire for tonight. Thank you for your service, Jeremy."

With a short bow, Jeremy left them alone.

Clearly Horton had noticed this little show of defiance but he didn't mention it. Quite the opposite, he looked rather thoughtful but while his eyes were first on Ryan, they switched to Gavin now.

The two of them were sitting on the loveseat together and Gavin hoped the way Ryan trembled with nerves next to him wasn't as obvious. He himself wrapped his hands around his goblet as he met Horton's steady gaze and held on until his fingers ached.

"That is a most curious brooch you are wearing, Gavin."

Right.

Gavin glanced down to where the brooch sat over his heart and touched it. It calmed him down because it was a gift from Geoff and Geoff was on their side. Geoff was protecting him.

"It is an old heirloom of my family," he explained. "I brought it with me after our last journey back."

"A gift from King Geoffrey, I assume? Quite expensive for an astray brother of his."

"It seems like I hold a very special place in the heart of my brother," Gavin remarked and Horton's lips pulled into something that was nearly a smile. Like he was amused by his antics.

"Forgive my rudeness until now, Gavin but I forgot. My condolences for the passing of your father."

There was something in those words that tickled his ears. Horton's magic? Gavin hadn't encountered it enough times to know for sure but it left him feeling uneasy. Horton was trying to unsettle him, he knew that but he was through with his father and maybe because of that it didn't have the desired effect.

"I forgive and thank you, my Lord."

Horton chuckled before he took to his own goblet. Even with the table between them, Gavin could smell the alcohol of the amber-colored liquid.

"I take it you also delivered my best wishes to King Geoffrey while you visited. Many rumors have it that he will be a just King. However, he already managed to step on some toes." The alcohol reddened his cheeks but when he put his drink down, his eyes were still attentive and sharp. "He refused every offer for Princess Sophie. Some high nobles in this kingdom were quite put off about that. It makes me wonder if he would've agreed to the marriage of both of you."

Probably not, simply because Geoff had seen how scared Gavin had been beforehand. Still, it was a strange thing to mention and Gavin wasn't really sure where Horton was going with it.

"I guess we will never know unless we ask him."

"It seems like it," Horton agreed but Gavin didn't like the way he looked at him. There was something cunning in his eyes like he had seen right through him but Gavin didn't know what that meant.

"Then again having his brother, who has such a special place in his heart, in the middle of the Haywood family has its benefits."

Gavin blinked, unsure of what to reply. He wasn't even sure if he understood what Horton wanted to say with that but apparently Ryan did. He sat up straight and when Gavin turned towards him, he looked angry. Until now he had been silent in the conversation, holding back but now his gestures were sharp.

"Watch your tongue, father."

Instead of angering Horton, it made him smile.

"My men told me that you were quite vehement about nobody reading your mail, Gavin. So much so that you got Ryan to give you a fake signet ring to seal your letters."

"I-" Gavin began but then stopped. He still wasn't sure what was happening. The tense atmosphere from before was still there but had shifted to something loaded.

"It wouldn't be the first time the Ramsey's tried something like that and who can fault them? It's not like the Haywood's are innocent in that matter but I can't help but be impressed. That was quite a cunning move."

And then it clicked and Gavin reeled back as it hit him.

"You think I'm a spy?"

Horton didn't answer, just watched him and Gavin spluttered.

"I'm not a spy!"

"Your father positioned you right into the heart of this kingdom after his failed attempts to spy on us all those years ago. The moment you go back to your home, your dear brother, now King, gives you one of their priceless crown jewels. As payment, I guess?"

Gavin opened his mouth but couldn't even get the words untangled to protest against this outrageous claim. Which was probably what Horton wanted by the way he continued to look at him. He had managed to get underneath his skin, had surprised him and Gavin tried to recover and think about this objectively.

Next to him, Ryan chuckled.

It finally managed to pull Horton's eyes from him as he turned, rather annoyed, towards his son.

"Ridiculous," Ryan just gestured. He put a hand on top of Gavin's and that helped him settle. Horton could believe all he wanted but Ryan knew better. Ryan trusted him blindly and knowing that Gavin entwined their fingers.

Where his heart calmed again, Horton huffed and now he was truly agitated. When he reached for his goblet he drained it at once and slammed it back on the table.

"And my idiotic son gave you all the freedom! A room on your own, where you could do whatever you pleased! A fake signet ring to seal your letters back home, something I would've let everyone else hang for! He gave you power over things that don't concern you!"

"Stop," Ryan protested but Horton wasn't even looking at him. His blue eyes were boring into Gavin and the amount of resentment in them was startling. He didn't think it was directed at him though, not all of it. Yeah... he could only imagine how this conversation would've gone if he hadn't been here.

"Then again it's not that surprising that all it took was a pretty face, spilling pretty words for my son to forget everything. Someone who pretended to listen, just so he could feel like he had any ounce of power. He needed nothing more than that to lose control of this kingdom!"

"Father!"

By the Gods, was that how it had been the last time Horton had been here? All those ugly words, boring into Ryan's mind without a way to talk back?

Knowing that he could take the brunt of it right now made him sit up straighter.

"King Horton, with all due respect," Gavin found himself saying. "But as far as I know this marriage was your idea."

Horton's face clouded over in anger.

"Whore! That's what Regan called you, which explains everything, truly! Asking around today just assured me more what exactly your relationship is! Gods above, the Ramsey's must laugh, seeing how easy it was!"

Ryan surged forward and his hands were shaking so much with fury, that Gavin had a hard time reading his words. Not that it mattered, because Horton made it clear that he was ignoring him, didn't even bother to look closely at his son to find out what he had to say about that matter.

He didn't care, maybe never had. Not after Ryan had lost his voice like he had lost his status as Horton's son along with it.

How disgusting.

Gavin opened his mouth to tell the old King just that before he realized that he didn't have to. That it wasn't his place, or rather, not his words to speak.

So he turned away from him and rather focused on Ryan.

"How dare you!" Gavin translated. "I forbid you from speaking like that! Not about my husband and not about me!"

Ryan's hands stopped as he realized what Gavin was doing, his eyes wide like he couldn't believe he was hearing his own words for once. At least not in a room together with his father.

"You forbid me?" Horton asked. "You can't tell me-"

"I just did!"

Horton reeled back like he'd been punched. "You dare to raise your voice at me?"

"I dare!"

"You will ruin this kingdom without my help! You've already started!"

"This is my kingdom to rule!" And where Horton grew louder, Gavin had to as well but Ryan's motions were so agitated, that screaming them felt right. "You gave me the crown! You stepped back from your throne and I inherited! It is my kingdom now and I will lead it as I please!"

"You are not capable of-"

"I am capable!" And Gavin had to swallow so his voice didn't sound thick with emotions. But seeing Ryan say that left him so proud- "I carry the very same magic in my blood as you!"

"What good is it if you can't use it? You fool!"

"I am King!"

Horton had grown pale with fury. He sat back and stared at Ryan like he had never seen him before but Ryan didn't avert his gaze. No, he sat there with his jaw squared and Gavin was pretty sure the only thing keeping him from jumping to his feet was his hand on Ryan's knee.

Then Horton's eyes shifted to him and this time Gavin was sure that all the anger was directed at him.

He had to keep from reaching for the brooch over his heart, had to make sure that Geoff's protection was still with him. While Ryan had warned him that Horton might hurt him until now he hadn't actually believed it but those eyes... yeah, those eyes were cruel.

Without another word, Horton got to his feet and stormed out of the room. Ryan jumped when the door slammed shut after his father like the noise was too deeply rooted in him to ignore but Gavin barely noticed.

He was trying to catch his breath and his throat hurt. When had been the last time he had screamed this loud? For a moment he was so dazed, that he couldn't remember what he had even said.

"You were my voice," Ryan gestured and then as if he could barely believe himself. "He listened to what I had to say."

Gavin nodded slowly and now he touched the brooch. The smooth surface felt comforting.

Ryan made a gesture above his heart and Gavin frowned.

"An explosion?"

"Bloom," Ryan spelled out before repeating the motion. "You. Gavin."

It took him another moment before he had to laugh. It was all a bit overwhelming right now and he had to rub his eyes to see clearly again. "My nickname? My own sign?"

Ryan nodded before repeating the gesture. Blooming, right above his heart.

Gavin laughed louder and it felt freeing. He cupped Ryan's face and pulled him into a kiss. Instantly Ryan's own hands came up, grasping his arms and Gavin shook his head.

"You told him," he whispered because they were only a breath apart. "You told him you were King. Ryan-"

"You were my voice," Ryan repeated.

"But those were your words. It was you who spoke." He kissed him again, harder this time. "I'm so proud of you."

Gavin startled awake. He wasn't sure why but his heart was racing so fast as if someone had haunted him, someone who meant harm.

Of course, there was no one, he was in bed, Ryan's arm lazily thrown over his middle but Gavin couldn't help himself. He reached down to lace their fingers together and held on until his heart started to calm down.

It took a while. An awful time as he laid in the dark of their bedroom as the embers of the fire made shadows crawl over the walls. He was sure he could hear someone talk, there were whispers but he knew that was just King Horton. His magic hadn't been able to reach him, to sway him during their conversation before but it had still been there. It laid in his ear and had waited until he hadn't paid it any mind before it had crawled in.

Now there it was, whispering words he couldn't even quite understand. He just knew they were there and they didn't mean anything good. Accusations and nasty words and the barely hidden threat of harm against him and his family.

Things that were supposed to unnerve him and right here in the middle of the night, it did.

Turning his head, he found Ryan still asleep. That was at least something, Gavin knew the other hadn't slept a lot in the past nights but he nearly wanted him to wake up. Even though Ryan's breath brushed against his shoulder, he felt alone.

Stupid, he chided himself but that didn't make it any less true.

Careful not to wake the other, he pushed the arm from his chest and got up. Without their covers and the second body next to him, the cold bit into his skin but he nearly welcomed it. It helped him wake up fully from whatever bad dream he had and he stepped towards the balcony.

It was raining, had started to at some time in the night and when he pushed the door open, the wind was harsh and cruel. He quickly slipped outside and closed the door again to not wake Ryan before looking ahead.

There wasn't much to see honestly. 

It was raining quite heavily and the wind was tugging on his nightgown but against the autumn storms, it was barely anything. Still, the thick clouds swallowed any light coming from above and left the garden and the woods around in a deep, unmoving black.

He knew what was hiding beyond, could hear the trees sway in the wind and the rain hitting the surface of the lake but not being able to see felt wrong.

There was a distant rumbling, not quite thunder yet but it made the hair on his arm stand on edge. Standing against the door he was protected by a small roof but now as he stepped ahead, he felt the cold drops against his skin. If anything woke him, it was that and he touched the smooth stone of the railing to look down.

From the window beneath him, light fell onto the soft grass. That was normal, a castle never truly slept. There were always servants hurrying around, making sure everything was in order and at night they didn't have to watch out for bothersome lords. 

Still, whenever Gavin saw a shadow scurrying by, his grip tightened. Those men Horton had brought left him on edge and all that talk about spying didn't help. While Horton's idea that he was a spy was laughable, Gavin didn't doubt that they had some in their midst now.

What were they doing? He doubted that they were resting in their quarters this late at night. With only a handful of people Gavin could trust, he couldn't keep an eye on them at all times of the day.

A hand touched his back and he nearly leaped off the balcony. By the way, Ryan jumped, he had also scared him with his reaction.

"Fuck!" Gavin blurted out and even in the little light coming from the room he could read the apologies Ryan was writing in the space between them.

"I didn't hear you opening the door," Gavin explained and he hadn't, not with how occupied he had been with the shadows beneath.

Ryan threw him a questioning look and Gavin just pointed down. "The castle feels restless."

Ryan leaned ahead to also take a look and for a moment Gavin felt stupid. Of course, people were moving around, there always was and still-

Ryan hummed thoughtfully but his signs were hard to make out.

"-under your skin."

Yeah, Horton was getting under his skin and Gavin rubbed his arms like that would get rid of the feeling. He was growing cold now but his feet wouldn't move even though the warm bed was just a few feet behind him.

No, he was watching the dark expanse of the garden and just couldn't get rid of that nagging feeling.

"Do you believe I'm a spy?" he found himself asking and that was ridiculous, after all, he knew that he wasn't. But late at night things were different and doubts were like flowers that drive the best in the hours after a new day began and the sun rose. "Do you believe that I've done all of this to sit on a throne? That once I do, you will lose any remaining power you have? That from the very beginning I played you?"

Ryan laughed. It was a soft, kind laugh and some of Gavin's tension melted away.

Ryan kissed him with just the same affection and his skin was still warm from sleep. Gavin leaned into him, where it was safe and Horton's nagging voice finally stopped whispering.

Gods, the Haywood magic was terrifying. It could nearly make him believe things he knew for sure were lies.

Lightning blinded them both, painting the whole world in a glaring white. A snapshot of the night around and in the distance Gavin saw the lake, disturbed by the storm around but between there and here were hunched over, hooded figures.

Bushes, he told himself. Small trees in their garden, swaying in the wind and looking like they were coming closer. Ryan’s arm around him tightened, so he had seen the same.

The light faded again until only darkness laid before them.

Gavin let out a breath and the cold of the night finally got to him. He began to shake even with Ryan so close and when he was pulled away from the railing, he followed.

Inside the room it was warm and in the dim firelight he could see Ryan’s concern clearly, no matter the words he painted next.

“My father is influencing you.”

“Was someone out there?” Gavin asked and even though Ryan hesitated, he finally shook his head.

“Why would there be? He already has his men inside.”

Right, it didn’t make any sense. Still, that moment when the world had been filled with startling light was in the back of his head. Why would Horton order his men to stand out there in a storm for the off chance that Gavin would wake up and see them? No, that was ridiculous. 

Just bushes and his overworked phantasy. The storm as well.

“You’re safe,” Ryan assured him. “I won’t let him hurt you.”

That made him smile but when they walked past the door, Gavin couldn’t help himself. He turned the key to lock them inside and was glad when Ryan didn’t mention it. He just reached out to him and when Gavin took his hand, he tugged him into bed.

“I’ll protect you,” he promised with a kiss pressed against the top of his head. 

“Okay.”

“Try to sleep.”

So he did.

The next morning Jeremy was restless.

Even with Ryan's comforting words, Gavin had barely slept and while his tiredness weighed heavily on him, he could still tell.

It was in the way Jeremy prepared their tea absentmindedly, how the curtains in front of the windows weren't quite drawn as usual but mostly in the looks he would throw them. He looked haunted, guilty in some strange way and when he finally placed the cups in front of them, his hands were shaking so much that he spilled some of the tea.

"Are you alright?" Ryan asked and Jeremy gave a startled laugh like he was surprised that they had noticed.

"Yes. Yes, of course! Why wouldn't I be?"

Ryan made a motion to the room and everything around them like that would explain everything and it kinda did. Jeremy just laughed once more, a fake little noise and Gavin threw Ryan a concerned glance.

"Drink your tea," Jeremy ordered because he had noticed like he noticed everything else. 

When Gavin did take a sip from his tea, he nearly spat it back out. It was so sweet, that he felt sick by it and even Ryan pulled a face at the taste. That more than anything alarmed Gavin.

"Jeremy, did something happen?"

"What should've happened?"

How weird for Jeremy to try and dodge his question.

"Did you notice something last night?" he asked because before bed Jeremy had been fine. Now though he stared at Gavin like he'd seen a ghost and his voice carried barely loud enough for him to hear.

"Did  _ you  _ hear something last night?"

"Hear? No, I don't think I did but the castle felt restless."

Jeremy stared at him for a moment longer before he reached up and rubbed his face. 

"Fuck," he whispered and while Gavin expected him to finally spill what was going on, Jeremy just sighed heavily and shook his head.

"Can you... trust me? Please?"

What?

Gavin opened his mouth to protest, to ask what was going on but Ryan reached for his hand to stop him. He just looked up at Jeremy and nodded once.

"I trust you," he spelled out with his free hand and Jeremy relaxed.

"Thanks," he muttered and when he took a deep breath, he seemed to steel himself. "King Horton will join you for breakfast today."

"Can this day get any worse," Gavin muttered under his breath and Ryan squeezed his hand.

"Let's see what he'll try to throw at us today."

Gavin didn't like the way Horton was watching him when they stepped foot in the dining hall. After yesterday he had expected anger, maybe even disgust coming from him but right now he seemed curious. No, like he was searching for something and Gavin didn't know what it might be.

When he found it, or didn't, Horton's face lit up. Glee, and in that moment he looked so much like Ryan that it turned his stomach. A childish excitement like back during the harvest festival when Gavin had first started to sign. 

He didn't like the expression on Horton's face and forced himself to smile politely.

"Good morning."

Horton didn't reply, just watched as Gavin sat down, something hungry in his gaze. Ryan lingered behind Gavin's chair like he wanted to pull him away from this man before he sat down as well.

Something was going on and if it set Horton in such a good mood, it couldn't be good. Gavin was too tired after last night for this shit and was debating if he should just ask Horton what his spies had found out but before he could, Horton spoke,

"Where's your valet, King Gavin? The warrior from the Ramsey kingdom - Michael, right?"

Gavin turned his head but Michael wasn't standing at the door like usual. With Horton's presence and Jeremy's unusual behavior, Gavin hadn't even noticed but now, thinking about it, Jeremy was also missing. He had led them here, so he couldn't be far but all of that was just plain strange. 

When he turned back around, Horton was watching him like he expected a reaction, something dark in his eyes and the unsettling feeling he had carried in his chest since waking up last night unfolded.

His hand darted up, touching Geoff's brooch that protected him but-

_ Michael _

He jumped up, throwing his chair down while doing so but he didn't stop to fix it. No, he darted to the door where nobody pulled it open for him because both of their valets were gone and Michael hadn't been around all morning-

Michael, who was always close by. Michael, his best friend and who knew that? Who had met Michael before, who had remembered his name even after all those months?

Horton.

The man he had hurt yesterday and the man who couldn't outright hurt him because of Geoff's protection. But Michael? Michael was just a servant but Horton knew better, didn't he? Horton knew that Michael was more to him than that and-

"King Gavin-" a maid gasped as he nearly barrelled her over. He didn't stop in his tracks, just took three steps at once to get up the stairs and throw open the door he had just come from. The door leading to their chambers and also Michael's and Jeremy's.

Jeremy was standing there like he had been waiting for him and he caught Gavin with a strong arm around his middle before he could reach Michael's room. The door was open but no Michael stepped outside to ask about the ruckus they were causing.

"Jeremy, let me-!"

"Sorry," a harsh whisper in his ear. "Gavin, I'm sor-"

Gavin pulled himself free and pushed the door the rest of the way open. There was no Michael inside, there was no one but the room wasn’t right. Things strewn around, little presents Gavin had gifted him years ago just on the floor and the blanket just in a pile next to it.

Someone had been here because Michael was a neat person. Michael would never leave his room like this.

Jeremy pulled him back before he could set foot into the room and then the smell hit him. 

Blood. 

Thick on his tongue, making him gag. It was dark on the mattress and spilling down the side of the bed onto the wooden floor below. Gavin made a noise as if he was choking but he gave up fighting Jeremy now. No, he just stared at the puddle of blood where Michael usually slept and felt his knees grow weak.

_ No- _

Ryan appeared next to him, his hand burning hot on his shoulder. He must have asked something, demanded an explanation; a thing that Gavin couldn't even think about because his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth.

"I already arranged for his body to be brought away," Jeremy answered. "No need to see that."

_ Body? _

Gavin's knees gave in and he would've landed on the floor if it hadn't been for Jeremy's arm around his middle. Jeremy gave a startled noise but managed to keep him up but it wasn't until Ryan helped as well that he could be considered standing.

_ Body. _

Michael's body because he was-

Last night came back to his mind, the storm, and the restlessness of the castle. The shadows he had seen out in the garden.

"Is everything alright?"

Horton's voice floated towards them but Gavin didn't register it at first. No, his eyes were still on Michael's bed and for a second he was sure he would pass out. His vision got dark and his breathing so hard. Without the arms wrapped around him, he was sure he would be sitting on the floor, hyperventilating.

_ Michael- _

When the words finally did register and he managed to turn his head, he found Horton standing at the entrance to the hallway. He was smiling, showing way too many teeth while doing so.

With a cry, Gavin charged at him and somehow managed to shake Jeremy off. If Ryan didn't catch him around his middle, he wasn't sure what he would've done to the old man but he figured he would never find out.

The moment Ryan reeled him back and his feet left the ground, the weakness came back. Weakness and something else, something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Such a deep feeling of loss that it took everything from him and all he could do was hang there, listlessly.

_ Michael _

He was dragged away, away from Horton and his smile with too many teeth. Horton who wasn't even trying to hide it and if Gavin would think too much about that he was sure he would grow sick.

Pride, that was the bottom line, wasn't it? The thing he had hurt and the thing he could read in Horton's face now. Such a disgusting expression because Horton felt good about punishing him because he knew that had cut too deep, that he had hit him where it hurt.

The door fell shut between them but Horton's smile had been burned into his vision. The blood as well, still clinging to the back of his throat.

Someone sat him down, pushing him into a seat and Gavin barely registered it. One of his hands clung to the brooch over his heart, the smooth surface clammy from his skin now, and his other one wrapped around his own throat. It was so hard to breathe no matter how much air he sucked down but he couldn't calm down.

Why hadn't he checked the castle yesterday when he had such a bad feeling about everything? Why hadn't he noticed Michael's disappearance sooner? He should've.

Maybe if he had-

Someone tore his hand from around his throat and entwined their fingers. Gavin tried to free himself but the other was stronger. He gave up then, just sank into the seat as any strength left him.

His face was cupped and tipped up and he expected Ryan to stand above him but it was Jeremy. Jeremy who leaned closer in a near mock recreation of a kiss but he stopped, barely a breath away.

"Do you still trust me?"

Gavin stared at him as he dissected that sentence. Jeremy had asked him the same this morning after he had been so worked up and while Ryan had confirmed for him, Gavin did trust him.

_ "Did you hear something last night?" _

A kindling of hope grew in his chest and Gavin let go of the brooch to hold on to Jeremy.

"Yes," he breathed out and Jeremy sighed. He leaned his head against Gavin's and underneath his grip he could feel him shake.

"Michael isn't dead," he whispered. "But he's hurt and I don't know what to do."

The relief Gavin felt with those few words was immeasurable. He slumped over and without Jeremy there to hold him up, he was sure he would've ended up on the floor.

"Thank you," he breathed out even though he still didn't understand but knowing that much was already enough.

Jeremy stepped back and at first Gavin didn't want him to. He wanted to have him close, to know more but it was only so that Ryan could squeeze in next to him. 

Under any other circumstances, Gavin would've felt bad for him. He had ignored his husband completely, had taken none of the gestures in but Ryan didn't seem mad. No, he pulled him into his side and pressed Gavin's head against his chest.

For the first time, Gavin realized he was shaking and even Ryan's fingers brushing through his hair didn't help.

"Explain," Ryan demanded and again, Jeremy sighed. He pulled another seat close and when he sat down, his knee bumped against Gavin's. Another point of comfort.

"Horton's men ambushed Michael in his sleep last night," he began. His voice was so low that Gavin had a hard time listening over his still pounding heartbeat.

Because Jeremy wanted to make sure nobody could listen in.

"They must've thought him dead because they just left him there. Maybe… maybe so that you could find him."

"You heard them?"

Jeremy shook his head. "Not at first. I was asleep and the storm was so loud... but there was a knocking on the wall that finally woke me."

"Oh Gods above," Gavin whispered. To think that Michael had dragged himself over to the wall he shared with Jeremy and had pounded on it with his last remaining strength... He was going to be sick.

"I brought him somewhere... safer than here. Somewhere where he hopefully won't be found."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Ryan asked and his hands were cutting the air. He was angry, Gavin could tell but he couldn't find the strength to lift his head from the other's chest and make sure.

Jeremy pulled a face but after taking a deep breath, he seemed more certain of himself than he had been since last night.

"Because I figured, we should make sure that King Horton believes he won this one. I was scared of what he would do if he'd find out the truth."

Gavin could feel Ryan shake at that and he had to swallow as well. To imagine Horton's face when he saw that Michael hadn't been killed, just hurt... another blow against his oh so precious pride might just make him lash out even more.

"I'm sorry," Jeremy assured them. He reached out and grasped Gavin's hand in both of his to hold. "I'm so sorry for that nasty shock, Gavin but if we wanted King Horton to believe us I thought it best-"

Gavin shook his head and with what strength he had left, he held on to Jeremy.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Jeremy," he told him. "Quite the opposite; you have my eternal gratitude."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week is the big final! I hope you guys are ready!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What do you plan on doing about your father?" Gavin asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a big one! Ho Boi!

Chapter 23

Jeremy held the tapestry up while Gavin slipped through. In front of him was a pitch black staircase that seemed to lead into nothingness and he pressed one of his hands against the cold stone wall to steady himself.

When Jeremy joined him, the light of his little lantern barely reached a few steps down, even when he held it above his head.

"How do you know about this?" Gavin asked, his voice lowered. Sneaking through the castle in the dead of night, speaking normally felt wrong. They wanted to avoid anyone seeing or hearing them at all costs. Horton's men were still out there somewhere.

"I think I told you that I was already serving under Ryan when he was spending a summer here, right?"

"Yeah."

Jeremy made his way down the steep staircase, and Gavin followed.

"We played hide and seek with El when he showed me some of these hidden passages. We used it to win."

"That's cheating," Gavin blurted out before he could stop himself. Considering the circumstances that was a ridiculous claim but he couldn't help himself.

Jeremy turned around and with him having the hood pulled over his face, his expression was mostly drenched in shadows. Still, Gavin could make out his smile.

"It was. Believe me, El made sure that we knew what she thought of our little tactic."

Gavin smiled back even though it was shaky. His nerves had acted up all day but this little conversation helped.

If he could've, he would've looked after Michael the moment Jeremy had admitted the truth but both he and Ryan had stopped him. Horton was on high alert and Gavin wasn't going to be the one who tipped him off about the truth.

But now, with night falling Jeremy had agreed to take him down into the belly of the castle. He had been there on and off all day, checking on Michael but that wasn't the same.

Gavin knew Michael had been hurt because of his connection to him and while he did believe Jeremy, deep inside he knew he had to see for himself to make sure Michael was still alive.

They reached the end of the staircase and Jeremy lifted his hand to stop him while he peeked out. If anyone would see the King sneak around in the middle of the night, it would for sure lead to some interesting rumors, and Gavin wanted to avoid any of those reaching Horton. He was wearing an old, dark cloak to blend in better with the shadows. Just like Jeremy he had his hood pulled deep into his face in the tiniest hope that even if someone stumbled over them, they wouldn't recognize him at first glance. 

Jeremy waved him further and stopped his train of thoughts as he followed. This entrance seemed to be behind a statue of some sorts and they had to squeeze through to get outside. Gavin didn't recognize the hallway they were in but it was abandoned, just a few flickering candles on both ends of it.

"Come on," Jeremy whispered and Gavin followed him without any questions. Their steps seemed loud, echoing in the space surrounding them. When Gavin looked around, he couldn't make out any portraits, something that the upper parts of the castle were loaded with. So they had to be somewhere in the guts of this place where usually only servants traversed. 

It was eerie down here but Jeremy led with sure steps and so Gavin followed right behind him. Their little lantern threw their shadows up the walls on both sides and Gavin tried not to get unnerved by them walking at their sides but he was failing. After the storm yesterday and this rough morning everything made him jump.

The door Jeremy finally stopped in front of didn't look like any other on their way here. He handed Gavin the lantern to fish a key out of his pockets and unlock the door.

The sharp scent of ointment hit him as Gavin stepped inside and it was hot. The small stove in the corner was working away and instantly Gavin started to sweat.

Michael was shaking, no matter the temperatures. He was lying on a bed that was shoved in the corner of the room and besides that, there was a tiny table with two chairs and that was it. It had to be a quarter for the servants or something like that and Gavin had crossed it in two big steps.

Michael was asleep, the blanket half kicked from him to reveal crisp white bandages around his chest. His face was pulled in a pained grimace and his eyes were rolling as he dreamed about whatever.

Gavin knew Michael since his earliest childhood. He had seen him through heartbreak and sickness, had poked at his bruises and that one time when Michael had been bedridden with a twisted ankle, Gavin had been found in his little chambers more often than not.

But never before had he seen Michael this vulnerable. He couldn't even remember ever seeing Michael show any kind of pain. He was usually too stubborn, biting his tongue to not let anything pass by his lips.

It was different now and Gavin was glad for the chair by the bedside because his knees were growing weak.

That was because of him. Michael was in this state because he was his friend.

"It finally stopped bleeding," Jeremy murmured. He pulled the blanket a little further down and revealed more of the bandages covering Michael's torso. 

"Tell me about his injuries."

"He was stabbed, which is the wound that worries me the most." Jeremy gesticulated to a spot just beneath Michael's ribs that was packed tight with gauze. "Some more cuts and bruises which I think are because Michael was defending himself. Mostly on his arms and some on his legs. Nothing too serious there."

He pulled the blanket back up around Michael's shoulder and took the lantern from Gavin's hand to put it on the small table. It wasn't quite enough to fill the room with light.

"I stitched the wound as good as I could and dressed the cuts but Gavin... I'm not a doctor."

"Yes, of course." Gavin reached out and found Michael's face flushed with fever. It felt like his skin was burning against his own and his heart sank.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered and Michael frowned in his sleep like he could hear him. Gavin waited for a breathless second like he expected Michael to get up and tell him to cut it out.

Of course, that didn't happen.

"We need to get him to a doctor."

"As fast as possible," Jeremy agreed and squeezed Gavin's shoulder. "This fever might hollow him out if we don't act quickly."

"Leave tonight," Gavin said while he brushed Michael's hair out of his forehead. "Take everything you need and get him back into the capital. The news shouldn't have reached them yet and Horton can't have his eyes everywhere. I'm willing to take the risk."

If it was to save Michael there was no doubt in his mind. Michael had done so much for him, had left his own family behind to follow Gavin into this unknown kingdom and only because of Gavin, he was in this condition. 

Gavin wouldn't allow him to die, not on his watch.

Jeremy's hand on his shoulder held on so tightly that it hurt but he didn't answer. Only when Gavin finally managed to pull his gaze from Michael's pale face did he so much as sigh.

With the lantern on the table behind him, it was hard to make out his face but Gavin already knew.

"I can't."

"That's an order."

They both knew he didn't mean it like that and even when those words left Gavin's mouth, they felt foul and weak. He instantly wanted to apologize for them.

"My absence would raise suspicions," Jeremy told him, calm and collected like he was talking to a little child. He pulled the second chair over to sit next to him. "King Horton would notice immediately and would have his men investigate. On top of that, I will not leave Ryan or your side during all of King Horton's stay. You've seen what he's capable of."

Yeah.

Gavin turned back around to watch Michael's restless sleep. When he laid a hand on his forehead, the fever was still raging. 

"Horton wouldn't dare to harm us," he protested weakly.

"He already did. Just because he didn't raise any blade towards you doesn't mean he can't hurt you. He's mastered that skill over the years."

He had seen that with Ryan before and now had experienced it first hand. Even with Michael's life so clearly pulsing under his touch, he knew it was only thanks to Jeremy.

"I only trust you to take care of him. So let me ask you again, Jeremy. Not as your King but as your friend."

Jeremy looked pained and tried his hardest not to look at Michael directly.

"Michael is an asshole," he blurted out and startled a laugh out of Gavin. "He's hot headed and vulgar and no matter what both of you claim, I'm pretty sure he never had any lessons in manners whatsoever. He has more luck than what should be justified for a single person and just the fact that he's still alive shows that."

Gavin nodded and reached for Jeremy's hand. The other held on like it was a lifeline.

"Michael is my friend. Even over such a short amount of time of knowing him he's become someone I'm very close to," Jeremy assured him. "But I have a duty to fulfill. Not only towards Ryan but also you. Not to forget that Michael would kick my ass if he'd find out I'd left you unsupervised while King Horton was here."

"He would," Gavin agreed.

He watched as Michael's eyes blinked open and found him. It took an eternity until he seemed to recognize him which was no surprise, considering how dull they were thanks to the fever.

When he finally did, his mouth turned into an all too familiar smile.

"Hey Gav," he croaked out and Jeremy hurried to get him a cup of water.

"Hey Michael." His voice was thick and Michael blinked when he noticed. 

"If you sneak into my room in the middle of the night, people will talk," Michael chided him and Gavin had to snort.

"Let them talk."

"Ryan won't like that."

"That's his problem. You were there first after all."

"Sure was."

Gavin leaned ahead to press a kiss against his sweaty forehead.

"I'll get you help, Michael. Don't you worry."

The castle felt so big and foreign this late at night. Gavin had only walked through it during daytime and now every corner looked different and every long hallway stretched on longer.

Without Jeremy he was sure he would've gotten lost in his own home. They had left Michael behind and climbed the main staircase into the upper levels. Jeremy had dimmed his little lantern until there was barely any light left because up here it was more crowded than in the guts. The few maids they came across were too busy to notice them, least of all when he and Jeremy ducked into corners and alcoves to avoid their eyes and even if they would see them, Gavin wasn't too worried about them.

The men scurrying around in the same dark cloaks as the two of them, he was wary of them. He didn't recognize them and still, they walked the hallways as if they belonged here.

Horton's men were crawling through his home, whispering with each other, and Gavin wanted nothing more than to step in front of them and send them off this property.

Not now though.

Now he needed to think about Michael and so he followed Jeremy, his head lowered to not see those strangers at the end of the hallways. When they finally made it to their destination, it was still and quiet around them. Besides the wind outside, Gavin couldn't hear anything and while that should calm him down, it didn't do the trick. Quite the opposite, he expected someone to hide behind each statue they passed or crouched in the deepest of shadows.

Jeremy's knock on the door sounded deafening and wrong in the middle of the night and Gavin jumped even though he had seen Jeremy lift his arm. They waited for an answer that didn't come for the longest time but neither commented on it. Behind the wooden door, there was shuffling and when the voice finally raised, it was tight, "Who's there?"

"It's me, Jack," Jeremy replied and just a heartbeat later the door was unlocked.

"Gods above Jeremy, you scared me," Jack whispered when he pulled the door open. He first looked at Jeremy before his eyes flitted to Gavin behind him and his face clouded over.

"Your Majesty. A knock this late at night never means something good but seeing you here..."

He stepped aside to let them in and only with the door safely closed behind him did Gavin dare to speak, "I apologize for disturbing you so late."

"I'm just happy that it's neither of those hooded men that King Horton brought with him."

"Quite the opposite."

Jack nodded. He was dressed in a woolen nightgown, unsurprisingly at this early hour, and quickly moved to clear a space for them to sit. Even his room was overflowed with books and before he could topple one of the quite adventurous towers over, Gavin stopped him.

"No need to. We shouldn't stay here longer than necessary."

"Very well."

Jack put the couple of books back down and then looked at him, expecting an explanation but Gavin's head felt so heavy and empty at the same time, that he could barely think.

Jeremy wouldn't leave this castle, not knowing that Horton was still here and Horton had made it clear that he meant harm. And besides Jeremy, Gavin didn't trust anyone here.

But Jack... Jack was his last chance. Jack was a good man.

"Who is your King?" Jeremy asked into the silence and while Jack frowned at the question, he didn't hesitate.

"King Ryan. By extension of your marriage King Gavin as well."

"What about King Horton?" Gavin asked and just like that Jack caught on.

"King Horton gave the throne into the hands of his very capable children," he said. "King Gavin, if the crown needs me I'm more than ready to lend you all of my strength."

By the time they climbed back up the hidden staircase, Gavin felt exhausted. His whole body ached from how tense he had been all day and his soul felt too heavy for his chest.

This morning felt like an eternity away even though it had only been hours. So much had happened since then and his mind was still reeling from everything.

But no matter how long they had been marching through the darkness of the castle, the moment Jeremy opened the doors to their chambers, Ryan was still there.

He stood as well, no sign of tiredness on his face, just concern. When he saw them enter, the relief rushing through him was indescribable.

"You took your time," he gestured but pulled Gavin in the moment he was in reach. That was good and Gavin's eyes drifted shut. Ryan was warm and safe and after this day that was what he needed. A place to rest.

"Everything’s worked out," he told him. "Jack will bring Michael into the city first thing in the morning under the pretense of collecting the last books he's still missing from the library. Nobody should ask if he heads back with a small carriage."

As an answer, Ryan pressed a kiss to the top of his head, and just like that Gavin felt ready to drift off, even if it would be while standing.

Only when Ryan let go of him, did he look up again.

"Where are you going?" Ryan asked and Jeremy hesitated. He was already back at the door, ready to leave when he stopped.

"Do you need me for anything else?"

"I need you to sleep here," Ryan told him and Gavin caught on.

"Ryan is right. No way you are sleeping alone in your chambers out there. We saw first hand that it's not safe."

Jeremy's hand hovered above the door handle and it was obvious that he had thought the same, otherwise, Gavin was sure he had either disappeared like a shadow or already protested. 

Ryan didn't wait for him to make up his mind, he just hurried to pull the loveseat closer to the fire and then promptly gathered the pillows from all the seats around.

"I can't," Jeremy finally managed to disagree but it was weak and neither of them paid it any mind.

"I don't know where spare blankets are," Ryan admitted. "But I think you do."

Jeremy laughed and when his hand slipped from the door handle, Gavin knew they had won. He left the two of them to figure out the details as he slipped away into their bedroom.

Gods above, was he tired. His feet weighed a ton and when he sat on the bed, he wasn't sure if he could get up again. Looking outside, he half expected to see the first hints of dawn but it wasn't there. No, the night stretched endlessly in front of the balcony.

By the time Ryan joined him, he still hadn't moved and Ryan threw him one glance before kneeling in front of the bed. He began to pull his boots off and Gavin shook his head.

"I can do it."

Ryan acted like he hadn't heard him, just put both shoes next to the bed before pulling the heavy cloak from around his shoulders. The stomacher came next and by the time Ryan unlaced his tunic, Gavin was drifting off. He leaned heavily into Ryan's side and tried his hardest to stay awake, at least for a little longer.

On the small desk in front of the fire was his flower. Ryan must have put it there at some point today but Gavin couldn't remember when that had been. The whole day had been a blur but of course, Ryan had sat in front of it, pondering. He probably had watched it while he and Jeremy had sneaked around the castle tonight, nerves tight as he waited for any kind of change.

Gavin didn't think there had been one. The flower looked like it had this afternoon, weak and a little withered. It was pale with exhaustion and worry but at the bottom, something different than just earth had started to form. Thornes, dark and twisted and with nasty-looking spikes that would catch so easily on clothes or skin. 

Anger.

Gavin knew it was there even if he couldn't feel it under everything else. He would eventually. Just like the thorns in the glass dome, the anger was just waiting.

Ryan brushed a hand through his hair but only when he tipped his chin up, did Gavin look at him.

"Sleep now," he signed and Gavin snatched the sleeve of him before Ryan went too far away. Not that he had planned to, actually Gavin didn't quite know why he did it but he couldn't get his hand to let go.

"Will you stay here?" he asked and didn't like how tight his voice sounded. But he was tired and sad and scared. There was guilt twisting in his stomach because Michael had been hurt because of him and the last of his energy was sapped by this underlying anger.

"Of course," Ryan assured him and helped him to lay down.

When he tried to step back to undress himself, Gavin reached for him again. Maybe that was stupid and childish and Ryan looked at him with confusion but he couldn't help it.

"I'm scared," Gavin whispered. "I've never been without Michael."

Ryan's face softened and he pried Gavin's hand from him if only to press a kiss to the back of it.

"We'll fix this," he promised. "You're safe here. This is home, right?"

Gavin nodded but the feeling didn't leave. Only when Ryan climbed in next to him and pulled him so close that they might as well be one, only then did it ease and the exhaustion took him in minutes.

The next day was beautiful. Golden light that made the green of the garden glow and the surface of the lake reflected the clouds above like a mirror. A landscape straight out of a fairytale.

Gavin would’ve loved to take a stroll through the garden, preferably with Ryan by his side. They had done so before, numerous times actually but Gavin was sure he wouldn't get sick by it any time soon.

As it was right now though, that wasn't possible.

Ryan had left their chambers since the earliest morning to take care of the kingdom and while Gavin wanted nothing more than to get up and help him, he couldn't get himself to. Being with Ryan today would also mean being with Horton and he wasn't sure what would be worse, Horton acting like he was oh so sorry about what had happened and trying to fool him as he acted that he had no play in this, or Horton smirking at him because they both knew.

Whatever his reaction would be, Gavin didn’t know what he would do. He just knew it wouldn't be civil.

Jack had left the castle at the first sign of dawn and as far as Gavin knew, nobody had bothered with him. Jeremy had assured them that nobody had attempted to follow the man and Gavin hoped that Horton had his attention somewhere else and not on Ryan's old instructor.

With Jack gone, Michael was also out of reach and no matter what Ryan told him or how much he trusted Jeremy, it left him feeling uneasy, like he was daring to float away. Something steady, someone he had always relied on was gone and Gavin hated how that felt.

He was growing paranoid but knowing that didn't help. Even while sitting in his chambers, alone because Ryan was out and Jeremy by his side and Michael further gone than he had ever been before, he didn't feel safe. The secret passage he and Jeremy had used in the middle of the night wouldn't leave his head, together with the question of how many more of those were out there.

A hidden network of pathways through this entire castle and where would they lead? Basically everywhere probably. Even into the royal chambers?

So he had spent his morning tearing on tapestries, peering behind portraits and lifting carpets as if he expected a hatch to just appear.

He had found nothing but if anything, that had just worked him up more. Surely there was something like that here, in one of the rooms he and Ryan occupied and if there was, Horton knew about it. Horton could send his men to walk through the shadows and right now they could be waiting, listening in, just a few steps away from him. Hidden behind thin stone walls or fake decorations.

Gavin left their chambers soon after before he would rip the shelves from the wall.

Out here in the garden, he could see all around him. There was a little roofed sitting area towards one side of it, far enough away from the castle that he didn't feel any of the looks coming from there. The wooden roof was mostly overgrown with ivy that hung with lush leaves around the side, shielding him from the few who walked the garden at this hour but allowing him enough glances outside, to see anyone coming towards him.

Like Jeremy right now. He marched over the expanse of the grass straight towards him and Gavin brushed some of the ivies aside to allow him into his little hideout.

"How did it go?" Gavin asked and if he would be in a better mood, he would've smiled about the fact that Jeremy was carrying a teapot and two cups.

With the way he slammed his silver tray down, it should've been answer enough.

"King Horton is a nasty, nasty man," he hissed before letting himself sit down opposite of Gavin. "He's teasing Ryan about this whole thing without outright saying that it was him. As if we had any doubt about that!"

Yeah, that's what Gavin had figured would happen. Getting up, he poured some tea for him and Jeremy.

"How's Ryan doing?"

"He’s resting right now. This is taking a lot out of him," Jeremy told him only to laugh, once and unamused. "I've never seen him so close to punching King Horton in the face! It should be funny but unfortunately, it's not."

Gavin just hummed and reached up to rub his tired eyes. For a second he entertained the thought of joining Ryan and maybe getting some sleep in but he knew he was too worked up for that. Every time his thoughts turned back to what happened he was overwhelmed by such an array of emotions that he could barely progress them all.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Jeremy asked him.

"What?"

Jeremy nodded towards his leg and only when he looked down did Gavin notice the brambles curling around his calf. They were growing in the grass around the seating area and had found a steady path to him.

"They don't," Gavin assured him and reached down. All of the thorns were turned outward, not against him. When he touched them they withered to dust.

"Does that mean you're angry?" Jeremy wanted to know. "Because that looks like my anger feels."

"I don't think I've ever been this angry," Gavin admitted. "My family has always been the most important to me but before today, nobody had dared to hurt them."

Jeremy's mouth twitched like he wanted to smile but neither of them had the strength to do so.

"I'm too used to see those around me getting hurt by this man," he muttered. "I'm getting so fucking tired of it."

His hands found his tea but he didn't drink, just let one lonely finger trace the rim of it. "But things have changed now, right?"

"Yeah."

Things had changed so much. His family had shifted, not in importance but by how many it included. Even before coming here, there had been a lot but now there was also Ryan and Jeremy.

Gavin wanted to tell Jeremy that, wanted to make sure he knew that he was also part of his family. To have Michael ripped away from him so suddenly left him trying to hold on to everything he could reach.

But before he could get the words out, he stopped because Jeremy was watching him and there was something so intense in his gaze, that Gavin fell silent.

"I wouldn't say that King Horton trusts me," Jeremy told him. "It's more that he overlooks me. I'm not just a servant, I am treasured by him for staying by Ryan's side through all of this. He's always been good to me and my family but... but he doesn't trust me. Usually, he doesn't even bat an eye at me."

Gavin frowned. "I don't understand."

"He overlooks me," Jeremy just repeated as if that would clear things up.

He made to drink from his cup but even from across the table Gavin could tell how much his hands were shaking and Jeremy gave up. With a sigh, he placed his tea back down and forced himself to catch Gavin's eye.

"This is not the first time this idea has come to me." Jeremy lowered his voice enough that Gavin had to lean forward to hear him. "But you might be the first person who agrees."

The first kindling of understanding sparked in Gavin's chest and his eyes widened.

"Jere-"

"Nobody thinks twice about the tea I serve them."

The first shock was cold, chilling him to the bone but only for a moment. What was beneath was warm and had thorns. An eager sort of giddiness that Gavin didn't recognize but he did nothing to push it away. No, he leaned back in his seat and let it sit in his chest to exam it curiously.

It was as dark as the brambles around his leg before but just like them, the thorns were pointed outwards. Eager to hurt but not himself.

"I can't do it on my own though," Jeremy continued when he didn't answer. "Or I mean, I could but I would like to keep my head on my shoulders, please."

"Yes, of course," Gavin mumbled. His lips felt numb.

"King Horton has hurt enough people already."

He had. Michael, and how sick and weak he had looked in the little light of their lantern. So unlike him, Gavin had to push himself to let go of that picture, to concentrate on Jeremy in front of him. 

"I can help you." Just saying that was terrifying and exhilarating and everything in between. He wasn't even sure if all of him truly understood what he was agreeing to.

Jeremy's eyes lit up but it wasn't with the same joy Gavin was used to from him. No, it was just as dark as he himself felt.

* * *

Inside their chambers, it was dimmer even though the sun shone brightly through the big windows. Gavin's shadow crawled up the walls as he walked through the rooms and seemed larger than it had any right to be.

When he entered the bedroom, it flitted over Ryan like a bad omen but Ryan didn't notice.

He was asleep, curled on top of the covers without having bothered with more than pushing his cloak off. Even his hair was still in a braid that had mostly come undone by his tossing and turning. 

It didn't seem to be a very refreshing nap.

Gavin laid a hand on his shoulder and felt it tense and shaking. Was Horton whispering to him even now?

"Ryan?" he asked and instantly Ryan jerked awake as if he hadn't been asleep in the first place.

"There you are. You weren't here when I returned." His hands painted sluggishly but his worry was clear.

"I apologize, I needed to get out. I decided to enjoy the garden."

"Jeremy found you?"

"Yeah. We... we had some tea together."

Ryan hummed and pushed himself up. He looked as exhausted as Gavin felt but that didn't stop him from pressing a kiss to Gavin's head.

"Sorry for falling asleep. I should've checked on you first."

"Don't worry. You've been sitting awake all night waiting for me and now you have to face Horton alone." Gavin pulled a face because until now he had pushed that thought away. "I'm sorry. I told you we would fight together and now you-"

Ryan vehemently shook his head and turned his face towards him. Gavin hadn't even noticed that he had pulled away from him but when Ryan pressed their foreheads together, some of the tension leached from his shoulders. The undone hairs tickled his face and Gavin let his eyes slip shut. 

He kissed him then, warm and greedy for comfort. Ryan didn't hesitate to give it, his arms wrapped around him and Gavin didn't want to let go.

Who knew if he'd ever get the chance again if he told Ryan what he had planned.

He didn't want to lose this, this closeness, this love but if he had to make a choice to protect his family or stay with Ryan... he feared he knew his answer, even if it made his heart bleed.

But he wouldn't sit back and watch Horton trample over everything he loved.

When they broke apart, he took Ryan's face in his hands and waited until those blue eyes found him.

"I love you," Gavin confessed and Ryan's eyes widened. They hadn't said it, not like this but he needed the other to know. "I love many people but this between us is different and I don't know how we managed it but it happened. I got the feeling we did everything in the wrong order but somehow it still turned out okay."

"Gavin?"

He didn't spell out his name like usual, he did the blooming motion over his heart and Gavin had to swallow.

"We need to talk."

From the windows of their bedroom, he could look over the forest surrounding the castle. The trees carried a vibrant, healthy green and Gavin still remembered the first time he had seen them out there. How the frost and snow had frozen them into a state between alive and dead.

Winter felt so far away right now.

"What do you plan on doing about your father?" Gavin asked. He turned away from the windows to watch Ryan.

"He refuses to admit that he had anything to do with what happened," Ryan told him. He was sitting on the seat in front of the fire but his eyes were on him. "Without actual proof, I can't do much. No matter what, he's still royalty."

"Even if we find out who hurt Michael, it wasn't Horton himself and I don't think he's stupid enough to choose someone who would sell him out."

"If we find proof that it was one of his men I can throw them out of this castle. I might be able to send my father away as well."

"Send him away," Gavin repeated slowly. 

"It would give us this castle back and I don't think my father would dare to come back soon. Maybe we wouldn't have to see him for the remainder of this year."

"A year?" Gavin asked before shaking his head. "A year is not enough. Sending Horton away is not enough. We need to do more, Ryan."

Ryan frowned but instead of looking at him, he was glancing towards the small desk next to him. There was Gavin's flower but it was barely recognizable at this point. 

The gerbera was swallowed by angry, black thorns.

"Even if we could find proof that my father has sent whoever hurt Michael, it won't help. In the end, it would be a servant against a royal."

"The next one on Horton's list is Jeremy," Gavin said, and just mentioning that made Ryan pale. "After Jeremy, it will be me or who knows, maybe Jack? If he finds out we are considering him to join our court. Him, someone who wasn't even born in this kingdom!"

Gavin laughed and was surprised by how cruel it sounded. "He's taking everything from you, Ryan. He's hurting everyone who's close to you. That's what he's been doing ever since you weren't capable in his eyes. He wants to make you small, to walk all over you until he finally destroys you. Until you give in."

Ryan didn't reply. He was still watching the glass dome, filled with thorns that seemed to have a life on their own, moving with every word Gavin spat out but he didn't talk back.

He had done so before. The first time Gavin had called him out, had told him that his father would ruin his reputation, his kingdom, and any chance of ruling. Ryan had told him to be patient. To wait because his father was old and it was only a question of time until his passing.

Today he didn't say it, maybe because he could already sense what Gavin was thinking. Maybe the dark thorns gave him away.

"You swore to protect me but that doesn't mean you are invincible. It also doesn't mean that I won't protect you," Gavin reminded him. Finally, he stepped away from the windows to come closer but when he stood next to his husband, he didn't dare to touch him. What if Ryan would pull away, disgusted by what he was implying here?

"I will protect you," he promised him. "You and our little family we have here. All of you mean the world to me and I won't let a bitter old man take that from me."

Ryan swallowed, Gavin could hear it click in the back of his throat but when he brought his hands up they were steady.

"You want to kill my father."

Seeing it spelled out like this made Gavin nearly lose his composure. It made him sick and next to him, the thorns scratched against the glass of their prison as they twisted around each other.

Kill.

Was he ready to kill someone?

He wasn't sure. It wasn't like hunting an animal, like the fox whose fur he still wore to this day, the fox Horton had asked him to kill in front of his cold eyes. This was another human being, as repulsive as he was, and on top of it all, it was Ryan's father. The man who had been there during Ryan's childhood, the man who loved his daughter so dearly and who had been a strict but fine leader.

Did he have the right to end this all?

But then he remembered Michael from last night and the fever wracking through him. Hurt just because Horton had been angry with Gavin.

Horton wasn't the capable King anymore and even if he had been a good father to Ryan before, that had changed just as quickly. He still loved Eleonora and just thinking about her turned Gavin's stomach but even she had agreed that Horton was a cruel man.

A man who had abandoned his son the moment he wasn't what his father had expected from him anymore. Not only that but he had taken everything away from him, had whispered unspeakable things to him, and had twisted him enough to believe he should be thankful for the scraps Horton had thrown him.

A man who had forced his son to marry a stranger and oh, didn't Gavin know how much that hurt?

Maybe Gavin didn't have the right to stop him, to so much as raising a hand against him because against all of what Horton had done in his lifetime, he wasn't much. That wouldn't stop him though.

Even if it was wrong, even if the Gods would strike him down on the spot, would curse him for this sin, that would be better than stand by and watch it happen. To just sit back and see Jeremy be next, to watch Ryan struggle for even one more day against him.

"Yes," he whispered. "I want to see him gone."

"Gone and killing someone are two very different things, Gavin."

The sign for kill was scary, Ryan's pointed finger darting past his other palm like he was cutting through something. 

Gavin curled his hands to fists like that would keep them from shaking.

"I want him somewhere where he can't hurt us anymore," Gavin clarified. "And he won't stop doing so unless we make him."

He let himself drop into a free seat and sigh. He felt so heavy, ever since the shock of seeing Michael's empty room and it just wouldn't pass.

"Horton won't let you rule over the kingdom that is rightfully yours. He won't accept the way your magic carved for itself and he blames you for things that were done to you, even though you were the victim," Gavin said. "Do you think he would accept me? Accept our relationship? Accept me on that throne? No, he will fight against it until we lose or he does. I would like to avoid that."

"By killing him."

Again that cutting gesture. Every time Ryan did it, Gavin had to keep from jumping.

"Yes," Gavin agreed softly. "By killing him."

It was the first time he said it out loud. Even while he'd talked with Jeremy before, nobody had said it, too aware of ears that might be turned towards them out in the garden. But mostly because saying it felt absolute. 

Gavin had felt sick before but now the nerves really turned his stomach. He had to breathe a couple of times until he settled again.

Ryan didn't reply for the longest time and to Gavin's surprise, he didn't look shocked, just thoughtful. Sad, like he was already mourning.

When he reached out to touch his arm, Ryan didn't pull back but also didn't lean into it. Thinking about it, that was only fair.

A year ago they had barely known the other existed, just names of distant royals in other countries. So much had happened since then and while he had expected big changes because of their marriage, he for sure hadn't thought they would find themselves here. Sitting together and talking about killing an old King, Ryan's own father.

"I don't ask you to help me, I don't want you to have anything to do with it," Gavin told him but Ryan was already shaking his head.

"That's not how it works. You told me, now I'm part of this."

Gavin's heart sank but he couldn't deny that. "Of course. But this is something... I don't want to do this behind your back. You deserve to know."

Ryan sighed, his shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world had been put on them.

"Stop me," Gavin told him. "If you think I'm doing the wrong thing, then stop me right now. But if you do, I want you to have another plan. Something that keeps us and those closest to us safe. That's what you promised me on our wedding night."

"I know." But Ryan said nothing else, he just sat there with his eyes closed as if pained and Gavin waited. His heart was beating so hard, he could feel it pound against his ribs, could nearly pretend everyone had to hear it.

Ryan still didn't shake off his hand and that was the only thing keeping him calm.

"This isn't a surprise," Ryan finally admitted. "Really, you're not even the first one who came to me like this."

"Jeremy?"

Ryan nodded. "A few years after I lost my voice when things were the darkest he came to me and blurted out the same thing. The idea terrified me - I was barely off age, my father still King, and I didn't feel ready to inherit just yet. Also, he was my  _ father  _ and he was good to El. She looked up to him, she was trying so hard to be good and I adore her. Hurting him would result in hurting her."

Gavin lowered his eyes because he knew that hadn't changed. They had just grown older.

"But the idea Jeremy had planted in my head on that day, it had never left me afterward," Ryan admitted. "Something that kept me up at night, both as a nightmare as well as something... nearly comforting. The idea that someone would be willing to do something so outrageous to help me, is unfathomable. Jeremy and you as well... I am very thankful that the two of you care this much."

"What's happening to you isn't fair," Gavin assured him and slowly, very slowly Ryan nodded.

"It's not."

Seeing him say that filled Gavin with enough pride, that he feared he might burst. He squeezed Ryan's arm and Ryan touched his hand, if only for a second.

"How would you..." he hesitated and pulled a face. "Poison?"

"Yeah," Gavin agreed. "I know things about poison, it's part of my education and I can grow whatever we need. Nobody would notice."

Ryan licked his lips nervously.

"Would he... suffer?"

"He would just fall asleep. I promise."

"Okay." He took Gavin's hand in his and pressed a kiss above the golden ring. "Okay."

"It's weird," Jeremy mumbled, probably to himself but it startled Gavin out of his concentration. He blinked like he'd just been asleep but of course not. No, he was sitting in the main room of their chambers, his fingers dirty from the earth, and the simple flower pot in front of him.

The plant inside had turned into nearly a small bush at this point and he stopped. That should be more than enough.

"What is?"

"These leaves," Jeremy explained and held one of them up. "I feel like I recognize them and even the way they smell is familiar."

"They are also used for medicine under certain conditions," Gavin told him as he got up to wash his hands in the basin. 

"We will use it for the exact opposite." With a deep frown, Jeremy sniffed at his mortar and promptly had to sneeze. "It smells like mint? Or rather like the ointment you use for burns."

"Many medicines can be deadly if you ingest too much of it."

"What a lovely thought!"

Gavin laughed. He dried his hands before sitting back down with Jeremy. It felt so casual to sit here and mix a lethal poison. In his head, Gavin imagined them in the dead of night, with a storm raging over them and the occasional lightning strike their only light.

Instead, the sun was still shining warmly on their backs as Gavin plucked new leaves to hand Jeremy who then ground them into a fine powder.

In the beginning, they had done so in a tense silence, both of them too aware of what was happening and what they were planning to do. But even that anxiety had faded over time and now it was only something to occupy their hands with.

So trivial.

It all came rushing back when the door was opened and for a hysterical second, Gavin was sure it would be Horton himself. Horton who would laugh, take his little flowerpot and throw it over, like that would destroy all of their plans.

Honestly, if Horton would find out about this, Gavin couldn't help but wonder if he would send him to the gallows or would end it right here.

But Horton wasn't about to find anything out.

It was Ryan who stepped inside, the dark circles under his eyes as dark as bruises. He had occupied his father for the past days and while Gavin was very grateful for that, he knew they couldn't go on for much longer.

"No new letters, I fear," he signed and Gavin's shoulders slumped.

"Jack is smart. He knows there might be a risk that Horton would intercept any of his messages," he said if only to assure himself. Jack was still in the capital and either he had found a trustworthy doctor to take care of Michael or not.

Whatever had happened, they would find out eventually but Gavin chose to believe that things would turn out well. Michael was strong.

Ryan squeezed his shoulder and kissed the top of his head but didn't stay close for long. No, his eyes traveled over the mess he and Jeremy were causing and he pretended not to see.

While he wouldn't stop them and knew what was happening, he made no move to actively help them. Gavin respected that.

After all, it was his father.

"I asked around the castle," Jeremy said before the silence could grow awkward between them. "King Horton's men have calmed down and while they still sneak around the castle, they don't engage with the servants as much anymore. It seems he hasn't noticed Jack's disappearance."

"That's good."

Jeremy nodded in agreement. "Most don't even know about the attack on Michael. They know that something did happen but it's all just rumors."

"If it didn't spread in the castle, it hasn't reached the capital either," Ryan signed. "Jack should be safe then."

"I hope so," Gavin muttered before folding his hands in a quick prayer. Something he didn't do often because he didn't believe in the guidance of the Gods but still- "Grant them strength and protection."

Only when he opened his eyes again and looked at the mortar in front of him, he realized how ridiculous he was. Praying for the life of someone while actively working towards taking another. How was he to decide that? He had no right.

For a moment that realization dared to paralyze him but then he shook it off. He had made his decision, right?

Even if Ryan wouldn't be able to look at him anymore come morning and even if the Gods would strike him down for his sins... he wasn't about to stop now.

When he shook himself, he noticed how Ryan was watching them. He had sat down a bit away but while he tried his best to ignore them before, he was watching each of Jeremy's movements as he ground the leaves with a dreamlike look.

Like he couldn't believe that he didn't get up and slap the mortar out of Jeremy's hand.

Gavin didn't like the look and got up. His hands smelled like the leaves he had picked like mint and Ryan had to notice when Gavin took hold of his face but he didn't mention it. He just allowed Gavin to turn his head around and only look at him.

"You look tired," Gavin told him. "Why don't you go and rest?"

"I think I should be here," Ryan signed but Gavin shook his head.

"Not at all, Ryan."

Ryan's eyes darted back to the plant and Jeremy but he forced himself to look at Gavin again. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." Gavin leaned down to press their foreheads together. "This will hurt enough as it is. No need to push yourself anymore."

Ryan still hesitated but to Gavin's big surprise he got up and squeezed his arm reassuringly. With a nod, he excused himself and left to head into the bedroom. 

Gavin watched him as the door fell shut and knew he wasn't the only one. When he turned back around, Jeremy had stopped his motions and was watching rather solemnly.

"How will he take it when it happens?" Jeremy asked him and honestly, the question surprised him.

"I don't know. You know him better than me."

"And still I can't imagine..." Jeremy trailed off and then took the mortar back in his hands. His next motions were so angry, Gavin feared for the bowl. "For all we know, he might not even be able to look at us anymore. He can't send you away but maybe he will do it with me."

"Ryan would never. You are way too important to him."

"Even if I helped kill his father?" Jeremy asked him with such a bitter voice that it made Gavin's heart heavy. 

"Still," he continued and took some more of the leaves that Gavin had prepared for him. "Still, I will do it."

"Even if it means losing everything you worked so hard for?"

Jeremy scoffed. "I watched this for way too long, Gavin. The disrespect towards Ryan not only from his own father but the court. The disrespect toward you and me. I wanted to stop this for years."

That settled something in Gavin. Jeremy was right, no matter what, they were doing the right thing, at least for Ryan and this kingdom. Should the Gods judge them, Gavin would tell them exactly that.

"Come on then," he said and sat back down. "Let's finish this."

"You sweetened it?" Gavin asked and he was well aware that Jeremy had already assured him for the third time.

"I did."

"The powder will taste bitter and if Horton notices it-"

"I put so much honey in it, it would cure every bad mood," Jeremy told him. "But please don't you drink from it. That would make things more complicated than they already are."

Gavin wouldn't. He had grown the antidote as well just in case any of them got into contact with the poison. It would be foolish not to but that wasn't the only reason, was it?

No, a traitorous voice in the back of his head let him know that in case he second guessed himself, he could maybe save Horton with it. Not that it would, if Horton got out of this today knowing that Gavin had tried to poison him, there would be no coming back.

The foreign King who dared to hurt such a popular figure.

Any second guesses were too late now.

The porcelain teapot stood proud in the middle of the silver tray and Gavin knew that after everything, he would make sure to smash it. He wouldn't be able to look at it anymore.

Two mugs were next to it and when Jeremy picked the whole thing up, Gavin knew this was his last chance to back out. He wouldn't, he knew that but it nearly made him throw up.

Ryan hadn't stepped out of the bedroom anymore. Either he had truly fallen asleep or was just waiting for them to leave. Gavin hadn't dared to bother him.

"Alright," he whispered and his voice was thin. Jeremy threw him a warning look and Gavin cleared his throat. 

"I'm fine."

"I can just bring him the tea on my own."

"Jeremy, just because he knows you, doesn't mean he won't be suspicious when you bring him tea out of nowhere," Gavin said. "No, I have to be there to give us a reason."

And because it only seemed fair. He wouldn't simply send Jeremy in and sit back to wait.

"Okay." Jeremy took a deep breath to calm himself. "Open the door for me?"

By the time they stopped in front of the door to Horton's chambers, Gavin felt like his heart was going to give in. His hands were so sweaty that he kept on rubbing them on his breeches but it didn't help.

Next to him, Jeremy swallowed so loud that Gavin could hear it. The teapot and cups were rattling on the tray from how much he was shaking.

"My uncle accompanied King Horton on this trip," he blurted out. "I'm not close to him but... but what if he opens the door now? If he sees us going in there and... do we have to kill him too?"

Gavin froze because he hadn't thought about that. Jeremy had told him so many moons ago that most of his family served under the Haywoods but Gavin hadn't connected the dots, not with how much was going on.

Now he opened his mouth, ready to just stop this whole thing because the nerves were getting the better of him. One person was enough, but two? An innocent servant on top of it?

Jeremy’s uncle?

Gavin reached for his shoulder and his touch settled the clattering of the tray. Before he could find the words though, Jeremy squared himself and shifted the silver tray into one hand.

The knock was deafening and if Gavin wasn't holding on to Jeremy right now, he was pretty sure he would've just turned and run. Like he had done as a child, him and Michael and later Libby. Knocking on doors, then running away and hiding while watching their confused target peek outside.

Often that had been Raphael or Charlotte but honestly, Gavin had always targeted Geoff and when he did, he wouldn't be able to stop his giggling. It would be loud enough for Geoff to hear and he would find him, picking him up and tickle him as a punishment.

The memory seemed to come from another lifetime.

Instead of Libby next to him, hiding her laughter behind a hand and looking up to him with so much adoration, that he could barely take it, there was Jeremy. Pale but strong, his jaw squared.

And Geoff didn't open the door, happily pulled away from his studies to chase his younger siblings through the hallways until he deemed them tickled enough.

It was Horton and seeing him felt like a punch in the face.

Gavin hadn't seen him since that unfortunate morning but that memory cast out his golden childhood with one glance. That grin on his face, the sparkle in his eyes as Horton realized he had won over Gavin - it all came rushing back now.

The man who had hurt Michael, the man whose fault it was that Gavin was here in the first place, and the man who had tried his damnedest to destroy Ryan. His own son and Horton wanted to see him as nothing more than a puppet.

Gavin's doubts about this disappeared the second he saw him again and the anger from the past days resurfaced. 

He had no doubt that back in their chambers his flower was engulfed in thorns.

He also had no doubt that Ryan was sitting there, watching the flower as close as he could.

"King Gavin?" Horton asked and just hearing his voice sent such a bitter rush through him, that Gavin had to fight to keep his face neutral and not show all the disgust he felt towards this man.

"King Horton," he found himself saying and was surprised how even he could keep his voice. "I was hoping we could talk?"

Horton seemed surprised but then he stepped aside. "Very well, dear."

He didn't so much as glance at Jeremy, just stepped aside to let them in. Gavin followed him to the seats by the windows and all of it felt like a dream, something that wasn't really happening. When he sat down, he felt glad because he got the feeling his knees would give in any moment now.

Horton took the seat opposite him and now he looked at Jeremy, expectantly. Without so much as a sound, Jeremy placed the cups in their middle and then filled them. He was shaking slightly but not too much. Gavin was pretty sure he only noticed because he had seen him for the very same movement thousands of times already. Did Horton notice?

No, those blue eyes were on him and him alone. Waiting, wondering.

When Jeremy put the teapot down, Horton waved him off.

"Leave us now, Dooley."

Jeremy glanced at him and when Gavin caught his eye, both of them froze. It seemed to take forever, an eternity where they were watching each other and everything was open. Something that Gavin had only experienced with people he had known for years, people he had grown up with.

Right now, he and Jeremy were as close because they were thinking the same, because they had come together to do this unthinkable action and something about that settled Gavin further.

Who finally lowered their eyes first, he didn't know but it couldn't have been longer than a few seconds. At least Horton didn't comment on it.

Jeremy pressed the tray against his chest. "As you wish, your Majesties."

With a short bow, he left the room and Gavin’s eyes followed him until the door fell shut. The next time they would see each other, things would be done.

When he turned back around, Horton was waiting and if he tried to hide his amusement by this situation, he didn't succeed.

"How are you doing, Gavin? You don't look like you've slept well those past days. Then again, that is no surprise after what happened."

"Horton," Gavin said and that was the first time he called him without a proper title. It took him by surprise but Gavin didn't stop to dwell on it.

"I was hoping we could talk properly without any of those games. One on one."

Horton leaned back in his seat to watch him closely. Gavin let him because he knew what the other saw. He hadn't worn Geoff's brooch today as much as he was yearning for that comfort but he had also stripped down any jewelry that connected him to the Haywoods. All besides the golden ring of course.

"Very well."

"You went and killed Michael," Gavin said and the words got stuck in his throat. Deep inside he had to remind himself that that wasn't the case. Michael was still alright, he had to believe in that.

But by the smirk that pulled across Horton's face, he sold his lie well.

"You realize that you deserve that, Gavin. You disrespected the order of things."

"I disrespected you, that's why you did it," Gavin told him. "You are not used to that, nobody ever dared to or if they did, you made sure to make them disappear. That's something you can't do with me, not unless you cause a big scandal. Which is why you despise me so."

Horton took the cup and Gavin's heart leaped in his throat but the old man just watched him over the rim of it.

"Not quite accurate, Gavin. I don't despise you at all, quite the opposite. I think highly of you."

If Gavin could take his eyes from the cup, he would've scuffed but Horton seemed to be able to tell anyway.

"I'm being honest. In the beginning, you were nothing more than a pawn, a good way to bring important supplies to my kingdom and on top of that, Ryan got something to occupy himself with. Of course, the Ramsey’s didn't get screwed over by your marriage either. You were the perfect little puzzle piece for me as well as your late father."

Gavin bit down on his tongue because he knew Horton wasn't done yet but then he raised the cup to his lips and drank. Gavin's hand shot out and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to smack the cup away or tilt it higher to make sure that Horton emptied it completely.

He caught himself and pressed both hands between his legs. His stomach churned.

"But you did prove yourself to me," Horton continued, unaware of the bitter taste that Jeremy had drowned out by honey. He put the cup back down, now only half filled and still hot. But Gavin had noticed that before, hadn't he? That Horton apparently didn't mind the temperature.

"You did get involved in this kingdom in ways you didn't have to. I'm not talking about your disrespect towards my court or the trouble you caused for my family but the good things. Your help after the storm especially but also the way you cared about the citizens."

Horton sighed. "I have to admit, I always put a lot of trust in Lord Regan but hearing what I heard now, it seems that the power might have gone to his head. The fact that he withheld food from the more unfortunate people wasn't my doing, I assure you, Gavin. I don't want my people to starve."

Gavin nearly laughed but he feared that if he'd open his mouth, he might also throw up. Finally, he managed to rip his gaze from the half full cup of tea and instead looked outside.

The garden looked empty in front of him and the lake nearly drowned out by twilight. Gods, how he would rather be out there than in here.

It grew quiet between the two of them but Gavin couldn't speak. Not with the tongue glued to the roof of his mouth, especially when he saw Horton drain the remainder of his tea without hesitation.

He was sure he was going to scream.

"It is unfortunate that you were born of different blood," Horton said eventually when the shadows had crawled a bit closer. "There's steel in your soul like a Haywood should have. Unlike my own son, you know when to fight."

The anger that shot up his spine thanks to those words was hot as fire. It made him turn around to face Horton again and loosened his tongue.

"There is steel in Ryan's soul. More than you would ever realize, Horton. But you've done everything in your power to make him small, time and time again. The moment Ryan wasn't what you expected him to be, you let him fall without realizing that he is still more than capable."

Horton had the audacity to huff in disbelief and Gavin had to hold on tight to his knees to keep his hands to himself.

"Eleonora used her magic to take the place in this kingdom that she envisioned for herself. She showed the needed strength to lead. Ryan lost the magic the Gods bestowed upon him before he really knew what to do with it. His reign was over before it began."

"There is still magic left in him," Gavin said. "I felt it myself, I saw what he can do. Magic can't be taken or lost."

Horton looked a bit surprised by that but then fell silent to ponder over it. It was too late anyway and Ryan was right, even if his father did find out about the paths his magic had chosen, he wouldn't accept it.

No, no matter what Gavin told him, for Horton his son had died along with his voice.

"Ryan will be a wonderful and just King to this kingdom," Gavin found himself saying. "And I will lead by his side."

"I can't let that happen."

"I don't think you are in a position to change it anymore," Gavin told him. His hands were wrapped around each other, his nails cutting into his own skin. "Your reign is over, Horton."

It grew quiet between them and Gavin just watched as the old man processed what he had said. His eyes darting first from Gavin, to his shaking hands, and finally to the tea. It lingered there for the longest time and Gavin couldn't help but wonder if Horton could already tell that something was off, if he felt sleepy.

Finally, Horton laughed. It wasn't a mean one but not quite amused either. Gavin wasn't sure if he had ever heard a sound like that before.

"How very fitting from a Ramsey."

"If that's meant to be an insult-"

"Not at all, Gavin." Horton leaned ahead and braced his arms on his knees while doing so. His hands were pale and bony as he folded them.

"The Haywood's deal with enemies by letting them hang and the Ramsey's by offering them tea. The result is the same."

"Like you did with your siblings after you inherited?" Gavin asked and wasn't sure why. It didn't hurt Horton, didn't even make him hesitate.

"Of course. I guess I should be flattered that you considered me meeting the same end as The Exalted."

Gavin's gaze wanted to drift away to his hands but he forced himself to watch the dying man instead. "My aunt was killed by the tea served by her family. I don't think we are nearly as close."

"The moment Ryan put that ring on you, I considered you as part of us Haywoods, Gavin. I didn't lie about that." Horton took the empty cup in his hand and toasted towards him.

"Steel in your soul. I should've recognized it the moment I saw you."

"Not much steel needed to kill someone in such a cowardly way," Gavin muttered to himself but Horton surprised him again by shaking his head.

"If you stand in front of me and look me in the eyes over a blade or a cup of tea - the ending is the same. It makes no difference."

Gavin pressed his lips together. He didn't know what to say to that. Every time his thoughts had strayed too far to imagine this situation, it certainly hadn't been like that.

"Does my son know?" Horton asked him and Gavin nodded.

"He's aware."

"And he still didn't bother being here." Horton sighed. "Deep inside I had nearly hoped that one day he would find enough strength to face me like this but he never did."

Gavin huffed but his voice was thick with emotions and he couldn't stop it from shaking. "Even now... even knowing what happens you still can't see his strength."

"If you can see some strength in him that I am blind towards, then I envy you, Gavin. However, it is not the strength I'm looking for and not the strength needed to lead this kingdom." He put the teacup down again. "Then again, it seems clear enough that we will not agree on that matter."

"You had years ahead of you," Gavin blurted out. "Years you could've spent watching your children soar but you made me- you forced me to take matters into my own hand! This is my family but you just wouldn't stop attacking us! If you just-"

He didn't know. He didn't know and his heart was beating so hard in his chest it hurt.

Opposite of him Horton seemed as calm as always and he didn't understand how that was possible.

"Now it's all gone. You threw this future of yours away because you kept on pushing! Like you were hoping for something like that to happen! Fuck!"

Gavin got up but couldn't just run away. That felt even worse but he didn't want to stay. Not when he didn't understand a single thing anymore.

"Tell my daughter that I was always unbearably proud of her. She truly is the child of her mother," Horton told him and Gavin didn't recognize the noise he was making. A mix between a strangled sob and a choked cry of anger.

"What about Ryan? Even now you don't-"

"Tell Ryan that he should appreciate the husband at his side," Horton continued and reached for his hand. "For he carries the strength he needs if Ryan truly thinks he's capable of leading."

Horton pulled the signet ring from his finger and put it onto the table. His hands were trembling while doing so.

"Leave me now, Gavin."

"I can stay," he offered even if he wanted nothing more than to run. "Nobody should die alone."

"I am in no need of your pity," Horton told him. "Leave."

Gavin reached for the ring between them and still half-expected Horton to slap his hand away. When it didn't happen, he let it slip over his finger, right above the golden ring Ryan had given him last year.

He made to leave the room but when he reached the door he couldn't, not without letting Horton know, "I love your son. I know that is not what you expected to happen from this marriage and neither did I but here we are. What I'm doing, I'm doing out of love for him."

He touched his two rings and that felt right like they belonged right there.

"Because of that I want to assure you; I will watch over your kingdom and your family with all of my strength."

"I don't doubt that, Gavin."

Good. Good, that was all he could count on truly. That was probably more than he deserved, considering what he had just done but neither of them mentioned that.

He left Horton behind and when the door fell shut behind them, the click was deafening. His hand still on the handle, Gavin couldn't move. He was listening like he was expecting some noise coming from the room, maybe that Horton would change his mind or call for the guards and the thought terrified him so much, that he couldn't get his legs to move.

When a hand wrapped around his arm, he spun around, expecting a guard, Lord Regan, his own father, someone who would tower over him and ask what he was doing here.

It was only Jeremy and the relief spreading through Gavin's body made his knees buck. Jeremy kept him up and pulled him from the door.

"Okay?" he asked and Gavin nearly laughed at how not okay everything was. Instead, he nodded because Jeremy was pale with two hectic red spots on his cheeks and he was holding too tight to him.

He had asked him a question he didn't expect an answer to but at least he brought him away from here.

Somewhere along the way back, Gavin began to shake uncontrollably and Jeremy's hand began to rub his arm instead.

"Thank you," Gavin whispered because he had no idea what he would do if Jeremy hadn't waited. For all he knew, he would still stand in front of that door, never to be able to move. But Jeremy had been there and when he looked up to him now, Gavin could tell why.

Because he also didn't dare to face Ryan alone or maybe because he hadn't been able to leave this place either. His eyes were wide in horror and without thinking about it, Gavin caught his hand and squeezed.

Neither of them commented on how they walked the castle like lost children.

Only in front of Gavin’s chambers did both of them stop. Inside was Ryan, the one who knew exactly what they had done.

Their judgment.

"We knew about the consequences," Jeremy said and Gavin nodded.

"Yeah."

He opened the door and Ryan was waiting for them. He was sitting in front of the glass dome, just how Gavin imagined him but he instantly got up once he saw them.

Reading his face was difficult. At first, it was empty, tense but once he saw them it fell. Not because they had returned but because he realized what that meant.

His father was dead or would be in the next few minutes. They had killed him.

A choked sob wrenched itself from Gavin's throat and Jeremy's hand was holding so tight to his that it hurt. At the noise, Ryan's shoulders slumped and he stepped towards them. 

Without any hesitation, he pulled both of them in and Gavin began to cry. After everything that had happened those past days, it broke from him without any chance of holding it back.

He wasn't the only one, he could feel how Jeremy was shaking and could see the tears in Ryan's eyes when he turned Gavin's face towards him, only for them to press their foreheads together.

On the table, his flower appeared again. The thorns that had clouded the glass dome for too long falling away to dust and while the flower beneath was still wilted, he knew it would grow stronger day by day now.

With his family surrounding him, the gerbera would bloom like it had done back in the garden when they had first met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue + Playlist will follow soon, probably on Sunday.
> 
> Also, I made a series out of this story because there is more to come! By popular demand, I am currently writing a little Michael/Jeremy spin-off and I'm having so much fun with it.  
> I'm not super sure when it will come out but most likely in January. If you don't want to miss it make sure to subscribe either to me or the series to get notified! (Also hit the like button and ring the bell- wait)
> 
> By the time I'm posting this it's still New Year's Eve. In Germany it's considered bad luck to wish someone a Happy New Year before the 1st of January and I'm not risking it. However, we wish "einen guten Rutsch!" which basically means good luck while sliding into the new year, which when I see all the snow outside right now fits quite well.  
> So I wish you all einen guten Rutsch!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But Michael," he protested no matter how loud Michael groaned whenever he opened his mouth, "it's my birthday!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! Frohes Neues Jahr!
> 
> ...was no one going to tell me that I updated the last chapter on a Thursday bc time lost all meaning?

Epilogue

“You aren’t supposed to peek!”

Gavin looked up but by then Michael had already grasped his cloak and pulled him away.

“I didn’t peek!” Gavin protested but Michael didn’t listen.

Okay, maybe Gavin had sneaked onto the balcony to take a look at the garden but that was only fair, considering he hadn’t been allowed there since yesterday. Ryan and Jeremy were way too secretive about the whole thing but in his little investigation right now, he had seen the tables dragged out over the grass, the colorful lanterns that had been hung up high in the trees, and of course the lake, perfectly blue and it was nearly warm enough to swim.

Now as Michael dragged him inside again, Gavin couldn’t even be mad, he was just too excited.

“Tell me what they have planned,” he demanded.

“What makes you think that I’ll answer you now when I haven’t answered the last hundred times you asked?”

“Because you know what they are doing but they won’t let you tag along!”

“Wrong,” Michael pushed him into a seat. “I have the most important task of all and that is to keep you far away from all of them.”

“But Michael,” Gavin whined as if after all those years he hadn’t learned that Michael couldn’t care less. He just rolled his eyes and reached up to rub at his chest. 

That was something new but Gavin didn’t comment on it. He knew the scar of the attack was still fresh and the new skin tender and the one time he had seen it, it had been a red slash against otherwise pale skin.

Still, sometimes Gavin could forget those terrifying few days. It was growing easier with time and distance and the others around.

"I haven't checked on the wisterias all day," he tried. "We wouldn't want to let all that work go to waste, right?"

"The trees are strong, that's what you yourself said."

Which was true. The trees were just as strong as the old wisteria tree back in the capital. After all, Gavin had pulled the saplings from it before planting them around the lake.

In a few years and with the help of his magic, their purple blossoms would hang over the water surface beautifully. He couldn’t wait to see it.

"But Michael," he protested no matter how loud Michael groaned whenever he opened his mouth, "it's my birthday!"

"You use that excuse every damn year."

"And you never listen to me!"

Reaching out, Michael nudged his new crown until it sat crooked on Gavin's hair. "So what makes you think that it works this year?"

Gavin pouted up at him but before he could discuss things further, the door to the chamber was opened.

"Thank all the Gods above," Michael called out when he saw Ryan enter. "If you wouldn't have shown up now, I would've either bound him to this chair or strangle him. I was still debating on what."

"Did he tried to peek again?" Ryan asked and Gavin couldn't help his proud grin.

"I made it onto the balcony this time."

Ryan shook his head fondly but ignored him to turn to Michael instead. "The guests will arrive soon. Will you help Jeremy organize everything?"

"As long as you take care of this manchild."

"He's my manchild."

"Poor you!"

"Big words for someone who woke me at the asscrack of dawn on his birthday to find out about his present," Gavin pointed out as Michael left. "Thinking about it, I still haven't received my present."

At least Ryan looked sheepish but gave him the same answer as before. "Tomorrow. Otherwise, you will be missing from your own party."

"You are quite convinced about your present," Gavin pointed out but he left him the illusion of a surprise. Maybe he had managed to figure his present out already. Or maybe the fact that Jeremy spent way more time in his chamber than necessary, only to emerge with cat hair all over his clothes was just too obvious.

When Ryan offered his hand, Gavin took it. He pulled him to his feet but held him at an arm's length to take a closer look.

"You look very pretty."

"That's indecent of you to say, King Ryan. Imagine the rumors if the gossip mongers heard you!"

"Perhaps," Ryan agreed before pressing the ring to his lips. First the golden one, then the signet ring. "Are you ready to greet your special guests?"

"I can't wait."

The throne made out of dark wood was still only temporary but nonetheless, Gavin felt regal sitting on top of it. With the sun falling in from behind him, his shadow nearly reached the doors leading to the throne room.

There weren't too many guests to greet, the kingdom was still mourning the passing of the old King Horton and they couldn't celebrate a huge ball as they had during Ryan's birthday but that was alright. Like this, they had only invited the most influential nobles from the southern kingdom and honestly, Gavin nearly preferred this.

Eleonora wasn't here which left him feeling a little lost. They had seen each other after what had happened, during the funeral of Horton and she had known. Gavin had seen it in the way she was looking at him, not angry or judging but yeah... she had known. They hadn't talked about it, everything had been too busy and they soon had to retreat to their respective kingdoms again but their chance would come soon. Eleonora's birthday would be in a few weeks and for the first time, Gavin would see the capital of the north.

He would have to face Eleonora and while that thought made him nervous, it wasn't as much as it probably should.

Ryan touched his shoulder to stop those thoughts before he could get lost in them.

"Good?" he asked. He was standing next to the throne to greet the people with him and while that did earn them some confused stares, nobody had yet to dare raise their voices at them.

"Good," Gavin agreed and then had to grin. "I'm just excited!"

Ryan hummed but the door opening stopped whatever he wanted to say next.

"King Geoffrey Ramsey and Princess Elisabeth Ramsey!"

His grin grew wider at their announcement and then there they were. Dressed in green and flowers and golden necklaces. Geoff ahead and while Libby tried her best to keep a straight face, the moment she saw him she couldn't help but smile. It was as golden as the sun.

Geoff didn't quite share her cheerfulness. He was obviously impressed with the throne but it wasn't until he saw the green brooch sitting over Gavin's heart that he relaxed.

"It's good to see you again." 

Geoff didn't say it, he  _ signed  _ it and next to him, Ryan went still in shock. And while the signs were unsure and slow, Geoff had clearly practiced them.

Gavin was out of his throne and down the steps before he could think about it and Geoff was there to pull him into a tight embrace.

"Hey Gav," he muttered and Gavin had to blink tears away when Libby's arms also wrapped around him.

Geoff's fingers tapped against the brooch and Gavin had to laugh.

"It's not perfect," he admitted. There were still days when the guilt about what he had done was too great, when he feared it would just crush him, and sometimes Ryan would throw him long looks like he still couldn't believe what had happened.

The weather was too dry and the harvest wasn't going as well as they had hoped. Even now, he feared the next winter and what it could bring to his people but... but those were battles they still had to fight and he knew they would.

"But Geoff, it's good. It's very good."

  
  


The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... do I have to tell anyone how challenging writing this story was? In the beginning this whole story wrote itself, I didn't have much planned and just let it play out however it wanted to. I had so much fun!
> 
> The end of September came around and my laptop fried itself. I continued to write my daily words on my phone which sucked. 
> 
> Then October happened and for the first time I paused a project. Normally once I begin writing a story, I don't look back. I work on it daily until it's done but this time I had to take a step back. Trashing this whole thing was out of the question for me. I had put too much work into this and I was nearly done! But I did change things, shifted the focus more on Gavin, Jeremy and Michael. I changed the ending.
> 
> When I finally reached the final it was during NaNo. I wrote the whole confrontation between Gavin and Horton in one sitting and was quite happy about it! So happy that I forgot to save, or double save - something that I'm doing without thinking at this point but I somehow... didn't.
> 
> I was only able to get my progress back thanks to the help of Grammarly, so shout out to their customer support! But yeah, at this point I was sure this story was just bad luck. Not gonna lie, I celebrated when I finally finished this one!
> 
> This ending isn't what I envisioned for them but I hope you'll still enjoy it!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you first

**Under the Wisteria Tree**

\- Playlist -

[Spotify Link](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4nOAAfb9KXIwFgCKXJ8LEk?si=dF9eqywQRtmSsNZy4ChgvQ)

**Like The Dawn** _- Oh Hellos_

I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you first

He'd put me deep, deep under so that he could work

And like the dawn you broke the dark and my whole earth shook

I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you

You were the brightest shade of sun I had ever seen

Your skin was gilded with the gold of the richest kings

And like the dawn you woke the world inside of me

You were the brightest shade of sun when I saw you

  
  


**Compass** _ \-  Zella Day _

We can build a treehouse in the pine trees

We can keep our secrets buried underneath

Wildflowers crush between your fingers

Clinging to the wild things that raised us

Compass points your home

Calling out from the east

Compass points you anywhere

Closer to me

I will take the pieces, put them back together

Even when the grass isn't green enough

Taking all the branches, build ourselves a mansion

Love you in the ways that you needed love

  
  


**Caesar** _ \-  Oh Hellos _

Hear on the wind how the pendulum swings

Feel how the winter succumbs to the spring

Over the palisade morning will break

Rise up to meet it, oh sleeper awake

Gather the soldiers, the heir to enfold

Crown him and give him a scepter to hold

Sound every horn as the columns extend

Up to the hill where the king will ascend

Look to the sky where the sign will be shown

Heaven and earth and the king on his throne

  
  


**The Good part** _ \-  AJR _

Was looking forward to

Being important but

I'm not important yet

If the world gets me

Where I'm supposed to be

Will I know I've made it then?

It's so hard

Can we skip to the good part?

  
  


**Home II** _- Dotan_

Broken stones, broken lightning

This house of doubt is all we know

Chasing down the silver linings

Of wounded minds and wounded souls

Oh oh oh

We are coming home, we are coming home

Oh oh oh

We are coming home, we are coming home

Screaming minds all around us

Safe and sound like the rhythm of snow

All young dreams, where have you gone now?

These roads were paved with the golden song

Oh oh oh

We are coming home, we are coming home

  
  


**You** _ - James Arthur _

Who said I wanna be, I'm gonna be

Everything they said that I couldn't be

Everything that I said I would be, when I picked up a pen and I started to speak

I hear the beat, my melody

I just pour all my heart in these sheets

I could not just be a star in these streets

Man, I knew I was different, I harbored belief

  
  


'Cause they were throwing sticks and stones

But words could never break your bones

You just spread your wings and fly, your wings and fly

I knew you always would

I knew you always were

I knew there always was nothing wrong with being

You

  
  


**Back To The Garden** _- Crowder_

I was born to be royal

I was made to be free

But I was torn from the garden

When that devil lied to me

I was formed from the soil

I got dirt inside of me

But I was born to be royal

I was made for glory

I was born to be royal

I was made to be free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of those songs were suggested by some of my readers - thank you guys so much, that made it so much more fun!!!
> 
> This week will be super busy for me but I hope I can still finish the spin-off. It should be a little over 10k of Michael and Jeremy goodness for you guys!

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:  
> Feedback
> 
>   * Short comments
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> Besides that feel free to scream at me on my Tumblr:  
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